What am I doing here?
Kahoko could not help but ask herself this one simple question. Surrounded by all her friends, Tsukimori, Yunoki, Kaji, Tsuchiura, Ousaki, and Amou, not to mention a luxurious ski resort in Hokkaidoi, all expense paid for. Yet, Kahoko discovered it was all wrong because, a special senior was not here.
The green-haired senior, Hihara Kazuki, the person who never missed any group gatherings, the cheerful friend that always managed to put a smile on other people's faces with his energy and jovial attitude towards life, had declined his invitation to join the group here at Hokkaido.
She needed no one to spell it out for her, but Kahoko knew, she was the person that took away Hihara's smile. No, actually, he did smile, but it was not the kind Hihara was known to possess. The smile Kahoko saw on Hihara's face that day on the university campus was a saddened, hurtful one, simply a reflection of the bleeding wound she had caused within his heart.
I know what it is like to wait for an answer that you know would never come.
To be given false hope, knowing no matter how much you give, there was really nothing to grasp.
Actually, if you consider it carefully, it was not very 'Hihara-like' to talk so negatively. Wow, how did she manage to destroy a wonderful person who always looked to the bright side of life and turned him into the man who recognises darkness and despair? Had Kahoko forgotten, if it was not for Hihara three years ago, she probably would not have been able to smile again.
---
That night three years ago, after she broke down and begged Tsukimori to break up with her, Kahoko spent the entire night weeping in her bedroom. In fact, she cried herself to sleep every night after that for a straight three months. It was bad, really bad. Kahoko never realised breaking up with Tsukimori could be so painful. During the day at class, Kahoko would force herself to act okay, but when she was alone, whenever she closed her eyes, or even, whenever she walked around the Seiso Gakuin school grounds, she would be reminded of every wonderful moment she had with Tsukimori.
Recovery from the break up with Tsukimori would not have been so hard if she could think of any unpleasant, disappointing times she had spent with him. Unfortunately, Kahoko discovered, everything related to Tsukimori was all but beautiful happy memories that had occupied more than half of her soul.
Within a month of Tsukimori's departure, Kahoko had lost five kilograms. It was like a nightmare, the heartache, the miseries was making her sick from inside and she could not even force food down her throat. She had always been a slim girl, and shedding that much more weight made her look very fragile. Yet she would force herself to smile before her friends, frightened people would see how wounded she actually was.
Noticing her condition, Kahoko's two best friends Nao and Mio became extremely worried. "Kaho-chan is obviously troubled about something, but she wouldn't share it with us." Mio sighed.
"Is there nothing we could do?" Nao added too, feeling sorry for Kahoko. While the two girls were talking, they noticed a familiar person standing by the classroom door looking in.
"Hihara senpai," Approaching the visitor, Nao greeted. "Are you looking for Kaho?"
With Nao's spot on answer, Hihara blushed in embarrassment. "Yeah...yeah, has she left for the day already?"
"Kaho-chan is probably at the practice rooms, she has been working harder than normal recently." Mio came up too and replied.
"Oh, of course. She always practice hard on her violin, I guess I really need to look up to her." Scratching his head in embarrassment Hihara laughed.
"Hihara senpai," With a sigh, Nao looked up at Hihara in all seriousness. "Actually, we are very worried about Kaho."
Surprised with the tone of graveness in Nao's voice, Hihara asked immediately. "Why? Is she okay?"
"We are not sure because she never shares anything with us, but she has lost so much weight, and her eyes are always puffy and swollen." Mio lowered her head and explained. "She must have been crying in secret and yet there was nothing we could do."
"That is why," Nao added quickly. "Hihara senpai, we are hoping you could help her, you always managed to make her smile, and this time, I still believe you are the only one who could do it!"
For a few months since Christmas, Hihara had been busy with university entrance exams so it was not until towards the end of March did he come to visit Seiso Gakuin. Actually to be honest, after that Christmas night, when he saw Tsukimori confessed to Kahoko, Hihara knew it was no longer him that could make Kahoko happy.
Wanting to back away, Hihara was glad due to the busy schedule of a third year student, he was able to avoid coming to school in case he sees Tsukimori and Kahoko together. To his surprise though, apparently Tsukimori had gone to Vienna, leaving Kahoko here all alone. From Nao and Mio's words, Hihara knew immediately the cause of Kahoko's drastic weight loss, and the reason to her tears.
Hihara clenched his fists in frustration with the discovery how little his existence meant to Kahoko in comparison to Tsukimori. Being her friend this whole time, Kahoko never opened to anyone her relationship with Tsukimori, and although Hihara had always smiled and told Kahoko to come to him whenever she needed help, she never came. There was only one explanation. She never needed his help in the first place.
Walking along the corridor of the music faculty practice rooms, Hihara heard a familiar sound, the sound of violin performed by the girl who occupied every part of his being. Secretly taking a look through the glass opening of the door, Hihara felt his heart burnt immediately when he saw the face of the beautiful girl he thought of night and day.
However, the sweet tender feeling disappeared immediately when Hihara recognised the tune Kahoko was performing. It was Salut D'amour Op.12, the piece he heard on Christmas night, the duet Kahoko performed with Tsukimori.
