E. Nagrom - LOL Can't you just see John writhing in the bed and begging for a scratch from people as they walked past?? Yes, I was going for a mosquito bite/chicken pox effect.

Debbie418uk2 - True, but I think I was trying for abrupt with him. Because when the series first started, it took him a long time to warm up to the others, and I found him abrupt and rude to them for a while. I might have gone overboard, admittedly. That's why I say that was an old chapter.

This one is probably just going to be..........odd.

I'm not sure, but I think I edited the last chapter to explain that they passed through touch, like germs... Blah, I don't know, but I think I did edit it a little. (ponders) ALIEN FLEAS! (rolls on the floor laughing) They just jump onto their neighbours! LOL!

x Varda x - LOL, well I've never watched Monty Python, but yeah... Were rabbits was what I was going for. LMAO.

Sparklyshimmer2010 - Well, Woolsey's not bad, but I preferred Weir and Sam. Sam because she's SG-1, and I don't relate Woolsey to SG much, considering how he wasn't a main character until he took over Atlantis. I'm working on that story, and have so far 4 chapters done. I have the beginning and end, so I'm just trying to modify the middle to be longer, so it's probably not going to go over 10 chapters.

The down side is, It's got a lot of Twilight in it, with John and Elizabeth's interactions (she's unusually strongly attracted to him, and doesn't understand why... can't go into too much detail), and for the most part, John....isn't John. But I'm working on also altering the ending to....something better than it was... LMAO Sorry, if I say anymore, I give too much away.

Puddle-Jumper38 - Glad you got the explanation. :) Yeah, me too. They're always in the woods, so I found myself wondering if they ever came back with mosquitos. LOL. Hm, I'll have to see if I can find it in stores (Monty Python).

Jasminesmommy - Oh it's not that bad! I mean, they're just alien mosquitos. Carson will be fine...though anyone who comes into contact with him will have to take the treatment if they have the gene, naturally.

I'm sorry about the late update. Unfortunately, I got into Twilight, the book and the movie, so my muse has shot over to the ever gorgeous vampire, Edward Cullen. I am still working on ideas though. Requests/recommendations are always welcome.

It wasn't high, but I was out of it when I wrote this, so..........

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"It's the Klump!"

Stopping in his tracks, John's eyes first widened, then narrowed dangerously. He reached for the gun attached to his hip and slowly turned around, pretty sure his look was as black as anyone had ever seen it. Yet, the marines behind him giggled hysterically, trying valiantly to hide it, and Rodney was just plain laughing.

"Oh, god! I'm s-sorry! I had to do it!" He clutched at his sides and laughed harder, wiping away the tears that came to his eyes.

John fingered his gun, wondering for a moment if he could get away with shooting one of his team mates. Maybe he could blame it on lingering effects of the Wraith mind-altering device? No...that was too long ago.

"Oh, relax!" Rodney stood up and wiped more tears from his eyes, waving his hands in a sign of dismissal. "I'm sure you've heard worse." He raised a hand with a finger pointing upwards. "Like chipmunk comments, for example?"

Still glaring at Rodney, John raised an eyebrow and relaxed his hand away from his gun, folding them his arms over his chest instead. "Yes, Rodney, I've heard them all. I've also dished out inventory, shower scrubbing, prisoner watch, and more as punishments." It hurt to talk, but right now it wasn't about to stop him.

"Prisoner watch? Don't we have some of those really nasty smelling swamp things in the brig?" Rodney actually seemed cautious.

John nodded. "Yep, and the longer they stay out of the swamp, the worse they smell." He put a hand to his chin carefully, pretending to think. "Come to think of it, Radek passed out an hour ago, they could probably use some help."

"Oh, I don't think so!" Rodney glared at John firmly. "Just because you've got the Klump thing going on, doesn't mean you can order me around!"

"I'm C.O. of the base, Rodney." John's face morphed into an amazingly childish pout and he glared at Rodney.

"And I don't care! Elizabeth won't back you on that."

"Wanna bet…?" Now John grinned evilly, wincing as it pulled on his cheeks, and Rodney looked worried.

"Uh… Well, not really…why?" He frowned. "Is she ok?"

