wellll hello
i'm having an awful lot of reichenbach feels rn so i just had to make another chapter of john expressing his feelings and missing sherlock and everything but the "long missed visitor" will definitely appear in the next chapter! Enjoy!
Now John was just sitting at the kitchen table, sipping from the tea he'd made. He started overthinking everything he wished he could've told Sherlock for the thousandth time.
How much he'd loved him as a friend, and even more. How thankful he was to him because he had come into his life at just the right moment and had made John feel happier and more alive than ever.
Johns feelings for Sherlock were definitely more than friendship, even though at first John barely had noticed them. He had suppressed it, thinking it was just friendship because he never had had a real friend didn't really know what friendship felt like. And so it had to be that at the moment he had seen his friend standing on the roof of St. Barts Hospital, having him on the phone, blind panic flowing through him, he had known for sure. It had been then that everything he had felt at first had made sense at once. But then it had been too late. Moments after Johns realization Sherlocks lifeless body was already laying on the pavement. No pulse. His eyes that always had looked so bright and clever now dead and staring into nothingness.
At that moment it felt like Johns entire world had crushed down on him and for a moment he'd thought he'd go mad. But what he'd felt was true, Sherlock Holmes was his world. His whole world that had been roughly ripped away from him at once, without any warning.
John missed his friend so much. Every day since had been a struggle. Not wanting to get up in the morning. Not being able to sleep at night or having nightmares of Sherlock falling and seeing his lifeless body laying on the street all over again. Staying inside all day mostly, not seeing a reason to leave the the flat.
He hadn't written anything on his blog in what seemed like ages and saw no reason why he should. Lestrade did still ask if he wanted to help him with a case every now and then, but John knew it was meant more as a distraction than Lestrade actually needing his help. Anyway, he appreciated it and sometimes he would turn up at a crime scene. Even though it absolutely wasn't the same without Sherlock, it would keep his mind off things for a little while.
John thought about making some supper, but he realized he wasn't hungry. He barely ever ate, and if he did it was because Mrs. Hudson forced him to. John had noticed that she missed Sherlock as much as he did. She wasn't as cheerful as she used to be and it didn't matter how much she seemed to try to act normal, John could see she was having a hard time too.
His landlady did support him, and was about the only person close to a friend John had left. He did the same with her, because they were both going through a tough time and it was all just enough to keep John going, something he honestly had to force himself to every day.
If he just could tell Sherlock everything he'd kept from him all the time. How much he loved it when the man startled everyone with his fantastic deductions, leaving them all as impressed as himself. His curly hair that always looked so adorable when he shook his head, and of course his eyes that always looked so bright and clever. "Adorable, really John?" John said to himself as he shook his own head and smiled to himself.
John loved him, if he only could just tell him that. He didn't care how Sherlock would react and how he would probably tell him once again that he was still "married to his work". John just wanted him to know.
The doctor once again pushed his thoughts away, grabbed his cane, stood up, and walked towards the couch. He laid down in a position that allowed his leg to rest and after that he grabbed the nearest book he could find.
John began to read and after a long time he slowly started slipping away in dreams filled with his thoughts and scenarios from his book.