Jade knocked on the door of Becks RV. She had waited for Tori to show up and then had the Latina accompany her into Beck's trailer. "Whats she doing here?" was his imediate response.

"I invited her. I need her here so I don't lose it. You two are the only ones who've seen me cry." Jade admitted, voice weaker than she liked..

Beck looked Jade straight in the eye. "Really? Jade, you brought her here so you could have an excuse not to talk to me?"

"I don't want to be in the middle of this so I'll just go" Tori said.

"And give her an excuse not to talk to me? No Tori, you stay and try to stay out of this." Turning to Jade. "Jade, I need to tell you how much this hurts me. Not just the secret. I do care about your Doctorate, but only because it's such a big part of your life and you kept me out of it. It makes me feel like you don't trust me. Did you ever love me? I wonder sometimes. I know you can be a little crazy, but you told me so much about your past. I know why you hate dolphins and how you love bunnies. I know you desperately want your fathers approval but refuse to give in to his demands about your life. Well most of his demands. The question is what's real? How can I trust that anything you told me is real?" Beck was hurt, and he was directing all the pain at Jade.

"Beck, I did love you. I mean I do love you. It's just.. I mean.. I know I'm a bit weirder than most, and hard to get along with but... I mean...God this is so janked up, so fucking hard. Beck you just don't understand." Jade sounded so unsure of herself, she was fighting back the tears..

Beck wasn't finished. "Of course I wouldn't understand. You never gave me a chance. It was always so many tests. Was I never good enough? You were always threatening to break up with me or leaping to the most bizarre conclusions. Damn it jade, you don't even see it. I had hoped Tori was here as your excuse to avoid talking. It worse than that, isn't it. She's here because you trust her more than you trust me."

"Beck..." Jade was crying now. Tori sat on Becks couch unsure what to do. She wanted to hold Jade, but felt that she needed to stay out of this fight. Beck was pacing back and forth as Jade sat on his bed. The tension was thick. Jade looked at Beck and started shaking. She then got up and ran towards the door, but he blocked her exit.

"No Jade. Talk to me. Why is this so hard. Damn it Jade, why won't you TRUST ME!" Beck was angrier than Tori had ever seen him, trying to control his hurt. Jade shrank back, and Tori couldn't take it any more.

"Dude!" Tori said to Beck while grabbed Jade, hugging her as she guided the distraught goth back to the couch. "This is not helping."

"Then you get her to understand. It's not a relationship if she keeps the big things from me."

"It's okay Jade, you don't have to tell us anything. We love you just the same." Tori was making circles in Jade back with her thumb.

"So you admit it?" Beck said softly, feeling agitated. His own insecurities about Jade love for him kept him talking, so he missed Jade's whispered confession. Tori almost did, but hugging the goth let her hear.

It was barley a sound. "I was raped."

Beck realized he was getting distracted by his jealousy of Tori's relationship with his girlfriend. He decided to calm himself before talking. He needed to be calm to make her hear him. He felt she needed to hear his hurt to know how desperately he wanted to be included in her life.

By the time Beck had calmed down, Jades crying had reached the point of hysteria. Tori kept holding the goth and saying calming things to her. Beck wanted to talk, not drive his girlfriend this far. As he sat, shaking from the anger and loss he was feeling, he noticed the look on Tori's face. "What?" was his first response. Tori ignored him and kept whispering "it's all right. You're safe here" over and over again to the broken girl. Slowly the image ate through all Becks frustration and realization hit. Tori was not reacting to Beck anymore. She was focused on Jade, who was focused somewhere else. Jade must have said something and he missed it. Guilt began to surface, but he pushed past to try and comfort his girlfriend. "Oh god, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to go this far. Jade, I'm sorry. Talk to me." His voice was soft, comforting. Panic started to push into his voice. He had seen Jade upset, crying over all kinds of problems in the past, but not in her most traumatic confessions had he ever seen her hysterical. This was huge. And Tori knew.

"What did she tell you?' he asked. Tori ignored him as she continued to Hold Jade. Tori didn't even spare him an angry look. After ten minutes of effort, Jade finally started to calm down. Exhaustion was overtaking her. She was fading. Soon Jade would be asleep. Just before she passed out, Tori asked "Can I tell Beck?" Jade nodded yes as she let go and fell into a nap. They let her sleep for now, recovering from the emotion of the ordeal. The memories that she had tried to suppress for the last two days had drained her strength.

When Jade woke up it was dark outside. She felt week and her hands still shook. She forced herself to sit up and saw Tori and Beck watching her. "How long was I gone?"

Tori answered first. "A while. It's after 8pm, so I think we should be getting you home. Are you Okay to drive?" Sympathy poured out of Tori like some kind of misused drug. It's supposed to make you feel better, but too mush makes you feel sick. Despite that, Jade was grateful.

"So who did it?" Beck was not so gentile. "I know you probably don't want to talk about it, but Jade I want you to know it makes no difference. I still love you. I just need to know that whomever did this is rotting in jail."

"He's not. I was too ashamed to tell anyone." Jade focused on the hurt, telling the story before she lost it again. "It was my fault. I followed the rules, didn't ride with strangers, but I had seen this guy around campus and he asked me to show him where the Deans house was.. My mom was late picking me up as usual and I thought since it was on campus it was safe. He must have known where he was going because he pulled me off the path behind a shed and raped me. He kept telling me how lucky I was that I got to lose my virginity to a man like him and that he could not believe I was still a virgin. I WAS TWELVE! I LOOKED TWELVE!" Jade started crying again. She toughed it out and continued. "I couldn't tell my parents. My dad had told me that this was my chance to help the family. I couldn't blow it. Hollywood Arts was just a year away. All I had to do was just continue until I transferred to UCLA. It was so hard. I was sure that every guy was going to try and rape me. I was sure he was going to rape me again." Jade was crying again, Tori holding her while Beck paced back and forth.

