I'm so sorry i haven't updated in so long, these past two weeks have been crazy!, But i'm free for the next few weeks so i should be able to update a lot, thankyou so much for the reviews and keep reviewing, it means so much! xxx
"Ana?" I hear my husband's voice and I immediately lift my head from the side of his bed, still in a bit of a daze.
"I'm here baby." I say as I readjust my grip on his hand and see him smile sleepily at me.
"How you feeling?" He asks quietly his voice still raspy and I immediately roll my eyes.
"How am I feeling? Christian are you serious right now?" This is so typical of Christian worrying about me and not himself even though just a day and a half ago he was fighting for his life.
He nods his head and smiles shyly and I shake mine in disbelief. My eyes drift down his body as I take in his fragile form. I think maybe he look's slightly better after having some more sleep, but his skin is still deathly pale, his usually perfect hair matted on his head and he just looks generally drained, like he has no energy, and his breathing is slow. His eyes are the same, but they have a little less sparkle and the dark circles around his eyes immediately make it obvious to anyone know that he's really ill. I hate to see him like this, Christian never gets sick, he's always the one making sure everyone else is okay. I feel the tears brim in my eyes, desperately trying not to cry. He must feel awful but I know he would never want me to know.
"Ana?," he questions as my eyes look up and meet his.
"I'm more than okay, now I know your going to be alright, now more to the point how are you feeling?" I ask sympathetically and I wish I had Phoebe's toy magic wand to make everything better again
"I'm okay," he says unconvincingly while adjusting his weight and I see the grimace appear momentarily across his face before he forces a smile so I know he's hurting inside.
"Christian, I want you to be honest with me," I say, pleading him to tell me the truth, "if you feel horrible just tell me because I'm your wife and you don't have to pretend with me, we've seen each other at our worst, and it's my job to take care of you."
"Okay," he says quietly and I know he worries about me worrying about him, which is completely absurd. I smile and rub my thumb gently across his hand.
"So?" I prompt and I feel like I'm badgering him but I don't want him to suffer in silence when we could get him something for the pain.
"Oh Ana,….my stubborn wife," he smirks slightly and sighs before taking a deep breath which I'm sure causes him to twinge. "I feel like I've gone 10 rounds with Claude and he kicked the absolute shit of out me," Christian finally confesses and I see his eyes dancing over my face waiting for my reaction. Christian still sees his personal trainer on a regular basis but not as excessively as he did when I first met him, I think chasing the kids around probably provides him with more than enough exercise.
I nod and try to control my quivering lip. "How's your chest feel do you need anything for the pain?"
"I'll be okay Ana," he tries to reassure me and moves his other hand onto of our already clasped ones.
I nod unconvinced and I briefly look around the room my eyes landing on the photo still next to his bed. Christian's eyes follow mine and he smiles and I let go of his hand to reach across and give it to him. His fingers trace over our faces and he looks up with a grin.
"We sure made a couple of beautiful children didn't we Mrs Grey," and I feel a genuine smile grace my face as I nod
"There so precious," I add. The children mean everything to us.
"I didn't realize I could love anyone so much….I'm so happy I get to see them again" he whispers smiling up at me and I feel a few stray tears slip down my cheeks
"I think we should have at least ten more little rascals Ana, what do you think? His smile turns to a grin and he's waiting for my reaction. I cant help but start laughing.
"I think you better find another wife then Mr Grey!" Christian giggles along with me and it makes me feel all warm inside. "There's more chance of a pig flying past that window than me agreeing to have ten more children!"
"Never…. it will only ever be you Ana," and I cant help but lean forward and place a gentle kiss on my husbands lips.
"Besides I think if you have ten children to worry about, you'd give yourself a heart attack by the time you were forty, and I need that heart beating Mr Grey." I chuckle as I hover above him and Christian smiles, but I know its true to some extent, Christian would drive himself to an early grave trying to protect that many of his spawn at the same time.
"As long as I have you to keep it safe, It'll be fine," he states and my husband is really pulling at my heartstrings today with his soppy comments and next thing I know I let out a huge sob, but I'm pretty sure it's a mixture of sad and happy tears.
"I could of lost you. Oh god Christian I could of lost you," I suddenly cant help but blurt out and I lean my head carefully on his shoulder and cry.
"Shhh Ana," he whispers as he rubs my back. "I'm never going to leave you I promise." I pull my head up from his shoulder leaning over him, and he reaches up and gently moves the hair that is stuck to my face from my tears.
"But what if," I stutter out in between tears.
"No but's Ana." and I see Christian look down, his hand takes hold of mine, placing my palm flat on his chest and for a brief second I wonder what he is doing.
"Feel that," he asks and I nod, as I focus on rhythm I can feel beneath my finger tips. His heart. The rhythm matches the beeps I can hear on the monitor beside us and I glance up at it to watch. My husband is alive and that's the only thing that matters.
