My tag to Debbie's tag, which is a tag to... Ok... Here...

1) Rodney's Really Bad Days (RRBDs), chapter 45, 'No Good Deed Goes Unpunished'

2) John's Really Bad Days (JRBDs), chapter 14, "Rodney's Revenge"

3) RRBDs, chapter 51, 'Buttons'.

4) JRBDs, chapter 19, "Monkey Madness"

5) RRBDs, chapter 58, 'Buttons Returns'

LOL this is turning into a mini series!

(Giggles at 'John's Really Bad Dates') There's an idea for a story. LOL!

Debbie418uk2 - Doesn't that just suck? Now imagine Rodney's reaction once John tells him about the not having to eat it part. LOL I couldn't help but giggle at that chapter, I thought it was cute.

Jasimesmommy - Well, Rodney didn't seem to have a problem... Until John pointing out what they were eating.

x Varda x - LOL the things people will eat. I'm surprised you DID have cat sized rats in the walls. They survived after eating all that?! :O

Puddle-Jumper38 - Because it's the traditions of the people. If you don't eat it, you risk offending the people. ;) LOL You're right though, I think I'd prefer the stoning to the food poisoning.

Brisk33 - That's John for you. Trying to make sure to keep up good trade relations... Only to find out he didn't have to eat the food in the first place.

Here's an early update (I got a lot written in the last few days). I won't have a lot of access to a computer between October 26th and November 1 (around there), and I will be having all four wisdom teeth out on November 10th, so I might not be up to writing or posting for about a week. I'll try to post right before and after I get back.

Hope you enjoy it.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

(P4X-379, Normal POV)

(Summary)

Well, everyone thought it was over. Bobo was shot and killed, Buttons returned to her home, again, and Yvonne shipped back out to earth. Out of all this, Rodney had been strung out for dinner, attacked by a man-eating plant, attacked by an alien monkey, crapped by an alien monkey, attacked by an alien monkey again... Then there was John. He suffered really bad dates, cub-hunting duty, attacked by a man-eating plant, monkey escort duty and being stoned and crapped, then an alien monkey attack again.

Still, poor Rodney had gotten the worst of it all. It made everyone wonder how much more they could handle before losing what was left of their minds.

But again, it was all over, right?

(Present)

A single monkey stood on the DHD by the foot of the gate, staring at the symbols. It had short white hair with brown streaks, and was staring at each of the buttons as he stood on the big, red, center one. Reaching out hesitantly, he pressed one he remembered seeing being pressed before, and he jumped off the device with a squeak when it lit up and the gate began to move.

After a second, his head popped up from behind a nearby tree and his big eyes glittered curiously as he slowly approached the now active device. Jumping up onto it again, he tilted his head, his fangs gleaming, and he began to jump up and down with loud screeching sounds as he looked down to a small group of monkeys on the ground next to them.

One was clearly a female, having no fangs and no brown streaks. She held a small device in her hands with a few small buttons on it, and seemed to be pressing them randomly. Then, she seemed to get an idea and kept pressing them in a certain order.

Buttons, having been returned home, again, was sitting at the base of a tree with such a desolate look on her face. Bobo, the other monkey taken, had not returned home, but the others had found out from Buttons that the humans had killed him.

As the gate powered down, the large male monkey on the DHD screamed angrily, and answering screams came from the woods around him as more and more monkeys hurriedly began making their way to the clearing. He turned back to the device and began pressing the buttons rapidly in the same order he'd seen the humans do.

Maybe no one realized, but monkeys were smart. Smarter than anyone ever gave them credit before. They'd seen the humans do it a few times now. As the gate finally finished dialing, and the wormhole stabilized, he nodded down to the female who pressed the same order of buttons, and jumped excitedly. Buttons looked up from her perch on the ground and stood up slowly, holding a small feathered ball. Her look hardened as she walked over to the larger male who had hopped of the DHD, and leaned into his arm with a low growl.

