I don't own anything. I borrow, and usually wash them before I return them.
:}
Jade was tired. Last night she told her father her biggest secret, and in the process connected with her stepmother. The whole thing had been draining. Despite a good nights sleep, she wasn't fit to drive until after noon. Tori stayed with her, played with her brother, and kept an eye on things to make sure everyone treated Jade the same. Normalcy, maybe with more acceptance, was what Jade needed now. Eventually, Jade had to force herself to move just to get away. She still needed to process the changes in her life, and it was taking a lot of her to do so. Tori rode with her as she drove to Pasadena, planning on staying with her through the weekend.
Once Jade got home, she took the time to check her messages and email while Tori called home. Tori made arrangements to have some clothes and toiletries brought over, as well as her laptop. Sheldon had already adapted to the new living arrangement, or more accurately Amy used it as an excuse to get him out of the apartment as often as possible. Tori and Jade could be teens with minimal chance of Sheldon exploding.
They were falling into a routine. Spend time together, talk about whatever, sometimes watch TV. Eventually, Tori would suggest something involving the bedroom. Jade usually considered every offer, but today she was just too tire. Tori didn't push, and they planned to spend a lazy day together.
"So, how's the play coming?" Tori asked.
"We've started the casting calls. I'm gonna ask you guys to audition, but I'll understand if you're too busy. Any day they could want you to start recording your album." Jade smiled. Somehow, she wasn't jealous of Tori's success any more. She was starting to get hers as well. Yes, a play was a long way from an album, but Jade was just setting her foundation for her career as a writer and director, and in time would branch out to other things. Her deal with Caltech was sweet enough for her to just do both the researcher position and explore being a Hollywood mover and shaker.
"I'll consider it. You gonna give Penny a chance?" Tori asked.
"Yep. However I bet she'll fall short. The producer may be her friend, but he's giving me almost total control over the production. He just wants to make some money and pad his reputation. Also, Penny wouldn't put out, so he's cooled on her. He might try it on me, but I think he needs my talent as a writer slash director to foster his producer image. Sluts love producers, I guess." Jade was enjoying this time. It would be the last calm before the storm. Next week was the last week of the summer quarter, and thus the final. The shorter quarter was made up for by the longer classes, and while the students would have until the middle of September until the Fall quarter, Caltech ran a two quarter summer. Jade, however, would not be teaching again until the spring.
She could almost feel it. Soon, she would be done with classes, and the next week she would be a senior at Hollywood Arts. Jade didn't get much of a summer break, but that's what summer school does to you. Besides, she was secure in her position now. One more week and she would be back in the school where she was the top gank. Jade was feeling it now. One more week and she only had Sheldon on the weekends.
"Tori, Your my girlfriend now. Is it okay to call you that?" Jade asked.
"Yea." Tori replied, feeling a bit nervous about where this was heading.
"Just asking. I was thinking, maybe you should come up with a list of pet names I might call you. You're choices are Jade, no variations on that, babe, and maybe lover if you're trying to get into my pants. Mostly babe." Jade said as she typed on her computer.
"Okay, but Beck called you Babe. I don't like recycling pet names." Tori said with just a hint of doubt.
"He calls most girls that, I mean, if he's trying to get with them. But the main thing is, he called me that because I liked it. It's shorter than beautiful, and gets the idea across that I'm hot. Just put some thought into what I'm going to be calling you." Jade said.
"Okay. I guess it's something to think about, now that the whole school knows we're dating. We really should think about how we're going to deal with all the gawkers once school starts. Or we could take the high road, and just ignore it." Tori said hoping.
"Yea, the second. And Tori, we will not be having sex at Hollywood Arts. I did it with Beck, and trust me, there are no comfortable spots to do it. I'm not on display, and neither are you." Jade was enjoying the talk. Tori's phone beeped.
Jade(to SLAP): Attention everyone, pervs especially. As you know, Tori and I are dating. Unwelcome comments, gawking, excess looking, unwanted pet names including a cutesy couple name, and other such things will be met with creative retaliations. And scissors.
