The Life and Times of the Kazekage's Assistant
Disclaimer:I don't own Naruto. This story is inspired by a novel by Lauren Weisberger. I do, however, own Imamura Tsubasa, Tenchi Hoshiro, Suzuki Sorachi, Sendo Kanoka, and Kawasaki Tazuna, any other OCs and the plot.
Author's Note:This chapter features a direct quote from Miranda Priestly, The Devil Wears Prada. Temari's rebuke is nearly the same as Miranda's, from the movie, to let you know ahead of time.
Chapter Four: Poor Unfortunate Soul
I had been only working for about a week when Matsuri and Kanoka thought it would be a good idea to ditch me with all the work at the office while they went out to an extended lunch. My stomach grumbled loudly as I filed some paperwork away. I glanced at the clock; one o'clock. It would still be five hours from now that I would meet with Kawasaki Tazuna in order to help her meet men. It was hard to believe that Tazuna, Temari's number one runway model, had a hard time meeting boys because she was shy! Of all the things for her to be; she was shy. On the runway Tazuna was a sassy and fierce model with a ferociously amazing catwalk that all the other models could only try to imitate but once you got her in person she was a timid little thing that could barely look a handsome man in the eyes without blushing. I, myself, had an easier time with men, and I had zero confidence. Kawasaki Tazuna was in dire need of help. I was almost glad that the job had been given to me to handle and not to Matsuri or Kanoka. They would have ruined her deliberately then gossiped about it. Poor Tazuna was already a nervous wreck without their attempts to bring her down just because she was much prettier than them.
Two damn long hours had passed and Matsuri and Kanoka had left me starving to death in the assistant's suite. They both knew better than to leave me, the rookie, alone with the phones. People were calling from villages I had never even heard of until the people on the phone mentioned the name and then there were feudal lords' names that I wasn't even sure existed. Models were calling up a storm yelling at me for giving them the wrong address to their photo shoots, but I told them they had the wrong assistant, and so they told me to pass it on to the right assistant, that being Matsuri. Photographers kept calling me, demanding to know where their models were and makeup artists were bitching at me that they didn't have enough funding to purchase the needed makeup that was necessary for the models. I pointed out to them that that was complete bullshit because the models weren't even at the photo shoots and that Temari wouldn't appreciate them squeezing out extra money from her, and then punctually asked them for their names. Needless to say, they hung up after giving me a fake name.
I was starving and irritated. I had thought about calling someone for food but that was so primadonna that I had to decline the idea. I had begun to grow frustrated when the eighteenth makeup artist and fourteenth model had called me to complain that it was too hot outside for a photo shoot or that there were perverts in Wardrobe. I had lost my wit's end when the twenty-fifth agent had called to complain that her model wasn't invited to the photo shoot, and I told her it was canceled. It was a lie but I didn't care. I was sick of their garbage and was tempted to yank the phone out from the wall when Gaara called me into his office.
I was sporting my new ninja sandals I had purchased with Temari's credit card (what she didn't know couldn't hurt and it wasn't like she cared!), and so I got up from my seat with ease, gliding gracefully to his office. I felt a bit happier with myself that morning and it was probably due to the fact that Tazuna had bought me a new outfit as a thank you gift. My outfit was a trendy kimono style blouse along with comfortable spandex shorts to match with my obi that was made especially for kunoichi that, as Tazuna put it, 'were sexy and on a mission.' I had to admit that it was nice that Matsuri and Kanoka gawked at my style in a good way one morning. I enjoyed their miserable little faces.
I took a seat in the usual place, directly in front of his desk, and smiled at him. I folded my hands in my lap politely and waited for what he needed to ask. He looked at me for a moment in silence and then spoke, "I need you to file some more paperwork I discovered." He motioned to an obscenely large pile on his desk. He took about half of it and handed it to me. That's when something embarrassing occurred. My stomach screeched like a banshee in a haunted house and then groaned like one. I was so embarrassed I couldn't even look at him as I attempted to back away and with my luck, right into the chair. I lost my balance and sent a great amount of my papers flying, thankfully not all of them though.
