Puddle-Jumper38 - What can I say? McKay should know better than to pick on John, since the 'Meredith' bit. LOL. I was going for weird and funny, so...

Debbie418uk2 - LOL Random, hmm? A man-sized teddy bear, invisible best friend. It made me giggle, and wasn't too whumpy, which is what I was going for. :) Poor Elizabeth. The 'mom' comment just came to mind out of nowhere. He's going to pay for that, I'm sure.

Jasminesmommy - Yes, John has a habit of doing it to himself.... LOL, Random, I know.

Sparklyshimmer2010 - Well, I have a habit of relying on crossovers with existing shows/games/movies/etc, but I do like to try and think of somewhat more original ideas whenever I can. I'll take whatever my muse sees fit to give.

I might make referances to a 'fountain of youth' in more than one chapter (I distinctly recall a story that focuses on a Fountain of Youth), this is just a heads up.

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(P9X-112, Normal POV)

"So, why exactly are we here?" John pushed his sunglasses up his nose, hoisted his P90 higher and looked around the large grassy field his team were in. They were standing on the top of a hill, and it seemed directly in the center of the field. The gate had been situated about ten foot out in the large ocean, and they were lucky when they stepped through, that the water was only ankle deep, and didn't seen to have any negative side effects. "P9X-112 didn't have too much stated about it, right? Nothing about advanced civilizations or amazing power sources, either."

"No, but there was brief mention about a spring of some kind with the ability to reverse aging."

Stopping his started trek down the hill, John turned to Rodney with one eyebrow raised behind his sunglasses. "As in a fountain of youth?"

Shrugging a little, Rodney looked at his pad before looking back up. "Yeah, more or less."

"…Cool." Turning back around, John kept walking. He looked around as they went and noticed that besides behind abundant in wildlife, there really wasn't much to see. A big field with the occasional boulder and long, green grass, and the edges of the field on one side were lined by thick, dense forest, and the other side with ocean. All in all, "This place is kinda nice. Quiet, peaceful… Nice spot for a vacation."

"Yeah…" Rodney also looked around, his eyes landing on the hoards of birds. "If you don't mind the Dodo wannabes, or the cousins to the Blue-Footed Boobies." He raised an eyebrow and looked up. "Huh, they're practically everywhere."

"Well, it's their home planet, Rodney. We're just gonna have to put up with them, aren't we?" Stepping along, John did notice the ground was littered with droppings and made a bit of a face as he went. "Any particular direction as to where this fountain of youth is located?"

Looking at his pad silently, Rodney held up one hand and turned in a half circle before pointing towards the woods. "That way."

"Alright." John altered his path and began heading in that direction. Looking over his shoulder, he noticed Teyla talking quietly with Ronon, who was eyeing the birds like they were his next feast. "Ronon, don't even think about it. The last thing we need is those hoards of birds chasing us all the way back to the gate. Besides… I told you to eat before we left." Turning back with a grin, he continued on the way, knowing Ronon would be practically glowering at his back, even if it was just a playful glower.

It didn't take them too long to get to the woods, as they didn't run into any obstacles. Rodney was of course complaining about stepping in a fresh pile of bird crap, but everyone played it off as they entered the darkened forest and looked around. The trees were thick, and the trunks were encircled with red vines. They were close together and so thick, they blocked out a lot of the already faint light, making the woods dark enough to make it hard to see.

"Oh this is just great!" Rodney groaned as he climbed over a fallen log and stumbled on with the group.

John stayed quiet as he walked along. He noticed there was the sounds of birds chirping, but not much else, not even a wind through the trees. Soon enough, he did manage to pick up the distant sound of water trickling and wandered on ahead, finding a small creek of crystal blue water flowing through it. "Huh, looks like any other spring to me." He mused out loud, aware of the others approaching.

Rodney scanned it and frowned a little at the results. "The readings don't show anything unusual." Bending down, he carefully got a sample, using a small container he'd brought with him, taking heed not to get any on him. Once he was done, he turned and shrugged. "Well, that wasn't so bad. Surprisingly, one mission went off without a hitch."

John raised an eyebrow at him before turning. "Famous last words, McKay. Don't count your chickens until their hatched, remember?"

"In this case, wouldn't it be Dodos and Boobies?" Everyone stared at McKay for his words and he shrugged as his face went red. "Uh, never mind." Wiping his face, he trudged on behind the others, almost sighing in relief when they exited the dense, hot forest. Suddenly, he felt something hit him on the side of the head and ooze down his ear. It was hot, slimy feeling and just plain wrong. Stopping cold, his jaw dropped. "WHAT THE HELL?!" Exploding in anger, he grabbed a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped at the side of his head, groaning in annoyance and disgust when he pulled it away to see clear evidence of bird feces.

