A/N: Sorry for the long wait. Had to get though some sickness and stuff. And I was wondering, how many of you actually read my authors notes? You know, if I was really mean, I'd put my plot idea in here, and see how many people read it. Ooooh, evil. COMMENT! NOW! Or, uh, AFTER READING!
Just thought I'd tell you that I will start setting a min limit for updates. Aha, j/k. I'm not that mean nor that obsessed with comments. But I do like them. I have the next chappie written, so comment to get it! /end
Just a few hours after my world came crashing down, I found myself lying on my couch, staring at the ceiling.
I wasn't feeling too hot, to tell you the truth. It was like a part of me had died, and I was trying to live with only half a heart or some lung. Not easy, but survivable. I think.
How was it even possible? How could he say something like that? About me?
He couldn't have. That was it. Only solution. But then again... He didn't deny it. He never denied it. And he never called me to make sure I was okay or anything.
Heartless bastard. That's what he was. How could he say those things about me? I'm his friend! His BEST damn friend in the world. Well, who knows about that anymore. Apparently I'm a sympathy case, only to be talked to when he feels bad for me. Which apparently is all the time. Because that stupid kid wouldn't shut up. EVER. That's probably what happened. He was sitting there, talking it all up, being the complete ass I know he is and spilled his guts.
My breathing got harder and louder as I got more and more angry. I took this moment to forget that Shikamaru wasn't really much for lots of in-depth talking, especially to those people who aren't me. But I rationalized this thinking with thoughts that he was being 'abducted' by all of his band friends. They were taking over his life. I was being pushed into the background, a small voice in the sea of those kids.
Fine then! If he can get new friends to replace me, then I'll get new friends to replace him!
"SEE IF I CARE!" I screamed at the attentive ceiling. Of course, it had no response for me. It just mocked and stayed right where it was.
"See if you care about what, honey? You know, it's not healthy to scream at ceilings." My mother paused in the doorway to the living room, hand on the frame. She looked at me with concern. "You haven't moved from that spot on the couch since you got home from school. Sakura, what's wrong?"
"Oh, so not moving and yelling at ceilings are signs of a teen-aged disaster?"
"Normally, yes." She moved quietly to the chair near the couch, and sat down. I sighed loudly, diverting my eyes back to the white, textured ceiling. My mother was a doctor at the local hospital; one of the best medical professionals in this huge city. Sadly enough, in college, she also got a minor in psychology. Life sucks when you're a certain teen-aged, pink haired girl with a flaky best friend and a mother who goes all analytical on your mind when you just want to simmer in your anger. "So, tell me. Does it have to do with a certain Nara boy?"
My head spun so fast that my neck hurt as I looked into her similar emerald eyes. "W-What? How did..."
"He kept calling and calling. When I finally picked up, he just said 'Troublesome... I'm so sorry.' and hung up. Now, would you mind telling me why he would do that before I have to call him up and have a joint session with the two of you? I will, you know." And she would, I knew. The last thing I needed was to see Shikamaru.
"Well, Shikamaru said some really mean things about me that got back to me by way of Kiba, and it made me really angry. So when I went to talk to him, I ended up storming off without saying goodbye, just running away. I was in shock that he would say this crap, but now the shock is gone, and I'm just stuck. I don't get it!" I let out another aggravated sigh, and glared back up at the ceiling, imagining a spike falling from it and crushing me to end my misery. Ah, life would just be perfect if that would happen, but alas... nothing came of my daydream.
"Are you sure that he really said those things? I mean, high school rumors aren't the most reliable things in the world."
"I asked him and he NEVER DENIED it! He just sounded disappointed that I had heard about it. I had to stand there, stunned, as he rambled on about something stupid, like his reasons for saying it... I don't really remember, because I wasn't paying attention. But still! He never said he didn't say it! How can I believe him? How?" I turned over, lying on my stomach now. The ceiling had disappointed me but not finishing me off, and I can't stand things that disappoint me. Not anymore.