(Atlantis, John's POV)

"Oh come on. Look, I said I was sorry!" Groaning, I held up another cup of coffee to Rodney who was busy working on a project he never bothered to explain. "How long are you going to hold this over me??"

"Until I deem we're even." Rodney looked up haughtily and raised an eyebrow. "Or are you forgetting that I seriously ended up with the short end of the stick here?"

"Forget? With you constantly reminding me? I'm sorry, Rodney! Besides, you're not the only one who got crapped and beaten, alright?" Putting the cup of coffee down, I sighed and rubbed my eyes. "You're seriously gonna make me get all your coffee for you?"

"Well, it does take a lot of time to leave the lab, get the coffee and return to the lab. With you getting it for me, I can focus on my work and get more work done, faster." He rationalized.

"And how long were you planning on keeping this up, exactly?"

"Oh, I don't know, a while at least…"

"Rodney…"

"Ok, ok." Holding up his hand he sighed. "A week, ok? I'll call us event afterwards." He hesitated a moment. "As long as you don't pull any more babysitting favors. You know, you'd think you'd realize that the dates don't even turn out in the end."

I paused a moment to think about it. Give McKay more hassle, or accept it since I really did kind of owe him one… Him pointing out the pretty bad dates was kind of a point against him, since I wasn't really in the mood for being reminded, but he did have a point about getting the short end of the stick. I was saved from a decision as the alarm sounded.

"Unscheduled off world activation!"

Frowning, I glanced at McKay before tapping my radio. "Sheppard here, what's going on?"

There was a moment of pause before Chuck's voice came over the line, and I felt my heart plummet with dread. "It's Lt. Johnson's IDC, sir."

Lt. Johnson…? "Isn't he…?"

"Back on base already, sir. I'm running scans to find out if it is a fake or not." Another moment of silence and a beep from the other end. "Sir, it's authentic."

Glancing to Rodney, I raised an eyebrow before turning and walking briskly out of the room. "I'm on my way. See if you can contact the Lt." I hesitated a moment, unsure what Elizabeth would say in my stead, but she was currently at the SGC, dealing with the IOA. "Uh, I guess, lower the shield, too, but keep the security tight in the gate room."

"Understood, sir."

"Right. I'll be there shortly. Sheppard out." Tapping my radio, I saw Teyla walking down the hall and flagged her down as I kept on my track to the control room. "We might have a problem." I informed her grimly. "Remember Lt. Johnson? He's the one who got crapped in the side of the head and covered with monkeys at one point on the second return trip?" I probably would have laughed at the memory, if the situation wasn't worrying.

She nodded, a sparkle of amusement shining in her dark eyes. "I do."

"Well someone just dialed in using his IDC, but he returned with the rest of the team, so we have no idea who it is."

"Perhaps it is a fake?"

"Nope. Chuck ran scans and it appears that it's the real deal." Frowning a little, I almost jumped as I heard gunfire from the gate room and the lights went out. "What the hell?!" The backups came on, but they did little to illuminate the massive halls.

"What's happening??"

"I have no idea, but I intend to find out." I almost growled, dashing to the doors that lead to the gate room. Instantly, without even entering the room, I smelled something I really wished I hadn't, and was ready to grab a gun and start shooting. You have got to be kidding me! Not again…!

I turned the corner and my suspicions were confirmed. Dozens of monkeys were running around the gate room, some swinging from rafters and others dashing through the halls, dodging under people's feet, and some were even attacking the male marines who were shooting at them.

Watching Captain Simpson get hit in the face with feces, I winced and ducked back behind the corner of the doorway, grabbing Teyla's arm as I went.

My radio chirped, and I hit it, tempted to turn it right back off again when I heard McKay's screeching voice on the other end.

"What the hell is going on?! I'm trying to get work done if you people don't mind! Do you think you could turn the lights back on in here?!"

"Uh, that's a negative, McKay, unless you feel like wading through a sea of really pissed off monkeys."