"It means I'm okay Ana, we'll get through this, and I promise I wont let anything hurt us ever again," he whispers confidently. I know its probably eating away at him inside that he couldn't protect me from having to deal with this.
I look down and I am horrified by how close my hand is to the bandage attached to his chest and it dawns on me whoever did this obviously missed there target.
"Baby it's going to be okay, I'll be back on my feet in no time," Christian whispers and I look up and I realise I want to tell him about the weird man who has been stalking us. The man who probably tried to kill him, but I look down at his face, and he seems relaxed and comfortable for the first time since he woke up. I cant take that away from him, I need him to get better.
The door swings open and Grace walks in forcing a smile towards us.
"How you feeling Sweetheart?, she asks Christian as she walks up to him and kisses him on the head.
"Pretty shitty if I'm honest Mom," Christian states with a slight smirk.
"Christian!," Grace berates him jokingly, before taking his hand in hers. "I promise you'll start to feel better soon darling," she says lovingly and I can see Christian means the world to Grace.
"Ive tried to tell him he has to tell us if he's in pain Grace, but you know my husband well, stubborn as hell." I smile as I look from Grace to Christian who weakly grins in my direction.
"Ana's right Christian, there is no point trying to be all strong and," Grace pauses for a second, and "hardcore, when we can all help you."
Christian smirks and rolls his eyes, "Hardcore?" He looks at his mom questioningly.
"Ive heard Elliot say it before Christian, don't laugh at me!" she jokes and I'm pleased to see my husband is still his funny, critical self. Grace sits down, perching herself on the edge of his bed and reaches over to move a piece of hair from his forehead. I know Grace will always see her children as her little babies no matter how old they get and I imagine its killing her inside seeing her son in such a bad way. I can see her eyes start to fill up and imagine it wont take long before she sets me off again.
"Oh darling, you look so poorly, I'd do anything to make you well again," Grace cries and I can tell Christian isn't sure how to react.
"Mom, I'll be fine, you don't have to worry about me," Christian states attempting to reassure her.
"Of course I have to worry about you, you silly boy, your my son, you, and your brother and sister are the best thing that ever happened to me and I couldn't bear it if anything happened to you." I have to wipe the tears away that have leaked down my cheeks at Grace's admission.
"I love you Mom," Christian states before turning to me "I'm so glad you found me all those years ago."
"Me too Christian, just look at you now, your successful, you have a beautiful family and I have two precious grandchildren, what more could a mother want for her son," she concedes proudly and I thank the lord that I fell into Christian's office that day. Grace is right our family is perfect.
"We've decided we want another ten children Mom, haven't we Ana?" and he turns to look from his mom to me and I scoff.
"I think the pain medication is making him delusional Grace," I joke and she laughs.
"When can I see my babies?," Christian asks and I know he's missing them like crazy.
"Well that's actually what I came to talk to you about," Grace jumps in. "I've talked to your doctor and now that there satisfied your out of any immediate danger, they have agreed to move you up to a private room ive had arranged." I see Christians face immediately light up.
"When?" Christian asks impatient to be in a more comfortable setting.
"Either later tonight, or first thing in the morning, I think the children should be okay to visit there, it looks a lot less frightening than this room." Grace looks around and I assume she means all the medical equipment and white clinical walls.
"When will I be able to get out of bed?" Christian asks impatiently, but if I'm honest he doesn't look like he's fit to sit up properly at the moment any mind walk around.
"I think you need a few more days of rest yet darling," Grace suggests and I'm relieved, I don't want him overexerting himself before he's ready.
"When will also this intruding shit be gone," he uses his hand to motion to the wires and tubes still attached to his body and looks towards his mom.
"Soon I hope, I think they'll take the chest tube out tomorrow though so that's a start," Grace replies and I assume she's had an in depth conversation about her sons health with his doctor.
"Good, I hate it, I feel like an old man," Christian states bitterly, and I know how much he hates his independence being threatened.
"Christian don't be ridiculous, sometimes your body just needs a bit of help to recover, I'm afraid your going to have to deal with it, cause I know Ana's with me in saying we'd rather listen to you moan for a week and have you get better faster." Grace's motherly tone kicks in as she tells her son off, but he needs to hear it, its for his own good.
"My body was working perfectly fine without help, until some psychopath decided it was a good idea to put a hole in my chest," Christian argues back and I worry about him stressing himself out. I feel my face fall, as all those horrible images of my husband in the aftermath come flooding back to me and I turn my head away from them to try and compose myself.
"Baby, Ana? I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you, I'm just frustrated that's all," Christian says softly as he pulls on my hand to get me to turn to face them again.
"It's okay, its not your fault", I mutter wiping my eyes with my sleeves and Grace forces a smile my way sympathetically.
"Are you going to tell me who is responsible for all this yet?" Christian suddenly says and I knew this was coming. I look to Grace and I realize we cant protect him from this forever.
"I promise I'll tell you everything in the morning Christian," I say but I can tell Christian isn't going to accept it this time.