"Gomen nasai," I said to him as I hurriedly grabbed the papers and put them back into their rightful order (lucky for me the pages were numbered). I was about to reach for the last paper when I noticed it was moving on its own as it lifted into the air and landed carefully in my hand. I looked up to see that Gaara's sand had done the trick for me. "Arigato, Kazekage-sama." I straightened the papers out a bit, and my stomach grumbled some more. Was there no end to my embarrassment?
"Where are Matsuri and Kanoka?" he asked me as he placed the cork on his gourd. He crossed his arms, seemingly irritated. I was hoping he wasn't upset with me and would focus any irritation on the two bitches that sat in the uni-skank desk across from mine.
"On lunch," I replied as I brushed a stubborn strand of hair behind my ear, hoping it would stay there.
"For two hours?" To this, I said nothing. Instead I would wait for him to continue. "You haven't eaten?" I shook my head no. I would have lied and said I snacked on some pocky or yan-yan I kept in my drawer so I wouldn't be a nuisance but my grumbling stomach had already blown my cover. "I see," he said quietly as he looked me over. "You will have lunch with me then," he murmured as he stood up and swung his gourd on his back.
"But what about the phones? I can't leave them unattended," I said worriedly. I knew Temari was going to give me an earful, chew up my ear, and then spit out said ear if I left the phones unattended. Plus, I would never hear the end of it from Matsuri and Kanoka.
The Kazekage seemed to think my words over for a moment and then nodded. His gourd slung lazily off of his shoulder as he picked up the phone he had in his office and dialed the cafeteria. "Bring lunch for two," he said into the phone and then promptly hung up once he was sure the person on the other end had gotten the message. "Make yourself comfortable," he murmured as he handed me a pen to continue the paperwork he had given me.
The two of us worked quietly, both filling out paperwork and separating them into two piles; filled out and not filled out. We finished about the time Matsuri and Kanoka decided to return and grace us with their glory. He called them into the office and for a moment I could see a spark of excitement in both their eyes. Poor unfortunate souls, I thought as I grinned from ear to ear. My grin must have made their smiles and happy thoughts fly away with their silly hopes as they took a seat on my left. "What makes you two girls think it's okay to leave on a two and a half hour lunch break," he demanded with a firm voice (a sexy voice!).
The pair began to stammer up excuses and eventually came up with a whole lot of nothing. I sat back in my chair and smiled as I stretched out my legs. I accidentally brushed against Gaara's feet for a moment. I quickly withdrew my legs, realizing I had stuck them underneath his desk. He looked over to me for a moment with an odd expression on his face but didn't say anything about it, and so I kept quiet as well. Instead, he continued to reprimand Matsuri and Kanoka. He told them that they were not to do it again. "You are dismissed," he told the two dumbstruck girls. They were so dumbfounded they couldn't even muster up a scowl at me as they ambled their way to their uni-bitch desk and stared out into empty space.
I turned back, utterly pleased with what had just happened; so pleased in fact, that I hadn't noticed cafeteria service come up with two lunch trays. Whatever was underneath the steaming trays, it smelled wonderful. My stomach wanted to grow hands and reach out for the food as she lifted the trays. Lobster and crab rolls smothered in cheese were steaming on the plate along with teriyaki chicken and vegetable fried rice. Tea had even been poured for us along with glasses of mineral water. I would have attacked my food with my bare hands if it hadn't been for the fact that my parents had taught me manners and to use proper etiquette when eating in front of someone of high rank before they had died. I had thought that the makeup lesson would have been put to better use but quickly disposed of that opinion as I took the chopsticks in my hand and held them up properly in a sophisticated manner (as sophisticated as I could get). Before the server left, Gaara had told her to close the blinds on his French doors. I looked back as she closed the blinds to see Matsuri and Kanoka gawking, mouths agape. If only I had a camera… but it was okay because I would remember this moment forever.
It struck me that he perhaps wanted me to leave him to eat alone and so I stood up and picked up my tray, mumbling about going back to my desk. "You can stay in here with me if you'd like," he murmured, his teal eyes were so (sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy!) appealing.
I feared I might soon turn into another fangirl along with Matsuri and Kanoka, but I agreed anyway saying, "I'd like that very much…" The same odd expression when our feet had grazed underneath his desk had returned to his face for a brief moment before turning into a calm expression as he nodded. Not forgetting my manners I said, "Arigato Kazekage-sama… I really appreciate it."
