Jade opened her eyes, and looking around realized she was in an unfamiliar bedroom. The white walls and neutral curtains were unfamiliar, despite her being here for what felt like forever. Not sure where she was, Jade thought about the last things she remembered. Through the blur of painful emotions that had trapped her in her head, she started to recall some moments. She remembered Gregory, one of the big guys she had escorting people to their cars. She remembered him driving her home. She recalled someone in the back seat talking to him, since she was in no condition to talk. He was joking about Jeff, another of the volunteer escorts, who was driving her car and following them. Somehow the topic of Jeff's sexuality came up. "He's the straight one, but no one believe that because I'm such a sports nut and he's just so in love with ABBA." She recalls hearing. She was unmoved at the time, but smiled now.
She felt just a tiny bit hungry. That's when she remembers food, or rather her eating some. Someone, she wasn't sure who, had made sure she ate. A strange dance of foods she could not remember tasting but was sure found there way into her danced by in her memories. That's when it hit her. She was a guest in someones home. Someone had taken the initiative to care for her while she mourned the end of her and Beck. She had been so wrapped up in her loss she had missed the effort they taken to ensure she was healthy. Now, however, it was a new day and while she still felt lost, she felt that maybe she could get out of bed, take a shower, and face the world. Beck and Jade was over, their romance died last night. That thought alone sent pain through her. What was worse was that as much as she tried to ignore what he said, he was right. It had been painful, but it was the pain from the loss of an assumed future built over nearly three years together as well as her comfortable safe place more than the love of her life. Beck was her best friend, almost like a brother. 'I often wish I could trade Ryan in for Beck, or Andre, or Robbie, maybe Rex when the brat is really annoying.' Then again, her brother was barely twelve, and the almost five year age difference had been difficult to overcome. The momentary distraction brought a smile to her face. Jade noticed that she was alright, and that thought pained her. She should be suffering for at least a few more days, to really mourn the loss of her love.
'So where am I?' became the question. She was in Someones home. Someone who spent the drive to this house flirting with Greg despite his assurance that Beck, maybe Andre, were more his type. Someone so desperate to date a hot guy that she would throw herself at a gay one in the off chance that her inflated opinion of herself was real and she could turn him straight. In short, she was with Trina. That meant Tori was here as well. She needed information. Jade found her phone, it was recharged somehow. 'We all have the same fucking phones. Of course it was recharged.' She confirmed the date. It was Sunday. Saturday was spent in bed, with only trips to the bathroom and meals breaking the cycle. Jade barely remembered it. She had lost a day, buried in the gray clouds of her sorrow. She suspected that she received a pep talk during that time, and maybe confessed her pain. She could not identify who she had talked to if her life depended on it, but was willing to bet they had a last name starting with V.
Her phone showed missed calls and texts. Jade quickly deleted most of them, none of them being important. One from her mother assuming she was spending the weekend with her father and his trophy fuck. One from her father assuming she was with her mother, where she usually would be, but implying she might be trying to start her own family with Beck. That last part hurt, in more ways than one. 'He called me irresponsible. I have a fucking job. I can afford kids. I make more chizzing money than he does.' The anger felt good, natural. It didn't last, but it felt like she was alive for those few minutes.
One of the calls, the one Jade felt she had to return, was from Sheldon. He was a pain, but he was on her side. It took a few rings for him to answer.
"Doctor Cooper's cell phone. Hello Doctor West. I was wondering what teenage adventures kept you from returning my call in a timely fashion?" He was annoying from the first sentence. So why did that make her smile.
"Why did you call me, Sheldon. and is Lenard there." She asked. It may have been done under a sense of duty, but that didn't make her like the call any more. The joy of Sheldon being Sheldon only lasted seconds, and the frustration usually lasted longer. Naturally she was impatient to finish this.
"I was just calling because Penny said I should congratulate you on your show not being a disaster." Sheldon replied.
"Thank you. Can I please talk to Lenard?" Jade said, rolling her eyes..
"Is everything all right? I suspect this is the sort of problem that requires a hot beverage." Sheldon replied.
"That would involve giving you my home address. As much as I like you, I'd rather be skinned alive by rusty scissors than tell you where I live. No offense. Now let me talk to Lenard!" Jade said. She smiled for just a second.
"Okay, none taken. Here's Lenard." As Sheldon handed the phone over, Jades smile faltered. She couldn't even enjoy him being offended.
"Hello." Lenard sounded tired.
