There will be more of the Big Bang people in the next chapter. This one is just getting things moving. I needed to square things away for Beck and Jade.
:}
Jade spent the rest of the week, her precious week off, keeping herself busy. She put in mornings at work to get used to the schedule she would have once she was teaching. She decided to partake in video game Wednesdays (Used to be Halo, but games evolve, and it could all be done on line so she didn't have to be near them to do it.) Jade also agreed to sometimes participate in Pizza night. She got through the week on her own. She was still shaky, and often reactionary, but she was getting stronger. The overload of Tuesday had helped her get past the fears and violation she had felt, at least partially, and to get some work done. She even got the first draft of her play to the producer. Jade felt good about that.
Her work friends were still trying to support her in any way they could. Raj called her daily to check up on her, and both Lenard and Howard made excuses to drop by her office hours. Sheldon even showed some concern, but it was hard to tell because he is so bad at it. Jade took it all in strides. Only Barry Kripke's offer to take her to this "Great buffet" he knew about was refused. She wasn't afraid, since she knew she could take him, but suspected he was just trying to show he cared. She accepted the intent but not the offer.
By the second week, she was ready to visit Beck. As much as she hated it, she needed to recover her stuff that was at his RV. Also, if they were to be friends, they would need to interact. They needed closure. She chose to do it Wednesday because of her teaching on Monday and Office hours on Tuesday would eat up so much of those days. She just had to survive until then.
Teaching class was far different than she had imagined. Her morning class, the one she taught every weekday, was full of undergraduates who had no idea who she was when she walked in. When she tried to talk Physics with them, to gauge where they were before lecturing, they either seemed lost or hit on her. 'Now I see why Sheldon calls them Labradoodles'. She had to accept that the general stupidity she was used to from the unscientific masses might just be the way everyone else worked, and that her and her colleagues might be different. She liked that thought. However, the class still would not believe this pretty teenage girl could be their professor. Despite dressing as professionally as she could, she was still 16. 'Almost 17'. She hated that she had to explain to them that SHE was the teacher, she had her PhD, and she knew far more than any of them about the subject. 'And possibly everything else, stupid wazbags.' After about half an hour, she had one of the other teaching faculty come by and vouch for her. That was what finally convinced the class that she was Doctor West, and they quickly realized that the pissed off girl was probably going to make this class a killer. Jade was a vengeful girl, and something in the glare the students drew from her let the forty odd students know she was going to make them respect her.
Her first lecture was quick and covered the material more fully than many of them would even need. She used her acting training to speak clearly despite lecturing at a fast pace, and her voice covered the room understandably without sounding like she was yelling. They took pages of notes, struggling to keep up. She was determined to make up the time it took to convince them she was the professor. She just refused to do anything at less than her best. Her glare and stance let the lecherous boys know she was off limits. Partially because of her frustration, Jade explained the class material as if it was basic, and showed a disdain for those who didn't get it. As an olive branch, she did tell them she was willing to help those who didn't understand, but made it clear she expected them to try and not waist her time if they were unwilling to learn. With her attitude and knowledge she terrified her class on the first day. Her reputation would not help those feelings.
Her lecture series was different, and far easier. With the exception of Sheldon, who tried twice to correct her (Her glare eventually got through to him), the class was just graduate students and faculty there to learn what was on the cutting edge of Physics. It went pleasantly enough, and Jade was sure she would enjoy this class. She did note, however, that the lecture series had no set class list, so anyone who wanted could show up any given class. It also meant no homework to correct, she just needed to stay current. Jade felt she could do that.
