Morning brought a whole new sense of peace to the gifted goth. Jade awoke with Tori by her side, tangled in Star Wars bedsheets. Apparently Lenard and Sheldon still lived a little like children. The first day Jade had spent the night, Sheldon had been helpful and made the bed for her using the Star Wars set. Jade hoped she never met Mark Hammil in person now. Not after what she had done on his face. They both decided to lie there, enjoying each others company, and waiting to get up until Sheldon started the next part of his routine.
Tori and Jade shared a shower while Sheldon was doing his laundry. It would have been a perfect plan, but he came back to check on them while the washing cycled through. His freakout at them "Doing it" in the shower was unexpectedly quiet. The "no shared showers" clause was one of the ones removed before Jade had signed, and they were only trying to go easy on him by timing it to one of his out of room activities. After his shout of surprise, and a few minutes to calm down, he discretely left, staying out until he was sure they were done.
As the day progressed, the conversation began to feel like something was being avoided. After lunch, Tori took the step of breaking the ice. "It's called a Feeldo, a type of strapless strap-on. I've read the manual and I'm sure once we try it you'll want to use it all the time."
"Oh my lord." Sheldon cried, reminding them he was in the same room, working on his computer.
"Vega! Not now. If I break him, I have to buy him, and I already have an unemotional man-child in my life." Jade said.
"What?" Sheldon said, not sure if he should be taking offense.
"It's just Sex. I'm sure he's had his experiences." Tori shot back.
Sheldon paled. Quickly he turned and started to talk, only to stop. For once, he had nothing to say.
"Oh my GOD!" Tori said.
"He has a girlfriend. Doctor Kripke thinks he's getting it all the time." Jade said.
"So he's talked about sex?" Tori said.
"Nope." Jade said, letting the P pop. "His research is just not as advanced as Kripke's is, and he'd rather be seen as a sex maniac than the lesser researcher." Jade said.
"Now that's not true!" Sheldon exclaimed.
"Really? So your giving it to Amy regularly? I'm the one running your simulations as well as his. If anyone is aware where your research is, it's me. Your work is impressive, and you've caught up some, but that doesn't change what I've said or make it any less true." Jade said calmly. "Instead of gripping, think on this. You've got a far better quality of life, and where he to ever find someone desperate enough to be with him, his research would no doubt slow down. There is far more to life than just the research, Sheldon. Enjoy your life a bit."
"So what your saying is we find Kripke a girl and his research just falls off?" Sheldon said, sounding interested while again missing the point..
"So I know how the thing works and I would love to try it with you. We can get used to each other first, but eventually I want to try it." Tori said, ignoring Sheldon entirely, focusing on the conversation she wanted to have with Jade.
"You just want to be the one with the dick in the relationship. God Tori, symbolic much?" Jade said.
Sheldon chose not to hear anything the young loves said in favor of working on his new plan to regain the coveted spot of top researcher at Caltech. He was aware, however, that part of it was he didn't want to know about what they were discussion. Total recall can be a curse.
"I don't...I mean...God jade why do you have to be so difficult. I just want to...Shut up." Tori stammered. Jade would normally laugh, but at that moment she had other problems. Sheldon had a new wacky plan to ascend to the top research spot in the Caltech Physics department, and he would probably try to drag her into it. And Tori had a dildo of unknown size she wanted to use on her.
Then there was the whole parental thing. Jade had decided it would be best to handle it one parent art a time. 'Mom would be easier to tell then Dad, except for the whole blaming dad thing that's bound to happen. Oh, I also don't need Billy to know about my past. Not until he's old enough, if ever. I could tell Rick. He's been a decent guy, but he really doesn't need to know. Darren has more of a right to know. So maybe just my mom? I could live with the drama, or not. I'll tell her, but only if necessary. She has her own drama right now. So that leaves Dad. Fiona won't care, and Jason is in the same boat as Billy, except he's gonna be an athlete so someone needs to school him on proper dating. So now I need to figure out how to tell my dad. Maybe I'll handle Tori's desire for a dick first.'
Jade shifted her attention from inside to the conversation Tori was having with Sheldon. More accurately, they both had chosen to focus on their own subjects and replied to the other as if that was what was being discussed. Penny had come in to let Sheldon know his laundry was done, and was now just watching two stubborn people talk about relationships and dildo's. It was probably a very amusing sight, except Jade realized she was in the middle of the whole thing. 'Caught between Tori's thirteen inch toy with it's three inch diameter and a finding a mate for Doctor Kripke the Perv. Not an image I needed.'
Eventually the discussions ended and Jade convinced them that she was not ready to deal with either the sex toy (despite Tori's insistence that it wasn't nearly as big as Jade thought it was, because ouch) or finding love for an adult physicist with a speech impediment. They all agreed to just drop it. Jade knew that translated into a few days before the dildo magically shows up in Tori's bag, and for Sheldon that his idea was now Penny's problem. 'Revenge at last?'