Lowering his head, Hihara was about to turn and walk away when he noticed the music stopped suddenly. Turning around in surprise, Hihara saw Kahoko weeping bitterly as she held the music manuscripts in her hands.
Each drop of tears that fell onto the manuscript, Hihara felt a pinch against his heart. Yes, he was insignificant compared to Tsukimori, but could he walk away from Kahoko when he knew she was in so much agony? It does not matter if he was only a fool, wanting something he would never have; Hihara was willing to sacrifice anything to see Kahoko smile again.
---
Kahoko was tired of all the weeping and she was drained from all the heartaches.Why so much pain? Wasn't she the one that asked to break up with Tsukimori? Was it not her that begged him to not contact her again? Knowing so, Kahoko was unable to help herself from such miseries. From the bottom of her heart, Kahoko desperately called for someone to rescue her from the pitiful situation.
Quickly drying her tears Kahoko forced herself to stand up again. Opening the door, as if her cry for help was answered, Kahoko's eyes widened in surprise when she saw someone standing there waiting.
"Hihara senpai...?"
"Hello!" With a funny smile, Hihara waved and greeted. "Long, long time no see, Hino-chan."
As a reflex, Kahoko lowered her head worried Hihara would notice the tear mark on her face as she greeted too. "Yes, it has been a while, Hihara senpai. Have you completed all the exams?"
"Yup." Hihara replied realising he could not keep his eyes off the beautiful face he had missed so much. At the same time, Hihara understood what Mio and Nao were saying because Kahoko indeed looked very fragile.
"Hino-chan!" Stepping forward Hihara grabbed onto Kahoko's hand. "Let's go celebrate! It's my shout, order anything you want!"
"Eh?" Not expecting that Kahoko finally looked up at Hihara and found a most cheerful smile on his face. For some reason, Kahoko realised she really missed that cheerfulness from Hihara. It was like the warm sunshine that made her cold miserable world warm again.
Knowing his action was abrupt and sudden, Hihara did not care. From the way Kahoko wept secretly alone in the practice room, Hihara felt she was hoping for someone to give her strength to move on. He most likely was not the strength she was looking for, but Hihara no longer cared. So what if he was just a fool, or a clown making a fool out of himself? As long as he could make Kahoko remember what laughter was, it was all worth it.
"Hihara senpai, I can't eat all these!" Kahoko gaped at the banquet Hihara ordered for her. Not to mention that she had long lost her appetite, even if she still has it, there was no way she could eat all of the food.
"Oh, not to worry, just eat the ones you like." Hihara replied with a wonderful warm smile totally forgot he would weep when he need to pay for the bill later.
Kahoko did not know what to say when she noticed the selfless caring in Hihara's words. She too knew that she had not been eating properly since Tsukimori's departure, and seeing that cheerful expression on Hihara's face, Kahoko forced out a smile and took a bite of the food closest to her. The moment the food entered her mouth, the disgusting feeling whirled up within, but Kahoko held it in and swallowed the food.
"Hino-chan? How was the food? Is it delicious?" Hihara asked quickly in concern when he saw Kahoko took her first bite of food in a long time.
Not wanting to disappoint Hihara, Kahoko nodded. "It was delicious, thank you."
Although Kahoko thought she could no longer tolerate the taste of food in her mouth, she felt magically appetite started to return when she ate it little by little with Hihara. Breaking up with Tsukimori was harsh but Kahoko knew she had a person who cared for her. Hihara's attentiveness gave her strength, and all of a sudden Kahoko discovered—she was rescued.
---
"Can't make up your mind?" From beside her, Kahoko heard Amou asked while she read through the ski resort pamphlet. "How about I pick one for you, let's start with ski school…"
"Amou-chan," Kahoko sighed noticing no motivation in trying out anything. "I, I am worried about Hihara senpai."
"Hihara senpai?" Amou blinked with Kahoko's sudden mention of the senior. "Why?"
With another sigh Kahoko continued, "I don't know, I just feel bad that we are all here having fun and Hihara senpai is not here to have fun too."
"But like he said, he has a graduation thesis to work on, besides, there will always be another chance."
"I know but still…" Kahoko frowned.
Noticing the expression on Kahoko's soft face, Amou asked cautiously. "Hino-chan, I have actually always wondered, what relationship do you have with Hihara senpai?" stopping, Amou added remembering the shocking news she heard the day she stalked Kaji and Kahoko's date. "And also, was there something between you and Tsukimori-kun?"
Kahoko's face turned bright red with Amou's straight forward questions. "Three years ago…" Slowly looking away, Kahoko gave a sigh knowing it was time to open up to her friend. "Before Len went to Vienna, we dated…"
"Eh??" Amou's eyes opened wide in shock with Kahoko's confession. "Really? You and that cold stoic Tsukimori Len??"
Blushing even more Kahoko nodded. "The night of the Christmas concert, Len and I confessed our feelings and we started going out." A sad smile painted her face as she continued. "I knew he would soon leave for Vienna but I didn't care. We both knew what was coming but we thought as long as we treasured the little time we have left, it was enough. However when he really left, I was in so much despair and pain that I actually regretted loving him. I once could live on my own, but life could never be the same for me if he was not around."