"Lenard, I need someone to talk to, and my friends are all too close to this." Jade felt the tears welling up again. The pain was fresh, but not the right kind of pain. It was loss, but the love had died a while ago and she knew it was her holding on that was killing her.
"What happened and Sheldon is really sorry." Lenard sounded exhausted.
"It's not him. This time. Beck broke up with me. He..He said that I just didn't love him. I-I could have tried harder. I know I could have. I just feel so lost without him. The world just isn't safe anymore. I need, I don't know. I need Beck to tell me it will be all right." Jade was crying again.
"I'll get Penny." Lenard said.
"NO!" Jades voice was like a shot, piercing the conversation and freezing Lenard in his tracks. "I don't want to talk to Penny. I don't want to talk to anyone else." Jade sounded strong for that moment, but inside she was collapsing. 'It's really over this time. He's not coming back.'
"Then tell me what to do? I don't know how to fix this. Jade, please let me get someone who can help you." Lenard was sounding desperate.
"God, why are guys so useless. Don't you see Lenard, you can't help me. No one can help me. This isn't about helping, or taking away the pain. It's about listening while I rant, you butt cheek. I thought you of all people would understand that sometimes we need to just vent. Bitching and complaining helps us process this chiz so we can think again. So just listen and say what I want you to say, when I want you to say it, and nothing else. Got it?" Jades orders were terrifying to the physicist, unsure how to guess what she wanted him to say. He was reminded that Jade was not like them in one important respect, in school she was the bully. She was used to being intimidating.
"Oh-Okay. Will you tell me if I say the wrong thing?" He asked.
Sighing, "I'll make it easy. If you're making sounds, you're probably saying the wrong thing. Damn it, Lenard. Now I don't feel so bad. I wish you guys would stop with the humor and just let me feel janked for a while. Lord knows I deserve it." Jade was agitated, but that meant she was not sad, for the moment.
"How...How do you deserve it? I know, I shouldn't ask, but maybe, since we're friends, I could, you know, listen?" Lenard was stretching, especially since he hadn't deliberately made any jokes yet. Fear of doing the wrong thing mixed with fear of his would be friend, and the two warred with his desire to be there for her. Compassion won out, as he knew how much it sucked needing emotional support and not have it.
"Beck said it was me. It wasn't him, it was me. That I didn't love him the way he needed me to. I don't get it. I was willing to give him everything, but he wanted my heart, unconditionally. Is that even possible? For people as janked up as us?" Jade was sounding weaker, but Lenard knew she was making an important point. He jumped on it.
"That's kinda my problem with Penny. I'm willing to give her my heart, unconditionally, but she wants conditions on everything. Like she's afraid to admit her feelings. It's fucked up. I don't say a word when she drinks too much, or when she runs into one of her oversized, under brained ex's. I just try to love her, and accept her as is. She even believes in psychics. Can you believe that." Lenard had switched it around. Jade knew she would get him for that, just not how.
"I'm kinda deep into Quantum Physics. We, well they, yea, I guess I do to... We study that chiz. There is evidence... sight". Jade was calmer now. "I guess I see your point. If you can, take the acting workshop with Penny. Sikowitz is one crazy ass teacher, but he knows his stuff. You'll have fun. It's okay that you don't know anything. I know some of the TA's, they'll help you catch up." Jade was disturbed to realize she felt better. "I should let you go. How many of Sheldon's minutes did we use?"
"None. He put you on his friends and family list. It's still not full, and he feels as your mentor, he should be able to call you whenever it warrants." Lenard sounded happier. Jade shuddered at the thought of Sheldon calling her whenever he felt like it.
"Thanks for listening to me rant. You take care now." Jade said. Lenard replied with "Bye" and the call was over.
Step one was finished. Jade had cleared her calls and texts. She checked TheSlap, saw that Beck had already changed their statuses, and read some of the comments. That quickly got old. She was often cast as the villain, and the list of girls willing to help him heal was both long and scanky. Jade decided to see who was home. As she descended the stairs, she could clearly see that it was the Vega's house. 'Boring guest room.' she thought as she reached the bottom of the starcase, only to stop when she saw a familiar face. However, the girl on the couch wasn't a Vega. It was...
"Meredith?" Jade's voice seemed to echo in the quiet home.
Meredith, who had been sitting on the couch doing something on her phone, jumped at the sudden noise. "Jade...Your up. I wasn't sure...They told me you were likely to be in bed all day." She seemed nervous. Meredith suddenly wished she had asked for Hazard pay.
