Jasminesmommy - No, I wouldn't want to remember everything, either. He's lost a lot of good people, he was single-handedly responsible for awakening the Wraith who killed hundreds of thousands of people, for alerting the Genii to what they were capable of and creating a new enemy, nearly killing members of his team... Well, let's just say he's had a run of....very, VERY bad luck. :S
Debbie418uk2 - I don't mind if you'd like to tag it. As I mentioned in the previous chapter, it's an older one, before I began working out details and such, so it's not one of my better ones. I'm just trying to post my older, not-so-good chapters along with my newer ones, just to get them posted.
Ok, so here's Funky Week 3: Wednesday. NOTE! I may not post next week, as I'll be having my wisdom teeth out (all 4 of them) on Monday, so I'll be in pain, on a liquid diet and high on painkillers for a week.
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(Atlantis, Normal POV)
"I thought you said you wanted us to stay on Atlantis….?" Raising an eyebrow, John folded his arms over his chest and stared at Dr. Elizabeth Weir as if she'd grown another head.
Rodney's jaw dropped at the news, but then he straightened himself up and took a deep breath. "This is not gonna turn out well, I can just see it now. Can't one of the other teams go?" He snapped his fingers and grinned. "I have a list of scientists who, uh…volunteered." His grin turned almost evil for a moment before it disappeared and he struggled to look innocent.
Volunteered? Yeah, right. I thought, recalling his little note on the board in the lab. The one I went and took pictures of. What? It was funny!
"I'm sorry, but I've already made up my mind. The people of P4X-331 insist on trading with Teyla and…" She grimaced for a moment. "Meeting her friends."
"Send Lorne and tell them their her friends." John stated without missing a beat.
Teyla raised an eyebrow and bit back a grin. "They will be offended if we do not send our best team." She would have been hurt about his comment on her 'friends' but knew he hadn't meant it in a bad sense or anything, so she let it drop.
"Yeah, well, they'll be even more offended if we do." John shook his head and glared at Elizabeth who hiccupped out a laugh. "I'm serious, Rodney's right. This is a really bad idea."
"Regardless, they'll only trade if they meet with you. I tried to explain the situation…" That earned her odd looks from both Rodney and John as they tried to imagine her explaining to a stranger race that they'd both been crapped by alien monkeys. "But they seem to believe it can't be as bad as I'm saying."
"No, it's worse." Rodney groaned from his seat.
"So, they want to meet with all of you, today." Standing up, Elizabeth looked torn between laughing and feeling sorry for them. "I'm sorry, but it's final. You're going."
Frowning, John joined her in standing and sighed. "Fine, but if they refuse to trade with us-"
"Or try to hunt us down!" Rodney interrupted
"It'll be on your head." Turning, John walked out of the room knowing the conversation was over, and he made his way straight to the locker room. On the way, he couldn't help but notice how the people parted in front of him, like Moses parting the Red Sea. It was slightly funny, and he was half tempted to pull a Moses, but instead, he huffed and stalked into the locker room to change for the mission.
It didn't take long for Rodney to join him, also grumbling. "I only just got out of the infirmary from that damn poison flower! Now they're gonna send us on a mission, already??" Frowning, he strapped his thigh holster on a little harsher than he usually did. "I swear, if I see one monkey, I'm gonna shoot it!"
"Yeah, you and me both." I stated grimly, for once not really feeling like laughing at the situation. I'd seriously had enough of those damned monkeys by now, but it seemed they were as annoying as the Wraith.
We finished changing in the unsurprisingly empty room and left, finding the gate room almost as empty. Ronon and Teyla were there, and Teyla offered us a smile, even as her eyes watered from the smell. "Shall we go?" Her voice was a little choked from trying not to gag at the smell. It was a wonder she lasted through the meeting, but then she'd taken Ronon's hint and stood by the open window. Right by it, with her head practically out it.
With a nod to Chuck, John sighed, wondering what kind of trouble they were going to get into at P4X-331. "Let's go." The wormhole stabilized, and he sighed before stepping through.
(P4X-331, John's POV)
The planet was nice. It was forested, like about seventy-five percent of the planets we tend to visit, and it was nice and cool. We could hear birds in the trees and water trickling by nearby…
"How far is it to the settlement?" Rodney frowned and eyed the gate. "And is it ok if I stay back and, uh….guard the gate?"
