The other guys never asked me about Declan for that I was thankful so I was able to go back to normal with all the guys including Kendall. Logan and Harper have officially been dating a month and she has practically moved in with us. Not that I mind at all because it was nice to have more estrogen around. Carlos finally brought his girlfriend to meet us and I absolutely love her! She's so tiny and sweet and I think they are absolutely perfect together. Her name is Maggie and she teaches Kindergarten and has just as much energy as Carlos.

Once a week we have been kicking James out of his house so we can have girl nights there since it's a lot easier to kick out one than three. I think the boys like being able to have bro time or whatever they call it. However most nights when the couples go out it normally leaves Kendall and me alone together. Luckily things haven't been awkward and we'll normally sit in the living room and watch TV for a little while before one of us decided to go to bed.

"Kendall! There is nothing good on TV. Pop some corn cause I am about to put in a movie." I yelled from the living into the kitchen and all I heard was a grunt as a reply but ignored it. I put in Crazy, Stupid, Love and then made myself cozy on the couch. Soon Kendall joined me.

About midway through Kendall decided to break the comfortable silence we had going on, "So, Ivy. I have been meaning to ask what happened on that date with Declan?"

I turned quickly surprised by his question, "It just wasn't meant to be. Why do you care?" I know I sounded cold but I was still a little peeved about what he had said about the situation in the first place.

"He didn't try anything did he?" There was worry in his eyes and he sounded strange. I wanted to scoff and be like we are not teenagers but the look on his face told me that he was being completely serious.

"Kendall, I appreciate the concern but I can handle myself. No he didn't try anything, he was just so full of himself and so hung up on the fact that I live with the three of y'all that I couldn't take it anymore." I told him truthfully. I wrapped him in a quick hug before turning back to watch the movie.

I felt him move closer to me and wrap his arm around my shoulder pulling me against him, I looked up and gave a smile snuggling into his body before turning back to the screen. That was how we stayed the rest of the movie. When it was over I looked up and noticed Kendall was sleeping. I couldn't help but think how sweet and innocent he looked while he was asleep. I carefully got up trying not to wake him but as I was standing his arms tightened around me pulling back on the couch causing me to fall back but this time so I was sitting on his lap. I giggled and tried to get up again but I couldn't. I moved around some trying to get loose but then I started to feel, well let's just say that I woke a part of him up. I was blushing like crazy and immediately stopped moving.

Then I felt his breath hit my ear causing goose bumps up and down my arms. "why'd you stop?"

I jerked my head around and we were now nose to nose. His eyes were wide open and shining, "How long have you been awake?"

"Since you started to get up. I was comfy." He said nuzzling my neck. Causing me to giggle before I could stop it. "Ohh….have I found a sensitive spot?" He asked then I felt him kiss right below me ear. I was frozen. What the hell was freaking happening. If felt so good and I could feel myself starting to react but then I became very aware of the situation and I started to panic. I grabbed his hands and yanked them from around me and stood up turning so I could face him,

"Kendall what the hell?"

"It's not like you weren't enjoying it." He said smugly.

This just served to piss me off even more. "That's not the point you ass! You can't just go and make me sit on your little problem then kiss my neck out of the blue and then think that everything is sunshine and roses!"

He stood up causing us to be not a foot apart, his eyes now a little darker than normal, "Little?"

"You heard me! Now why did you have to do this? Why now?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"UGH! You are so damn clueless or else you want me to think you are. Every time we start to get close again and everything be fine you go and screw everything up! If I didn't know any better I would think you do it on purpose!"

He stepped closer to me but I backed away and put my hands out between us. "Maybe I am."

"Why? Do you hate me that much? Do you want me to move out? Is this what all this shit is about because I could go find me somewhere else to live."

I saw panic in his eyes, "Dammit! No!"

"Then what is it Kendall because this shit is not cutting it! I have been done with high school for a long time now and am really tired of dealing with this kind of drama."

"Ivy, I don't think you realize what you do to me. You drive me crazy. I don't even know why or how. I shouldn't feel like this but I do. I don't think you realize how much I look forward to these nights when it's just you and me."

Yes I know he just confessed his feelings for me and I should be happy but the way he said it was caught on replay in my mind. "Why shouldn't you feel this way? What about me is so bad that I am not worth having feelings for? Why am I not good enough?" I asked as I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks.

I saw panic in his eyes as moved towards me once again. "Ivy! Dammit! No! that's not what I meant at all! I really do screw shit up don't I!"

I giggle small, "Yeah, just a little. But honestly Kendall, you know you don't think I am good enough for you. You said it yourself."

"When? I have never said that!"

I looked at him, I'm sure it was probably a cold look. "When you said I wasn't good enough to Declan, I know that you meant I wasn't good enough for you either."

"No! I said that because I was jealous! I never actually meant that!" I looked into his eyes and I saw sorrow. I shook my head, I wanted to believe him but I just couldn't take that chance.

"Kendall believe me I want to be able to trust you and to believe what you are saying but it's so hard. I was in a relationship where I was told constantly that no one else would ever want me and it's hard to get over that. I would love to just wrap arms around you and tell you everything is perfect between us but it's not. Do I have feelings for you? Yes. I have since that night at the party when you were the first one I saw after Tyler left. But I just can't do this right now. I'm sorry." With that I ran up the stairs and locked myself in my room. I crawled into bed and replayed the entire night over and over in my head as I finally managed two hours later to cry myself to sleep.