Everyone had spun at his cry, and stared at him in shock, even as the nearby birds all began squawking angrily and flying around in a frenzy, circling the group. Well, ok, not all the birds were flying. The little Dodo-wannabes were running around in a chaotic mess. John frowned as he watched the birds circle and ignored them a moment as he turned to McKay. "What's with the yelling??"

"One of those-those…" Rodney took a deep breath and sighed noisily. "One of those birds crapped on me!"

Behind his sunglasses, John's eyes widened a little at the remaining evidence. Namely the big white stain with the smaller brown smear under it, stuck on the side of the scientist's head. "Oh, really? That's what that is." He gestured to Rodney's head, vaguely, struggling to remain serious and not bust up laughing.

Suddenly, there was a loud screech, and everyone looked up as three of the birds broke off and swooped low over the group, in multiple directions.

"Damn! Duck!"

"More like Dodo!" Rodney cried as he ducked under the small but clearly pissed off bird that flew at his head. "Or, booby... Whatever! Hey! Don't get mad at me, you're the one who dropped one on my head!" He cried, burying his head in his hands.

The group turned and ran through the field, trying to duck the incoming birds as they went, and playing hopscotch with the little butterballs on the ground. Finally, after the third booby bounced off Ronon's back, he'd had enough and turned, firing his blaster at them and taking down two.

"Ronon!"

"It's set to stun!" The big Satedan called back.

Unfortunately, this only served to piss the birds off even more and a massive hoard of them began circling the group as they ran, constantly dive bombing them. Teyla was the first to make it back to the gate and began dialling, even as she tried to duck the incoming attacks. Ronon took her back, watching for the birds and blasting as many as he could. Dozens of birds were on the ground, either stunned from the blaster, or from hitting the big Satedan on the way, but yet hundreds more were still circling the group as Teyla was hit in the back of the head.

It hadn't hurt her, but as she was hitting the last chevron, it pushed her forward, making her hit the wrong one and the center button at the same time. The gate kawooshed as the wormhole formed, but she grabbed John before he could reach for his radio. "Wait!" She ducked a dodo with John. "I hit the wrong button!"

"Damn!" That meant they had up to 38 minutes to duck boobies. "Ok, run for it! We'll head to the forest!" John gestured to the woods a short distance away, hoping that everyone would get the signal and that the woods would provide some shelter. Feeling a pain in the back of his head, he fell forward a step with the force and grunted a little. Reaching back even as he turned, he noticed a booby swaying a little on the ground, half on top of a dodo, and pulled his hand away to reveal a trace of blood. "Great!"

The group ran towards the woods, only Ronon firing on the birds, as he had the only weapon that wouldn't instantly kill them if they were hit. More birds dropped, but by now some of the earlier stunned ones, who'd been stunned by hitting Ronon, were back in the air, even angrier than before. Not only were the threats in the air, but running along the ground after the team were hoards of dodos, glaring angrily down their long, skinny beaks and squeaking as they ran.

"Geez! Think their rabid?!" Rodney called, managing to keep up with John.

Looking over his shoulder, John glared, the full effect in effect since he'd lost his sunglasses. "Oh, I hope not, or you're gonna be in a whole lotta trouble."

"Me?!"

"You just had to go and yell and freak those damn birds out!" Shaking his head, John stumbled as a weight hit his back and he heard material tearing. Managing to make it to the forest line, he ducked behind a tree and took a moment to take a deep breath as the others ran in as well. Looking around he took into notice that the birds were still circling. There were a lot of dense bushes surrounding the forest edge, so at least it would hamper the dodos, but it wouldn't stop the boobies...

"Oh, crap!" Surprisingly, it had been Rodney who said it, as he looked up. "We got company!"

The birds had been working their way in through the canopy, and were still circling the group. One broke away and dive bombed Rodney again, but the said scientist managed to duck in time and the bird smacked head first into the tree behind him.

John choked on his laughter when instead of sliding down the tree dead or stunned, the bird stuck to it by the beak, squawking angrily and flapping it's wings as it tried to get away. His laughter was cut short, however, when he felt something brush through his hair and felt wind brush past his ears. "Hey!" Ducking, he raised his hand and swatted wildly, hitting a warm feathered body and sending it flying. Standing up, he quickly ran a little further into the forest and tried to find a place to hide. These birds were getting annoying, but he wasn't into murdering helpless fowl.