On Tuesday her morning class had figured out that the "dragon lady of the physics department" was not playing around, and so the class went better. Some of them had taken the time to ask around about her, and while they were happy to know how respected she was as a researcher, they were worried by her growing reputation for retaliation. She covered a lot of ground again in class that day. She also let them know was setting up a web page where they could both view the class again (Thank you Hollywood arts, a video camera, and especially Sinjin) as well as download her basic notes on each class. Jade didn't want to be bothered too often, and this would ward off those who might have missed something during the lectures. At the request of her class, the department gave her a graduate student named Kevin Miller as a teaching assistant. (He refused to get her coffee or run her errands. He was to help with the class ONLY.) She wasn't too impressed with him or his research, but decided in the end that he was a godsend. Now she could assign homework and have HIM correct it. She would have to go over a sample to make sure he was doing it right, but it would save her a lot of work. He could also run a couple of sections to help the students better understand the material. During her office hours she was visited by a few students, but their fear her drove most of them to contact Kevin instead. Jade liked that, and was able to get some work done while there. However, Kevin did call her a couple of times to get answers for things he wasn't sure of for the students. He just didn't know the material like she did. 'Another Labradoodle.'
Jade made a point of calling Mr. Vega as she left work after her office hours, every Tuesday and Thursday evenings. He wanted to make sure she was safe. Jade didn't think much about it. 'I'm the friend of one of his kids, and I stayed with them after the breakup. He's just following his instincts. He is a Cop.' It was comforting, but strange. Jade didn't even call her mother unless she was spending the night somewhere, and that was a courtesy. Calling David Vega was something she enjoyed more than it was a duty.
By Wednesday the class was starting to learn the material as well as her teaching style, and things were falling into a pattern. They'd figured out that if she was going to post the basic notes on line, then they didn't need to take so many, and were able to listen and ask questions during the long class time. Jade liked the new dynamic. Between Kevin and the respect her morning class was giving her, everything felt like it was being taken care of. She was growing comfortable in the roll of professor. 'Might do this again next summer, if I get the same deal, and an assistant to get me coffee.'
After School, she was ready to move on with her life. She stopped at home briefly to change into something comfortable before going to Becks. She was going to get her stuff and salvage her friendship. She then stopped by the Vega household to pick up Tori, who was accompanying her on this venture. The rest of the gang would be there when she showed up. At the Vega household she had to spend the few minute required exchanging pleasantries with Tori's family. It was developing into a weird dynamic, and it felt like they were all but adopting her. David and Holly both insisted on being referred to by their first names. It both comforted Jade and freaked her out.
The drive to Becks was only a few minutes, but Jade didn't rush it like she usually would. Tori was a calming force on her life, and Jade liked spending time with just her. She chose to ignore the feeling she was having around Tori in favor of having someone around she felt she could really talk to. She and Tori were talking on way, and she needed to admit something new to her sorta friends.
"I'm seeing a therapist" Jade just dropped that piece of information out of nowhere, and Tori just nodded.
"About time." The singer looked at Jade, then added "I mean you've been dealing with this for years, right?" Tori was sounding nervous.
"No you didn't. You've always thought I needed help. Admit it." Jade accused.
"No. Never. It's just, well, you don't like being happy. How does someone hate being happy? I want you to be happy. How can I make you happy?" Tori noticed the smirk on Jades face. "I'll shut up now."
"It's okay. I get it. You want to be my friend, and so you care. It's just, I feel like I'm not good enough. I should be good enough, but I can't do this on my own. One little nervous breakdown and I go running to a shrink." Jade was being open, and Tori noticed it was happening more often now. Jade was still the volatile, dangerous girl she had always been, but now she could be nice, or at lease open, to the people she trusted.
Speaking of trust, "So how's therapy? I mean, it's been what, one session, so you need to build trust, but do you like it." Tori was feeling stupid. She just didn't know how to ask what she wanted to know.
"It's going good. I like the lady I'm seeing. I chose someone recommended by the staff at UCLA. They say she's used to working with people who've been through the kind of chiz I have. And my health plan covers a surprising number of visits with my shrink. I didn't want to ask why. Anyway, I'll be seeing her every Tuesday from twelve thirty until one thirty. We did have a rocky start, but we recovered." Jade voice sounded like she was just making conversation despite the personal nature of the subject.