My mother moved to the edge of the couch, and placed a hand on my back. "Sounds like he might have defended himself when you weren't listening. Anyway, why would you believe Kiba over Shikamaru? He's your best friend, and Kiba has been ignoring you, for the most part, for years. Why believe him now?"
"Because! Well... Shikamaru, um, he says stuff like this all the time!" Even to me, it sounded weak. But I had this feeling in my gut that it was true. "And Kiba, even he knew it was a bad thing to lie about. Even he knew that it was low. Everyone in the entire school had known by then, and I think Shikamaru was getting mad about Sasuke, and might have said something to someone. I don't know! Why would he care about Sasuke that much? Sasuke's just a friend! Well, so is Shikamaru, but Sasuke is too! I... I don't know why I can't believe him. I mean, sure he's lied. In the past, people have told me a lot of things, but none of them got to me like this one. I could just be being a silly drama queen, but I don't think it is a rumor. I think Shikamaru is trying to leave me behind, or make reasons for hanging out with me with all of his band friends. I was really scared when he started hanging out with them even more, and... and..." I broke off in sobs, pushing my head even further into the cushions. My mother gave me a quick hug.
"It's okay, it's okay. You're scared. You're scared he's going to leave you behind, and you're going to be clinging to what's left of your childhood friend. And, from what I gather, you like this Sasuke, and you're afraid about what that could mean for you and Shikamaru. You're angry with him for things that he wouldn't do. All this is just ways for your brain to excuse things you've been feeling. To validate the reasons why he would rather spend time with these band kids than you. It's natural, for most kids, to feel this way, especially when they have more than platonic feelings for a friend." My eyes opened wide as she stood up. She... knew? "Well, I've got to go to work, darling. Night shifts this week." And with that, she left. I was still in shock that she knew. And if she knew, then what if he knew? Noooooo.
I sighed once again, and resumed my position of staring at the ceiling. I've been sighing a lot today... ever since Shikamaru had to go and be so stupid. The emptiness flowed back into my veins, making my life a complete nothing once again. I wished I had homework to concentrate on or something, but no teacher had assigned anything today. Maybe I could go read a book, but I was in the middle of a love story, and frankly; I can't stand reading one right now. Usually, watching Pride and Prejudice would make me feel better, but that would just make me hate my life even more.
A heard a shuffling in the kitchen as my mother left to go to work. A car pulled up, most likely my father, and a door shut. I tried to block out the sounds as much as possible. I didn't want to hear my parents feeling normal. I always hate when I get mad or depressed and the world goes on as usual. I mean, I know it should. But for once, I just wish that the world would slow down and grieve with me.
"Sakura?" I froze, completely. There was no way in hell that my mother would ever let him in. "Sakura, we need to talk. I have a feeling you didn't hear me the last time." He sat in the chair my mother had just used. Ugh, I'm gonna have to burn that chair now. Stupid spiky haired Nara.
"Get out," I said in a monotone voice.
"Sakura, we need to talk."
"Get out."
"Look, this is important!"
"So is going to the dentist every 6 months or something. Get out!"
"Dentist? What? Uh, who cares; I came here to talk."
"I'm not going to tell you again," I said, my anger rising.
"Hey, don't get mad at me!"
"I told you to GET OUT!"
"So that's it? You're just going to believe him?" I could hear the anger in his voice. Like he had a right to be angry at me! Well, I guess there was a chance I was wrong. But no! I was right!
"Shikamaru..."
"Sakura, I THOUGHT we were friends! Best friends!"
"Yeah, well, so did I! We were!"
"Then how, HOW can you not believe me? How can you believe HIM over ME!"
"How can I believe you? All you do is talk about other people and spread gossip! I wouldn't be surprised if you wanted it to get out so that way you could talk about me all the time!" In one long, graceful movement, I moved from my uncaring, laid back couch position to sitting up, leaning toward him. I didn't realize it, but I was starting to cry. He was killing me on the inside.
"Sakura, I would never say something like that about you. I tried to tell you that this afternoon, but you wouldn't listen... Sakura, I..." He stopped, and looked away. "There is a chance someone might have twisted my words around..." I knew it! He's lying!
