Diclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. I also claim no ownership over the Teddy Geiger song, "(Confidence) For You I Will".
I quickly want to thank Jess - Loves forever for prompting the idea that made this chapter (its not quite exactly what you suggested, but my idea is based off of yours, so thank you!)
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Edward had done a one-eighty. He was still pleasant enough, that was for sure, but since that moment of charged intimacy, there had been nothing else. No more holding hands, no more touching, and certainly not another kiss. Bella felt cheated, wanting. Her dreams, now that she had actually been touched intimately by Edward, had doubled in heat. She tossed and turned wildly in her bed, longing for him. But when she saw him, she put on the façade of everything being alright.
It was starting to feel like work.
But she still had no idea of how was the right way to approach the situation. A sinking feeling in her gut planted the idea that Edward had flipped the script so quickly because he had regretted taking their relationship to that point in the first place, and now he was doing damage control. Alice, who Bella had discussed the events with, said that that theory wasn't plausible. She said that Edward's shift in mood had mainly to do with his weirdness when it came to the opposite sex anyway.
"He likes you Bella," Alice had assured her. "I'm certain of it. I can tell the difference of when my brother is just trying to hook up with someone and when he crosses over into truly liking that person. Trust me when I say he's crossed the threshold. That's probably why he's acting so weird all of a sudden – he knows all about the reputation girls around here has given him, and he's probably trying to discourage that image with you."
Bella had to admit, it made sense. And she couldn't deny that at one point, she had wondered whether she and Edward were serious or not. It felt like it was going somewhere to her, but she couldn't be sure. Maybe this standoffishness was his way of telling her that he did want to be serious about her, and that their relationship wasn't based on the physical.
Only problem with that theory is that Bella never thought their relationship was based on the physical. Sure she had speculated where it was going, but wouldn't any girl who didn't think she was deserving of a guy like Edward Cullen? Truth was, in Bella's opinion, their relationship hadn't been physical enough for her to think it could be based on that. Not up until the point where he had her on his bed. If anything, their relationship was based on music – namely hers. There truly was no reason for Edward to suddenly want to draw back on the physical aspects of things, considering they had just started getting into them.
More importantly, it frustrated Bella that he wouldn't touch her anymore. Not even in an overly intimate way, but even in the most simplistic of ways. She missed his hand on her back as he guided her through town, or his arm around her shoulder when they watched television. He had given her too much, and now she felt like she was going through a painful withdrawal.
Alice told her just to talk to him about it. Angela, once Bella clued her in on everything, told her to talk to him about it too. Both claimed that Edward would be understanding enough to listen to her, and liked her enough to talk it out. Bella only had to hope that they were right.
After her afternoon class, she headed towards Edward's dorm building instead of her own. She knew that Edward didn't have any classes today, and could only hope that he was in his room.
As stroke of luck would have it, as she neared his room, she could hear sounds coming from inside. The closer she got, she realized that the sounds she was wearing were guitar strings being plucked – it was a sound she knew well. Music meant that Edward was in a good mood – at least, Bella did her music when she was in a good mood. Now was a better time than ever for them to talk. But just as she was about to knock, she heard humming. Deep and distinctively male humming.
Without realizing it, Bella pressed herself closer to the door, as silently as she could muster. With her ear against the door, she listened as hard as she could. The humming was accompanied with the strumming of the guitar. There was a slight moment of silence, followed by the sounds of scratching – pencil on paper? – and then the start of more strumming.
The music flowing through the door was gentle. But the part that truly caught Bella off guard was the sound of a voice – Edward's voice – singing softly along with the music he played:
Wandering the streets in a world underneath it all
Nothing seems to be
Nothing tastes as sweet what I can't have
Like you and the way that you're twisting your hair 'round your finger
Tonight I'm not afraid to tell you
What I feel about you
Oh I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
And cannonball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
For you I will
The words made Bella's skin flush. It would be wrong to assume that the lyrics were about her, or that Edward had written them for her or thinking of her or anything along the same lines of when she wrote lyrics. But it almost seemed to close for coincidence. What were the odds? Bella pressed her ear even closer to the door, hypnotized by the words.