Tori was stunned. Jade had made a decision unilaterally. She wasn't going to just let that happen. "Jade, Whats with your latest post. You know, if it affects us as a couple, we should discuss what threats you post on line." Tori wasn't too upset. She knew what she was getting into with Jade. However, she would not be a doormat in the relationship. Her phone beeped again.
Jade: (to SLAP): All guys and the gals into gals. Tori is mine. No flirting or inappropriate touching. Offending limbs may wind up detached. Scissors cut as well as stab.
"JADE!" Tori's response was expected. Jade knew Tori wasn't going to let her be jealous, or insecure about their relationship. Still, she needed to mark her Territory, and quickly. Tori was as desirable as Beck, and just as nice. Difference was, Guys are a lot more pushy, and Jade had had her fill of pushy Northridge girls.
"What" Jade replied. 'She'd practically let some duffous fuck her before telling them to maybe pretty please stop. I'm just protecting her from herself.' Jade looked at Tori and saw the look in her eyes. 'Still, I'm probably going to get it now. Better prepare the pouty apologetic face.' It was a rarely used tactic by Jade, but she would need Tori to forgive her for what she was about to do. This was about their relationship, and what happened now would define their chances in the future.
"You know I get these updates too." Tori chastised.
"Wow, you follow me on the slap. I'm so glad." Jade replied
"This isn't about who follows who. You do follow me, right?" Tori asked. Jade nodded and the singer continued. "It's about including me in all your decisions." Tori said.
"So I need to discuss it with you if I decide to spring a pop quiz on my class?" Jade responded.
"You know that's not what I mean." Tori said.
"No I don't. Why don't you tell me what you mean? Or should we discuss it?" Jade shot back sarcasticly.
"I'm not going to just be your doormat. I'm not Beck." Tori said, feeling a little hurt and angry. "If you trust me, if you love me, you'll stop being such a gank and talk to me."
"I'm not doing anything that affects us as a couple. I'm just letting all the users and losers know you're no longer available." Jade shot back.
"What did you say?" Tori said in a dangerous voice.
"You heard me." Jade shot back.
"How could you, I mean, after all I've done for you.." Tori started, sounding hurt.
"After Danny, you seem to only date users, losers and crazy people. I can't trust you not to fall for another line." Jade said.
"Like the one you gave me? About Loving me?" Tori said.
"I do love you, you stupid... I'm trying to protect you." Jade was frustrated. This was going to hurt.
"If you loved me, you'd trust me. Instead you keep me at arms distance. You never include me, never trust me, just go one making decisions about us." Tori said. "I wonder if you're just being selfish or you really are that crazy. Did Beck.." Tori stopped herself
"I am, and you're holding back. I'm not that fragile and I hate pity, so what are you really thinking?" Jade said, her tone slightly changed. 'She mentioned Beck twice? What is she thinking.'
"I'm not.. it's just.. Oh why do you have to be so impossible. I swear, Beck should have gotten hazard pay. You're just so...There are two of us in this relationship, you know that? God Jade, just get over yourself!"
Silence filled the room, just for that one second. Jade knew it could be taken so many ways, but feared Tori meant something specific. "Go on." Jade said, almost holding her breath. 'She didn't mean..'
"I mean get over yourself. Stop thinking your the chiz. Maybe you're gifted, but who cares about physics. I mean..," Tori said, again stopping herself.
"What?" Jade said. "You still holding back?" Tori looked at her for just a second, confusion warring with her frustration. "You wanna know what my problem is? You're still such a fucking pushover, letting everyone just walk over you."
"And you're the most ungrateful bitch I've ever seen, including Trina." Tori's voice was getting louder. "After what everything we've done for you, I can't believe how selfish you are. I get that you were hurt, but that doesn't give you the right to shut me out." Tori yelled.
"Hurt?" Jade said. 'Ignore the Trina comparison.'
"You know.." Tori started.
"Raped?" Jade said. "I'm not using that to keep you out. It's just sometimes you make bad decisions..."
"I make bad decisions? I make bad..? Damn it Jade, maybe your right. Maybe I do. Maybe being with you was a bad decision too."