Sunday was better, except for taking Tori to church. The Latina had stated that she wouldn't miss a single Sunday service. Jade had come along, because Tori still didn't have a car, but stayed towards the back of the church. She didn't feel right being there. Her beliefs were far different than even these progressive Catholics. The service was long, with a lot of audience participation that assumed a certain amount of background knowledge. 'I'm sure someone would help me, but they'd expect to see me again.' Jade thought. Finally, after the Vega's paid for any sins they might have unintentionally done with the hours of their lives spent in church, the whole family went to lunch. Jade went along, and enjoyed the company. Beck made an appearance there, joining Trina. 'He always was good at avoiding things he didn't like doing.' Jade thought.
The rest of the day was pleasant enough. Jade and Tori enjoyed the Vega's pool while Trina took Beck to the mall. Later they'd find out it was because that mall had local cover bands play on Sundays to help draw people to their farmers market. The only things Trina bought were a couple of trinkets, some homemade scented hypoallergenic soaps, and some fresh fruit. Jade realized it might be a nice place to take her girlfriend for a date. Then they said their goodby's as Jade drove back to Pasadena to start the next week of what could be her personal hell.
By the time she saw Tori on Tuesday, Jade was seriously missing her. Between the talk she'd had with her therapist about telling her dad and all her dealings with Sheldon, she needed to feel loved. Tori wasn't spending the night, just visiting for a short while. Trina had dropped her off and was going to Pick her up later, after her own date with Beck. They discussed life, plans for the new school year, the progress of Jade play, how they'd announce, ETC. Tori kept the goth physicist calm after explaining that Cat had already told people about their relationship by posting on the slap that it was "non of their business". Jade checked, and Cat was thorough enough to include both names. Sheldon was out with Amy for an after dinner whatever.
As the week progressed, Jade and Tori grew more comfortable with their relationship, as well as Tori's expectations. Tori was nice enough to only talk about her sex toy while they were together, and did bring it for Jade to look at it. Jade was mostly enjoying the early lovemaking stage of the relationship. There were no illusions about their future. For now, however, she wanted to keep their relationship as organic as possible. Toys and Tori's use of them would be for later, probably used as an apology.
By Thursday night, Jade was dreaming about her problems. Confusing dreams about rapists and dildo's and mathematical equations. After the nightmare stage, came the fluffy dreamy stage, and it gave Jade a chill. While weird and unsettling, she'd been having nightmares periodically since the indecent, so was used to them. In these dreams, where often Tori would have an obsession with having the biggest dick in the room, she would dream of family. Specifically a family that didn't exist yet. She dreamt of children who would call her Mama, and of Tori screaming that they would never have sex again while bringing new life into this world. She dreamt of watching her children in their plays and their various games. Tori was always at her side, often telling her not to kill someone for some slight to one of their uncomfortably large number of offspring, seemingly growing into it's own soccer team. Jade woke up covered in sweat, slowly realizing her biggest inner fear may be that because of her parents, she could never be a good mother.
Friday came, and so did dinner with her father. Tori had arranged it to help build family trust, but secretly Jade saw it as meddling. 'I love her so much, but she's gonna be the death of me. What was she thinking?' Fear of her fathers rejection, confirming that she was beyond his love, bled into her thoughts and encouraged her to find any reason to skip this meal. Tori wasn't hearing it.
Jade soon found herself with her father, Fiona, Jason, and Tori at her fathers home. Fiona was talking about transforming Jade's room here into anything else, claiming that the actress didn't need a place in both houses. 'It's nice of her to take notice of me.' Jade suddenly wanted to let Tori experiment with whatever phallic torture device she might own. Anything to avoid the discussion that was about to happen.
After dinner, they played with Jason for a while, then they sent him to bed. Jade and her father took this as the time for a heart to heart. They adjourned to his den, and then sat in silents for ten minutes as neither had a clue how to say what they wanted to say.
"I've never said it before, but I think now's the time. I'm proud of everything you've been able to accomplish. Now don't get a big head, you're still very young, but I know you've got the tools to fall back on if something goes wrong in your quest for fame and fortune." Her father said.
Jade was floored. Of all the things she'd ever thought he'd to say to her, this wasn't even on the list. She never expected him to feel this way, let alone say it. Jade suddenly didn't want to talk. Her part would only hurt, and today wasn't the time.
"Thank you." She said, fighting back tears.
"So what did you want to talk about?" He asked calmly.
"It's nothing." She replied.
"I think it's something. You've been in Therapy for over a month and then suddenly you want to talk to me?" Ha said. "It means there's something."
Jade flashed to anger, her earlier feelings dampened but not lost. How did he know about the therapy. "How?" She started, her own anger eating her words.
"You're under eighteen. I had to be informed about you're therapy. I didn't press the issue, but I'm told I could ask your therapist why you were going. I figured you'd tell me. Now, since it's big enough for you to need outside help, what is it you needed to tell me?" Part of her family's pride was on display. Jade's anger burned her heart as she studied her father. Of course, she should have been strong enough to handle this on her own. That was part of the reason she was so screwed up in the first place.