He nonchalantly picked up his chopsticks and gazed over at me for a moment, and then he nodded to me as a reply to my comment. I smiled at him; a genuine smile (in fact, I think my first since I began working there). I hadn't expected kindness from anyone in the office and surprisingly, I had expected it from him the least. I had eavesdropped once or twice during the last week on the gossip until I finally knew his whole life story, even about the Akatsuki demon extraction incident when he first started as Kazekage. Though the demon was out of him, people tended to be a bit wary around him. I knew he was more good-tempered than he let on though. People were just too caught up in his past mistakes to see it.
After eating my share of the food and finishing up all my mineral water and tea, I sat back in my chair, a bit unsure of what to do next. I could always get up to leave for my assistant's desk, but then he might think me rude for not staying for after lunch conversation or I could linger for a while more, unless of course, he opposed after-lunch conversation… I was completely stuck on what to do. Instead, I furrowed my brow and bit my lip. I was sure the answer would come to me… eventually.
Lucky for me, my boss broke the ice. "Now that we're reaching the month of October, I wanted you to help with the annual Fright Carnival set-up. My sister is going to have a horror runway show to start it off. She said the theme should be 'Scared to Death'…" he sighed as he told me all this. I could tell that event planning wasn't his cup of tea at all which was funny because he had just finished sipping some of his tea.
"I could work with that," I offered supportively knowing he wasn't fond of Temari's fashion empire and runway models. "We can have booths like bobbing for witch's candied apples or pumpkin carving contests, costume contests, a cornfield maze with people dressed up in spooky costumes, a haunted house! It's a bit clichéd but if I remember correctly, Suna hasn't really done anything too exciting for the Fright Carnival…"
"That's fine," he stated coolly, "We can discuss this later… Tazuna is going to be meeting you soon."
"Right," I nodded as I gathered up his trays, "I'll take care of these for you and get them out of your way." I carefully balanced the trays on my head and opened the French doors to find Matsuri and Kanoka standing outside it, most likely eavesdropping. "Move," I hissed at them so they could get out of my way. I didn't mean to sound rude, I had just wanted them to stop standing there like two idiots, but it did feel good to be uncouth with them. I turned back for a moment to gaze at my boss. My heart skipped a beat once I realized he had still been watching me. "Arigato again, Kazekage-sama," I said to him as I closed his French doors. He nodded slowly until the doors were fully shut. I ignored Matsuri and Kanoka as I went to the small kitchen the assistant's suite offered and left the trays there for housekeeping to pick up later.
I returned to work after leaving my boss's office because I still had an hour to wait for Tazuna. I walked into the room to find Matsuri and Kanoka glaring at me. I rolled my eyes and took my seat at my desk. Kankuro had just walked in to see Gaara when I began some extra paperwork I had laid out on my desk, and that's when it happened.
Kanoka was carrying a tray of red wine over to Kankuro and my boss; they were in his office. I could see she was having a hard time with it, but I wasn't sure if I should get up and help because I had assumed that Matsuri would help her. My assumption had been correct because Matsuri scrambled out of her seat and exclaimed, "Let me help you Kanoka-chan!" The two girls smacked right into each other, the tray flew in the air, and the bottle of red wine dumped all over me. The two girls were on the floor and rubbing their hands against their aching heads and moaning. I would have laughed if I wasn't covered in the red wine that had stained the only nice outfit I had. I stood up, drenched from head to toe, and walked to the kitchenn to allow myself to drip in there instead of on the Kazekage's paperwork. It was enough that I was drenched, but his paperwork didn't need to be.
Kankuro burst from the Kazekage's office, saw the girls on the floor whining about looking to see who is there to one another, and demanded to know what happened. I poked my red wine soaked head from the kitchen area and smiled sheepishly. "May I change," I asked and he nodded. I had to cover my chest area because I was wearing a light colored top, and now that it was wet it was see-through.