"Hino-chan…" Amou sympathised with Kahoko finally knowing the reason why three years ago, Kahoko looked so pale and weak.
"It was at my lowest times, Hihara senpai remained beside me and helped me back onto my feet." Kahoko closed her eyes and continued to explain. "Finally at the night of Yunoki senpai's engagement party, Hihara senpai confessed to me and asked if I could become his girlfriend…"
"What, what did you tell him? Did you say yes?"
"At the time, although his confession came as a surprise, but I actually felt really happy." Kahoko answered recalling the feeling of warmth she felt that night. "I felt from the bottom of my heart that if it was Hihara senpai, I could really walk down this path with him…"
"But you still love Tsukimori-kun right?" Amou asked sharply remembering it was the same question Kaji asked when he confessed.
Feeling a prick in her heart with Amou's question, Kahoko bit her lower lip in frustration. "I, I am not sure…All I knew was, when he left me, he took a huge part of me with him, and I would be lying if I said, I no longer feel anything for him." Looking over at Amou Kahoko added quickly. "But I really was willing to start anew with Hihara senpai! With him I could smile, and I have been so happy with Hihara senpai for the past three years, I was sure I could continue on for many years to come…"
"But you didn't expect Tsukimori-kun to return to your life." Amou gave a sigh finally understanding the situation. "Hihara senpai must have been so struck too with such an outcome…"
Kahoko remained silent for she knew not what else to say.
Seeing this, Amou gave Kahoko a pat on the shoulder. "But to be honest, I don't think things are as complicated as you think."
"It's not…?"
"Well, it is pretty obvious to me that you are here at the ski field where Tsukimori-kun also is, but your heart had actually flown back to Yokohama because Hihara senpai is there."
"You mean…?" Life returned to Kahoko's beautiful face with Amou's statement.
Nodding, Amou smiled in encouragement. "Although Tsukimori-kun still means a lot to you, but it was because he left you three years ago in such a way that you were confused and hurt. Yet without knowing, Hihara senpai's presence had started to occupy your heart little by little. Although it had taken three years, I am sure his position in your heart may not be lighter than Tsukimori-kun's."
Amou's words were like a key that finally opened and released the lock that tied Kahoko down for three years. When she felt so heartbroken with Hihara's saddened expressions, she had always thought it was because she felt guilty. All of a sudden she discovered there was much more to it. For three years Kahoko had lived a life with Hihara's support and without him beside her now, how can it be right?
No more confused, Kahoko held onto Amou's hand in gladness. "Thank you Amou-chan! You have opened my eyes!"
"Don't mention it." Amou smiled in return. "So what are you going to do? Are you going to remain here at the resort?"
Shaking her head, Kahoko smiled. "No, for I know where I should be." With that in mind, Kahoko packed her things and when she apologised to Yunoki about her plan to return to Yokohama, to her surprise, Yunoki seemed rather calm with her sudden decision.
"Make Hihara happy," Yunoki sighed. "You owe him that much."
While Yunoki watched Kahoko hopped into the taxi to take her to the airport, his heart ached. He knew he had lost his dream, yet he was comforted to know, at least his best friend had found his. Smiling mockingly to himself, Yunoki was amused to discover that he was actually capable of wishing other people happiness too.
---
Kahoko thought she could literally hear the pounding of her heartbeat by her ears. Standing outside Hihara's house, Kahoko wondered if he would be happy to see her sudden return. Would he still want to hear her answer to the question he asked that night at Yunoki's engagement party?
"Yes?"
Not long after she buzzed the doorbell, a man's voice answered and opened the door. When Kahoko saw the face, she quickly bowed and greeted politely. "Good afternoon, Haruki-san. Is, is Hihara senpai home?"
Surprisingly, an awkward and weird look came onto Haruki's face. Greeting in abnormal cheerfulness, the older of the Hihara brothers said. "Yo, Hino-chan! What, what a surprise!"
While Kahoko pondered on Haruki's reaction, she saw from behind the tall older brother, the first door at the top of the staircase opened. She recognised that as Hihara Kazuki's bedroom door, and when she saw the familiar green haired youth exiting the room, her body became restless in nervousness and joy.
However, all that buzzing feeling vanished when she saw following after Hihara, a beautiful girl came out of the room. Not knowing Kahoko was standing by the door, Hihara Kazuki scratched his head and smiled at the girl. "Midou-chan, thanks for the snacks you prepared. All that sugar really helped my brain from performing faster."
"No problem, Hihara senpai. Because that was the least I could do." Lowering her head in shyness, the gorgeous girl smiled so stunningly that it was able to melt any man's heart.
Noticing the sour look on Kahoko's face, Haruki held onto his head and groaned. The moment he opened the door and saw Kahoko's face, he had predicted this to happen. That was why he purposely greeted loudly hoping his brother would hear his hint and remain in his room. Unfortunately, his younger brother obviously did not take the hint and was dense enough to even walk the girl out of his room.
"Are you sure you don't need me to walk you to the station?" Still unaware of Kahoko's existence, Hihara asked.
