Hey all! Hope you haven't been waiting too long on this chapter....I'm going as fast as I can! Also, just as a heads up, I think we're nearing the end of this fic...maybe another chapter or two following this one. It's been an okay journey for me I guess, my first Twilighter was met with...."ehh" response. But then again, maybe readers are just waiting for it to end before they review and whatnot (that's happened to me in the past as well)
Anyway, we'll see now won't we ;-)
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. I also claim no ownership over any of the components of the Celine Dion song, "The Power Of Love"
Disagreements
Edward lay on his back wearing only a pair of dark boxers. Bella wore the shirt he had on earlier – a plain white t-shirt – over her underwear. The rest of their clothing lay strewn across Edward's bedroom floor.
Bella was sitting up, her legs crossed and her guitar resting in her lap. Edward's eyes were closed, one had resting casually on his flat defined stomach, and the other lost in his messy bronze hair. Even with his eyes closed, Bella knew he was awake and alert. She strummed her guitar softly and sang in a whisper:
The whispers of the morning
Of lovers sleeping tight
Are rolling by like thunder now
As I look in your eyes
I hold onto your body
And feel each move you make
Your voice is warm and tender
A love that I could not forsake
Cause I'm your lady
And you are my man
Whenever you reach for me
I'll do all that I can
Lost is how I'm feeling
Lying in your arms
When the world outside's too much to take
That all ends when I'm with you
Even though there may be times
It seems I'm far away
Never wonder where I am
Cause I am always by your side
Cause I'm your lady
And you are my man
Whenever you reach for me
I'll do all that I can
We're heading for something
Somewhere I've never been
Sometimes I am frightened but I'm ready to learn
Of the power of love
The sound of your heart beating
Made it clear suddenly
The feeling that I can't go on
Is light years away
Cause I'm your lady
And you are my man
Whenever you reach for me
I'm gonna do all that I can
We're heading for something
Somewhere I've never been
Sometimes I am frightened but I'm ready to learn
Of the power of love
The power of love
The power of love
Sometimes I am frightened but I'm ready to learn
Of the power of love
The power of love, ooh ooh
A smile crossed Edward's face at the end of Bella's song. His eyes opened slowly, locking on with hers immediately. "Was that song for me?" he said in a playful tone.
Bella blushed. "Maybe."
He sat up on the bed and moved closer to Bella. His hand cupped the back of her head gently just as his lips met hers. Bella sighed mid-kiss, just before rendering herself completely to his will. She could never get over the taste of Edward.
He pulled away from her slowly, then pressed his forehead against hers. "You're so special to me Bella," he whispered.
She smiled. "You're special to me too Edward."
He smiled brightly back at her, before moving away and getting off the bed. Bella put her guitar down and turned her body to face his. He was standing in front of his open closet, contemplating the clothes inside. He then chose a particular item of clothing and showed it to her.
"What do you think?" he asked her.
Bella liked it. It was a pure black button down shirt with a graphic design of a silver dragon on the left breast. "It's nice," she said honestly. "New I'm guessing?"
"Brand new," Edward said. "I bought it yesterday."
"What's it for?"
"The recital," he said. "I figured this would go good with the dress you wore that first night I took you to dinner."
Bella's heart stopped momentarily. "Recital?"
"Yeah, recital." He gave her a knowing look. "You know: the one next week, my sister is putting it on."
"I know what you're talking about," Bella said carefully. "I'm just confused. It sounds like you think we're performing."
"We are performing."
"No we're not," Bella said quickly. "I never signed up for it."
"I signed us up," Edward replied trying on the shirt. "Unless you'd rather sing by yourself."
Her heart rate started doubling up at the thought. "I'd rather not sing at all!"
Edward seemed to not have heard her, or he was doing a good job at ignoring her, because now he had all the buttons done on his shirt and he asked her, "What do you think? Too much?"
"It doesn't matter!"
His expression fell. "You don't want me to look good?"
"Stop it Edward," Bella said in a serious tone. "You know you look great in everything."
"Well thanks Bella," he said with a smile.
"This isn't funny, you know, this you ignoring me."
"I'm not ignoring you."
"If you were listening to me, you'd stop sifting through your closet for a damn shirt."
Edward stopped at that. He looked up at Bella speculatively. "What is it?"
"I told you before that I'm not singing in that recital," Bella said slowly. "I told you that a long time ago."
"Well that was a long time ago. Surely you've changed your mind by now."
"Well I haven't."
"Well I think that you're being fucking ridiculous."
His voice was hard and hurtful. "That's not fair."
"What's not fair about it Bella?"
"You can't just sign me up for something without even consulting me. Especially if you already know how I feel about performing in front of people."
"You sang for my family."
"You tricked me into that!"
"Well let's say this is my second trick."