I scurried to my room, fast as the wind, and shut the door swiftly behind me. I showered as quickly as I could; knowing Matsuri and Kanoka wouldn't appreciate it if I took thirty minutes (although it was their entire fault). I washed out the red wine, soaked my poor destroyed outfit in the sink, hoping that the wine stains would come off, and changed into a shoddy outfit. It was all I had at the moment and it would have to do. I tugged down on the ugly red sweater vest, wondering why I had a sweater vest if I lived in Suna, and adjusted my knee length plaid skirt. What an embarrassment. My shoes had also gotten drenched by the wine, and so I had to scrub them for a bit and switch into my ninja boots. I threw my hair in a pony and was on my way back to the office.
Temari was in the assistant's suite with some of her wardrobe department and a couple models. I was going to go sit at my desk and continue my work, but Matsuri and Kanoka grabbed me and told me to watch because it would be a good learning experience (utterly ridiculous because I didn't want to be a model or anything similar; I wanted to be a councilwoman). There seemed to be a problem with the clothes because Temari kept shaking her head no as she pursed her lips. "I've already seen these things a million times," she stated coldly as her finger ran along the clothes as if it knew every outfit by heart.
"We were going for reinvention," said one of the women who was standing next to the wardrobe guys. "Panache Harem wanted to recreate in order to bring a sort of déjà vu effect—"
"Where are the short dress kimonos?" asked Temari as she looked around the room.
The girl apparently didn't listen because she grabbed a short tweed jacket and tried to show it to Temari saying, "I think this is what you're looking for."
"No, no, no… Show me some short dress kimonos," said Temari as she looked away from the clothes on the rack disgustedly, "It's completely mystifying that I asked you for one thing, and you handed me another. We don't have any advertisers…?"
"We have Sand Republic and—"
"No. Obviously we need more than them," Temari replied as she began to examine another clothing rack. Her lips pursed; she didn't like it either. The pursing of the lips faded into a stoic expression as Temari snatched a kimono from the clothing rack. "I think this might work," Temari said and then looked to Matsuri, "What do you think?"
"I adore it," replied Matsuri with eagerness to please. "It resembles the Kimmora slightly but with the right obi…"
"You're right," said Temari as she turned to the woman from earlier, "Where are the obis?" The woman took a long time to find them and made Temari grow impatient. If there was one thing that Temari didn't like it was slow people. "Hm, it seems to me that no one is prepared." The woman handed her two obis that looked exactly the same and gave her an expectant smile.
"They're very different so… it's a tough decision," replied the second woman as a guy from wardrobe stepped aside to examine the obis from a distance. He seemed to be debating over it in his head as Temari agreed that it was hard to decide. I couldn't help but laugh a little. I had tried to stifle it but it was just so ridiculous to watch them debate over two so-called different obis when they looked identical. "What are you laughing at," snarled Temari at me, and I knew my small giggle was heard.
I immediately tried to think of an excuse but could come up with nothing but the truth. "I just think they look… exactly alike," I murmured as my heart began to pound from nervousness. Why, oh why did I have to laugh? "I don't really know much about this junk though," I said, trying to cover it up and explain that I had an extreme lack of knowledge when it came to fashion. Temari's face scrunched into a scowl at the word junk. It probably wasn't the best word in my vocabulary to use…
"Junk," she repeated in an astonished voice as she placed a hand on her hip. That wasn't good news. Matsuri had always said that when Temari placed her hand on her hip it meant she was either about to fight another ninja or about to go off on someone. Either way, it was bad. "I see… You think that you are excluded from this." She pursed her lips for a moment and then continued speaking, "Okay… Let's see… You go into one of those ratty old suitcases and dig up an, I don't know, that red vest for example because you want all of Sand to think that you are too serious and hope to be a council member one day and are scarcely troubled with what you put on on your back."
The model had tried on the short dress kimono as Temari began to tie one of the obis around her tiny waist. She looked back at me and then back to the obi. "Something you should know about that sweater is that it isn't just red. It's not ruby or burgundy or crimson. It's actually scarlet. What's also escaped that fashion-less brain of yours is that two years ago Fujimoto Hayao did a collection of scarlet geisha style kimonos. Hanzo Masaki then made scarlet yukatas for men. Scarlet soon showed up in the collections of many different designers and department stores until it trickled down to places such as Sandmart and Bullseye where your grandmother no doubt found it in a clearance bin and then gave it to you as a birthday present for you to wear." She had removed the first obi and placed the second obi on the model, pausing as she admired it. "That scarlet symbolizes millions of money spent and incalculable jobs…" She quieted for a moment and then said to the wardrobe group, "This one." She then diverted her attention back to me and continued her rebuke, "It's a bit amusing that you think you've made a preference that excuses you from the fashion industry when in fact you are wearing something selected by the very people in this room from a heap of junk."