"No, it's really okay." Midou Namie shook her head softly. "You were busy studying, so I can't waste any more of your time."
"Oi, Kazuki!" Haruki finally interrupted. "You have another visitor!"
"Ah, no it's okay!" Kahoko quickly said. "I will come back another time." Kahoko knew not what had gotten into her. All her determination and joy transformed into sadness as the only thing she wanted to do was flee from there. Quickly with another bow, Kahoko turned and ran from the scene as fast as she could.
The moment Hihara saw Kahoko, his head exploded. He did not care Midou Namie was still at his place, without even putting on his shoes, Hihara ran out the door quickly after Kahoko.
"Kaho-chan!"
Luckily Hihara had always been a sprinter, and despite Kahoko left earlier, it was not hard for him to soon catch up with her as he quickly grabbed her arm to stop her. "How come, I mean, didn't you go to the ski trip?"
"I did," Avoiding Hihara's eyes Kahoko replied. "But I came back earlier because I thought since you were stressed with study, the least I could do was see if there was anything I could do to help…"
Not expecting that, Hihara thought his ears malfunctioned. Did, did Kahoko just say that she cut her trip short to rush back to Yokohama to be with him? With the thought, an extraordinary joy hit him until he heard what came out of Kahoko's lips following that.
"But I guess," Squeezing out a smile, Kahoko said. "You didn't really need my help right? I couldn't make wonderful snacks like Midou-san, and I was not there for you from the beginning…"
"Kaho-chan, it's not like that." Hihara panicked and justified immediately. "I did not expect her to visit me. It was…"
"It's okay!" Kahoko stopped Hihara. "I am just glad to know that you have found your happiness. Midou-san is a wonderful person, and she really does love you. So I am really…" Before Kahoko went on further, she noticed Hihara let go of her arm as he slowly moved away from her. Looking up, Kahoko felt as if a lightning hit her when she saw the saddened and hopeless expression on her senior's face.
"So is this your answer…?"
"Eh…?"
"I thought it was hard enough to wait for the answer to the question I asked knowing it would never come…" Backing away from Kahoko, Hihara held onto his head. "But I never knew how much more badly it could be when you hear the answer."
"Hihara senpai…" Kahoko covered her mouth in agony when she realised what she had done. What the hell was she doing?! Did she rush back to Yokohama to hurt Hihara even more?! When she saw Hihara's tall figure turned and walked off, Kahoko knew it was the end. Her foolishness had brought disaster upon those around her.
"Hihara senpai…" Sobbing, Kahoko called. But for the first time, the senior did not turn back.
"Hiha…Kazuki senpai!" Kahoko called again in desperation as her body responded and ran up to the senior, holding onto him from behind. "Please don't go! I am so sorry! I did not come back early to say those words to you!"
"…Kaho-chan?" Not expecting that, Hihara stopped walking. When he sensed the power of Kahoko's embrace, Hihara thought he was dreaming. Most of all, did she address him as 'Kazuki'? The one request he had that he thought she would never fulfil?
"I don't want any more mistakes, I don't want to lose what is important to me anymore!" Weeping Kahoko cried, her fingers gripping tightly onto Hihara's shirt. "I came back early because I realised, that I could not be happy when you were not beside me. Everything went wrong when Kazuki senpai was no longer there. You were the person that taught me how to smile again three years ago, and how could I continue to smile if you stopped reminding me?"
"Kaho-chan…" Totally not expecting that confession from the girl he had fallen for, Hihara panicked. Honestly, when he saw Kahoko ran out a moment ago, he thought it was the end of the world. Running after her, all he had in mind was to explain to her that there was nothing between him and Midou. Even if he knew Kahoko may not have the same feelings towards him, the only thing crossed his mind was, he did not want Kahoko to think that he was a man whose love for her was shallow.
After a moment of silence, Kahoko heard Hihara sighed. Gently, she sensed warmth on her hands as Hihara's large manly hands overlapped hers. "This is bad, really bad…" She heard Hihara whispered.
"Kazuki senpai…?"
"I am so filled with joy that my brain could not think clearly." Hihara said as he finally turned around and held Kahoko in his arms. "Kaho-chan, do you mind if I hold you for a while until I recollect myself?"
With Hihara's words, an extreme happiness took over Kahoko as she blushed and rested in a pair of most strong and protective arms, the arms of the man who was her support, who gradually bit by bit became part of her world.
From a distance, Midou Namie felt her heart ached when she saw the two beautiful people. She had always known from Hihara's reaction that there was another person in his heart. She knew that person was not she, yet she had hoped, maybe if she worked hard enough, she could eventually take that place.
However when she saw the bliss and joy on Hihara's face, the cheerful expression that he never showed when he was with her. Midou Namie knew the answer. Hihara once told her that it was painful to wait for an answer that would never come, yet she knew, this was his answer. Gently with a bow, Midou Namie thanked the man who saved her many times and showed her strength and hope before she silently turned and walked away.
---
"Good morning,"
Hihara found it hard to breathe when the beautiful girl greeted him with a stunning smile when he came to pick her up on their official "first date".
