Puddle-Jumper38 – Starplate, huh? LOL That's an idea.

Debbie418uk2 – With Rodney, poetic justice is easy enough. The tomato juice was cute. LOL Well I love how it's going so far. :) With how many times John hit his head, I'm surprised he wasn't put in a coma. LOL. Not to mention, if they're unconscious, they might not notice the pain at the time. Nah, Ronon was too busy showing off by keeping the wheel steady with one hand. ;)

Jasminesmommy – Yeah, I wanted to do something a little more serious with the stink.

E. Nagrom – I tried to make a lot of the problem NOT be John, so it wouldn't be too bad, but I didn't realize that either way, the stink was lethal. Actually, Daedalus coming in with lemon but not Solvent would have been a horrible day for Rodney. LOL 5…4…3…2…1…BLAST OFF! LOL Thank you, I'm glad you liked Carson's little smart mouthing.

Sparklyshimmer2010 – I had to go back and recheck that chapter to figure out which one it was. I couldn't help but laugh over the ending. Ouch for John. I don't have too many chapters with Elizabeth, but I am trying to keep the main cast (John's team with Ronon, Carson, Lorne, and Elizabeth) at least mentioned in most of them.

x Varda x – Thank you, I am feeling better. :) Some chapters will be funny, some will be serious. I like to vary ;)

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(Normal POV)

Sauntering into the mess hall with a huge grin, John grabbed a fruit bowl and a fork and walked over to the table where the rest of his team sat down. He couldn't help humming to himself as he peeled back the top and dug in.

"Wow, you sure are happy." Rodney observed with a raised eyebrow.

John shrugged but remained quiet.

"Maybe it has something to do with that cute girl SG-5 brought back from the village on P4X-335." Ronon put in. "The little red head with the big-"

"OK!" Holding up his hands, Rodney glared at Ronon. "We really don't need the details."

"Eyes." The Satedan finished pointedly.

Grinning, John shrugged again and finished off his fruit bowl. "We had a nice….talk."

"Oh sure. I bet you did." The grin on Ronon's face said differently, though. "A nice, long, private talk, right? Would explain why you didn't meet me for our run, earlier."

Pausing a moment, John frowned thoughtfully. "Was that…? Oh, sorry." Shaking his head, he looked over. "We'll do the run later, ok? I've gotta get to a mission briefing." When he saw the looks he got, he raised an eyebrow. "It's nothing! Look, I'm just supposed to escort Kayla back to her world, with Major Lorne's team."

"And why you?" Rodney pursed his lips. "No offence, of course."

"None taken. Me, because I'm the base commander, next to Elizabeth, but I'm also military. Safer to send me, apparently." With a brief wave, John sighed and turned away. Heading to the trash can, he paused and eyed the fruit cups before reaching out and grabbing another one, sticking the spoon in his mouth as he left the mess hall.

(Two Weeks Later, John's POV)

"Look, I'm just surprised everything went off without a hitch." Typing away on his computer, Rodney raised his head and looked over at me, as I was keeping an eye out around a corner, my P90 raised. "I mean, normally, you end up insulting the people, or have some one night stand thing going on."

"Well, not this time. She's asked me back after our mission." Frowning as my stomach flip flopped, I hiccupped quietly and focused back in the hallway. "We're still clear, anything?" Ignoring my sudden nausea, I turned to Rodney as I heard him typing.

"Almost… There! The scan's complete." Staring into the glow coming off from his screen, his eyes narrowed. "What… There's nothing there!"

"Nothing…" Swallowing heavily, I closed my eyes a moment before reopening them. "Ok, let's go." I probably would have made a customary complaint, except that I wasn't exactly feeling well at the moment.

Rodney must have noticed that, too, because he looked up at me like I'd grown a second head for a moment. "'Let's go'? That's it? You're not gonna suggest some completely insane reason for this? Or suggest something suicidal? Are you ok?!"

"Rodney." Staring at him, I raised an eyebrow. "I'm not feeling so hot." Turning around to face him fully, I closed my eyes and dropped my P90 to my side as a dizzy spell swept over me. "Whoa!"

"Sheppard!" Stumbling to his feet, Rodney unplugged his computer from the doorway he was working on and put the cords away before hurrying to my side. "Geez! What's wrong with you?!"