Forgive me if I st-stutter
From all the clutter in my head
Cause I could fall asleep in those eyes
Like a waterbed
Do I seem familiar I've crossed you in hallways a thousand times
No more camouflage, I wanna be exposed
And not be afraid to fall
Oh I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
And cannonball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
You always want what you can't have
But I've got to try
And muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
For you I will
For you I will
If I could dim the lights in the mall
And create a mood
I would
Shout out your name so it echoes in every room
I would
That's what I'd do
That's what I'd do
That's what I'd do
To get through to you, yeah
Muster every ounce of confidence I have
And cannonball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
You always want what you can't have
But I've got to try
I'm gonna muster everyone ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
For you I will
For you I will
Bella listened as the final chords faded away, then heard a long exhale. There were more scratching noises, but they did little to block out the loud beating of Bella's heart. She felt her eyes getting wet with tears. Even if the words weren't about her, they were still the some of the most beautiful lyrics she had ever heard. And yet, something deep inside Bella told her that the words were intended for her.
She composed herself, wiping her eyes and taking deep breaths. Before she could change her mind, she lifted her hand and knocked firmly on the door.
There was some shuffling from inside, and then the door opened. Edward stood there in a pair of dark wash jeans and a fitted grey marina.
"Bella," he whispered.
"Edward," she said in a quiet tone as well.
They just looked at each other for a moment, both silent. Then Edward made a motion to step outside, his hand already on his doorknob to close it behind him. Bravely, Bella placed a hand on the center of his chest, giving him a gentle push.
"I would rather come inside," she told him.
The look in his eyes was questioning, but he obliged to her simple request. He sidestepped so that Bella could enter, then closed the door. Her eyes flitted around the room, landing on the guitar laying on his desk chair, and the loose sheets of paper filled with undistinguishable scribbles. Bella guessed that that was the song she just heard.
"What's up?" he asked her.
She turned to face him. "We need to talk."
"Okay," Edward said tentatively. "What about?"
Bella inhaled and exhaled deeply. "Us."
The word had taken a lot to say, and it seemed to be even more for Edward to process. "Us," he echoed hollowly.
"You're acting strangely around me," Bella started.
"No stranger than usual," he said firmly, crossing the room to where his papers lay about. He started gathering them together.
"Yes, stranger than usual," Bella insisted. "Look at you now. You won't even look at me. You're ignoring me."
"I'm not ignoring you," he muttered, not looking up.
"Look at me then."
He didn't, stubborn. And he was gathering those sheets of paper at a mercifully slow pace. Bella couldn't understand this sudden freeze she was getting from him. She decided to try a different tactic.
She leaned on his bed and casually said, "That's quite a mess. Were you working on something?"
"Music," was all he said.
"Music? Like a song perhaps?"
Suddenly Edward stopped. He stood slowly and placed the papers on the surface of his desk. Then he turned to face Bella slowly. "You heard, didn't you. You heard the song."
It was obvious that this wasn't a question, so Bella remained silent, holding his intense gaze. But it was he who looked away first, and she could have sworn that she heard him mutter the word 'damn'.
"Edward–"
"What Bella, what?" he snapped at her.
The sudden harshness in his tone caught her off guard, but she managed to hold her ground. "Why won't you tell me what the fuck is going on?" she cursed. "One minute it felt like our relationship was going somewhere, and then sudden it's changed. You changed. And you did it right after we–"
"We what?" Edward challenged her, storming over to where she stood. "We didn't do anything. I took advantage of you. I took advantage of a good situation. I saw opportunity to…." His voice trailed off for a moment, then refocused, though in a tone significantly lower. "We didn't do anything," he said again.
"So you think I just laid there helplessly while you…" Her voice trailed much like his voice had. But her pause was accompanied by a revealing blush. "I wanted it too Edward," she told him quietly.
"You have no idea what you're talking about."
"Of course I do."
"No you don't," he said in a hard tone. He took another step closer to her, eyes narrowed. "Aren't you still a virgin?"
Bella's face heated up at the question. She stammered out a response, "No, I'm not," she said honestly. She had slept with only one boy though, and only once when she was fifteen. Following that, the boy suddenly wanted nothing to do with her. It had been that point in time when Bella turned to her guitar for solace, and started churning out songs of what real love would be like.