"I don't think so, buddy. If I gotta go, you gotta go. Come on." Frowning at him, I gestured with my head towards the path through the woods that Teyla was heading towards.
"It's only a few minutes walking distance." She called slightly, keeping herself a little ways ahead of us.
"That's what I was afraid of." He muttered, walking beside me. "At least the smell's faded a little. They might be a little more tolerant."
"Actually, I think it's just us getting used to it." I winced and shook my head.
The walk was actually pleasant for the most part. Unfortunately, it seemed this planet had monkeys, too. We could hear them twittering in the trees, and I stared warily at the little white creatures as they jumped from tree to tree above us. I didn't know whether to be worried, or not to pay much attention to it at all. After all, they weren't attacking us. Then again, if they were anything like Buttons... My hands went hesitantly to my handgun, and my eyes darted back and forth over the monkeys, trying to watch them all at once, so as not to get attacked from behind again.
"That's…weird." Rodney kept a hand on his P90 that swung against his chest, his other hand on the Ancient scanner. "As long as they stay up there and don't throw things at us, it's fine." He turned to Teyla who was watching the monkeys carefully. "Can we go now?"
"They are acting odd. They usually run from people other than the villagers." She frowned for a moment before sniffing carefully, making a face and looking at both Rodney and myself.
Rodney's eyes widened just as his face paled. "Oh, you've got to be kidding me! Don't tell me we're gonna-"
Suddenly, a small ball of white fur dropped down onto my shoulder and I jumped and spun. "Hey!" I flailed my arms, not really sure if I wanted to reach for my P90, my handgun or the monkey that was currently……..cooing at me? Stopping, I slowly turned my head and saw the biggest blue eyes I'd ever seen, staring at me as the little creature ran a long fingered little hand down my face before rubbing its face against me. "What the…?" Funny enough, it was small, furry, and...seemed friendly. Then again, so had Buttons, until she met Rodney.
The little white monkey rubbed its face against me some more and cooed again, settling into my shoulder and holding on to my collar for balance.
Teyla began to smile. "It seems you have made a friend." Then she raised her eyebrow and turned to Rodney. "Is this what you mean about John's….'Kirk' quality?"
I felt my face turning red and glared hard at Rodney who was spluttering in laughter and looking half lost. "What was that…?"
Shaking his head, Rodney held his stomach and held up a hand. "No, no. Teyla, I was talking how he usually gets the girl in our missions." He seemed to look partially sheepish, and partially like he was having too much fun torturing me.
"McKay...." I let out a low growl, grunting as the little Monkey squealed and pushed itself against my neck even more firmly.
"He did get the girl." She pointed to the little white monkey. "The ones with the blue eyes are females."
Rodney stopped laughing for a moment and stared at me. His eyes went from me to the monkey and back again, watering as they did so. Then he busted up laughing even harder than he was before, leaning against the nearby tree and holding his stomach as he struggled to breathe and laugh at the same time.
Teyla grinned broadly and ducked her head, her shoulders shaking from silent laughter, and Ronon grinned from his spot on a nearby boulder.
Glaring at them all, I sighed loudly, choking when the little white monkey decided to stick her fingers in my mouth. Pulling them out, I spluttered and glared at her. "Eww! I have a pretty good idea where those fingers have been, thank you!"
Rodney slipped down into a sitting position, a fresh wave of laughter coursing through him. He had his eyes closed, tears leaking down his cheeks, so he didn't see the two little balls of fluff until one landed on each shoulder. He abruptly stopped laughing and a look of dread crossed his face before the nastiest glare I'd ever seen formed and was turned on them.
And yet they couldn't be happier to be on his shoulders.
"Well, Rodney. Now you don't have any reason to be jealous." I stated with a grin, absently scratching the little monkey under the chin and staring as her eyes closed and she started purring. "You've got two lovely ladies there."
"Actually…" Teyla looked positively evil by this point. "One is male. See? He has green eyes."
Now it was my turn to laugh. "Wow, Rodney, I didn't know you swung that way."
"They must be attracted by the smell." Ronon stated, shutting me up instantly.