My only response was to double over and gag forcefully as a heavy pressure pressed in my stomach. A nasty hot flash ran through me and everything spun as I lost what was left of my lunch on to the debris covered floor.

Luckily we were still on Atlantis. Granted, an unexplored section of the city, in a hallway that, until recently, was under water, and stank of rancid salt… Oh, that's not a good thought I thought as I gagged even harder.

"Oh, that's nice. That's very, very nice. Thank you for that." Rodney grimaced and tapped his radio. "Uh Ronon? Teyla? Um, Colonel Sheppard's kinda-"

I let out a particularly loud gag, unintentionally.

"Yeah, sick." He finished, while making a face. Coming closer, he leaned down and put a hand under my arm before transferring some of my weight to him. "I'm, uh, gonna get him to the infirmary. McKay out." tapping his radio again, he made a face as he carefully climbed over the mess and led me along the hallway.

It took us longer than necessary to get to the infirmary, and by the time we got there, I was done feeling nauseous, but now I felt horribly drained, and strangely….bloated? What the hell?

"What's the problem, lad?" Carson asked as Rodney helped me up onto the bed.

"Puking, mainly." Rodney put in.

"Thanks for the reminder." I stated sourly, trying to ignore the lurch of my stomach at that.

"Any reason for the nausea?" He asked, grabbing my face carefully and shining a light into my eyes. When I hissed and pulled away, he frowned thoughtfully. "Hmm, and a sensitivity to light? I'd better run some tests."

Of course, he chased Rodney off for that, and pulled several vials of blood for testing. When he eventually came back, I was about ready to eat a horse, I was so starving, not to mention I was exhausted beyond all belief.

"Well not all of your tests are back, but from what I can tell, you're fine. I'm going to prescribe that you get a good night's rest and don't do any heavy work until I have the rest of the results, but you're free to go."

Nodding in relief, I blushed as my stomach growled and rubbed it gingerly before hopping off the bed. "Thanks, doc. I'll be sure to keep that in mind." Starting out of the room, I waved over my shoulder. It was late evening, and as I figured, the mess hall was empty. For a moment I paused, wondering if anyone let Kayla know I wasn't coming tonight. Then I brushed it off, I could talk to her first thing tomorrow. Right now I needed to eat.

Unfortunately, there was nothing out as I entered the room, and it was empty, so I went to the kitchen. Looking around, I tried to decide what I felt like eating. I remembered Rodney mentioning meatloaf night, and though I wasn't too fond of it… "I'm just too hungry to care." Walking to the fridge, I opened the door and my eyebrows shot up at chocolate cake that sat on a platter, and a plate of meatloaf. "Hmm…"

I didn't pay attention to what I was doing. I grabbed the platter that held the remaining chocolate cake, and the plate of meatloaf, and put them on the table beside the fridge. Grabbing some cold coffee, I raised an eyebrow and shrugged. Opening the platter and plate, I didn't even bother cutting it up. It was like I lost all control of my senses. As soon as the smell of the food hit my nose, all that crossed my mind was how damn hungry I was. Reaching out to the food, I just let instinct take over.

(The Next Morning)

I was feeling full as I walked down the hall to the control room. Too full. My stomach was cramping, and I wasn't sure if I was going to be sick or explode. For a brief moment, I wondered if I actually did eat a horse, or some alien equivalent of it at least. Just as I was contemplating going to the infirmary for antacids, I saw Elizabeth walking in my direction.

"Hey, Elizabeth? What's going on?"

She was frowning deeply and examining a small data pad in her hands. Looking up, her eyes widened. "Oh, John. It's nothing serious, I think…" Pausing, she scanned the pad again. "Um, well, it looks like someone broke into the kitchen last night and took a massive amount of food."

At the mention of food, I swallowed heavily, trying to ignore the nausea that seemed to hit me full force. It didn't help my pants were feeling tighter than I was used to, and not in a good way. I could barely get them on today, and the belt was done up a lot looser than usual. I was feeling even more bloated than before.

"They took the meatloaf from last night, the chocolate cake that was for desert. They also took about a gallon of coffee, a bag of carrots and more."

Blinking for a moment, I vaguely recalled… "Elizabeth?" Seeing her confused look, I felt my eyes narrow. "Um, I think… I think I ate the meatloaf and cake."