She was caught in a torrent of emotions. Anger, sadness and a sense of betrayal mixed with dying pride and lots of hurt. She wanted to run, to forget about ever telling him. She desperately didn't want to disappoint him, but obviously already had. Nothing she said would change that part, but she could still hurt him, or protect him. Silence and words, both could do either.
"I was raped." Jade said before she was aware the words had slipped from her mouth. They were barely over a whisper, but filled the entire space of his den. Jade felt the twelve year old version of her screaming, and fought in vain to hold back the tears. As she was breaking down, she felt strong arms around her, holding her close. Her father may not have been good at comfort, but even he knew there was a time to hug.
"My god. What happened. I mean, when and where. As soon as your ready, we need to contact the police..." he said.
"It happened at Nothridge community collage." She gasped out through the tears. Old memories came back, their impact lessened by her therapy, but in the moment they were just as strong as ever.
"Okay, then we need to tell the campus police. They need to catch this maniac." He maneuvered her to his couch, where a different pair of arms guided her to a seat. Jade fought back from the waves of pain and despair, focusing on anything to just get through this moment, finish telling her father what happened.
"It's too late for that!" Jade screamed. She felt a third hand rubbing her back as the current pair held her and her father moved back towards his desk and a phone.
"Nonsense. When did it happen?" Her father asked.
"Do you remember the week I missed school when I was twelve?" Jade said. 'Oh my god. Fiona's the one hugging me! Tori's here, but it's my step-monster hugging me!' Jades mind had to focus on her father or she'd lose track of what she was doing. Her pain, the overwhelming tides, seemed to recede with the same speed they arrived. She was hurting, but the pain was far more manageable.
"Then the call can wait." he said. "You've been holding this in for almost five years?" he said with a calm, even tone to his voice. The anger, so refreshing only in that it existed, was now gone again.
"Shut it!" Fiona said, having found her own hurt.. "She was a kid trying to make it in an adult world. She still is. Of course she'd keep it to herself. There's a lot of shame in being raped. That's why my best friend, back in Martial, killed herself. The message they get, everyone lining up to tell them it's there fault. Why would she tell anyone." Her voice was getting softer as she spoke, the initial harshness fading to one mixing understanding with comfort. "This isn't about catching the guy who did it. He's probably long gone by now. It's about healing what can be healed. She needed to tell you, so she told you. Shh, shh, Jade, it's okay. No one is blaming you." Fiona said, holding Jade and caring for the first time.
"When...When will the hurt go away?" Jade found herself asking.
"It fades to manageable in time, but it's gonna take time. It's been what, a month of therapy? Bet you felt like you were over it. It's gonna take more time. Months, maybe years. You'll get there, and then one day you'll see it's not the big cloud covering your life, that the event can be seen as a horrible thing that happened, but you lived. You're going to beat the guy who did this by being the best Jade you can be. Have a happy life, a beautiful family, everything. Never let that bastard take that away from you." Fiona said in her soft, caring voice. Tori continued to rub Jade's back, mesmerized by how this moment of shared pain started the bonding between these two women.
The rest of the evening was spent discussing the layers of Jade feelings. How Jade felt she had to ignore the rape, continue to go to school so her dad might love her. How she felt worse and worse. How, the day she chose to make Beck her's was the day she saved her own life. Beck had given her a sense of value, had loved her when no one else seemed to care. He'd been so good for her, but her love for him had an expiration date. Jade continued, talking about her guilt, for using Beck, and for hurting Tori before acknowledging how much she needed the singer.
Jade's father listened. He told her about how he suspected Tori might play a role in her life, but was surprised at the roll she played. He talked about his love for her, and how difficult it was for him to tell her because that's not how the West family does thing. He mentioned that he was taking her relationships seriously now because she was working and thus her life was her's to live, but she was still too young for him to let her go without trying to protect her, even a little. He spoke about his feeling, his hurt, how he felt like her mother was trying to play him when they were together, and his early fear Jade might be someone else's. He was so happy when she proved that Jade was his, but by then he knew the damage was done, and the only role he could play was the provider. Finally, after midnight, they hugged and found a moment of peace.
That night, Jade slept in her rarely used room in her fathers house, Tori curled by her side. They were emotionally drained, but still exchanged gentle caresses and sweet kisses. Cuddling together, they reflected on Jades partially repaired relationship with her father. Jade had hope now of repairing her relationship with her mother. They had always been closer, but there was old hurt there too, and Jade needed closure. She continued to caress Tori's arm and side as she lay there in bed, her mind processing the new data about her father while also trying to decide on how to proceed from here. Tori stretched just a little, bringing her mouth to her lover ear. "I brought it." Jade decided to go to sleep and spare her brother any disturbing sounds. She added pouty girlfriends to the list of things to deal with in the morning.