There was silence on the other end, and for a moment I wondered if he'd even heard me. Looking at Teyla, I saw the smirk threatening to form at the corners of her mouth and raised an eyebrow. I was about to open her mouth and tell her I was completely serious when it seemed Rodney came back to the world of the living.

"Oh that is so not funny, Colonel! I don't know who you're trying to-"

"McKay!" Hissing a little when my voice carried, I gestured for Teyla to follow me and began walking towards the nearest transporter. "Are you forgetting those damn things tortured me, too? Why the hell would I joke about something like this?!"

"Are you… Are you trying to tell me we have a monkey revolution on our hands?!"

I paused for a moment and stared blankly down the hall. Well, now that you mention it… "That sounds about right, yes."

"Who the hell was stupid enough to let them on to the base?!"

Opening my mouth, I was about to mirror the sentiment when I realized the truth and promptly closed my mouth again. Note to self: Make sure to find out where the IDC is coming from before giving orders to lower the shield, next time. "I….have no idea." Continuing my walk to the transporter, I waited until Teyla climbed on board with me and transported to another network of hallways. "Uh, listen, McKay, we're gonna try and stop them. You… You stay wherever you are, and call for Ronon."

"Right." He almost sounded suspicious. "Well, keep me informed, and if I get crapped again, you can add another three months on to your sentence!"

Wincing a little at Teyla's curious look, I shook my head. "Don't push it Rodney. Sheppard out." Hitting my radio, I gave her a look I was certain told her not to ask questions, and entered the armory.

Grabbing two pistols, I handed one to Teyla before strapping the other around my thigh and securing the gun in the holster. Then I grabbed two stunners and our tac vests. Once suitably armed, I sighed at the number of feces covered people who were running around like lunatics, and gestured quietly for Teyla to take one hall as I took the other.

As I headed down the hall, I saw tons of monkeys all over the place and paused in my pursuit. Tapping my radio, I felt my eyes narrow. "Chuck, you there?"

A moment of silence, and I wondered if our control room had been breached. Then his voice came over the com and I sighed quietly. "Sir, I'm still here, sir. We barely managed to seal off the control room."

"That's good. Care to tell me what we're dealing with?"

"Well, it uh… It looks like one of the monkeys had Lt. Johnson's IDC. I have him here and he admitted that when he looked for it, he couldn't find it."

"And he didn't think to tell us this earlier, because…?"

"Well, he apparently thought it was somewhere in his room, and that he'd find it."

I blasted two monkeys with the stunners and looked around for a place to put their bodies, so they couldn't cause trouble when they woke up again. "You know, if that's really the case, I'd be interested in seeing the state of the Lt.'s room." Seeing a closet, I ducked inside. There was a single vent, but with a little maneuvering, I managed to get a really heavy box against it. "Ok, so tell me plain and simple. How many monkeys are we dealing with?"

"…About three dozen or so, sir." Came the quiet reply.

"Chuck…?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Why the hell didn't you close down the gate when the first monkey came through?!"

"I, uh… I mean, I…was kind of shocked. I wasn't expecting monkeys to pour out of the gate, Colonel, honest!"

"Fine." Closing my eyes a moment, I shook my head and walked back out into the hallway, shooting at more of the monkeys. "Just get that gate dialed, and get as many back through as possible."

"Yes, sir."

"Sheppard out."

Once I'd stunned a few more monkeys, and scared even more off, I grabbed the unconscious monkeys and a panicked marine, and threw them all in the closet. "Hey!" As soon as I had the marine's attention, I glanced pointedly at the monkeys. "You need to get these guys back to the gate room A.S.A.P, understood, soldier?"

He hesitated but slowly nodded, and bent to pick two of them up.

"Good." Turning, I made my way out of the room and down the hall. When I came to a fork, I was a little surprised, confused and suspicious as to why it was totally deserted. "That's….odd." Frowning. I looked in all directions and paused as I spotted a particularly big monkey alongside the one I'd now come to recognize as buttons. They were heading down the hallway in the opposite direction from me, and I felt my eyes narrow. What's in that direction…?