His voice had an odd finality to it, and he went back to looking through his closet. Bella watched him in disbelief. "You aren't the boss of me," she said suddenly. "If I don't want to do it, I don't have to."
"Of course you don't have to," Edward said, still not looking at her. "I'd just think you were a coward if you didn't."
"A coward," she echoed emptily.
"Yes, a coward." He looked at her directly as when he spoke again. "It makes no sense for someone as multitalented as you, not want to perform for others. I know horrible musicians who are just dying for people to hear their work. And they're horrible. Bu you, a beautiful girl with a beautiful voice, couldn't even sing for my family without poking or prodding."
"Well I'm sorry that I'm not as outgoing as you," she snapped. "Sorry that I don't want everyone to know my personal business."
"I'm not asking you to sing something you wrote, Bella, I'm asking you to sing." He put emphasis on his last word. "I'm asking you to open up your perfect little mouth and sing. Because you can. Because you should."
"Is there some unspoken rule book that says I have to sing just because I can?" Bella asked him, folding her arms.
Edward gave her a long, piercing look, then said, "You know what? Fuck it then."
Bella stood up and stomped over to him, standing in front of him before he could close down again. "No," she said. "Not 'fuck it'. Talk to me."
"Why bother?" he asked her. "There's no getting through to you. I tell you to sing and you act like I'm asking you to perform a graphic masturbation demonstration or something."
"There's no getting through to you," she retorted hotly. "I tell you that I don't sing my personal work for strangers and you keep trying to force me to."
"Is it so bad that I find you so talented that I want to help you share your talent with others? And for the last fucking time, you do not have to sing one of your little songs. You can sing a cover of something."
"I don't want to sing anything Edward!"
"Why not Bella!"
They had never yelled at each other or been in each other's faces like this. Edward was so mad that his face was flushed. Bella was so sure that her face looked the same.
"It doesn't matter why I do or don't," she said loudly.
"And you know why you say that Bella? Cause you know that you have no good reason to feel this way. You know that you have a great voice. You know that you're talented. You're just extremely shy for no goddamn reason."
"So I'm shy, so fucking what?"
"So nothing, Bella. So nothing."
Edward turned away from her for a moment and took two steps in the opposite direction, but then came right back. "Actually there is something, Bella, and here's what it is." His eyes burned with intense emotion. "I love you, and I want to be there for you. And I knew you were shy about performing for others. So I wanted to help you. I wanted to perform with you. And I'm feeling a little shitty that the thanks I'm getting from you, is all this complaint and whining. That's what's up."
His words caught Bella off guard. Had he said that he loved her? She couldn't even begin to respond to that, opening and closing her mouth silently. Edward watched her, waiting, but turned away when he realized nothing was coming. He stood at his desk, placing his palms flat on the surface and took a couple of deep breaths.
"I don't want to shout anymore," he said quietly. "Maybe you should just go."
Bella's heart seized painfully at that. "Edward–"
"Forgive me, but I don't feel like company anymore." He said, cutting her off. That finality was back again.
Bella stood there, feeling lost. Edward wouldn't budge, hands still on his desk and eyes closed. Finally, in a zombie-like trance, Bella removed Edward's shirt and put back on her own clothes. Racing through her mind where the events that just took place. And yet she couldn't pinpoint when it came to this point.
Once dressed, she tried to address him again: "Edward–"
"Bella, stop."
"Edward I don't want to leave like this," she said, her voice pleading. "This doesn't feel right."
He exhaled heavily and turned to face her, his golden eyes smoldering. He walked over to her and placed his hands firmly on her shoulders. "What feels right to you Bella? Tell me some of the things that feel right to you."
She replied honestly, "Being with you. Being with you feels right."
"And being with you feels right to me as well," he told her. "Being with you, listening to you play your guitar, hearing you sing your songs, and playing songs together. All those things feel right to me."
"They feel right to me too Edward."
"Then why can't you overlook your stupid feelings for a moment and play with me at the recital?" he asked her, his voice suddenly angry again. "Why can't you just see it as me and you playing for each other?"
"Because it's not that simple," Bella said, noting her tone had returned to its prior fury. "Because my feelings aren't stupid and if you really cared about me, you'd respect them more."
"I respect and care for you immensely."
"It doesn't feel that way right now," she murmured to herself.
But Edward heard her. His hands dropped from her shoulders. "Then leave Bella," he said. "Just leave."
She gave him a long look. There was emotion swimming in his eyes, but his expression remained firm and unchanging. Bella finally turned away from him, heading for the door and closing it on her way out. It wasn't until she reached the common room that she realized she was crying. By the time Bella reached her room, her sobs were uncontrollable. Fortunately for her, Jessica wasn't in the room, so she was allowed to cry openly.