"You never reported it? My god Jade. What if he raped some other girl? You should have..." Beck was cut off by Tori's voice.

"LEAVE HER ALONE!" Tori looked at Beck with hard eyes. "over half the rapes in this country go unreported, and those that do are often uphill battles. She was twelve and scared and damn it Beck he obviously had done it before so leave her alone. It's been four years. She's been caring this for four years." Tori held Jade like she was afraid she was going to lose her.

"Sorry. It's just the thought of someone like that walking around. I just want to find him and make him pay." Becks anger was back, but aimed in a more constructive direction. "Jade, I'm so sorry. I had no idea this was part of why you hid stuff. I understand how hard it must have been for you to tell us. You didn't have to. I'm so sorry"

"It's not like telling you would have kept it from happening. You were such a good thing, making me feel loved and appreciated despite being the gank you had to deal with. You gave me space when I asked and loved me for being me. Beck, I cannot tell you enough how mush you meant to me when we started dating. Also, I was pretty ashamed of the whole 182 IQ physics prodigy thing. You have to admit that's kinda janked." Jade could not explain it. The pain she had held onto was still there, but it didn't own her the way it used to. These two people had excepted her despite her past. Jade was starting to feel a little better.

"Any other secrets you wanna share? We're here for you." Tori said

"I speak English, Spanish, Russian, Mandarin, Arabic, and Sioux fluently. I speak a bit of French, Italian, German, Hindi, and ASL." Jade looked meek as she talked. "Oh, and I'm belted in Krav Maga. It helped me feel safer."

"Wow." Beck was seeing all of Jade for the first time, and he was beginning to feel a little intimidated. Despite her multiple talents, he had always felt like he was her equal. She wrote plays, but his work was almost as good. He was a better actor, but she could do so many voices and do them so well. She was the better singer but he was by far the better dancer. They had always been equals. Now he was seeing that she had something he had no immediate equivalence to, her intelligence. It was very intimidating for a man to be with someone that accomplished.

"Wow is right. My god Jade, when do you sleep?" Tori asked.

"I made time. It helped me deal with the whole raped thing. Also, I'm fairly good with languages." Jade smiled.

"I'm just glad you trusted us enough to tell us. My god, I'm here for you Jade but... I just need to digest everything." Beck was trying. "So what did you do at work?"

"Cry. My office was the one place I knew no one would look. I just needed to be alone. Didn't work." Jade was definitely feeling better. She was better able to handle the pain, and the memories were no longer weighting her down as much.

"Why not" Tori asked.

"Lenard, Dr. Hofstadter, heard the crying and checked on me. We talked. It was nice to just talk shop about the whole Physics stuff. His work is brilliant, but no one give him credit. Applied physics is often thankless work." Jade was looking happy at the memory, for a moment staring off into space.

"I'll bet" Beck said. Tori just nodded.

"Also, he pointed out how Janked up many of my colleagues childhoods were. His mother is the gank who wrote 'needy baby, greedy baby' so you know he had it as bad as I did, possibly worse. You know, if you ignore the whole rape thing... Anyway, he said that several of them had tough childhoods. I don't know, somehow talking to him made me feel better. It also made me realize I couldn't hold this chiz in forever. Anyway, you should meet them. I mean properly." Jade perked up at the last statement.

"I could do that" Beck said.

"When?" Tori asked.

"Beck, why don't you drop by my office tomorrow during my office hours. After school but before six. I'll introduce you around. I'm already showing Sinjin, so it's be no extra fuss. Tori, I want them to meet Beck first, but as soon as there's a chance, I'll introduce the rest of you. Okay?"

"Okay." they both said. Tori continued. "Why are you showing Sinjin around?"

"I needed a favor, and he came through for me." Jade said, studying Becks roof.

"A favor, huh? And what kind of favor?" Beck looked skeptical.

"Jealous?" Jade asked. Tori rolled her eyes.

"No, it's just that you rarely need help, and usually bully what you need out of Sinjin. Whatever did you need that required this level of bribe?" Beck asked, dreading the answer.

"One of my colleagues needed to learn that I, what did the annoying puppet say, 'specialize in revenge.' I needed Sinjin's help because I may be gifted, but I'm no hacker." Jade smirked.

"And how illegal is this?" Tori asked.

"I don't want to implicate either of you, so maybe I should just go home now. Tori, do you need a lift?" Jade avoided the question and both her friends let her.

"Actually babe, you look tired. Are you sure your safe to drive?" Jade nodded yes. "Then maybe I'll take Tori home if it's all right with you. I don't want you doing the extra driving after all you confessed today." Beck was up to something. He kissed Jade on the cheek and asked Tori if she was ready to go.

As Jade watched them head to his car, she wondered what he was up to. Again she felt like she was losing him, and Tori was part of it. She couldn't even be angry, since she invited the girl. Jade felt that she would not have made it through this evening without the Latina, so if she loses Beck to her Jade would just have to accept it was her own fault. Then she would make Tori's life a living hell. Jade was not the most understanding person. She drove home feeling worried but not as burdened as she had been. She knew she could trust Tori, but Beck was up to something. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.

:}

It's amazing how much better you feel after letting something that's owned you for years out. It's one way therapy helps.

I like Beck, but sometimes he is caught between being too noble for his own good and being a teen.

Don't get used to this. I just wrote a long chapter that made more sense as two chapters.