"How could you come over to my house and lie to me like this? Don't you have any dignity at all? Any respect for what I'm going through? Look at me! I'm a goddamn wreck, and all you do is just sit there and lie to my face! Please, Shikamaru." I stopped, and looked at him through my tearful green eyes. "Just... please leave me alone." His eyes opened wide, and he kind if reached out for me, as though he was going to console me. But then he pulled his hand back in, and dipped his head so I couldn't see his eyes. I felt my heart break once more o see him like this, and I had to remind myself that he was lying to me.
He stood up, and it looked as though I had really hurt him. "So that's it?" He asked softly. "You're just going to believe him? Give up on our friendship? Sakura, I won't stay if it will hurt you. I'll... I'm gonna go." I felt bad, I really did. What if he wasn't lying? But I knew he was. All this acting was a front, to guilt me into not spilling his secrets. He moved toward the door.
"Shikamaru..." I said, surprising myself. He paused at the door, but then thought better of it, and left. I got up, and watched him as he got in his car and drove away, the emptiness filling with sadness. (Dumb question, but who's side are you on? I want to know! )
I felt pitiful, and horrible. What have I done? Believing this rumor about Shikamaru and I. It was Kiba. Kiba would lie. It wasn't true. What have I done?
But then the image of Kiba filled my mind. He didn't look like he was acting. And everyone else knew... And Shikamaru had been pushing me away in favor of his new friends. He'd been shoving me away, and telling people things I had told him in confidence so that way he would get 'in' with his buddies. He'd even been acting really cold to me all today, and for the past few weeks he's been acting weird. And then he came here, and lied to me! How could he?
His hurt face appeared in my mind, and I knew that something was up. But there was no denying that it was true. Someone twisting his words around? HA! The anger flooded back in, and I got an idea through my head. I needed to replace Shikamaru as a date to the party, right? I went and grabbed my cell, flipping through my contacts until I found the one I was looking for. I smiled as the name came up, letting my emotions carry me though the dialing and the ringing. It was a strange sensation. Usually I was kind of freaked to talk to people on the phone. But my adrenaline rush from anger was really tiding my fear over. I could probably jump off a cliff with a bungee cord or go get a needle in my arm or something if I really needed to. No fear! Yess!
But then someone picked up, and the uneasiness set in. I had to overcome my fear of sounding stupid.
"Hello?"
"Sasuke? Hey, it's Sakura."
"Hey, Sakura. To what do I owe this pleasure?"
"Well, you might have heard... Shikamaru and I got in a huge fight."
"Yeah, I heard about that. I hope you two work it out. What about it?"
"Well, Shikamaru was kinda my date to the party... And you said that it would be better if we had a date, right?"
"Something to that effect. Well, Sakura, I think I see where this is going." He sounded pleased by something.
"Oh, really?"
"Would you like to come with me to Karin's party?"
I smiled, glad that he hadn't asked someone else. "Yes, I would love too."
"Good. I'll talk details later. Sorry about you and Shikamaru. But I guess it kinda worked out in my favor, huh? Aha, too much talking. Bye, Sakura."
"Bye, Sasuke," I said, and then I heard the line go dead.
Even through all the emptiness and anger, I felt happy. I felt pleased. Not even Shikamaru could keep me down.
I knew it was weird to feel this way. I felt accomplished, as though I was doing the world a great favor by going t this party. By trying to make Shikamaru jealous. But I knew jealousy wasn't the only reason that I was doing this. Through all the heartbreak, I saw something clearly. I really did have a crush on Sasuke. And I got him! I was victorious!
I couldn't help but get excited. I was going to a party with Sasuke!
A/N: I hope you're not angry with the recent turn of events! Trust me, this stuff will be beneficial for Shikamaru and Sakura in the long run. If you really must know, I'm just as angry about Sasuke/Sakura as you are. I adore ShikaSaku! And you never know, maybe this Sasuke/Sakura thing won't last long. Who knows except me, right? And whoever reads these long ramblings of mine called authors notes. Anyone? Anyone? Well, thanks for reading! LEAVE COMMENTS.
Rai