"Rocky? What, did she try to take away your scissors?" Tori smiled, hoping the Joke would ease the strange tension they had developed recently. Neither could identify it, but it had started last Wednesday when she went to Caltech to help Jade. It was the elephant in the room, something both were aware of but neither would mention and both were convinced that the other was unaware of. They were equally oblivious to the fact that they subconsciously wanted the tension. No lame joke would end it.
"Don't even joke about that, Vega!" Jade snapped. Then, the anger just melted from the Goth's face. "During the intake phone call, where we talked about what I need and shit, I told her my problem. You'd think saying 'I was raped about four years ago, never told anyone, and now I need you to fix me' would have been something she was used to."
Tori almost did a spit take, until she realized she wasn't drinking anything. Jade was good at using situations to make people feel uncomfortable. The admission was probably to gain an advantage in their interactions. The singer realized the therapy was going to be a power struggle as the actress opened up about her problems. Still, it sounded like the process would work. "I'm just glad you have someone to talk to." Tori finally managed to get out.
"Yeah. The first session was interesting. I wanted this chiz done as soon as possible and she just wanted to talk. Kept telling me that this chiz takes time. I'm not that patient. It's wazzing me off that I'm sometimes afraid that something might happen, like the guy who raped me will just pop out of nowhere and do it again. I feel weak and I don't do weak." A few seconds passed as they let the statement sink in. "And Tori, don't tell anyone about my getting help, okay. I don't want them in my chiz." Jade was unusually talkative today. She didn't comment on Jade not threatening her to stay quiet. Tori chalked it all up to the tension between them.
Jade hadn't allowed herself to notice the change in their dynamic. She focused on the various projects she was working on, not allowing her mind to go back to Tori. The singer was slowly becoming a fixture in her thoughts, or rather always was and now Jade didn't seek revenge for it. She could not allow herself to focus on that until she fixed herself.
"Sure" was Tori's reply. They were almost at Beck's and she didn't see a reason to let anyone in on Jades business. Besides, being Jades confidant made her feel special. She briefly wondered if this was what it felt like for Beck. Then she remembered the favor Beck had asked for, and got nervous. It was almost July, and in only a few weeks it would be Jades birthday. Tori had to decide if she could go through with it before that day.
When the pair got there, the gang was already boxing up Jade's stuff. Jade would only need to do a quick walk-through to confirm that all her stuff was packed. She motioned for Tori to start loading her stuff in her car, and went into the trailer with Beck. It was time to talk.
"So how've you been?" Jade opened.
"I've been better. You?" Beck replied calmly.
"Healing. I want to apologize. I know this has been murder on you, and I wish there was something I could do to make it easier on you. If I was nicer, would it of helped? If I was a complete grunch, would it of made it easier?" Taking a step closer "I just don't want to see you in pain." Jade said softly. She still cared for him, but more like a brother than a lover, and that was the problem.
"Jade, I never could hate you. I don't think I want to. Look, it's going to be hard on me for a while, but I'll get over it. I realized that even if you'd loved me back, we just don't fit. I somehow needed to feel like we were close to equals, and it's hard for me to compete with everything you are. And it's not just me. In our relationship, you always seemed to need to be the center of attention. I would often feel like I was just a distraction from that, or that I just couldn't give you the star treatment you seemed to think you deserved. I understand why now, but the damage's been done. I love you, and I always will. I just understand that if I let you keep my heart, it would just get mangled. I know what you need, and it's not me." Beck said with a shaky but steady voice.