"She's about as ok as one who just had her wisdom teeth out three days ago." John counted on his fingers. "She'll back me up."

"How… How long since you had your wisdom teeth out?" Rodney gave a big cheerful smile John could see right through. "It must be painful, why are you here working?" He shook his head. "You should talk to Carson, he'll probably let you out of duty."

"And yeah, the Wraith are just gonna come knocking, realize both me and Elizabeth had our wisdom teeth removed, apologize and leave, promising to come back on a day when we're both feeling better." Pausing a moment, John looked decidedly uncomfortable. "Huh, I can actually see that happening, too." He grinned and chuckled, hissing as it pulled on his cheeks. "Oh, god! Don't make me laugh!"

"I didn't say anything." Rodney's eyes had turned worried. "Uh, Colonel, what did they give you for painkillers?"

John paused a second before reaching into the pocket in his shirt. "Tylenol 3s, Rodney. No good stuff, I'm afraid."

Taking the bottle from him, Rodney scrutinized the label and sighed. "I think it might still be too good for you." He shook his head and sighed. "Come on, let's go see Carson."

"I was on my way to see Elizabeth!" John protested loudly, a little louder than was necessary. He noticed marines and scientists in the hall way looking at him and his eyes narrowed. "What? I can't go see Elizabeth?"

"When did you last take one of these?"

Looking to the bottle, John paused and seemed to struggle to think about it. "Um, maybe an hour ago?" There was a sparkle in his eye.

Rodney shook his head and muttered something about being as high as a kite, before pulling on John's arm. "I'm sure she'll understand." He tapped his radio. "Elizabeth? Are you there? It's Rodney."

"Rodney!"

Stopping dead in his tracks, Rodney's eyes widened at the beyond overly enthusiastic greeting from the other end of the line.

"Have you seen Professor Klump today? He promised he'd come see me." There was a giggle on her end.

Feeling very awkward, Rodney turned slowly to see John grinning and tapping his radio. "I'm here, Honey, I wanna come see you, but Rodney won't let me! He keeps insisting I need to see Carson." The grin had disappeared and turned into a pout that John flashed at Rodney.

"Honey??" Rodney wasn't sure if he'd gotten transported to another dimension, or if there was something in the air, but he couldn't even muster up the strength to fight when John practically ripped his arm out of Rodney's grip and took off down the hall. It was a good two minutes before he snapped out of it and his jaw dropped. "What the hell's going on?!" He tapped his radio as he took off after John, calling for Carson and maybe a security team, and informing them that both Elizabeth and John were acting very oddly.

(In Elizabeth's room, John's POV)

Laughing loudly, I couldn't help but fall over as I explained the totally random Wraith theory I'd had with Rodney. Elizabeth was dressed in her usual uniform, her face a little less swollen than mine, and she grinned evilly and shook her head. My face hurt like hell, but as hard as I tried, I couldn't stop laughing. If anything, it only made me laugh harder.

"Oh, that was too easy!" She groaned, falling over and clutching her cheeks as he laughed helplessly. "It hurts!" she whimpered through her giggles.

My whole chest was hurting from the laughter, and I still couldn't stop. "He actually thought I was high as a kite!" Wincing, I groaned and buried my face in Elizabeth's soft quilt on her bed. "Ouch!"

Shaking her head, she sighed and leaned against me while trying to catch her breath. "It sure helped I was listening in and heard the Klump comment."

Pouting at her playfully, I took a deep breath and let it out as a loud sigh. "You just had to go there too, right?" Rolling my eyes, I stared at her cheeks. "Mrs. Klump?"

Elizabeth took a breath and turned to glare at me before shaking her head and grinning. "How long do you think before he realizes it was just a joke?"

There was a loud beep at the door. "Dr. Weir? Colonel Sheppard? This is Major Lorne, I'm here with a security team and I need you to open the door, please."

Staring at the door, it took me a moment to realize he was serious and I exchanged a look with Elizabeth. "I'm guessing he's not gonna figure it out." Sighing, I sat up. "Not alone, anyways. Come in!" The door opened and a small security team armed with stunners came through the door, eyeing us warily where we laid on her bed. "What's up?" I asked conversationally.

