Chapter Three – The Knife Plunges Even Deeper

Antonio's is officially one of the most depressing places I have ever been.

Jared eventually insisted on paying the dinner himself, but I wasn't giving anything. So I shrugged indifferently, and they might've taken note on my now harsh behavior for the evening.

I hurriedly walked out of the restaurant when Jared was done paying and exhaled heavily, thankful for the night's fresh air.

"I'll be heading home, real tired tonight. Congratulations again though. See you two later." I stretched out my arms a little to go with my charade. I turned my back on them and stepped in the sidewalk and lifted my arm to call for a cab. Footsteps came rushing behind me.

"Hold on, Mel." I heard Jared's voice behind me. He held my shoulder and twisted me around to face him. "You think you could spare a couple of minutes? I need to talk to you." It was hard enough to see Jared and Bell together, but harder to resist Jared. I looked back at the cab that just came in to stop in front of me and back at Jared's big brown eyes.

"You guys go ahead, I'm a bit exhausted too. Do you mind if I take this instead?" Bell stood beside him and pointed at the parked vehicle near the sidewalk.

"Oh, sure. Take it." I smiled at her and she grinned back. She started toward the cab and opened the door. Her body was halfway in when she stopped.

"I'll see you at home, Jared." She then sat inside and rolled her windows down. "Bye Mel, see you tomorrow at Scripps." The taxi started moving and Bell was now at a distance.

"See you." Jared almost shouted and he waved; I followed him and also waved at her. The cab was no longer in view, so I tilted my head and faced him with my eyebrow raised.

"So what is this talk that is so important that made me miss my free night off?" My tone somewhat seemed threatening, but he knew I was kidding around. I would only have so little time to be able to do this with him until he would be someone else's property forever…and all in the name of Matrimony.

I mentally cursed at such a sacred sacrament.

"Oh…Well, sorry." His hand was at the back of his head and he shrugged. "I'll treat you some ice cream…?" His offer appeared to be more like a question than a statement with his hesitation. But he still wiggled his eyebrows up and down, and I couldn't help but laugh at his face and eventually caved in.

"Way to bribe me, Mr. Howe. But I want you to get me the dark chocolate ice cream with the biggest waffle cone AND two scoops of it. With sprinkles on top." With a stern look and dead serious expression, he went stiff for a second before exploding into fits of laughter and I eventually joined him.

"No problem with that." Suddenly, Jared bowed and offered his arm out for me to take. "My Lady…"

"My Lord." I curtsied just to humor him and placed my around his and our eyes met and our lips smiling. This would be the regular behavior for the both of us, and everything was always lighter, careless and easy with Jared around. It always has been, even with our silly banters and the harmless flirting. Though if only Jared knew what it was doing to me…

We started walking towards my building's block, with my arm around his, and we both knew there would be a nearby ice cream store there which was opened for 24 hours. We wandered along my street in comfortable silence and turned at the corner to where the ice cream store would be. Jared went ahead and bought our ice creams for us while I waited outside and just stared at him.

While he was talking to the vendor, I realized that those lips would be kissing one woman for the rest of his life. While he was picking what flavor to get, I realized that those eyes would be looking only at one person for the years to follow. While he was reaching for the ice cream cones, I realized that those hands would hold one woman as they get married…and it wasn't going to be me.

"There, your sprinkle-covered chocolate ice cream with two scoops in the biggest waffle cone, my Lady." I blinked in shock and got out of my reverie as Jared suddenly came in and handed the ice cream to me. "You okay?"

"Absolutely. Thanks." I gave him a smile, one that I actually meant. We continued our little stroll around the whole block, talking about the littlest things, the silliest of jokes and the most random ideas until our ice creams were finally finished. From my peripheral vision, I thought I saw him looking at me. I faced him and felt somewhat self-conscious.

"What are you staring at?" My hands automatically shot up on my hair, fixing it reflexively. He chuckled and shook his head.

"I don't know…It just got me thinking, Mel. I mean, I don't mean to alarm you!" He raised his hands in a disclaiming kind of manner and laughed. "You know, after all these years, I haven't really seen you in a stable relationship. You're a beautiful woman, one of the smartest people I have ever met in my whole entire life; you're extremely incredible, kind and sympathetic…" I cut him off before my cheeks start to burn endlessly. Good thing it was dark and it was night, or we would've seen me blushing at his words.

"I don't know where you're going with this, Howe. But I like it. Keep going." He laughed his musical and delightful laughter, and yet again, I couldn't help myself to smile at him.