He could hear the others fighting, too, and heard their angry words as they struggled to get the birds off them. It seemed everyone's nerves were fraying, even peaceful Teyla who was ever the calm voice of reason, looked ready to shoot the next booby to get tangled in her hair.

Actually, scratch that, three out of the four of them were getting annoyed. Ronon was firing away with his blaster, looking like he was having a grand old time.

Despite still being attacked, John figured it was at least a little better in here. Less of the birds were after them, and at least they had more obstacles to hide behind. The same couldn't be said out in the open, even if the gate was there.

"I say we hold our position!" Ronon took down another two birds.

Staring at him a moment, John raised an eyebrow. "You do realize that by the time you stun them all, the first ones you stunned will be awake again." Shaking his head, he sighed. "No can do, buddy. We gotta get back." Not to mention the squawking was giving him the mother of all headaches, and the back of his head burned.

Rodney, for the most part, was relatively unhurt, besides having that stain on the side of his head from the crapping, but it didn't stop him from complaining. The others just tuned him out as they fought not to get pecked to death.

Finally, after getting numerous cuts and bruises, Teyla's watch beeped and she looked to the others. "I set it for 38 minutes. The gate should have shut down by now."

Their nerves were long gone, and as cruel as it might have seemed, they had all pulled out their guns when it was clear the birds weren't about to let up. The feathered fiends seemed completely determined to peck them to death.

The clearing was full of bodies, some stunned, some dead, and most of the birds had gone, but there was no guarantee it would stay that way if they left the woods.

"Ok, but we need a plan. If we all go out there, the same thing will probably happen again. We need to split up. Teyla, you go dial the gate and take Rodney with you. Ronon and I will lure the birds away."

With a nod, Teyla took Rodney's arm and led him away from John and Ronon, despite the scientist insisting they'd be easier targets split up.

Turning to Ronon, John sighed and checked his P90 before switching it to rapid fire mode. "Ok, we gotta keep those bird-brains off their asses long enough for Teyla to dial the gate. After that we'll join them and head back, got it?"

Ronon merely grinned and shrugged, raising his blaster as he turned and followed the others back out of the woods. Following him, John raised his P90 as they broke cover and stared at the sky literally filled with birds, not to mention the dodo-covered ground. If they thought the amount before was bad, there were at least three times as many now. Talk about a warzone! Boobies and dodos as far as the eye could see!

"Oh, crap! It looks like they invited their friends and family!"

"All you can eat buffet?" Ronon grunted as he raised his blaster and hit one of the circling birds.

"Ronon!" John stared in shock, all thought of being a diversion fully wiped from his mind as the bird dropped, followed immediately by two more. Damn he's got fast reflexes.

"What? I thought we were going to draw them to us?"

"Oh. Right." John began firing in the air, not trying to hit the birds, but just randomly firing in order to get their attention. It worked. Practically the entire massive swarm turned in their direction, and John felt his eyes widen as they began flying and running in their direction, practically as one.

Hearing the gate kawoosh, he turned and watched as the gate stabilized. Seeing Rodney waving at them before hitting his radio, he almost let out a sigh. Right before being pelted in the side of the head by an incoming booby he didn't see, then hit by a dodo in the ankle. Reeling from the blows, he staggered a step sideways and blinked in surprise as a red blaster blast went by his ear. "Whoa! Ronon, careful!" He raised his hand and ran it over the side of his head carefully. "That was a little too close!"

Ronon only shrugged before making a break for the gate, with John close on his heels. They managed to make it back to Atlantis, without even stopping, but unfortunately a few of the birds managed to get through with them. Ordering a few of the marines to get stunners, John grabbed Elizabeth's arm, ushering her out of the gate room and up to the control room, as a few of the marines scattered and tried to catch the crazy birds.

"What the hell's going on?!" Elizabeth's eyes were wide as she stared at John. "You're bleeding!"

He put a hand to his neck where one of the birds had managed to skim him and raised a little blood. "Yeah, well, I've had worse. It's a long story, and Rodney can tell you all about it later."

"Rodney?"

"Yeah. Well, it was his yelling that started all this." He sighed. "You know what they say, birds of a feather, flock together." Grinning a little, John raised an eyebrow at Elizabeth. "He called them Dodo wannabes and relatives of the Blue-Footed Boobies." Turning, John groaned and checked out in the hall. Seeing it was clear, and two marines were heading to the gate room with stunners, with Ronon at their side, wielding his blaster, the Colonel ducked out of the room and made a mad dash towards the infirmary.

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Hope you like it.

All incidental innuendos/puns/general plays on words were totally and completely incidental. I just didn't feel like changing the story around when I noticed them. LOL.

Written October 24, 2008

R+R please.

Thank you

Tenshi