"God damn it, why can't you just tell me now, I'm not a child." Christian says releasing my hand and attempting to use both of his for leverage to prop himself up. As he lifts his body I see his face twist up and contort with pain and he lets out a blood curdling cry.
"Ah fuck, that hurts, it hurts, ahhhhhhhhhhhhh" I feel the panic rise inside of me and Grace jumps up to help her son.
"Arghhh, fuckkk" he's moving his hands to try and grip something and his hand finds mine. He squeezes so hard on my hand I'm afraid he'll break it but in this moment I don't even care.
His chest starts heaving and the machine next to him starts to beep more rapidly.
"Arghhhhhh, I cant, I cant." he tries to get out and I don't understand what's happening, all I know is my husband looks like he's in that much pain its killing him.
"Christian! Baby!" I scream out and I feel helpless and I feel the tears running down my cheeks.
Grace presses the buzzer on the side a couple of times frantically and grabs the oxygen mask from the side holding it over her sons face as he hisses and flails around.
"Christian, look at me I know it hurts." She speaks to him slowly trying to encourage him to calm down.
"Ana.. Mom. He gasps squeezing his eyes shut.
"I know, I know, my precious baby boy, Christian just breathe," Grace says coaxing her son.
"Mom make it stop!" he screeches and his hands are touching for his chest and Grace tries to bat his hands away
"Grace? What's wrong with him?" I ask desperately. I don't know if I can stand another minute of this horror show. I would give anything to take away his pain.
"I think with the sudden movement he's disturbed the chest tube and the incision and the pains hit him suddenly and severely," she says frantically.
Two doctors rush into the room and immediately see the distress my husband is in.
I hear one of them ask the other if they should sedate him and I feel my body panic. No No No, don't do that to my poor husband he's only just woken up. Christian must hear too because the next minute he's reaching for his mother.
"Mom.. No, don't you… dare let them," he cries out and screws closed his eyes, throwing his back onto the pillow and I see the tears fall from the very corners of his eyes in steady stream.
"Christian you have to calm down," she says forcefully and I know he needs to hear it, or they will have to do something about it. I have seen Christian broken quite a few times during our marriage but this tops it all, I feel helpless. So helpless. My strong husband is crying in pain and there is not a thing I can do about it. I want to kill the man who did this to him.
"No don't sedate him." Grace holds her hand out to stop them, "I'm a senior doctor here, this is my son, please give him pain relief now!"
Christian has his head back on the pillow with his eyes closed, crying, hissing and gasping he looks so tired, my poor baby looks like he just wants to give up, but he can't as none of us will let that happen. Ever.
"Please make it stop please, its burning. Please," he opens his eyes and practically begs for someone to help him, but there's absolutely nothing I can do which breaks my heart in two.
"Baby, hold on, It'll be over soon." I soothe and I rub his forehead and wipe his eyes and I know they are putting something into his IV as we speak.
"I'm so so sorry Ana, I'm sorry I cant be stronger for you, I just," he gets out and my heart has literally shattered into a million pieces and he screws his eyes closed again and lets out a hiss.
"You are strong, you give me all my strength baby," I whisper and rub his hand.
"My precious Ana, " he breaths and I think he's relaxing so it must be working.
"Christian how's that? Does that feel any better?" Grace leans over and he seems to be calming down.
"Its hurting less," he says glancing over to his mother and I think this epsiode is over as his breathing evens out.
"Thank goodness darling, I cant stand to see you hurting so much, I'm going to get your doctor, Ill be right back," she says before leaning over and giving him a kiss on the forehead.
"Thanks Mom," he takes a deep breath and I think it still hurts him a bit, "for not letting them do that", he whispers and I know how terrified my husband would feel at the thought of being put to sleep, or having his control of his own body taken away."
"Anything for you sweetheart," Grace says I mouth thanks to her as she leaves.
"I'm so sorry Christian, this is all my fault, if I had just told you when you asked, I just love you so much and this is what I was trying to stop from happening," I sob as I feel incredibly guilt. Christian only got agitated because I wasn't being honest with him. By trying to protect him from reaction to the news of a crazy stalker following us, I've just ended up hurting him anyway.
"Ana, its okay, …I'm sorry," he whispers. "That feels so good," he smiles breathily and I think he must mean the pain relief that is obviously working.
"Ill tell you everything I promise," I say but he's gone from screaming in pain too being incredibly drowsy.
"When I wake up.. I think I'm going to fall asleep," he smiles and I'm so glad he feels okay again. I know for certain Grace will make sure everything's okay and make sure there isn't something more seriously wrong going on with his body.
"Okay love," I whisper and stand up and kiss his lips gently.
"I love you Ana, and Phe and Ted," he breaths and his eyes flutter closed.
"I love you too Mr Grey, more than you will ever know," I stroke his cheek but he's asleep. I will tell Christian everything as soon as he asks.