"Christian, baby? can you hear me?" I ask desperately and I can feel my heartbeat pounding inside my chest. I can see his eyelids fluttering and he looks like he is trying really hard to open his eyes.
"Christian it's Ana. I'm here." I feel elation run through my veins as I see flashes of his grey eyes.
"Come on baby, try and look at me." I coax rubbing his hand between both of mine and I am almost in tears of joy.
He's blinking as he tries to focus in on his surroundings. I can hear his heart rate start to increase as his body starts to panic.
"Christian, you're okay, I'm here." I softly let go of his hand and put my hands gently on either side of his face. I need him to focus so he doesn't hurt himself. "You're okay." I repeat and I think I feel him start to relax but his breathing still sounds laboured. I really need to get the doctor.
His hand weakly reaches for the oxygen mask on his face and he pulls it down slightly as his eyes finally meet mine. I can't describe how I feel in this moment, at one point I honestly thought I would never see those beautiful eye's looking back at me again. The blood, the panic, the waiting, is all in the past now I have my wonderful husband back.
"Ana," he says breathlessly and his voice is music to my ears. I smile so wide my face hurts and I can feel the tears streaming down my cheeks.
"I'm so happy to see you." I state emotionally as I put my hand over his and put the mask back on his face.
"You're in the hospital baby. I don't know if you can remember but there was a accident. You're okay now though." I inform him and I know he is registering what I'm saying to him as I see his eyes look down towards his chest and his hand goes to touch around the spot that he was shot. My hand immediately stops him as I don't want him to touch the chest tube that is still present.
I see his eyes look up at me as I place his hand down by his side. "It's helping you get better." I try to reassure him and unsurprisingly he looks overwhelmed by the whole situation.
My stubborn husband moves the mask again to speak.
"Ana, I thought..I...was never going… to see you.. again," he whispers in between breaths and I can see tears forming in his eyes and I start to cry really hard. There's only been a few other times when I've seen Christian look so frightened or vulnerable that I can recall.
"Don't be silly Christian," I try to control my tears so I can speak, "I would never let anything happen to you." I stroke my hand down the side of his face and he closes his eyes for a second in response to my touch.
I realize I really should call the doctor and press the button on side knowing someone will be here in a minute.
"I love you …Ana, my.. Ana" he suddenly whispers before letting the oxygen mask fall back into place and words can't describe how I feel. I can't stand that he looks so weak and I would do anything to make him feel better again.
"I love you too Mr Grey, more than you'll ever know," I manage to get out through the tears as I hear the door open behind me.
"He's awake." I cry in relief as I cling onto his hand and I turn to see the doctor enter.
"Welcome back Mr Grey, I'm pleased to see you have rejoined us." The doctor says calmly and looks pleased. Christian doesn't say anything but I can see his eyes glance up at him before returning to look at me. I squeeze his hand to reassure him and I feel his weak attempt to return it. The doctor asks Christian to confirm who he is before he tells him that he is in the hospital as I have previously done, mentioning briefly about the surgery and then goes on to explain he's going to do some checks. First he shines a light into my husband's eyes before putting on his Stethoscope.
"I know it might feel hard to breathe now Mr Grey, but I assure you if you just stay calm and take deep breaths your body will adjust to it. You're body has been through a difficult time and may take some time to recover." I focus my attention on Christian and try to smile but glance momentarily at the doctor as he listens to my husbands chest.
"There's decreased breath sounds on the affected side but this is too be expected and will improve in due course Mr Grey." I wait to see if Christian responds as the doctor is directly acknowledging my husband.
"Thankyou," Christian responds pulling the mask back. The doctor explains about the chest tube to Christian, stating how he shouldn't do anything that will dislodge it and that a nurse will maintain it over the next few days. I'm not sure how much Christian is listening to him though as he glances between both me and the doctor.
"Can I ask if you're in any pain Mr Grey." The doctor hovers over him as he waits for a response.