After that sweet moment of confession, the two long time friends have finally crossed the border and became a couple. A result Hihara rightfully earned after selflessly supporting Kahoko for more than three years.
It was odd because they were friends for so long, they have gone out many times, and even had an attempt of a 'date'. Yet, they both know today was different. As they walked along the footpath, heading for the train station together, Hihara blushed and asked. "Err, Kaho-chan. Is it okay if, if I hold your hand?"
Feeling her heart beating fast, Kahoko smiled shyly and nodded. When the two hands connected, Kahoko never felt so happy. "Kazuki senpai, where will we be going today?"
"I thought we will go to the amusement park. Is that okay?"
"Sure, it has been a while since I went."
"Oh, when was the last time you went?"
"It was really long ago. It was like back in the high school days," Kahoko giggled. "Remember that time? Tsuchiura-kun's ex-girlfriend had like four free tickets to the amusement park?"
"Oh yeah, I remembered." Hihara nodded. "You originally wanted to go with Fuyumi-chan but then she couldn't make it. I couldn't make it either so you…" Hihara stopped all of a sudden remembering what had happened. Squeezing out a smile he concluded. "You went with Tsukimori instead."
"Kazuki senpai…"
"Ah, maybe we can go to the amusement park another time!" Quickly eluding the topic Hihara said. "Do you want to go to the aquarium instead?"
"Anywhere is fine." Kahoko replied softly knowing although Hihara continued to act all cheerful, but what had actually gone through his mind. The date although was wonderful, and the two had not stopped laughing. Kahoko knew one thing continued to bother Hihara, it was her past relationship with Tsukimori.
"Of course it would bother him." Amou said when Kahoko explained to her about her new relationship. "I mean he was there to see how much effect Tsukimori-kun had on you three years ago. There was no doubt he would constantly be under the shadow of how somewhere in your heart, you still loved Tsukimori-kun."
"There was no denying Tsukimori-kun occupied a large part of me." Kahoko let out a sigh. "But that was in the past. I have now made up my mind to be with Kazuki senpai."
"I know, and I believe Hihara senpai knows that too." Amou comforted. "But I guess that feeling of inferiority will remain with him for a while. It will take time for him to finally be able to let go of that fear and fully trust you."
Knowing Amou was right, Kahoko nodded softly. Hihara knew how hard it hit her when Tsukimori first left her life. After three years, when Hihara thought he could finally be of equal status with Tsukimori, the man returned and caused her heart to stir at his presence. Seeing all these, how could Hihara trust her? She knew there was no point explaining her heart to Hihara. All she knew was, she would remain by his side, and as time goes by, maybe she would be able to calm his heart to trust in her choice.
---
"Kaho-chan, do you want to stop by and grab something to eat?" After one of the performances of the Madame Butterfly Project, Hihara approached his lovely girlfriend and asked.
"Of course." Smiling beautifully in response Kahoko said while she packed up her violin. "Should we go have ramenii? I am having cravings for ramen!"
"Ramen? Then should we try that shop near the station? I heard they have very good tonkotsu flavoured ramen."
While the two were talking, a person approached them. "Hino, Maestro Schinkel would like to have a meeting with the both of us."
Upon the third person's appearance, Kahoko noticed Hihara's smile faded. There was always one person that could take that smile away like that. Not sure if the person knew the effect he had, he calmly said to Hihara. "Hihara senpai, is that okay?"
"Ah, of course, Tsukimori-kun." Hihara said quickly. Turning to Kahoko the senior added. "I guess we will have to have ramen next time."
"I don't think it will take that long," Tsukimori interrupted. "If you would wait around a little longer, you could still leave with Hino."
"Ah…but," Hihara for some reason, despite him being Kahoko's boyfriend now, could not help but feel like the interfering one between Tsukimori and Kahoko.
"Let's go, Hino." With that, Tsukimori turned and walked away.
"You are going to wait for me right?" Knowing how Hihara felt, Kahoko assured. "I want to go to eat ramen with you."
"Okay, I will be here." Finally giving Kahoko the smile she knew of him, Hihara nodded.
As he watched Kahoko walked up quickly to catch up with Tsukimori, Hihara felt his heart ached. He could not help but think they looked so beautiful together, and closing his eyes, he could still remember the look on their faces that night after the Christmas concert. The union and bond they shared when they performed Salut D'amour Op.12 together.
After returning from the ski trip, although it was never publically announced, everyone seemed to have accepted the outcome of their new found relationship. As a man to man though, Hihara knew Tsukimori's love for Kahoko still remained. Despite how he kept to himself, Tsukimori did not know the gentleness he would express whenever he looked at Kahoko.
What if Tsukimori confesses his love to Kahoko?
Hihara felt his hands turning colder whenever that thought came into his mind. He was so frightened that Tsukimori will once again effortlessly sway Kahoko off her feet. With all these negative thoughts swamping his mind, torturing him, he did not even notice Kahoko had returned.
"Kazuki senpai?" Waving her hand in front of Hihara's eyes in tease Kahoko giggled. "Have you fallen asleep?"
"Kaho-chan!" Quickly jumping onto his feet Hihara greeted. "Are, are you ready to go?"