Her eyes widened and she lowered her hands to her sides. "John! There was enough there to feed a good dozen people!"

And I ate them both…at once… Eww… "Um, and I drank the coffee."

I didn't think it was possible, but her eyes widened even more. Looking over me, they narrowed as her gaze lingered on my stomach. "John…? Maybe you should see Carson."

"I was just…really hungry." I muttered, starting to feel strangely irritated. Shaking my head, I raised my hand. "Look, I didn't mean to make anyone panic or anything, I was just hungry. I won't do it again and I'm really sorry."

"It's not healthy for anyone to eat that amount. I really think-"

"No!" Jumping at the sharpness in my own voice, I stopped when she backed off a step. "Uh, I'm…sorry." Rubbing the back of my neck, I frowned. "Wow, I really didn't mean to snap." Frustration bubbled up and I sighed. "I need to get a bit of a run in, I'll see Carson after, ok?" Not even waiting for an answer, I turned and rushed off down the hall, trying to figure out why I was so frustrated and irritated.

I didn't even wait to get back to my quarters and change. Instead, I began my run ahead of time, racing down the corridors. I knew people were wondering what the hell was up with me since I was running down the hall in my messy uniform, and I didn't understand it myself, but I ran through the halls, past the many marines, and I ignored the beeping of my radio.

Suddenly, a sharp pain shot up through my stomach and into my chest. Stopping cold, I nearly stumbled over my feet as I made it to a wall. Leaning on it, I breathed sharply, trying to get the pain under control.

Another one.

It came from my stomach, and if I didn't know any better, I'd have sworn something was moving in my stomach. I began to doubt running off the way I did. I should have gone to Carson. I thought as I took another deep breath, wincing at the pain that shot through me. I mean first of all, eating a ton of food, puking for seemingly no reason on the investigation to the lab, and now this? Something's seriously wrong. Why didn't I listen?!

"John?"

More pain, and I gasped, leaning even more against the wall as I opened my eyes and stared up at Teyla as she approached.

"Are you alright?"

I should have gone to the infirmary! What was I thinking?! Lurching forward, I wrapped my arms around Teyla, feeling my body shake as I was overcome with panic. "What the hell was I thinking?! Why didn't I go to the infirmary?!" I was shouting into her shoulder, and I felt hot moisture running down my face. "Oh my god! Something's wrong! Something's really wrong!"

It was all too much. One minute I felt like I was going to lose my mind, the next, a sharp pain sent me spiraling into darkness.

(Infirmary, Normal POV)

"Do you know why he collapsed the way he did?" Elizabeth was staring worriedly at John, who was resting on one of the beds in the infirmary, hooked up to an IV and heart monitor.

"I…" Staring at the results, Carson's eyes were the widest anyone had ever seen them. "Oh dear lord! There must be some mistake!" Turning to the nurse, he stared at her plaintively. "How many times did you run Colonel Sheppard's blood work?"

"Three times, sir." The girl looked curiously torn between being amused, confused and concerned. "All three results came out the same."

"This…isn't possib-oh, right, another galaxy." Pausing a moment, he sighed and closed his eyes. "Another galaxy, all new alien civilizations…" Turning to Elizabeth, he frowned. "Remind me to discuss new off world protocols with you."

"Doctor, I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Well, from the results, it appears I know exactly why John is acting the way he is. The sickness is in fact morning sickness. The hunger, and obviously strange cravings… The moodiness, the pain…" Turning to her, he seemed slightly amused, even while being concerned. "I'm afraid Colonel Sheppard is pregnant."

For a moment, Elizabeth just stood there staring at him like he'd lost his mind.

"I'm serious. His blood work proves it."

"Whoa! Waitaminute!" Rodney came rushing into the room. "Did you just say what I think you said, because I think you just said John's got a baby in him. As in baby, living thing, life form. Pregnant?!" His eyes were wide. "Oh my god! It must have been that alien chick, the one from the colony we recently settled a trade alliance with. Um, what's her name….?" He snapped his fingers quickly. "Oh, Kayla!"

Snapping out of her thoughts, Elizabeth stared at John a moment before turning to Rodney. "Ok, so go get her and bring her back. I wanna know what's going on."

(Later)

Kayla, dressed in a white pants suit, was standing in front of Sheppard's Team, Elizabeth and Carson, who were all seated around the conference table. "I don't understand."