Elizabeth shot me a look before sighing and turning to the guards. "Talk to Carson, he'll tell you we're not high." She raised an eyebrow. "It was a joke, that's all."

"Sorry ma'am, but it was Dr. Beckett who sent us." The team lowered their weapons as Lorne stepped forward, a concerned look on his face. "He analyzed one of Colonel Sheppard's pills-"

I patted down my pockets and groaned when I realized that I'd left my medication with Rodney.

"And found traces of a poison in it."

Staring blankly at the guys, I turned my head slowly to look at Elizabeth, ignoring how it pulled at my puffy cheeks. "I think I'm hearing things…" She turned to me with a worried look before getting up quickly, grabbing her pills, and walking over to the security team. "Wait, our pills? They're poisoned??" I got up and swayed a little as a dizzy spell hit me.

Lorne was at my side before I could blink and held on to my arm firmly as he nodded. "It looks like it, I'm gonna need you guys to come with me, please." When I nodded carefully, he began guiding me out of the room, a worried Elizabeth was at my side, holding my other arm.

(Infirmary)

"Talk about a joke that went right." I muttered as I stared at my I.V. Looking to Rodney, I opened my mouth and frowned before closing it again. "Huh, I don't know whether to apologize or thank you."

"How about both?" He stated smugly, chewing on some roast beef while sitting on a gurney beside me. "It's just a good thing Elizabeth's pills hadn't been tampered with, seeing as how she was on them a day longer than you."

"Don't let it go to your already oversized head, Rodney."

He raised an eyebrow. "Isn't having the oversized head more of your job, at the moment?" He pointed to the cheeks and grinned.

Narrowing my eyes, I chose to ignore that comment. "I still don't know why anyone would wanna poison me back on earth."

"I can answer that." Elizabeth stepped into the room with a frown on her face. "It looks like the person who made up your pills was the younger sister of a Lieutenant Marty Schmitt who was killed in one of our missions, Mary Schmitt. She doesn't know anything about Atlantis, but she recognized your name." She winced. "And apparently blamed you for what happened to her older brother. As a pharmacist, she didn't need any particular reason to be there…"

Carson walked in and nodded while checking some forms. "The poison she used was a very hard one to come by and was a part of the nightshade family. A small amount was injected into several of the tablets. Definitely more than enough to kill you. It won't hurt you in tiny doses, but it takes a while to get out of your system, and every dose builds up the quantity of poison in your system." He frowned and looked up. "It says here you mentioned having dizzy spells, nausea, extreme fatigue, headaches and some minor pains in your chest?"

"I thought it was just the surgery." I nodded, feeling a little worried as I checked my I.V. and the heart monitor which was pointing out how I was feeling. Very loudly. And annoyingly. "Can't you shut that thing off??" I groaned as Carson shook his head.

"You should be fine in a while. I'd just suggest taking Advil and getting plenty of bed rest from this point." He pointed to my barely touched tray of food in front of me. "And eat something, it'll help with the symptoms."

Narrowing my eyes, I looked pointedly down at the roast, which generally involved chewing. My cheeks ached just looking at it. "Well, considering my face is swollen and I can't chew, I might have a little trouble with the broccoli and roast."

Rodney looked up. "Oh, I'll take it if you don't want it."

Pushing the plate over, I sighed and tried to ignore Elizabeth's sympathetic look as she ordered a soft meal for me. "It's not that I don't want it, Rodney." I muttered as I laid back in the bed and relaxed.

Grinning, Rodney raised an eyebrow. "Well, at least you won't get the gut to go with the face, Professor Klump."

Glaring at him, I began devising my punishment. I knew Elizabeth would still back me up, especially when she gave me a little nod with a stern look on her face. Maybe Rodney needed to spend some time with the swamp things in the brig, who snuck aboard by clinging to the bottom of one of our jumpers on our last mission. Or maybe I could make it mandatory that he had to have his wisdom teeth out. ...If he hadn't already.

Carson and Elizabeth left me to my scheming, even as Rodney muttered to himself all kinds of chipmunk, and Klump comments under his breath, digging himself further and further into trouble.

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Ok, so this one went very differently from what I was expecting, I hope it turned out ok.

Hope you like it.

November 13, 2008

R+R please

Thank you

Tenshi