"Tori.." Jade started.
"I try, I really try and all I get is the door slammed in my face. Every time. Well I don't have to take it." Tori was on a roll now. "It hurts when you keep me out. It hurts when you act like a gank. I hurt because I'm dating the most self centered bitch who ever walked."
Jade stood there, absorbing each verbal blow. Tori was letting out years of frustration. Jade knew, no matter how much it hurt, she had to weather this storm. 'It's for us. I'm doing this for us.'
"Don't you have anything to say? Like maybe a timed putdown or making fun of some habit? You good at that. Tearing down people. For your information, hurting people, like your friends, won't change anything. Your still the one lacking. How could I ever think I could love someone like you." Tori was pressing her advantage. For the first time in years, she felt like she had Jade in retreat.
"You can't." Jade replied. "I'm damaged goods. You knew that getting into this relationship." Jade was losing control of her anger.
"Don't hide behind that. You were used, get over it." Tori knew it was the wrong thing to say even as it passed her lips. It was too late.
"You want me to just get over being raped?" Jade shot back.
"No, that's not what I meant." Tori stammered. She felt the balance shifting. "I'm just saying stop using it for pity."
Jade was on the edge. She knew if she argued more, she'd be the one saying thing she would later regret. 'Don't say anything. Let her get the last hurt in. It'll stop the argument.' Jade thought through the haze of anger that summoned words to her lips. She fought all of them down, and had nothing left. Several of her issues just got tagged. The pain rocked through her body, but she wasn't going to show Tori how hurt she was feeling. "Go." was all she could force out.
"Were not done here." Tori started.
"GO!" Jade shouted. "Get the fuck out of my room, out of this building. Get out of my life. I don't need your fucking pity." Jade stopped herself there.
Tori hesitated for a moment, then left. Her stuff was on the way, and she could get a ride instead. Once she was gone, Jade let it go. She cried, cursed, pounded the couch and let herself feel all the pain she'd kept from the world. After a while, she cried herself to sleep, only to wake up to Sheldon shaking her. "You're in my spot."
Jade didn't bother to answer. She just went to her room and went to bed. She had had enough for one day. Now it was time to wait, nursing the hurt and waiting to see how her relationship recovered from the fight. She spent as long as she could going over the fight, looking for where she should apologize, and where she wasn't at fault. Each go through shifted the list. 'Tomorrow, I'll talk to Penny. Maybe she can help.' Jade needed perspective, and soon. If their relationship couldn't survive it's first big fight, they were doomed.
Sunday came, and Jade was finally able to sleep in. She was still exhausted. 'should have put that fight off until I recovered from Friday' she thought. Realizing she'd skipped dinner last night, she forced herself to eat something. She'd given her word, though she couldn't remember to whom, that she'd stop hurting herself.. After she ate, she trudged back to Lenard's room to go back to bed. She didn't need Sheldon or anyone disturbing her now. Nursing both hurt and guilt, she dozed, drifting in and out of dreams about how this was all her fault.
After an unknown amount of time, she woke up to voices. Someone was talking in the living room. Jade tried to ignore it. A short while later, there was a knock on her door.
"Go away." Jade said, wanting to just lie there. She'd gone over the argument a dozen times in her head, how she kept egging Tori on until the Latina said something that hurt her. Jade desperately wanted to call Tori, to talk this through, but she felt she needed to wait just a little longer. The hurt was still too fresh, the wounds still bled.
A second knock and Jade realized it wasn't Sheldon's pattern. "Jade, can we talk."
'Beck! What the Chiz is he doing here.' Jade thought. "Go away. I'm wallowing." She said.
The door opened. "Can't come in here. Roommate agreement says you need my permission." Jade said in a weak voice. Beck still walked in. Jade glared at him. "What if I was naked?" She asked, realizing she was still in the sweats and shirt shirt she was wearing yesterday. 'I'd rather be seen naked than this.'
"Seen it. I think I even have pictures somewhere." he said smiling. "So you and Tori had your first big fight. How'd that go." He walked over and sat on the end of the bed.