"Kinda," Christian responds looking at me cautiously and I hope he's not trying to play it down so it doesn't worry me. I notice he seems to be getting to grips with his breathing but his voice is still horse and scratchy and sounds incredibly sore. I wince at the thought of Christian in pain.
"In your chest?", the doctor ask's using his hand to pin point the location and Christian nods.
"We can certainly get you something for that Mr Grey, I'll have a nurse come and deliver it you in a moment." He walks to the end of the bed and writes something down on his chart.
"Well I'm pleased to say everything look's good Mr Grey, but if you experience any further trouble breathing or find yourself in any sudden pain please do not hesitate to call us immediately. If you have any questions myself or my staff will be more than willing to help, or if you prefer I'm sure your wife," he looks over to me, "can answer some of them." He smiles and waits for a response. Christian just nods but that doesn't mean that I'm not going to express my gratitude.
"Thankyou so much Doctor." I smile, "My husband and I are eternally grateful for everything you've done for us." I know I might sound a bit over dramatic but it's true I owe this man not only Christians life but mine too. I imagine Christians probably is thinking something along the lines of its what he's paid to do Ana.
"It's really no problem Mrs Grey, now I shall leave you to it as I'm sure you two would like to talk in private, but try not to over do it, as your body is very much still recovering Mr Grey."
"I should let your family know your awake." I suddenly register, I'd hate to think that they were still worrying because I forgot to tell them, but at the same time I don't want to leave.
"Don't leave me." Christian immediately responds and I can see panic in his eyes.
"Never." I smile but I still worry about if someone will tell them.
"I can arrange for someone to go inform them Mr Grey has decided to grace us with his presence " The doctor who was walking towards the door turns round briefly with a smile.
"Thankyou." I sigh in relief and look back to Christian.
"Everyone's been worrying themselves sick about you husband. They will all want to see you." I state and Christian rolls his eyes. It's funny how something as simple as this can make me so happy, but it let's me know that the Christian I know and love is still very much with me.
"I just need.. You," he says as he reaches for my hand while attempting to prop himself up a bit.
"Careful" I warn nervously as I try and help him by adjusting the pillows behind his head.
"I'm..sorry Ana." he rasp's suddenly and occasionally he lifts the oxygen mask back to his face and takes a deep breath before letting it fall to around his neck. His apology breaks my heart as he has absolutely nothing to be sorry for.
"You have nothing to apologise for baby." I reassure him rubbing the back of his hand
"I'm sorry.. I .. I couldn't keep us safe." The look of devastation on his face destroys me. How can he think this is he fault. Christian couldn't do anymore to try and keep us safe.
"Christian, now you listen to me now." I say as I try to be firm with my husband which is hard with the tears rolling down my cheeks. "I'm not allowing you to think this. There's nothing you could of done so please don't blame yourself." I assert trying to force eye contact with him but he turns his head slightly away from me and I can see he's trying to hide he's upset.
"Christian all that anyone gives a damn about is that your okay." I gently tug on his hand to try and get him to look at me.
When he finally decides to look at me I reassert my point. "Do you understand that baby? You are all we care about." he nods vaguely and I'm not convinced he fully understands my point. My silly husband just doesn't understand how important he is to everyone. We hear the door open and the nurse gives Christian some medication to help with any pain before leaving again allowing us to continue our conversation.
"How are Phoebe..and Teddy?" he asks and I smile at the sound of their name coming from my husbands lips.
"There absolutely fine, Gail's been taking care of them for us and they brought them to see me earlier today." I smile "They miss you already though daddy." Christian smiles when I add this and I know how much he cares about his children.
"When I can.. I see them?" he asks expectantly. He starts to say something else but his throat catch's and he starts to cough hard.
"Christian? Are you okay? Should I call someone?" I say desperately unsure of what to do.
"No," he manages to get out. "I'll be .. Fine in.. a minute," he takes a deep breath and the coughing seems to subside for now.
"The children?" he asks again squeezing my hand slightly as he notices I'm lost in my own worry for my husband.