Tazuna stepped into the room, saving me from any further rebuke. I thanked Kami that He had sent her to save me. Kami knew what I was going through. Temari removed her hand from her hip and stared as Tazuna approached me. Tazuna greeted me and was talking vivaciously about going out to this place and that. Temari's eyes narrowed as we walked out of the assistant's suite. I turned back, though I shouldn't have, and saw her throw her head back in laughter. After she finished laughing she glared at me and jeered, "Poor unfortunate soul."
Tazuna arrived at the Kazekage's office a nervous wreck. I took her by the shoulders, which was a bit hard for me because she was at least six foot and towered over little old me at 5 '6 (and I was often considered taller than the normal kunoichi), and shook her to snap her out of it. I strained to see Matsuri and Kanoka's uni-bitch desk to see only one bitch filling the seat. Matsuri must have taken off on errands for Temari, leaving Kanoka there by herself. I was glad that I wouldn't have to hunt either of them down so I could leave to take care of Tazuna. I knocked on the Kazekage's door lightly, told him I was taking off to help Tazuna, he bid me good luck and farewell, and I was out.
And I can't tell you exactly how it happened but Tazuna and I ended up at the Suna's Upper Dunes Shopping District; a place only for the wealthy. Tazuna had told me that her father expected her to marry into another wealthy family and so they could produce wealthy offspring, thus extending both families' line of wealthiness for at least another generation. I sighed, thinking that marrying for love was no longer important until Tazuna said, "I really don't care if he's rich… I'm rich on my own… I just want to find someone that will love me and make me happy." I wanted to seriously hug Tazuna and squeeze the life out of her for saying that. So much for the stereotype that rich girls were only interested in rich men. Bullshit. Here was Tazuna, one of the wealthiest girls in Suna and a supermodel, and she wanted to marry for love. Thank Kami there was at least one of them out there.
I smiled at her and said, "If that's the case, there is a dating service coming up in February. It's good timing for getting a date for Hearts Grow day. It'll be fun!" I knew I was persuasive because I was even persuaded to actually enjoy myself at the service. At first, my only reason for going was to support Sorachi. Now, I had Tazuna to help out too. It would be a fun event, I just knew it.
"Oh," she said a bit bashfully, "That sounds fun. I've never been on one of those before, but let's do it! I'm willing to try something new!"
"Great," I exclaimed, "So we'll continue this in February…"
"Naturally," she replied with a large smile. I couldn't believe how white her teeth were and even more unbelievable was the fact that she had a hard time talking to men. She was a drop dead gorgeous woman that every woman thought of as a force to reckon with. But inner beauty goes for a lot more in my world, and she had that too. "But not before I take you shopping," she said excitedly.
"Me?" I asked her as she grabbed me by the arm and began to drag me to Harem's Secret. The only times I had ever been in that store I had been equipped properly with my cell phone and Temari's credit card. I didn't have Temari's credit card with me and couldn't afford a piece of gum stuck to the carpet from that store but Tazuna insisted she would get me whatever I wanted for all my help. She was crazy.
As we raided the shelves for lingerie I began to relay what had happened before she arrived. I told her about Matsuri and Kanoka being so clumsy as to ruin the outfit she bought for me, then the very similar obis, and finally Temari's rebuke. Tazuna chuckled for a moment and then said, "Temari-sama can be brutal."
"Hai," I agreed, "Very." I still think saying Temari was brutal was putting it much too lightly but I know Tazuna was being wise about what she said about her employer. However, my opinion that Temari was an atrocious villain that preyed on poor unfortunate souls such as mine would remain unchanged (even if unannounced). Somehow I would have to survive that she-devil and persevere through it all.
Author's Note: I hope you all liked this chapter! I'd love to hear your feedback or if you have any ideas. In the words of Temari, "Make haste," and review. ;)