Jade sat up, looking at her ex and wondering who told him. He was dating Trina, but Tori was also one of his best friends. "How do you think it went. I goaded her on until she hurt me, and then I threw her out." Jade said.
"From what I heard, you didn't tear into her. Why'd you hold back?" He asked. "And why the Star Trek bedsheets?"
"They go with the bedspread. As for why I held back, this was our first fight. I wanted to get it over with now, and tried not to hurt her. I just..I don't..this isn't me. I've never felt so.. I feel like chiz." Jade said. She almost cried.
"Tori didn't realize you held back until lunch. She was so mad at you." He said. 'She's here, with Trina. You ready to talk it out?"
"No." Jade said. 'I don't want the relationship to be over.' Fear crept into her mind as the hurt refused to leave.
"Too bad." Beck said. He walked to the door and called out. "Tori, Trina, care to join us?"
Seconds later three more figures entered the room. Trina and Tori found places to sit around the queen sized bed, and Sheldon stood in the doorway. Silence followed them in, and Jade didn't have the drive to kick Sheldon out.
"Excuse me, but this is family business." Beck said. Sheldon almost didn't move.
"It's okay. I'll probably hear it through the walls." Sheldon said before returning to the living room.
'He's going to tell Raj, and I'm going to get an earful. This whole thing is my fault.' Jade thought.
"So someone start talking." Trina said.
"I'm sorry" Jade started. "I should have thought about your feelings before I posted my threats on the Slap."
"And" Tori said.
"And I should trust you not to fall for crazy user types." Jade said.
Tori smiled. "Don't you have something to say?" Beck asked.
"Yea. Jade, I love you, and I'm sorry I let my frustration get to me. I know you're dealing with things, and they'll be there for the rest of your life. I'm talking more than just what that man did to you... The point is, I knew you were hurt going into this relationship. I didn't mean, I mean, you kept pushing and pushing." Tori was sounding frustrated. Trina put her hand on the singers shoulder, helping calm her down.
"Yea, about that." Jade said. She took a deep breath. 'courage Jade. This is a defining moment.' Jade shifted her focus back to her girlfriend. 'But for how long.' Hesitating a moment more. "Tori...I kinda picked that fight." Jade's voice was quiet, barely above a whisper.
"What? Why?" Tori was getting angry. Trina stopped her.
"Do you remember Beck and Jade? They fought all the time. It's probably like foreplay to her." Trina said.
"Not exactly." Beck chimed in. "You should have trusted her to have that fight later, when it came up naturally." He scolded Jade gently.
"Why?" Tori repeated. She wanted to be angry, but right now anger would get in the way of finding out why, so she held off.
"I needed to know if we'd survive. I sorry, I should have trusted you, but everything was moving so fast and I was worried that once the good times stopped you'd..." Jade trailed off, and she looked down.
"I'd just leave you?" Tori started. Fresh hurt filled her, only to stop. Jade sat there, head down, looking vulnerable and hurt. "Is it always going to be like this?"
"No. Just when you argue. You need to learn how to fight and make up. Jade is always going to go and do things behind you back. It's just with you, she means well." Beck said. "But think of it this way. You two don't have to argue half as much as we did. Just find your own balance."
"How many relationship books did you read?" Jade asked the actor.
"I hurt you, didn't I. And you let me. I can't have that happen." Tori started.
"I just wanted the argument over before I said something I'd regret." Jade replied.
"Like?' Tori said, her voice getting low.
"Really?" Trina cut in. "She doesn't know. Or maybe she does. The point is, anger isn't honesty, its war. Things you might not really feel become the weapons you chose. Things frustrate you, but that doesn't make them how you really feel. The purpose of words in a fight is to hurt, and any truths that come out are often shaped as weapons." Tori had to agree. Jade's admission of being raped was one of the last nails in her and Becks relationship. "Now, talk it out or don't. And Tori, if this argument does break you up, then Jade was right to start it. Neither of you need to be in a relationship that can't survive your first big fight."
Beck and Trina reluctantly got up and headed out to the living room. Sheldon was playing an on line game. "So are they still a couple?" he asked.