"Oh yeah." I reply remembering his question. I'm not sure he can see them why he's here and although I want to reunite my family at the same time I don't want them crawling all over him and pulling at wires.
"Soon, baby." I concede and throw him a weak smile.
"You forget.. I know you better than anyone..Mrs Grey, and I.. Know when you lying to me," he throws a weak smirk in my direction and I nod.
"I love you," I say and I smile softly as our eyes meet.
"I.. Love you more." he breaths. This man is my absolute world.
I feel my lip start to quiver again and I wonder what the hell is wrong with me, I feel like I'm a one women circus at the minute, emotions here, there and everywhere.
"I thought I'd lost you forever," I say and I start to cry again more than ever. I can see his eyes start to well up and he looks to the ceiling to cry and coax the tears back into his eyelids.
"Come here," he whispers and tugs on my hand pulling it towards him and I look at him confused.
"I can't. I don't want to hurt you anymore." I whisper
"You can. I want ..to hold you." He uses his head to indicate to his shoulder on his good side and I consider it.
"Please Ana," he asks again I cant resist the look in his eyes. I carefully stand up and lean over the bed so my head in resting on the shoulder on his good side and I bury my face in his neck as I sob. I carefully put my arms around his neck as I make sure not to touch any wires. I feel him gently place his arms around me.
"I was so scared." I sob as the tears just keep on flowing.
"Me too," he whispers and I can tell he is crying from the hitch in his voice. I feel him take a deep breath below me and wait to see if I need to move. He seems okay so I cling onto him.
"I .." he starts to speak and then I feel his arms tighten around me slightly. He swallows hard and continues. "I hated .. that I.. had no.. control, I could.. feel myself slipping.. And I couldn't do.. anything. He's barely whispering but I can hear him as he's so close to my ear.
"All I.. kept thinking.. is I don't..want to die..I want to.. stay..with..Ana.. and my babies. I thought ...I want to make it to our fiftieth wedding anniversary.. note the irony there" and I giggle slightly through the tears.
"Fifty shades baby." I whisper and wait for him to continue.
"I want to..walk Phoebe down... the aisle when she gets married... and I want to watch Teddy.. take over my business, if he wants to that is,... I wont make him." I'm sobbing so hard and I've completely lost control of my emotions at my husbands admission.
"I could.. see the terror in your eyes.. And I didn't.. want .. to let you down and leave you." he says and I really have no words left.
"You could never ever let me down Christian." I whisper into his neck and I hope he can hear me, through the sobs. "Your our world baby, me and the children need you so much. Everything you ever do is for us, and I love you so much for it."
I pull my head out of his neck and rest my face to his. Our noses touch as we both cry. I feel his breath on my face and we both move forward and our lips touch. It both electric and emotional and we embrace in a series of short meaningful kisses as we confide in each other. We both open our red eyes and look at each other. I feel like I could stay like this forever.
"What have we turned into Mr Grey? We are a pair of blubbering wrecks," I state as I pull back and I try to smile through the tears and I see him laugh slightly. The media sometimes refer to us as a power couple, picturing us at posh events and parties, but at the end of the day all of that fancy stuff means nothing. We are just like any other normal couple who love each other and our family and that's all that matters.
"We might.. need to.. call Flynn Ana to sort us out." Christian states trying to lighten the mood and I appreciate his attempt.
"You have thought about our fiftieth wedding anniversary Christian? I suddenly ask shyly.
"Of course I have, I'm afraid your stuck with me," he smiles the most beautiful smile.
"Well it's a good job their's no one else in the world I would rather be stuck with," i state and i mean every word.
I run my hand down the side of his face and look into his eyes. "Have I ever told you, you have the most beautiful grey eyes Mr Grey." I smile
"They were one... in a million, till my.. daughter... decided to steal them from me." He winks at me and it's good to see the old Christian shinning through his fragile looking frame.
"While I remember I think I should warn you that Elliot's going to kick your ass for scaring us like this baby." I start to gain control again and I just hope that the sad times are over for us now.