"Well, why aren't you with anyone? Any guy would be more than lucky to have you, and any guy who doesn't see how wonderful you are is simply an idiot." He was shrugging at that last thought, and I flushed even deeper.

I considered that and found it ironic. How awful that the only man I love thinks this of me when he himself can't and won't look at me in that way.

"I don't know…Maybe there's something wrong with me." I reasoned out.

"Don't be ridiculous, Mel. You're…you're perfect, really." He blurted out then suddenly crunched his forehead, like he didn't expect to say what he just did.

"Where is this coming from?" I laughed and playfully punched him on the arm. "Is this what you wanted to talk about? You whisked me away from my comfortable and warm couch tonight to tell me how amazing I am? I think I'm quite aware." I tried my best to be as aloof to it as I can even with the stinging feeling in my chest, but Jared simply had a firm look on his face.

"I didn't really expect to settle in and propose, Melanie." I stopped laughing and looked at him once I realized that he was talking about Bell now. "She just came home one day, marched right into the bedroom and gave me two options: To leave me, or to ask her to marry me. Don't get me wrong, I love Bell, I do. But…"

"Jared…"

"No. She is amazing, Mel. But sometimes, I just. My mind's all questioning and wondering…"

"Stop." This was it. My moment of martyrdom. It didn't matter if I was completely in love with my best friend who's getting married to my work friend. What mattered was Jared's happiness. And I had to reassure him of that. "You love her, Jared. You said so yourself. There's nothing greater than that. That's all the excuse you need." He then looked up and locked his eyes on mine, and me knowing very well that that connection was nothing more than a stare to him.

"We're moving to Los Angeles. After we get married, we're moving there." He slipped out again. I didn't realize that my heart was beating and my mouth was open when Jared held my hand and asked me if I was okay.

"What?"

"I know it's a big change. But she thought about everything right after I proposed. I…Fuck." Jared breathed in heavily and sat down on the curb. I was still standing; barely registering what was happening and simply looked down on him. "I'm planning to put up another branch of the restaurant in L.A. and Bell's transferring—"

"When?" I cut him off short, fighting back the tears that were threatening to fall.

"Two weeks."

"You're leaving in two weeks?"

"I'm getting married in two weeks. After that, we head off immediately. I don't understand why she's in a rush either…" I couldn't believe my ears. I zoned out before I could listen to anything else Jared was babbling on about his future with Isobel. I couldn't feel my toes and I wasn't exactly sure if it was because I was in shock or because it was too cold.

"….2 hours from here and you could visit and we could visit too and things would be okay, right? Things are moving quickly, I know but…" Jared finally stopped talking, stood up and took my hand in his. "Mel, please say something?"

How could I when I could barely move. Instead, he wrapped his arms around me and before I could notice, my arms were gripping his torso tightly and tears have started to fall.

That was it. Jared was practically leaving for good, and I didn't have a chance anymore. 10 years of friendship and 9 years and 7 months of wanting to be more than friends…and now all that is gone. There's no way Jared and I could possibly be as close as we are now once they move and get married, Bell wouldn't allow it. Of course, I couldn't mention this to him. He'd only feel like he was stuck in the middle. An invisible hourglass has just been turned, and I felt like time was running out.

"Things are changing so fast…" I whispered and I couldn't hold it in anymore. He's leaving. He's leaving.

"They'll still be the same, Mel."

"Jared…"

"I'll miss you too." He finished for me.

We stayed in each other's arms for what felt like forever but I knew we had to move on. I was the first the break the bond and quickly wiped my tears and cleared my throat.

"I have to go. Early day tomorrow." I sniffed, and grabbed his arms and placed it on his sides. "I'll see you."

"I love you, Mel. You're my forever." For the third time, he blurted out. Just then it felt like someone had grabbed my heart and squeezed it for fun. Ever since we were little, we'd been saying that line back and forth though only now has it been ever been ironic and hurtful.

"And you're my always." I replied, finishing our trademark line. "Goodnight."

"Bye."

I knew that that wasn't the final goodbye, but hearing him say it only made me cry some more. I didn't even bother to kiss him on the cheek anymore, but hurriedly paced towards stairs of the building and opened the entrance doors before he had the chance to see my face. I noticed that his vague formation in the dark was parting away, and Jared was slowly walking back and was calling a cab to get back to his home.

I basically ran to the elevators, in desperate need to get back to my place and repeatedly pressed the 3rd floor button in haste. When the doors opened, I nearly tripped and headed to my door and unlocked it. I snatched my shoes and laid it on the floor and ran to my bedroom, where I fell unto my mattress and pushed the pillow to my face.

My vision eventually became blurry once the tears came running down and the sobs continued until I fell asleep.