Impossible

Au ish. He knew that their love was impossible. He knew that there was no way that he was going to be able to have his love. He was in love with someone else..the person he loved. And he knew...that it was impossible. He was known for doing the impossible...but this was one thing he couldn't do. "I am no longer your captain, I have resigned." And he couldn't take it anymore...

Disclaimer: I don't own the fandom or the songs used in this ever.

Chapter 3:

Rolling Girl (Boy)

I wanna stop my breathing now...

He opened his eyes and he looked around weakly, shaking a little bit as he came to realize he was tied up and in an all dark room. Disturbed. Disturbed. His heart started to quicken it's beat and he closed his eyes, wanting to try and drown out everything that was happening to him. He hated this. He hated this so much. Disturbed. Disturbed. A soft whimper escaped his lips and he let everything go away, trying to see something else. But he couldn't. Nothing else was coming to his mind but things that made him want to cry and sob with all of his might. Lonely girl always looked at unreachable dreams. Making a fuss if you got inside of her head, disturbed. Disturbed. He heard a sound and his head shot up, tears still streaming down from his eyes as he heard the footsteps getting closer. Closer.

"I gave you a chance Kirk. I gave you a good chance to prove to me that you loved me and not him..." Khan was there and he tilted his head up, gazing into his eyes. "And now I'm going to have to make you love me...do you understand what you have gotten yourself into?" He questioned as he looked into those eyes, so deep, Jim felt that his soul was being seen through them. "...you are going to love me..." "no problem." was murmured, but weren't those words lost? He nodded numbly and his eyes closed, he was shaking a little bit but...he had to...

Fail again, fail again.

He tried to figure out where he had gone wrong. He wasn't sure what he had done wrong. Where he had gone wrong...in this horrible existence. In all honesty if it was up to him he wanted to end it today. He couldn't take this anymore. Between what was happening to him and what he was getting himself involved in his life...was just a living hell. After ending your search for mistakes, it spins again! His head was in turmoil as he walked down the street, his head down and his face hidden. He wore all long sleeves and gloves over his hands, not once looking up to the people that passed him by.

Once more. Once more.

He got home and walked inside, not even thinking about what he was doing until he grabbed the sharp object that he had hidden away in the drawer. "I'll also roll today," That girl says, that girl says. Playing her words with meaning. He dug the object into his skin and he didn't flinch at the feeling of the metal cutting in, over, and over again. He just wanted the pain to end. Maybe today, he would get lucky and it would stop. He could only imagine what his old friends would think if they knew he was doing this. They would make him stop and ask him constantly the same worlds. "Are you better now?" and he would reply with he was fine. But inside his mind something else would be playing. "It's still a ways off, I still don't see the point. I'm gonna stop my breathing now." And that's what he wanted to happen. But right before it got to bad...he couldn't and the object fell from his hand and he broke down sobbing, his knees failing him and he knelled on the ground bawling until he could no more.

Rolling girl is at the end of the ruins, beyond unreachable colors. In all honesty the vulcan wasn't sure what to do anymore. When he came home to find the ex-captain missing, he just...wasn't sure what to do anymore. He was trying, and trying to hard to help him, but no matter what he did Jim just didn't seem to get the message...and he wasn't sure what to do. At this point...he felt like Jim was beyond his reach of help...but he didn't want to give up.

Overlapping voices with voices and blending, blending. He bandaged his arms and went off to work again. He didn't pay attention to much of what was happening in those hours as he just sat there and worked without making a sound at all. When his friends asked him what was wrong, he responded with the same words, without ever looking up. "No problem," was murmured, but those words were lost. They knew he was lying and they normally were trying to figure out what had gone wrong, but he wouldn't tell them. Just the same response day in and day out. How are you going to turn out good?

He felt like he should start crying, but he didn't want them to know what was going on in his life. He didn't want them to worry. But he knew that they could tell. Even the hill tempting me is making mistakes now. He could see his actions were affecting Khan as well, who wondered what the hell was wrong with him. And the constant nagging about if he was alright bugged him even more. He would go home from his job and do the same thing as the night before.Once more, once more. If only he would be able to do this once more and it be done with, but he wasn't sure how he could do that. "Somehow I'm rolling," That girl said, that girl said. He felt like it would fix his problems, take all of the pain away that he was feeling. He needed it to leave him alone. He just couldn't take the pain anymore. It was too much...Repeating silent words with meaning. He tried to say he was sorry over and over, that it was impossible to feel what he felt, and so wrong. That all it did was cause problems and he didn't deserve to be alive for it.

But he kept playing it off like nothing was wrong as they asked the same questions over and over. "Are you better now?" And new words played through his broken mind. "Just a bit more, and you'll see something soon. I'm gonna stop my breathing, now." But he wasn't going to tell them that. He had to make sure that no one knew the intentions he had. He had to keep that a secret. From everyone. Especially Khan. He just had to. So he kept saying that he was fine.

It was now a cold rainy day, he wasn't even sure what the date was, but he knelled down on the ground and pulled out that special little item. Once more, once more. But today was going to be it. He was going to deal with this, he was not going to keep running away from his problems. "I'll also roll today," That girl says, that girl says, playing her words with a smile. Today he didn't have to worry. Today...he would end it all, end his rolling down the hill of life. And so...

He placed the item to his neck.

"Are you better now? It's okay now. Let's go, you must be tired as well, right?"

Blood splattered the floor as his vision began to black out slowly. Slowly. He knew it was almost over. He was...slowly...fading out.

I wanna stop my breathing now...

A/n: I know...cliffhanger. But a pole is also up for you all for what song I use, so the quicker I have good results the quicker that one will be up. And here is a mini-explanation of the meaning of this version of the song. If you know this song is called Rolling Girl by Hatsune Miku. There are many variations to what this song means but you can think of what you want but this was my meaning really.

The song is about a girl that doesn't feel like she belongs in the world and everything is going wrong for her. She rolls to keep her mind off of things ((a nice way of saying cutting)), and she uses this to escape reality. She makes sure that no one knows what is going through her mind and what she is going to do. What she wants to do but she can't. So she makes sure they don't know by saying things to make them believe she is, but different words, the truth, run through her mind. Others want to help but she is just someone they cannot help. They try...but in the end she just hears words running through her mind telling her how good it is that her breathing stopped.

Now don't think that this means he is going to die. You don't know that yet. Just wait and see.