Suddenly, my eyes widened.

"Crap! The labs! Rodney!" Dashing down the hall, I tapped my radio. "Rodney, do you read??"

"I'm here, Colonel. What's the problem now?" He sounded his usual annoyed self. "Some people are trying to get work done, you know."

"Is Ronon there with you?"

"Not yet. He's on his way, though, why?"

"Cause you got trouble heading in your direction right now."

"Trouble…what?"

"Remember that cute, loveable little monkey Yvonne adored, a short while ago? You know, the one that got us both attacked and crapped?"

He was silent for a moment before I heard him cursing with a zeal I'd never heard him use before. Hesitating for a split second, I shook my head and tapped my radio off before raising my stunner and continuing on.

(In the Labs, Normal POV)

"Dammit! Dammit! DAMMIT!" Rodney got up and prowled around his lab for a moment, angrily. He eyes the room and sighed, having a feeling he was seriously going to get the short end of this stick, as well.

The room was small, as it wasn't the usually lab everyone used. It had two entrances and exits, both leading into the same hall, and one large table in the middle of the room with his computer on it. Other than his computer, the only other thing he had was the coffee mug. Not exactly the best weapon.

"Come on Ronon, now would be good." Looking around, he hesitated and walked to the one doorway. For a moment, he hesitated before ducking his head out and looking both ways. "Huh, nothing." Not sure if he should be disappointed, he ducked back in and turned around, yelping and jumping about three feet off the ground. "Ronon!"

The big Satedan grinned ferally and raised an eyebrow. "McKay."

"Damn it, do you have to sneak up on me like that?! Look, John just got a hold of me, we have a couple…uh, trouble makers-"

"You mean monkeys." It was not really clear if Ronon looked about ready to keel over laughing, to stare incredulously at Rodney. "Buttons and a big male?" He tapped his ear.

Seeing the radio, Rodney raised an eyebrow. "And you didn't see fit to make a comment because….?"

"Monkeys in the hall." He gestured over his shoulder before holding up his blaster. "Didn't wanna alert them."

"Huh, that's…that's great. Listen, you didn't happen to find Buttons or that big…" Seeing Ronon shaking his head, Rodney groaned and rolled his eyes before going back to his computer. "Well, Conan, you keep an eye out for the big, evil monkeys and I'll get back to work." Rubbing at his eyes in exhaustion, Rodney sat back down and sighed before leaning over his keyboard and getting back to work.

Glaring at him for a moment, Ronon shook his head and turned away. After hearing the name the first few times, he never picked up on it, but after a marine explained… Well, in all honesty, it didn't bother him that much. Then again, Rodney really didn't need to know that. Seeing the said scientist glance up at him, he narrowed his eyes and glared, then bit back a grin as Rodney's eyes widened and his head ducked back down to work.

(In the Halls, John's POV)

Dodging another flying monkey, I growled and shot out with my pistol, hitting it in the side and wincing before shooting it again. "Crap!"

Not long after I'd contacted Rodney, I came across a large group of monkeys, and before I could duck out of sight, they'd seen me. So here I was in a major shoot out, trying to keep those damn monkeys off of me.

Suddenly, there was a light weight on my back, and reaching back, I felt a sharp pain in my hand. "OW!" What the hell's with these monkeys and attacking from behind?! Snatching the little bugger by the…well, arm, I thought, I dragged it forward and tossed it at the far wall before dodging back and staring a moment at the bleeding bite mark on my hand. "Great. Just what I needed." Glancing up, I spotted my stunner only a few feet away, and noticed two of the monkeys playing with it. "Oh, hey! Put that down before you-crap!" Ducking, I barely managed to avoid the blast that was aimed at my face.