Looking up, I noticed about a dozen monkeys in the trees, staring down at us intently. Over half of them seemed to have vivid blue eyes, but some did have green eyes, too. They were silent and simply stared at us.
"Get off me, fur-brains!" Rodney scowled, getting up awkwardly with two monkeys hanging off him.
"I would not do that!" Teyla warned, grabbing Rodney's hand before he could finish raising to swat at the monkeys. "The Karrians value these creatures greatly. To have their attention like this is a blessing. If they even get the hint you've harmed or disrespected one, you will be hunted."
Face dropping, Rodney sighed and shook his head. "Any way to get them off me?"
"I do not know. Perhaps some time on this world and they will lose interest?"
"I'm just surprised they can take the stench." Ronon muttered, standing up and stretching a little.
The one on my shoulder cooed again and resumed rubbing her soft little face against my cheek, her fingers going from my ears to my hair to my cheek and to my lips, before going back to the starting point, like she was trying to figure me out like some sort of puzzle. It was actually not that bad, dealing with her. She was soft, seemed friendly… "Alright, lets go get this meeting over with." Maybe with the attention of these monkeys, the people won't be too offended by the smell. And if all went well, we wouldn't make any new furry enemies.
We continued out trek through the woods, the entire hoard of monkeys following us to the village. As Teyla stated, as soon as the Karrians saw the monkeys on our shoulders, they dropped to their knees, muttering about blessings.
Shaking my head, I gave Teyla a look before scratching the little monkey I'd named Sally. She crooned at my touch and wiggled into my neck a little further, curling up into a little white ball of fluff and closing her eyes.
"This is truly remarkable!" An elder woman came forward. "I am Terra and I am the leader of this village." Looking to Teyla, the older woman's eyes were incredibly wide. "Are these your friends??"
Teyla nodded with a small smile.
Pausing for a moment, the elder woman looked at the entire team before ushering Teyla into a huge hug. Next, she gathered Ronon into her arms, giving him a huge hug which he returned with surprising enthusiasm. She looked ready to do the same to Rodney, but paused again, frowning and hesitantly sniffing the air. Immediately, her eyes watered, and she smiled at us instead, and it looked kind of forced. "I am very pleased to meet you." She held up a hand almost timidly.
"Pleased to meet you, too." I stated, knowing the smell was working again.
"I am sorry, but we have an…important ceremony going on tonight, we will not be able to entertain your people long."
Why did I have a feeling it had nothing to do with a ceremony and everything to do with getting us out of here as fast as possible? "That's quite alright. We have some things to get…back to, ourselves."
With a nod, she gestured for us to follow her and we began our discussions on the way to the center of the village. Again, everyone parted for us, like a massive sea, either making disgusted faces, or gagging noisily and backing away quickly. Some even left the square all together. The servants who brought us food tried valiantly to ignore our…presences, but in the end, ended up leaving the food with Terra, the only one who seemed to be able to handle our smell.
"Please do not mind my people. They are unused to such strong…" She trailed off and gestured to me and Rodney apologetically. "I have encountered a species of money before, that produced such an odorous feces, I can only guess you've run into them too."
"I thought they didn't attack women?"
She nodded to Rodney. "That is true. However, they had no problem attacking my husband and brother, while I was there. We all escaped, but not being becoming covered in the stench."
Rodney nodded, his eyes full of hope. "Tell me, how'd you get rid of it?"
"We wait for over ten years for the smell to fully fade." She winced. "No one would have anything to do with us until it did. Things were….difficult, that is why I did not wish to put you out." She looked at the little ball of fur on my shoulder and then to the ones clinging to Rodney. "I believe that is also why they have been drawn to you."
"Like I said…." Ronon grinned. "The smell drew them."
Glaring at Ronon, I sighed. "Just how….friendly are these…monkeys?" I wasn't comfortable. Not at all. I wanted to swat the damn thing on my shoulder, but at the same time, Teyla's words kept ringing in my ears, about how these people saw the monkeys. Still, I was entertaining the idea of letting Ronon go on a hunting spree if he so chose. Hell, I'd more than willingly join him!
"….'Monkeys'?"
"That's what we call them on our home world. We have…similar creatures."