"We need to know if you were at all…." Elizabeth hesitated, realizing how this could sound to the young woman. "Well, intimate with Colonel Sheppard. It's actually quite urgent."

Frowning for a moment, she tilted her head. "Well, we did perform the Ku'andal. It is considered a sacred ceremony of intimacy with my people. I don't understand, we do not normally speak of it. Has something happened to John?"

"Yeah, you could say that." Rodney snorted out, struggling to remain calm. "He's carrying a child."

Her eyes widened and briefly flickered to an almost black before returning to the normal blue. The others would have been worried, if they had not already realized it was normal for her people. "This is not possible. What you say cannot happen. It is the women who bare the children."

"It is the same with our cultures, as well." Teyla put in gently. "But his culture and your own are not the same."

"Aye, lass." Carson stood up slowly. "I believe a negative reaction between something in his body and something in yours has caused this."

"I am meant to be the one carrying the child." She said softly. Pausing for a moment, she frowned. "May I see him?"

With a nod, Elizabeth silently allowed it. With Carson and the remaining trio of Sheppard's Team escorting her, they went straight to the infirmary, and everyone froze to see John, but for Carson who already knew what was going on.

His eyes were closed, and besides the IV and heart monitor, there was an oxygen mask on his face. He was dressed in an infirmary gown, and under a white blanket, but they did nothing to hide his state. His stomach was definitely swollen at this point, with an obvious 'baby bump', and he was showing signs of growing in the chest area, as well.

Rodney choked when his eyes landed on the increased bust. "Producing milk…already?" An image of John breast feeding an infant crossed his mind and he choked as he giggled hysterically, at the same time trying not to be grossed out by the image.

Teyla slapped his arm, but a smirk teased the edges of her own lips as well, and Ronon grinned broadly.

"Besides not being able to get enough oxygen on his own, because the child is pressing into his lungs, his body was having problems producing the vitamins and proteins the child needed, so I used a special IV to help with that. Otherwise, as I'm sure you all can see, his body seems to be adapting to the pregnancy."

Walking slowly over, Kayla's eyes were horribly sad. "Is… Is he in pain?"

"He was, before he passed out. But I believe that to be because he'd been running, and the exertion was too much for the child."

"It… It is still early enough." With a nod, Kayla's face turned determined before she turned to the doctor. "If you could help me, there is a ceremony which will transfer the child to my body."

"But the child has grown in size, much too large for your body to handle."

"No." Shaking her head, she cocked it sideways a little and her eyes flickered again. "That is access fluid retained around the child. Unnecessary, and in most cases, often harmful. If you can help me set up, I can safely transfer the child to myself, and the fluid will drain away as he drains other body fluids."

Rodney made a face and took a step back. "Oh, thanks for that. There's an image I didn't need."

Smacking his arm lightly, again, Teyla glared at him, though a trace sparkle of amusement was still seen glittering in her eye. Turning to Kayla, she nodded. "I will help you gather the required items."

(Infirmary, Two Weeks Later)

"Wow, I'm really gonna…be a dad?"

Rodney snorted and grinned as Kayla nodded and held her slightly rounded stomach. "Better than being a mom." He muttered, grinning as Ronon choked back a laugh, and Carson grinned, while checking John's vitals.

Looking at him darkly, John shuddered and stared down at his body, clearly thankful everything had returned to normal after the successful ceremony that transferred the child to Kayla. "Rodney, watch it." Staring at her, he watched as she petted her stomach softly, a fond look on her face. It melted something inside of him, and he felt a smile forming on his face.

Strangely enough, he found himself missing the idea of having a kid, himself, but he quickly forced it aside, sure that it was the last remains of the hormone imbalance the pregnancy had caused.

Yeah, Carson even warned the others he would still be moody for a while.

Maybe… John glanced briefly at Rodney and his mind flashed to the fresh, hot coffee and blue jello. Maybe I can use that to my advantage. Waving Kayla forward, he ran his hand over her stomach and smiled, meanwhile planning the ways to milk the hormone imbalance for all it was worth.

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Mommy Johnny? LOL! Oh, poor John. Reading over this was awkward and I couldn't help but laugh at points.

Hope you like it.

R+R please.

Thank you

Tenshi