"What. Are. You. Doing. Here?" Jade asked, feeling hurt and a strange sense of betrayal. She was expecting members of the Vega family.
"Church. They're at church. They're Catholic, you see, so they had to, you know, go to church." Meredith sputtered. "They didn't want you to be alone, so they..uh..kinda hired me to watch over you." Her voice was getting softer and jade had to strain to hear the last part the girl said.
"Y-your my what? Babysitter?" Jade gasped. This was too much. Jade leaned against the Piano thinking. 'I'm not some helpless child who needed to be watched over! Except I kinda lost a day to the gloom I've been feeling.' Realizing she had allowed her sense of loss to consume a whole day, and having barely any memories of what she did during that time, Jade started to reconsider her situation. She could storm off, but to where? Her parents didn't seem to care, and the only people who did were at church. Her anger was fading and she wasn't ready to go home yet. Not until she spoke to Trina, and maybe Tori. She was pretty sure she spilled her guts to someone, and knowing who was becoming a priority. As she crossed the last of the distance towards the couch, Jade decided to play along. A smirk crossed her lips.
"Jade, your not going to hurt me, are you?" Meredith asked, backing up a step.
"No. Why would I do that. Are you supposed to make me something to eat eat something?" Jade asked. Meredith nodded yes, and Jade continued, using a little girl voice. "Then make me something and read me a story."
The shorter girl looked at Jade, caught off guard by the change in attitude. "Okay. Breakfast?" Jade nodded and made herself comfortable on one of the couches. As her sitter made her cereal, the goth just let herself be taken care of for a few minutes. 'I'll ask for macaroni and cheese later.' she thought, a smile crossing her face.
Jade just let herself act like a child, with Meredith taking care of her as the morning progressed. The goth had her sitter read her stories, insisting on being shown the pictures. Apparently Meredith did this chiz for spending money, and her Pear Pad had a nice selection of children's books on it. Jade even got a blanket to snuggle in as she was read to. The couple of hours they spent together were surprisingly pleasant. For Jade, that is. Meredith was freaked out by the regression of the most intelligent and violent member of her class. While the activities were familiar, the games took on an air of danger because Jade was stronger than her sitter. Then there was the whole scissor issues. The sitter would normally never let her charges play with scissors, but this was Jade West, and scissors were one of her favorite things. Besides, Meredith wasn't willing to search the girl to find where the goth had hidden the pair everyone knew she had on her at all times. Jade was always armed.
By early afternoon, the games were no longer distracting Jade. She even liked Meredith enough to be done tormenting her, and the sitter was looking for a quick escape. Fortunately, that's when the Vega's returned from church. 'Mama' Vega was the first to enter, followed by Trina and Tori. Officer Vega was the last to enter, probably because he was driving and put the car in the garage.
"Your up" Holy 'Mama' Vega said. Jade smiled and again felt guilty that she was not hurting more. She should not be able to smile.
"Yea. We were just killing time." Jade said, motioning to Meredith and herself. "I just wanted to thank you for taking care of me. I probably should get going."
"Are you sure? We were going to go to the mall and do a little window shopping." David Vega, AKA Officer Vega, said.
Jade noticed Trina paying Meredith, and gave the older Vega sister a confused glare.
"What. I get paid for ¡Divertisimo!, so I have money. And I was the one who suggested getting a sitter, so Tori could go to church. She's gonna need God on her side.." Trina was cut off by her sister.
"We don't want to bore Jade. Thank you Meredith for taking care of her. We'll call you if we need you. Jade, Lets go do something. Maybe you could come with us. The Vega family outing is a visit to a museum. We do cultural stuff like that all the time. Lunch then a museum." Tori babbled.
Even Jade could tell something was off, but just let it go. She wasn't ready to go home yet, so even something cultural sounded good. "Okay, let me get changed and we can go."
"Do you need to borrow some clothes?" Tori asked.
"I have some stuff in my car. I don't always like whats at Becks..." Just like that Jade's mood soured. It was over, and she had lost a safe harbor in the sea of her life.
Jade quickly showered and changed. As she was getting ready, Holly spoke to her through the guest room door. "I just wanted you to know that it's not the end of the world. I'm glad you and Beck can still be friends. It's always been one of my fears that Tori or Trina would be in love with someone who couldn't love them back, no mater how much they wanted too. It would be hard on my girls, and I love them too much to just watch them suffer through something like that. I hope now you and Beck can each find someone who you can truly love."