Her response had clearly caught Edward off guard, but not enough to shut him up. "It doesn't matter," he said fiercely. "You know what I wanted to do to you Bella? Not just kiss. Not just make out with you. I wanted to fuck you, okay? How does that make you feel?"
Bella couldn't lie: it made her feel kind of excited. Certainly Bella had never been so sexually attracted to a man that was actually available to her. And she definitely felt that her feelings for Edward ran deep enough for her to trust him with her body in that manner, even more so than the boy she had made her first. But before she could say anything, Edward spoke again.
"I'll tell you how it made me feel," he said quietly. He looked away from her. "It made me feel like shit."
There was a painful jolt to Bella's heart. "You don't want to sleep with me?" Why did that idea hurt so bad?
He glared at her. "Aren't you listening to me? I just said I wanted to sleep with you that day."
"Then what–"
"I'm not dumb Bella!" he yelled. Bella jerked back in surprise at his outburst, which prompted Edward to calm down. When he spoke again, his voice was softer, "I know what kind of reputation precedes me. I know what you've must have heard."
It took Bella only a second to make the connection. Alice had been right – Edward was afraid of giving Bella the wrong impression of their relationship.
"Edward," she said earnestly. "I've never thought for a second that you just wanted to use me."
"Yes, and I liked it that way," he murmured.
"I still don't think that way," Bella told him.
Edward didn't seem all that convinced. Bella took a step closer to him, the only step left to take. The round of her breasts now ever so slightly grazed his chest. Bella placed one hand on his shoulder, and the other on the side of his face, turning it gently to face hers.
"You inspire me," she told him.
Confusion reflected in those beautiful honeyed eyes of his. "What?"
She felt the blood rushing to every inch of her face, but she didn't falter. "You asked me once, what inspires me to write the songs that I write. Once upon a time, it used to be my imagination. But as of late, ever since I've met you, it's been you."
Edward gave her a searching look. "Me," he echoed quietly.
"You," she repeated. "The two songs I've played for you, they came from the feelings that I have for you." A small smile crossed her face. "I've never felt this way about anyone else Edward. I trust you inexplicably. I feel like I can be myself around you. I want to share my music with you. I write music because of you."
The sudden touch of Edward's hand on her waist surprised Bella. But the look in Edward's eyes soothed her. "I wrote that song because of you," he told her. "The one you heard. It was because of you. Because I can't stop thinking about you. Because I like the way you make me feel. Because I like the time we spend together. Because…"
Bella had heard enough – she could feel enough. She silenced him with a kiss, gently pressing her lips against his. Instantly, she felt the hand on her waist tighten and Edward drew back from her.
"Bella." His voice had gotten thick. "Bella, I need to ask you something."
"What is it?"
"Do you think…that you're falling in love with me?"
The question was an unexpected one. But at the same time, Bella was glad he asked. "I think so, Edward," she said honestly. "I think I may be falling in love with you."
Bella knew that she was putting herself in a vulnerable position, but she trusted Edward too much to lie. Everything could have gone horribly wrong at that point, but instead Edward gave her another squeeze. "Good," he said. "Because I think I may be falling in love with you as well."
No lyrics could have said the words better.
He kissed her softly, but passionately, parting her lips with the same ease as the last time they'd kissed. Bella's hands crept around his neck, gently pulling him closer to her. His free hand went to the other side of her waist and he pulled her closer to him, until every inch of her body lined up with his.
Bella couldn't miss the tightening of his crotch.
Her hands slipped down from his neck to the belt loops of his jeans. She stepped back, breaking the kiss but pulling them closer to his bed.
"Bella–" Edward began.
"Shut up Edward," Bella said cutting him off.
When she felt the bed behind her, she let him go so that she could climb on top. She lay on her back, heart pounding, but maintained her outer cool. "Come to me Edward," she said quietly.
He hesitated, came slowly. But he did climb on top of her, as Bella had hoped he would.
"Kiss me," she whispered.
"And then what?" Edward asked her, his voice husky.
"And then," she paused, "we'll do whatever feels right."
"Whatever?"
"I trust you Edward," Bella said, her voice full of certainty. "I trust you with every part of me."
"Good," he told her. "Because I would never cause you harm."