"Ahh, I see. They will probably insist on going with you." Terra blushed deeply. "You see, the smell you have is very much similar to the males of this species, and both males and females are drawn to it. It's used to mark brothers and mates."
"Only the males of this species isn't aggressive towards men?" Terra shook her head and Rodney frowned thoughtfully. "Ok, brothers, I can see. Mates??"
Nodding, Terra glanced to the lone little female on my shoulder and smiled softly. "When a male…monkey comes in heat, he produces that smell about as strongly as you are both wearing it. To the females, you are of their kind and in heat. To the males, you are a brother looking for a mate."
Blinking for a moment, I tuned out Ronon's loud laughter and Teyla's following bubbly laughter, and turned very slowly to the waking little white monkey on my shoulder. She looked up at me with her big blue eyes, and made a little twittering noise. It was actually kind of….sweet, but I was so not looking for a mate. "And if I don't want a mate? Wait, how can they possible see us..." I gestured to McKay and myself. "As fellow monkeys? We're nothing like them."
"I'm afraid, I don't know." Terra put in almost apologetically.
"You will have to leave them behind, but be prepared to be swarmed by monkeys whenever you come back, smelling like that." Teyla stated with a grin.
"Right." Luckily, next time we come back, we'll be smelling like ourselves again. I turned the talk back to the trade negotiations, and though they didn't have a lot to trade, the Karrians were very friendly people and they warmly welcomed our people into their village…as long as they didn't smell like me and Rodney. After a couple of hours, Terra excused herself, saying she had to get ready for the ceremony and that if we wanted to, we could stay in the village tonight, but I turned the offer down, insisting we had to get back to Atlantis.
On our way back, I sighed at Sally, who had crawled down into my arms and stared at her sleeping form. Curled up, she was only the size of a softball, and her fur was extremely soft. It turned out they had rounded teeth from eating nuts and harder fruits. Unfortunately, we couldn't take them with us, so I carefully put Sally on the ground on a patch of dry leaves and stepped back, feeling a little bad for leaving her behind. That actually wasn't that bad...
Rodney stared at me hard and gestured to the two sleeping monkeys on his shoulders. "A little help?" Well, he didn't seem too reluctant to get rid of his burdens.
"But that's a good look for you." Actually, it looked like Rodney had pompoms on his shoulders, and for a moment I was tempted to shout 'Give me an 'R'!'. I felt around at my pockets, noticing as Rodney's eyes got darker.
"What are you doing…?" His voice was filled with suspicion.
I found my camera and quickly pulled it out, turning it on and taking a quick picture, even as Rodney's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. "There! A little souvenir for the folks at home." Putting the camera away, I raised an eyebrow at him. "What? Do you want help with the monkeys or not?"
"Teyla? Ronon?" Rodney looked to them, but they stayed carefully away, both looking a little green from having to spend several hours with us in this smell. "Oh, come on! What did I ever do to you?!"
"You really want that list? It could take a while." I stated pointedly, walking over and gingerly taking the slightly bigger male and placing it down next to Sally. Next, I gathered the little female and laid her down next to the male. "Come on, let's go." It was funny how neither of them stirred as they were being moved. As we walked away, I couldn't help but look over my shoulder and snap a quick picture of the monkeys. I figured Elizabeth would get a kick out of it.
Our trip back was pretty uneventful, but Elizabeth definitely got a kick out of the pictures and the story about the monkeys. The first was thanks to me, and you can bet that picture of Rodney and his pompoms was circulating the Atlantis network within ten minutes. The second was thanks to Ronon and Teyla, who insisted we had to tell her everypart of our trip, including the story of the monkeys.
"At least this time they were friendly." Elizabeth offered once she was done wiping the tears off her face and had gotten her breathing back to normal. Her face was still red, but she smiled and shrugged.
Too friendly. I thought with a grimace as I settled next to the window in Ronon and Teyla's place, sticking them closer to McKay.
"So the trip wasn't too bad." Looking a little michevous, Elizabeth grinned.
I shook my head. "Still, let's just…not, ok? No more off world excursions. They're not all gonna end so well."
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Not a good day but not a bad day, either. More of an embarrassing day.
Hope you like it
Written Tuesday October 4, 2008 (The dates are self notes as to when the story was written, and which ones are newer chapters)
R+R please
Thank you
Tenshi