The monkeys hopped up and down excitedly with the stunner in their hands, but one of them tripped and dropped it, and it blasted as it hit the ground, taking down the distant form of Buttons, who'd joined their little group.

"Ok, that was a lucky break." I muttered, ducking out from behind the corner and shooting at the ground near the blaster. Hearing angry screeches, I groaned and looked back over, seeing the bigger male run into view and grab hold of Buttons' body. "Or…..maybe not."

Turning back to the stunner, I holstered my pistol and dove into the fray, knowing that I was getting low on bullets. I managed to grab it, despite the sharp pain in my arm, and the little claws I could feel digging into my neck. Raising it quickly, I aimed and shot the big male before turning and shooting three more monkeys. Grabbing the one behind me, I threw it and was ready to let out a Ronon-like growl as I shot it with the stunner, too.

Unfortunately, I'd failed to realize just how outnumbered I was. As I looked around, I found myself surrounded by pretty angry monkeys who were circling me warily, and checking the energy level on the stunner I realized it was low. "Oh man, this is not good!"

Hearing snarling, I looked back out and stood up slowly, taking a single step back. It was about then I realized that not only was I surrounded, there was no where I could go to get away. It was just an empty, long hallway with the only four doors being closed and locked, in order to reduce the areas the monkeys could get to.

There was a blast, and jumping in surprise, I turned and found Ronon leaning out of one of the doors. Funny how it was then I realized I was right outside the lab Rodney was in. "Huh. Well, how do you like that?" Turning, I blasted three monkeys before jumping in through the door and sighing a little as I stood with my back against the wall.

"How many you get?"

"I didn't stop to count." I muttered with a hiss as I grabbed a field dressing from my vest pocket and slapped it over the bite on my hand. "Damn those things bite hard!"

"Gee, you think?" Rodney muttered from his place by his computer. He had a pistol and was watching the doorway warily.

Rolling my eyes at him I sighed and turned to Ronon. "Well come on, we've still got monkeys to hunt."

(Infirmary, Later)

As Carson bandaged my hand, which had suffered at least two more bites, my upper arm which got claws crapped and bitten, and the gash in my side, where one of the monkeys shot me, I winced and frowned. "We should lock that planet out of the DHD or something. Who was it who dropped their gun, again?"

"Captain West." Rodney rolled his eyes as he stood next to the others, not hurt for once.

"And how many monkeys got on to Atlantis?"

"At last count, 32." Teyla raised an eyebrow. "And we are now certain they have all been recaptured and returned to their home world, before their DHD was disconnected."

"And how much of Atlantis now reeks of…?"

"About 27 percent, sir." A single marine was standing with a computer tablet in his hands. "And those sections are now being cleaned with lemon juice."

"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me! Hello! Deathly allergic to citrus, here!" Rodney was glaring at the young man. "I want a map with all those places clearly pointed out!"

"Yes, sir, and we've sealed off these sections, as well as any vents leading to and from them. The cleaning should be done within the hour, and then a thorough sanitizing will be done."

"Right. Yeah, well, who's stupid idea was it to let those monkeys into Atlantis, anyways?!"

Looking down at my hand while Carson finished bandaging it, I sighed and glared at him as he was beginning to smirk. "So how bad is it, doc?" I asked through gritted teeth.

He shrugged and sighed. "Well, it's a good thing the bites are more or less harmless. You didn't even need stitches this time, but those are going to hurt for a while." Grabbing a small bottle of pills out of his pocket, he handed them over. "Tylenol 3, take one every 6 or 8 hours as needed."

With a nod, I took the pills and sighed heavily. "Remind me to thank Yvonne for all this." Wincing, I jumped off the bed and stalked out of the infirmary, not at all looking forward to my report to Elizabeth. Or the explanation of why her office would probably still stink of monkey crap for a while.

I think, monkeys had finally made their way up to the top of the list of 'Things I hate the most', along with Iratus Bugs. Man! I hate those things!

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Hope you like it.

R+R please

Thank you

Tenshi