"Yup, let's go!" Gently reaching out her hand, she held Hihara's hand in hers as she led them out of the concert hall.
With the touch of a soft tiny hand against his own, Hihara felt his heart so lost. How much longer will he be able to enjoy this before it all vanishes? While Hihara was drowned in his own miserable thoughts, he noticed Kahoko had become quieter than normal. Her mind seemed to have drifted off elsewhere and regardless of the presence of their bodies sitting next to each other in the shop, Hihara discovered something was obstructing them.
"Thank you for walking me home," Kahoko said while they stood before her house after the little ramen date. With no one else on the streets, silently and peacefully underneath the moonlight Kahoko felt her heart beating fast anticipating something to happen.
When she sensed the tall senior leaning closer, slowly closing her eyes, she felt a peck on the cheek. Opening her eyes, she saw Hihara smiled gently and whispered a soft 'goodnight' before he turned and left.
Returning to her room, Kahoko let out a sigh as she softly touched her cheek. Once again, it was just a kiss on the cheek. It has been two months since they started dating, Hihara had not once kissed her on the lips.
Was she expecting too much? Or was Hihara holding back because he was unsure of her feeling? Exhaling deeply, Kahoko hoped to lessen the uncomfortable feeling she felt weighing down on her chest.
While she was sighing away, a text message came through. Picking up her phone, she felt her heart skipped a beat when she saw that it was from Tsukimori.
"Your decision was unwise. I recommend that you reconsider."
Feeling her heart at a mess with the message, Kahoko replied.
"I have made my decision. I believe it is for the best."
When no more messages came through, Kahoko knew what she did tonight must have disappointed Tsukimori. But it was okay, for she knew, no matter what happens, she would never want to see sadness on Hihara's face, ever again.
---
With mixed feelings Hihara entered the family restaurant. The night before, he received a call from an unexpected person who made a time to meet him here. The moment he saw the familiar face, Hihara secretly took a deep breath before he approached.
"Hi, Tsukimori."
"Hihara senpai," In politeness the blue-haired violinist apologised. "Sorry to have made you come out here."
"No, it's okay." Seating himself onto the seat opposite Tsukimori, Hihara pondered on the reason why he was sitting here at the restaurant with Tsukimori. He knew there was only one reason really, Tsukimori had finally decided to claim what was originally his.
But, was he really going to hand Kahoko over like this? He had waited for more than three years, and maybe he was not able to move Kahoko's heart the way Tsukimori could, he knew his love for her was not one bit less!
"Tsukimori!" Hihara finally made up his mind. "I love Kaho-chan! I know I may not be good enough for her, but I am willing to do everything for her! I will keep trying and make sure she is truly happy!"
"You're willing?" Looking straight at Hihara, Tsukimori asked coldly.
"Yes, I am!" Hihara assured sitting up straight.
"In that case," Tsukimori concluded seriously. "You must let her go."
"…?" It took Hihara a while to register before he finally let out a '…huh?'
---
"There you go, cookies and cream flavoured ice cream…" Handing Hihara his cone, Kahoko sat down next to him on the bench. "And I have my mango sorbet..." Noticing Hihara had been acting all weird and quiet, Kahoko asked in concern. "Kazuki senpai, is everything okay?"
"Um…Kaho-chan," Hihara finally spoke up as he gave Kahoko a soft smile. "Do you want to go away on a onseniii trip with me?"
"Eh??" Never in the world did Kahoko expect that. They have been going out for a while now, yet Hihara had never even reached first base. Just when Kahoko wondered if the pace was a bit slow, Hihara had suddenly made a request to go straight to home base!
"Ah, it's too fast isn't it!" Hihara called quickly in embarrassment, his handsome face turning red in embarrassment. "For…forget what I just said!"
"I, I am free this weekend." To his surprise though, Kahoko lowered her head and replied, her voice soft and tiny.
When he saw such sweet, beautiful expressions, Hihara felt his heart burnt and before he knew what he was doing, his body moved first. Wrapping his arm around Kahoko's shoulders, Hihara pulled her closer before he finally pressed his lips on hers.
Not expecting that, the ice cream dropped from Kahoko's hand as she slowly closed her eyes feeling her mind drifted off.
"I am sorry!" Sense finally returned to Hihara as he quickly moved away.
"It's okay…" Kahoko muttered feeling her cheeks still burning hot. Taking a quick look around her, she whispered. "Next time, maybe…we can do it at a place…less public."
Although Kahoko's words were almost inaudible towards the end, Hihara's eyes widened as he finally remembered, although fortunately there was no one around, they were in the middle of a park!
"Kaho-chan, I am so sorry. I didn't plan it that way!" Hihara panicked with the discovery and wanted to bang his head against a tree. His first kiss with Kahoko was supposed to be, as his mind had virtually simulated many times, to be romantic, beautiful, nothing abrupt like that!
"No, really. It's okay." Kahoko comforted Hihara again. Gently holding his hand with her own, she smiled. "I am actually, really happy."
"Kaho-chan…" Hihara felt the urge to kiss her again. But by now he would have learnt to not make the same mistake twice. "Next time it will be romantic, I promise."