He kissed her more fiercely than before, his tongue immediately dipping into her mouth. Her back arched instinctively towards him, legs falling open just enough for him to rest between them. His hands were back at work, similar to the last time they were in this position. She felt them slipping under her tee-shirt, caressing her stomach, creeping up to her breasts. His kiss fell away from her mouth just as his hands slipped under her bra as well. As his mouth worked on her neck, his hands work on her mounds. Bella bit down on her bottom lip, eyes closed tight in pleasure. A soft moan escaped the confines of her throat. Soon his hands slipped under her body to unhook her bra.
A disconnection of their bodies – just long enough to pull off her top and bra simultaneously. "Tell me when to stop," he whispered.
"Not yet," she replied. Her voice sounded unfamiliar to her – thickened heavily with lust. "Don't stop."
Edward pulled off his own shirt before diving back down to her, their lips meeting again. Now Bella could feel his bare flesh against hers, and goose bumps attacked her skin at the continuous contact. Now the only clothing separating them were his jeans and her shorts. Her fingers instinctively went for his zipper.
"Bella," Edward groaned as she undid the confines of his jeans. She knew his hardness had been pressing against the clothing for long enough.
"Take them off," she commanded softly.
"Bella."
"I trust you Edward."
Another disconnection: Edward pulled off his jeans and boxers. While he pulled down her lower garments, Bella had a long look at what his equipment was like. She found herself intimidated and frightened, yet incredibly anxious and excited. She watched him search his wallet for a condom before tossing it and his jeans aside. Bella noticed her clothing had been tossed as well. Then Edward came back down to her level.
"Do you still trust me?" His voice was throaty and soft.
"Yes." Bella trembled. "Yes I still trust you Edward."
He kissed her again, slowly and passionately. Bella could feel him near her entrance, then feel him easing in.
It hurt. Maybe it had just been too long since her last time, but when Edward had fixed himself all the way inside her, it hurt. Bella whimpered and writhed underneath him. Edward kept his pace slow and even, and showered her with kisses on her forehead, her earlobe, her shoulder. The kisses were a pleasant distraction. It reminded her that Edward was not taking advantage of her. Edward was taking care of her. More soft kisses: along her collarbone, on her cheeks, on her nose. His sweetness helped. His affection helped. Even in all of her initial discomfort, she knew it would be worth waiting out the pain if it meant staying this close to Edward.
And then, it didn't hurt as much. Then, it didn't hurt at all. Soon she felt herself melting away into the world of pleasure where she gave the reigns of control over to Edward. And he did not disappoint, giving her sensations that she didn't even know existed. Her fingers dug into the firm expanse of his back, holding him close to her as he rocked into her. The places he reached within her, the places he touched outside her, were enough to make her burst into flame. He took her – took them both – to a place that Bella had been certain they'd never come down from. The room got noisy, with creaks and squeaks, with moans and groans, with gasps and sighs. He pushed them both to a place where Bella was sure a violent explosion was to bound to occur.
And when it did happen, and they both had reached their climax, Bella floated happily back down to earth, coming down on clouds. She could feel Edward's body, now covered in sweat, resting halfway on top of hers. His hand rested on her stomach, and Bella found her arm around him with her hand in his hair. Her free arm was flung across her forehead.
Their breathing had been the only audible sound in the room, until both caught their breath. Then they lay together in silence. Bella closed her eyes, allowing herself to absorb the remaining sensations coursing her body.
"Bella," Edward said after a while. She opened her eyes to find his waiting for hers. "Are you okay?"
She was a little sore, and very exhausted. But the strong emotion reflected in Edward's golden eyes seemed to soothe those issues to they held no great significance at all. Bella smiled at him. "I'm wonderful."
Teddy Geiger, "(Confidence) For You I Will" - http://www. youtube. com/watch?v=4R3LHfDqnVY (take out spaces)
This is the acoustic version, but thats the one I had in mind anyway.
I hope the love scene wasn't too much, I've never actually written a love scene for a T rated fic, so I dont know how much you're suppose to put in/take out. I think I kept it pretty docile and decent, but let me know if it was too much (let me know if it was too little as well, so at least I can keep it in mind for future reference).
Reviews are always appreciated.
I'm hard at work on a couple more chapters. I will try to update soon, but I can't promise that it will be tomorrow (but I did give you two chapters today, that makes me good right?)
--Brin--