And cry she did, for the rest of the day. Even when Bella thought she was done crying, tears still streamed down her face. She never felt so confused, and drained, and pained like this before. Not even when Michael – the boy that took her virginity – had left her hanging high and dry. This was unbearable.
She thanked the higher powers that she didn't have a class the following day, because she made no plans to get out of bed. Jessica stared at her curiously for a while in the morning, wondering why Bella wasn't up. Normally, Bella was bustling around as if she did have a class – but only because she had breakfast with Edward. Now, she didn't think she could handle looking at him. Had they broken up yesterday? What happened yesterday?
Bella hid under her blanket for the whole day, thinking, replaying yesterday's events in her mind. Part of her was still mad that Edward couldn't see her side of the story, the fact that she was juts uncomfortable singing in front of people who didn't know her. It was natural for people to be nervous in front of strangers. He was just being stubborn. But at the same time, she felt pain for not understanding his want to help her out, to be there for her in a time when he already knew she would be nervous. She was being just as stubborn as he was.
And he had told her that he loved her. And she struggled to reply. She could only imagine how that must have played over in his head.
"Just leave."
Her cell phone rang more than once of course, but she didn't answer. It was always Angela, or Alice, and even Jessica called once or twice. But it wasn't the person she wanted to hear from.
And when Edward did finally call, she could bring herself to pick it up, another wave of tears unleashing themselves from her eyes. By the time she had composed herself again, the phone had stopped ringing. Edward didn't leave a message.
The next day, Bella had to get out of bed. Her hair started to smell, and she was still wearing clothes from two days ago. Plus she had her psychology paper due today.
After freshening up, she walked across the campus tentatively, on the alert for Edward. She wasn't sure what she would do when she saw him – she was still mad, but she was feeling empty. Something told her that things between them were over, but she knew in her heart she didn't want them to be.
To her confused surprise, Edward was standing outside of her psychology class. He didn't seem to be looking for her, but she had to be the only reason he was there, right?
Wrong. A gorgeous and slim blond girl wearing a school sweatshirt and shorts so tiny Bella only had to assume that she had some on, came out of the room. She stood in front of Edward and pulled her hand flirtatiously through her hair. Edward was smiling at her. The anger-pain that was bubbling inside Bella switched over into anger as she stomped up towards them.
"What is this?" she hissed.
"Hi Bella," the girl cooed, but her voice was anything but friendly.
Edward's smile dropped. "Bella," he said coolly.
"Is this how you handle things Edward?" Bella asked him. "We have one fight and now you're laughing here with some tramp?"
"Excuse me–" The girl began, but Bella placed her hand up to stop her. She scoffed and turned to Edward. "Ed sweetie–" but now she was met with Edward's hard stare. Feeling awkward and upset, the girl huffed and walked away.
"Is this how you handle things Bella?" Edward asked in a tone that matched hers. "You disappear on me for a whole day and then you make a scene?"
"Now I'm making a scene? Oh I guess I should have just walked by unassumingly while that tramp kept trying to hit on you. You were clearly just waiting for her to appear."
His eyes narrowed angrily. "I was waiting here for you, because I knew you had class here next. And since you avoided me yesterday, I figured this was the one way I could finally catch you."
"Seems like I've caught you."
"You can't be serious Bella. The girl just appeared. I was polite. I think there's a bigger issue here."
Bella fell silent, her mood switching from anger to pain. Suddenly she didn't have the energy to talk anymore. "It doesn't matter," she muttered. "I have class."
She was about to walk away, but Edward grabbed her arm and pulled her back. "I don't understand you," he said. "You don't want to talk to me at all?"
"You were the one who kicked me out of their room," Bella said. "You told me to leave."
"I was upset."
"Well I'm upset right now," Bella said. "Learn to care about someone's feelings besides your own."
"Bella I care about you so much," Edward said, the meaningfulness of his tone not hard to miss.
Bella's heart squeezed, and she wanted nothing more than to rest her head on Edward's chest and have him hold her. But instead she asked, "Why did you sign me up for the recital? You know how I felt about doing that. You know how I feel about my music. Why do you ignore my feelings?"
"I'm not ignoring them Bella–"
"But you don't respect them," Bella said. "You basically manipulated me into singing when he visited your family. And now you secretly sign us up for this recital. And even though you tell me now that we'd play a cover, I wouldn't be surprised if you suddenly showed up with a sheet of my music."
"I would never disrespect you like that," he said firmly. "You know that. We didn't play any of your songs at my parents' house."
"It doesn't matter," Bella said. "I don't have to sing if I don't want to. You shouldn't be forcing me."
"You shouldn't be so shy about your singing. You should learn to fight through your nerves."
"Maybe I will, at my own pace."