Smiling shyly, Kahoko asked. "So, where are we going for onsen?"
---
"Ekibeniv! I missed ekiben so much!" Hihara cheered when he opened up the lunchbox bought from the train staff that pushed the trolley to sell food for the long distance ride.
"What flavour did you get?" Kahoko asked as she leaned over admiring Hihara's lunchbox. "Wow, you have yakitori, tonkatsu, tamagoyaki…"
"Here, have some." Passing Kahoko the chopsticks Hihara kindly offered.
"In that case, you can have some of mine too." Opening her own ekiben up, Kahoko revealed another box packed with delicious food.
With Hihara's abrupt invitation, the two love birds made their way out of Yokohama city on Saturday morning to spend a night at the onsen resort in Hakone. The trip so far had been sweet and wonderful. The two already bought lots of snacks and food from train stations, items and souvenirs tourist always ended up buying when travelling.
However all was fine until the okamiv at the onsen resort led them to their room. It was a beautiful Japanese style room with balcony outlooks into the river beside the resort. In the tranquil atmosphere, Kahoko thought the whole place was so quiet that Hihara was able to hear her racing heartbeat.
"Kaho-chan,"
Kahoko's body jumped when Hihara broke the silence.
"According to the guide here, we can enjoy 32 types of different hot springs."
"Oh…oh, really?" Trying to calm her heart, Kahoko sat down next to Hihara who was studying the brochure.
"Wow, it apparently takes more than two hours to go through the whole thing!" Hihara exclaimed when reading through the information. Looking over at Kahoko, Hihara asked. "Should we try it out soon?"
"Sure, let me get changed." Kahoko blushed and said quickly. She felt stupid acting all nervous and weird when Hihara appeared to be really simply enjoying the onsen facilities.
As the two hopped from one hot spring to another, some of them even inside the cave, Kahoko soon forgot all her nervousness as she really started to enjoy the natural wonders with Hihara. When dinner was served up in their room, both Hihara and Kahoko cheered at the banquet. There was lobster sashimi, boar hot pot, tempura plate, enough food for five people!
"Kaho-chan," During the meal, Hihara asked. "Have you enjoyed yourself today?"
"Of course I have!" In contentment Kahoko replied.
"In that case," Putting down his chopsticks, the sad, lonely look that Kahoko haven't seen on her kind senior's face returned once again. "Don't worry about me, just go to Vienna."
"…Eh?" The chopsticks dropped from Kahoko's hand with Hihara's shocking statement. "What do you…how did you…?"
"Tsukimori told me." Hihara confessed. "He told me that Maestro Schinkel had offered you a scholarship to Vienna because he thought you were talented and gifted and wanted to further train you. But…" With a sigh, Hihara asked. "Why did you turn him down?"
"I…" Not knowing what to say, Kahoko looked away. To be honest, her reason was shallow. Deep within, when she was first offered the scholarship, Kahoko thought she had won the lottery. However, when she realised, taking up the scholarship would mean leaving Hihara and study abroad with Tsukimori. She was frightened she could lose Hihara because of it. "I, I didn't want to leave you…"
Hihara felt his heart constricted in pain with what Kahoko said. Tsukimori was right when he told him that if he really loves Kahoko, he should let her go. He was joyful of course that Kahoko granted his wish to become his girlfriend, but he had never once wanted to become the person that takes away Kahoko's dream.
"Kaho-chan," Hihara got up from his seat and sat down next to Kahoko instead. "Do you remember the first time we played a song together?"
Kahoko nodded as she felt tears filled her eyes. How could she forget? It was the first duet she had ever performed with anyone. It was with Hihara, she discovered the joy of music.
Gently holding her in his arms, Hihara smiled. "The reason I am so in love with you is because of your enthusiasm, the way you never gave up and through you I was able to learn new things about music." Lovingly fondling her hair, Hihara continued. "That is why, I don't want you to give up such talent and gift. I don't want my own immature fears to become the reason you give up on such opportunity."
"Kazuki senpai…" Kahoko sobbed as she held her wonderful friend, lover and senior.
"Go to Vienna, do what you need to do." Softly whispering, Hihara said. "And when you are home, I will be here, waiting for you."
That's right. Hihara knew he should no longer doubt or fear. When he found out from Tsukimori, Kahoko had declined the offer because of him, he was ashamed to know how immature he was. Instead of protecting and support Kahoko as he had always wanted. He became her stumbling block. If he truly loves her, he must learn to trust her.
"I will come back to you, Kazuki senpai." Kahoko sobbed as she gave Hihara a soft kiss. "For I have no other home than here, beside you."
Three years, he was there for her. He was always her home to return to. Whenever she was down, upset, Kahoko never need to look elsewhere. She was always able to find comfort, peace, a warm embrace in Hihara.
Tasting the tears mixed with Kahoko's sweet bitter kiss, Hihara responded, softly, lovingly and carefully. So romantically as he had promised.
As the two woke up the next day beside each other, no words were needed as they exchanged a smile. Holding the soft body tightly close to him, Hihara was assured once again, there was no more need to fear. Tsukimori may be better than he was in many ways, a perfect match for Kahoko, but it no longer mattered. He will do what he does best, waiting, be the dock that she could return her sail to.