'It was Holly!' Jade realized she had spilled to Holly. While the statement was not the most comforting thing to hear, it did help, since she understood what was trying to be said. They both needed to be free so that they could give their hearts to someone.
As they piled into the car, Jade noticed Tori texting someone. "Who you talking to?" Jade asked.
"No one." Tori lied. She was getting better at it, but still far from good enough to lie to Jade.
"Beck?" Simple and to the point, Jade called her lie.
"Andre." Tori replied. Silence filled the car for a few minutes until they reached the restaurant. "He says he's hanging with Beck, and they will probably be doing so for the next week. Beck is devastated." Tori stopped, looked embarrassed for a moment as she got out of the car, and then tried to pretend she hadn't said a thing.
Jade frowned but followed. The whole Vega family was moving into a Brunch place, and Jade was not ready to let the conversation go yet.
"If he's so hurt, then why did he let me go?" She asked Tori. The singer just shrugged. She had no idea, or at least no intent to explain. Holly, however, answered.
"He would only get hurt worse if he held on. It's the hard part, realizing when the relationship could be saved, and when to let go. Letting go hurts now, but saves pain down the line." The elder Vega woman was right, and Jade hated that.
Conversation stayed light from that point on through the day. Jade found the Vega family very accommodating, accepting her almost like one of their own. They spent time eating a nice lunch, enjoying their time together. Trina spoke about UCLA and how she was going for a double major, in Psychology and Theater. They all laughed except Jade, who spoke to Trina about learning stand up.
"It's just you could probably do well as a comedian, just be the straight man in your own routine. You understand people, and that's half of humor. Besides, it's kinda like therapy, or so I've heard." Jade seemed determined to help Trina find her niche in show business.
The Vega's listened, insisting that Trina also have a backup plan. They even wanted Tori to have a backup plan, though it wasn't as immanent since they were in negotiations with Neutronium records. Jade felt that Tori needed protection so that the sharks in the industry didn't take advantage of her. Trina agreed.
After lunch, they found an art museum and just wandered. Jade felt accepted, like she belongs, and that worried her. She knew she should be like Beck, hanging on the old memories, mourning the loss of her one true love, but somehow she was doing better. At least around the Vega family. They took their time, and somehow each of them found something in the art to be captivated by. It took effort, since none of them were really into modern art. Still, in the moment, they opened themselves and found something, a picture or a sculpture, that spoke to them, and that felt like it expanded their world. Or maybe they just felt like this chiz got to them because of the tension in the air.
After they finished, they went back to the Vega residence for a nice home made meal. Jade soon came to understand that Holly was an adequate cook with a few specialties. Holly was not great at cooking for others. Dave could heat and brown meats, and like most men felt he was the master of the barbeque. That was a form of cooking, but Jade was the one to kick everyone out of the kitchen and make something out of a need to survive the meal. She could taste this one, and despite keeping it simple, she made a good meal for the family to enjoy as a way of saying "thank you." 'Sure beats actually saying it.' She thought.
Too soon it was time for Jade to head home. She had been feeling good for a few hours and thought she would be fine. She promised to call once she was home, got in her car, and drove off. At first her mind was trying to figure out why the family of someone she tormented would be so accepting of her. She didn't get a chance to figure it out, as other feelings started to emerge.
It was about half way home when it hit her. The once fearless girl felt danger all around her. She knew that if something went wrong, she had no where to run to. Her father may try, but her had never made her feel safe. Her mother was almost as much a victim as she was. Her brother was twelve, and needed protection himself. Jade needed that safe place, even if only in theory, to feel secure in her world. By the time she got home, she was ready to attack anyone who surprised or startled her. Fight or flight was running, and her heart was quietly pounding. The world was a hostile place. She unlocked the front door, only to lock it again as soon as she was inside. Jade grabbed some water from the refrigerator and raced to her room. She locked that door, barred the window, and chose a musical comedy to watch from her DVD collection. For the first time in years, Jade was not in the mood for a horror movie. She lost herself in panic for only a few minutes before the sound of her phone caused her to jump. Her thrown scissors missed her phone by less than an inch, embedding themselves in the wall. She answered feeling both embarrassed and nervous.
"Jade?" the sound of David Vega's voice calmed her instantly. She didn't understand it, but she knew why he had called. She had promised to call when she got home, and had forgotten.
"I'm all right. I just got lost in a memory." She was a very good liar. Still, they talked about nothing for about a minute before letting each other go. Knowing she could call him, that he would be there if she was in danger, drove the paranoia away, and Jade found she could sleep.