"Well maybe I just wanted to help. Maybe I just wanted to be there for you. Maybe I just wanted to be a good boyfriend for you. Is that so wrong of me?"
Bella didn't know how to answer that. So she didn't. "I have class," she said again.
Edward let her go, albeit reluctantly. "Why aren't you understanding me?"
"Why aren't you understanding me?" she asked him.
He sighed, looked away from her, then looked back. "You're letting this come between us."
"You're acting like this isn't a big deal."
He held the bridge of his nose with thumb and pointer finger, eyes closed tight. He exhaled again. "Fine, go to class," he said, walking away from her.
Bella was about to go after him, but didn't know what to say. So she turned and went into her class. And following her class, she went back to her room, and did more crying. More phone calls missed, this time none from Edward.
On the third day of this awkwardness between the two of them, Bella sought out Edward this time. She waited until she knew when his classes were over in hopes to intercept him on his way to his dorm. When she did spot him, her heart did an involuntary flip of joy, and she knew that she still cared about him. That they were just having a disagreement, but they could fix it, because things weren't bad yet. Couples had disagreements all the time. It wasn't the be all end all.
"Edward," she called out to him.
He glanced in her direction. Bella could sense his hesitation before he approached her. It made her wary. "Bella," he said once he was close enough. "Hey."
"Hey," she said. "Look, I'm tired of all this back and forth between us."
"Yeah, me too." He ran his hand over his hair. "I was just about to come and find you so we could talk."
Bella gave him a weak smile. "About?"
"About us?"
The weak smile gave out. His tone was anything but upbeat and conversational. Fear started coursing through her veins. "What about us?"
He looked down, looked away, struggled to look at her. "You ever think… that maybe we rushed into things?"
Oh no. "Edward, don't–"
"I mean, the way I feel about you is unlike anything else I've ever felt for another person." He sighed. "But maybe that's not enough."
"You're not this mad Edward," Bella said quickly, taking his hands in hers. "Stop for a second. Think about what you're saying."
"I have been thinking," he said. His eyes finally settled on hers, pain blending in the honey of his irises. "I've been thinking about how you've been avoiding me. How you won't talk to me. How, somehow this is all my fault, and you want me to understand why, without helping me to understand why."
He paused. "Like this whole recital thing. You say that I should have understood that you don't like singing for others. But you've never told me why? You've never told me if…maybe something traumatic happened to you and you're reminded when you're singing. You haven't told me anything."
"You know that I'm shy," Bella insisted. "You know that."
"Yeah I do Bella, but," He looked at her, "that's not enough. I thought you trusted me. It's natural to have stage fright, which is why I wanted to be there with you when you performed at the recital. So you wouldn't have to be alone. We would perform together. We would get through your nerves together. Like we've done so far."
Suddenly Bella felt stupid for ever yelling at Edward in the first place. It wasn't that he didn't understand her shyness and was forcing her to perform. He was just trying to help her. To be there for her in her time of crises. So that even if they messed up, they would have messed up together. So that even if they all pointed and laughed, she have him to lean on.
"You sang me a song three days ago," he told her. "About the power of love. That sometimes it's frightening, but that you were ready to learn about it." He stopped and bit his lip, and Bella could tell this was hurting him more than he was letting on. Maybe even more than it was hurting her. "Was that a lie? Were those just lyrics?"
"Of course they weren't just lyrics," Bella exclaimed, hearing the sob in her voice. "I meant everything I wrote."
"Then why doesn't it feel that way Bella?" Edward said. "Why does it still feel like you don't trust me? Why can't you sing with me at the recital?"
"I trust you Edward, I do." Bella's voice trailed off in an unfinished tone, but she was now at a loss for words.
Edward sighed and took a step back from her. His hand went to his hair again. "I don't know, maybe we did rushed things…"
Bella could hear his thoughts trying to form the words in a way that would hurt the least. Little did he know anything he said following those words would break her heart. "Don't say it," she pleaded with him. "It's doesn't have to be that way. I was stupid. I was being stupid. I let my emotions get the best of me. I should have known that you just trying to be there for me with this whole recital thing. Just don't," her voice dropped below a whisper, "break up with me."
"Bella–"
"Edward, please." Tears of frustration started welling in her eyes, but she blinked them back.
The look in Edward's eyes revealed defeat. "I don't know what else to do Bella," he murmured.
He took a step closer to her, and gently pressed his lips to her forehead. Her eyes closed under his touch, warmth flooding from the spot of his mouth throughout her body. Then the warmth disappeared. Bella didn't want to open her eyes, trying to hold on to what was left of Edward's touch.
Because she knew when her eyes did finally open, he would be gone.
Celine Dion, "The Power Of Love", http://www. youtube. com/watch?v=9BHoj8uFdr8 (you know what to do about the spaces)
Reviews are always appreciated.
--Brin--