---
A few more months went by since that day, as the time to depart closed in, Kahoko felt her heart heavy. It was rather odd because three years ago, she was in the position where the man she loved left her. Three years later, although she was able to go to Vienna with that man, he was no longer the man she loves.
The day came when Kahoko was leaving for Vienna. Wanting to spend every moment together, Hihara accompanied her to the airport. When the voice on the announcement had advised for passengers to go to gate, Kahoko immediately sensed tears filled her eyes.
"It's okay, we will soon see each other right?" Trying to be the mature one, Hihara comforted despite he too could sense intolerable pain in his heart.
Nodding, Kahoko finally let go of Hihara's hand. Seeing this, Tsukimori gave a sigh, "I will go in first. Hino, I will meet you at the gate."
Knowing what Tsukimori did was to give them a private time to say goodbye, Hihara stopped him before Tsukimori left. "Tsukimori," To both their surprises, Hihara gave Tsukimori a sincere bow. "Please take care of Kaho-chan for me."
Upon those words, Tsukimori remained silent for a while before he finally nodded.
"Kazuki senpai…" After Tsukimori left first, Kahoko called the name of her beloved friend once more.
"Work hard, Kaho-chan!" Hihara gave Kahoko the sunshiny smile that always managed to warm her heart. "I will also aim to become a music teacher. I want to let many more know what wonders music could do to them." Gently placing his hand against Kahoko's soft cheek, Hihara added. "Because it has brought you to me."
Unable to hold in the tears any longer, Kahoko wrapped her arms around Hihara and gave him a sweet kiss goodbye. Three years ago, she lost what was important to her because she was unable to trust in the man she loved. Three years later, she learned, there was no more need to doubt or fear. The distance separating their bodies could never terminate the heart and love they have for each other.
Epilogue"Hihara sensei, is it true your girlfriend is coming to watch the selection today?"
"Wah! Where did you guys hear that from?!"
"Kanazawa sensei told us," One of the students selected for the Seiso Gakuin annual concur grinned. "No wonder you looked so dressed up today."
"I, I am not purposely dressed up for it." Blushing like mad, Hihara justified. "Today is the day for the first selection, and as your teacher, I have to dress appropriately too!"
"So who is Hihara sensei's girlfriend?"
"Don't you know? The special guest today, 'Hino Kahoko'."
"Eh?? That famous violin soloist is Hihara sensei's girlfriend? No way!"
Beaming with pride, Hihara said. "She is a marvellous musician isn't she? She once was a student here too at Seiso, a contestant like you guys."
"But weren't you a contestant too, Hihara sensei?"
"Yes I was, and it was the best experience ever in my life!"
"But did you win?"
With the sharp question, Hihara cleared his throat. "The whole experience was not about winning. It's about enjoying! Didn't I already teach you that?"
"What's the point of the Concur if it was never about winning?" One of the contestants asked coldly.
"That is for you to find out." Hihara smiled. "Three more selections to go!"
---
"The performances were amazing." Kahoko said when she and Hihara walked along the car park on their way to pick up Hihara's car. "It really reminded me of us when we were once here."
"It really does," Hihara beamed. "One student even asked what the point of attending a Concur was when the result was not about winning."
"Ah, sounded like something Tsukimori-kun would say." Giggling Kahoko replied.
"It sure does." Laughing too Hihara replied. After Kahoko's return from Vienna, Hihara no longer felt anything when that name was spoken from her lips. As promised, Kahoko returned to him despite being apart from each other for many years. She was with Tsukimori daily in Vienna, but her heart was with him.
"How long are you going to stay in Japan this time?" Holding Kahoko's hand in his, Hihara asked. As a world-class violinist now, Kahoko spends majority of her time in Europe.
"For about six months." Kahoko replied. Her grip on Hihara's hand tightened as she stopped walking. "Kazuki, would you, I mean, can you give me a reason, like, you know, to stay longer?"
"A reason?" Hihara stopped walking too and asked.
"…Nothing, don't worry." Squeezing out a smile Kahoko shook her head and changed the topic. "Where are we going for dinner tonight?"
"Ah, I booked a table at La 'Aqua tonight."
"La 'Aqua??" Kahoko's gorgeous eyes widened in shock. "That place is so extravagant, and it's so hard to get a booking!"
"It's okay, I had booked weeks in advance." With a wink, Hihara smiled.
Yes he has.
Quietly reaching for the small box sitting inside his pocket, Hihara secretly took a breath to relieve the nervousness whenever he thought about it. Kahoko asked him to give her a reason to stay longer, and indeed, he had planned already to offer her that reason tonight, at the harbour side restaurant, La 'Aqua.
He will be her home, for as long as they both shall live…
Fin…Hihara Kazuki Side
i Hokkaido is the north island of Japan.
ii Ramen is a type of noodle soup
iii Onsen is the Japanese word for hot springs
iv Ekiben is a type of lunchbox only sold on shinkansen, or at train stations.
v Okami are the service people at onsen resorts where they would dress in kimono and assist your stay there.