"Maybe, probably." Beck replied.
"Damn." Sheldon said.
"You don't like my sister?" Trina asked.
"She's fine. I just don't need them doing the, as Howard would say, 'Horizontal Tango' all the time." He replied.
Back in the bedroom, Tori moved to be sitting on the bed next to Jade, legs over the comforter. "So." she said.
"So." the goth replied.
"I guess I am sorry. I'm not entirely sure what I said last night. All I know is I love you, and I didn't mean everything I said. I won't promise I didn't mean any of it. You are frustrating, and I would like you to trust me. Just, can we get past it. Crazy roommate is right, we should be making uncomfortably loud sex noises right now." Tori thought she was making a joke.
"Yea, about that. I love you, and the sex has been grate. Not complaining about the sex. It's just, is that what you want from me?" Jade asked nervously.
"No. I want everything. I want the gank that's overprotective and threatens a whole school just to make sure I don't get hit on by any more bad boys. I want to be there when you're play opens, and your first movie. I want to be the one you cry to when things get that bad. I want..." A kiss stopped her.
Breaking the kiss, Jade replied. "I get it. Thank you. All I want is to be there for you as well."
Tori embraced Jade, only to roll the physicist on top of herself. They lie there for several second, until Tori spoke. "This is our relationship. Not including sex, so no comments. Your the 'man', the one who's aggressively making decisions and protecting the family. I'm sort of the bottom, the support for the whole thing. We're equals, I suppose, but I like this. I like that you can be both the protector who makes me feel safe and the soft girl I like to caress."
"You make me feel safe too. It's hard for me to be vulnerable, and you make it easy." Jade replied. Tori smiled at the comment and moved to kiss her, but she pulled back. "Okay, spill, what's been bothering you?"
"I thought we'd covered that." Tori said, just a little frustrated. Jade was running hot and cold, and this was to Tori a time to get frisky.
"I mean besides me. What's been bugging you." Jade asked. Tori realized it was time for an act of trust.
"Gary." Tori confessed. "My mom's flirting with my dad's ex partner. They may be having an affair. It's worrying me."
Jade smiled. "Do you want to talk about it? Or do you want me to be the man and find out whats really happening?" Jade asked.
"Both." Tori said.
"Okay, I'll ask. But right now, what do you want to do? And remember that Beck and Trina are still in the living room with Sheldon." Jade said, rolling off her girlfriend.
"I guess you're right. Too bad we have to wait. Your breasts look so soft and suckable." Tori said in a soft, sultry voice. Jade froze. Tori was caressing herself just shy of provocatively as she got up and walked to the door, talking all the time. "But we really need to be good hosts. Maybe we could do a family thing, hang out with Bernadette and her husband, maybe spend time as couples. It'll help us grow closer."
"You're evil." Jade half moaned.
"It's okay. If your nice, I'll let you play later." Tori said. "Lover." That last word was said with as much sex appeal as Tori could squeeze into it.
"I need to take a quick shower." Jade said as she gathered up the clothes she'd need for the evening. 'A cold shower.'
"Too bad it has to be quick. I like washing your..." Tori sucked the tip of her finger for just a second before starting towards the living room. Jade stopped her in the hallway outside the door, pulling Tori in for a kiss. "You're showering alone. I don't need my sister hearing us." Tori said, playfully slapping Jades arm before stepping back to allow Jade access to the bathroom.
"Why did I ever doubt the Vega seduction. It's a good thing Trina can't do that." Jade said while carrying her stuff into the bathroom
"Who said she can't" Tori said, then she started towards to the living room, pulling out her phone. Tori would make the calls that would arrange their evening together.
'What am I getting myself into.' Jade thought as she closed the door and began stripping. The water cleansed her body, but not her mind. "Oh my GOD!" She said. 'Trina can do THAT! I should warn...Nnnaaahhh, he'll thank me later.'
:}
I'm not crazy about the argument. I just don't feel it. Still, it was kicking my ass so here it is.
Any thoughts, comments, etc are welcome. Reviews are read, and appreciated.
I only have a little left in this story. It's coming to an end.