"It's.. not.. Going to be a fair fight.. Though…is.. It Ana, I think he should wait ..a bit.. Till.. I'm..back..fighting…fit..then..he's going down. I smile and worry about him some more as I notice he's looks exhausted and sounds like he's out of breath again.
"Are you okay baby?, he nod's but I think he needs some rest. I pick up the oxygen mask from around his neck and replace it back over his face and smile.
"Thanks." I see him whisper and I see him relax a bit more against the bed.
"I'm your wife, I always know what's best for you, even if your too stubborn too admit it." I sit back down in the chair and he reaches for my hand.
The door swings open and I my eyes quickly dart behind me. I'm still a little nervous about this man who's been following us being here.
"Christian, oh thank god." Grace says as she runs over to his side and wipes away tears.
"Mom," he says sleepily and smiles.
"I was so worried about you, your still my little boy you know even though your grown up now," she say's softly and i can see how much he means to her.
"I'm sorry mom," he says and i know Grace will admonish his for this. My silly fifty always apologising.
"Christian don't be stupid, you don't need to apologise, I'm just so glad your alright, your father and I have been going out of our minds with worry."
Grace explains that Carrick is just phoning Christian's grandparents to tell them he's awake and then he Mia and Elliot are coming up to see my husband. She also explains that despite hospital policy she has pulled some strings so we can all be in here together and I'm thankful for this.
Minutes later they come pounding through the door like a heard of elephants not that I can blame them.
Mia runs up to Christian and puts her arms around his neck despite a "Careful Mia" from a concerned Grace.
"I love you big brother," Mia tells Christian in tears.
"I love.. you too..my annoying little sister." Christian breaths and everyone chuckles.
"You've always been my favourite brother," Mia jokes still hugging Christian who winks at Elliot.
As Mia move's away wiping her eyes from relief Elliot speaks.
"It's good to see you little bro, but I swear if you ever put us through hell again I will kick your ass." I know this is Elliot's way of telling Christian how much he cares about him.
Christian laughs. "I'll bear that in mind next time someone decides to try and kill me." Everyone goes quiet and I glance around the room to see the upset evident on their faces.
"Christian don't make jokes like that." Grace says and takes hold of his other hand. "No one is going to hurt you again."
"Do you know? Do you know who did it?" Christian asks and as he makes eye contact with me but I glance away. I don't want to spoil this reunion with this news which I know will send Christian spiraling. Luckily Carrick takes control of the situation.
"We're looking into it, but it's not important now son." Christian seems to accept this , I imagine because he's exhausted and lets the subject drop for now but I know it will not be the end of it by a long way.
We talk a bit more but Christian looks half asleep most of the time and eventually Grace announces it's time for them to go to let her son get some sleep.
"I love you Christian." Grace says and I see my husband's pale skin go a little bit pinker in his cheeks as he is obviously embarrassed.
"Love you too Mom," he says and forces a smile to his mother through sleepy eyes. Mia, Carrick and Elliot say there goodbyes and soon me and my husband are alone again.
"Your tired Mr Grey, Go to sleep," I say as I stand up and stroke my hand through his hair.
"Yes wife. You're not going to leave me are you?" Christian says as he turn's his head and looks like he is forcing his sleepy eyes to stay open for a little bit longer
"Of course not. I'm here." I state as I become emotional once again.
"Good,… I feel safer…when you're here. I love.. you" he states quietly and I see his body relax as he falls to sleep quickly.
"I love you too Christian." I state but I know he doesn't hear me.
I wonder what he meant by I feel 'safer.' Is he afraid of being alone after what happened? Maybe he's scared the person will try and come back and try to hurt him again. I let my fingers run lightly along his arm and watch my husband sleep.
We might still have some hurdles to face but at the moment I am just thankful that he's back with me. We are a team after all. Me, Christian and the children.
Thankyou again for the lovely reviews, hope you like this! xxxx