Jade almost jumped on something he said, but the need to keep him in her life was strong today. Instead she decided to do what the supposedly came in for and search through Becks trailer to make sure she had everything. She saw a couple of things that were "Theirs" but decided that nothing was worth arguing about. If it was something she wanted, she already had it. The only argument was silent, when Jade saw one of her bra's hided in the mini-frig. 'Is that the bra I lost from the first time we fucked? My god, he kept it. He swore it wasn't in his trailer. Probably hid it in his parents home.' Jade glared at Beck. For several seconds, they exchanged looks, and then she relented. He could keep that one souvenir. After all, it had been years since she wore it. Finally, with a quick breath, she decided to address something that had been bugging her. Not the big issue, just one that she felt needed to be said.
"Beck, I am sorry I couldn't love you the way you wanted me to. I want to be friends, but understand if that's not something you're ready for. I do need you in my life. It's just, you've become like a brother to me. I love you, but I don't want to be with you. It's just my life would suck if you weren't in it." Jade said. She hesitated for a second, almost holding her breath.
"Oh my god! You just quoted Kelly Clarkson!" he said, his voice stronger and his surprise evident.
"No I didn't" She defended.
"Yes you did. Want me to look is up on Pear Tunes?" Beck said, reaching for his phone and feeling a lot better now. He didn't know it, but teasing Jade would be a test. If he could do it as a friend, then they would be all right.
"The song is 'My life would suck without you'" Jade said.
"And YOU would know the exact name of the song. Probably all the lyrics, too. Admit it, you listen to Kelly Clarkson. I knew you watched that chiz" He was laughing now. Jade looked embarrassed, but also confused. She didn't know quite what to do. She decided to slap his arm. "Help, EX abuse. Jade's abusing me." He shouted playfully. Jade started chuckling. His antics were funnier than just his words. He was overacting worse than Trina, like each blow was a haymaker. Soon they were both laughing. This was the Beck she loved. Old feelings came forth, and the closeness they had shared for so long resurfaced in her heart. It was like before she let her world come between them. They fell on his couch as they continued to giggle helplessly.
Jade noticed that they had enjoyed the moment, fell on the couch but were not tangled together in some desperate embrace. That was when she knew that her and Beck would be Okay. They could be close, having moments and sharing the good times, and just be friends. The only test left would be the a tragedy, or otherwise how they respond to the bad times. Jade had no desire to try that test. She honestly wanted happiness for them both for the foreseeable future. However, a question from earlier had stuck in the back of her mind, and that question was determined to be remembered. He had said he knew what she needed, and she wondered what he meant by that. 'God, I'm becoming worse than Cat.' she thought. As the two exited his trailer, she wondered if now was the time to ask. She decided to ask a different question.
"You gonna be alright?" She asked.
"Yep. I'm slowly bouncing back. It still hurts sometimes, but I need you to know I will never abandon you. You're not alone. Besides I got two apologies from Jade West, who never apologizes, so I feel like I'm ahead." His quick smile lead to a slightly more serious tone of voice. "I get how hard this is for you, but it's working. You're changing for the better." He stopped for a second, looked around, saw their friends near her car, and quickly continued in a soft voice. "Hey, lets make a deal, okay. We will both do all we can to heal and find love again as soon as possible." He smiled at her, that smile the girls all loved, then continued. "Oh I know, how about we agree to annoy each other by helping out if we see a chance. Like say I see a hot, Masochistic Emo, I'll send them your way. If you see some girl I would like, make introductions. Deal?" His smile seemed to grow, and Jade suspected he already had someone in mind. As much as she hated letting anyone mess with her life, she knew she could use this against him as well. He may not like her pick, but she would make him happy, after an adjustment period. With that Jade smiled her evil grin.
"Deal." The two shook hands, each planning on invoking this little treaty sooner than the other was ready. Both knew that they had agreed to let their EX, of all people, set them up. Jade thought she was safer, since few guys would be willing to date her without some guarantee of protection. She just needed a little time to prepare her choice. 'And then she will make him very happy.' Jade didn't know why that thought made her feel so good.
:}
I hope Jade is right. Then again, I know who she's setting him up with. Do you?