The Life and Times of the Kazekage's Assistant
Disclaimer:I don't own Naruto. This story is inspired by a novel by Lauren Weisberger. I do, however, own Imamura Tsubasa, Tenchi Hoshiro, Suzuki Sorachi, Sendo Kanoka, and Kawasaki Tazuna, any other Ocs and the plot.I also own any designer brands and magazines/newspapers named.
Author's Note: My favorite part of this chapter is the ending. I found it quite adorable and funny. I hope you do as well.
Special Thanks to: NeferNeferi for helping me out with some ideas. Many huggles to you!
Chapter Ten: Sticks And Stones And… Avocados?
Going into town had become a near impossibility. If it weren't for Temari's silly errands I wouldn't have even dared to endeavor into what was now uncharted territory for me. I sighed as I glanced in the mirror. I had decided on the blue wig that afternoon. Ever since the whole, "Our hands are stuck together" thing, I had recently become public enemy number one to all of Gaara's fan girls (and that was nearly all of Suna's younger female population and some perverted old women). I knew Matsuri was behind all this garbage (Hell, she was the president of that damn Gaara fan club) and today I would get her back… or someday I would (most likely someday). I growled at myself as I slipped off my pair of Saba&Ku sunglasses. My blue wig was short in length which was a good contrast to my usual long pink hair. It was my favorite disguise. I quickly but carefully detached it from my head and tossed it onto the bed. The maids would fix it for me and put it where it belonged.
I grabbed some self-esteem from the storage facility that was my mind and headed out of my lovely room. Civilians weren't allowed in the dormitory (that's what I referred to it as). However, they were completely free to venture near the Kazekage's office unless he demanded them to go elsewhere. This had become one of the hardest parts of my days (I had grown accustomed to Temari's routine errands and only found them hard to accomplish when she threw a new one my way). I braced myself for the onslaught of fan girls that were awaiting me outside of the assistant suite.
"There's the skinny bitch!" cried one fan girl. She was short, chunky, and had stubby arms and legs (she almost reminded me of a boy I met in the Leaf Village). No wonder she was jealous of skinny girls.
"Look at that fugly pink hair," shouted another girl and I wondered if they had been so cruel to the previous Kazekage's assistant, but since she had had a boyfriend (and had gotten married to him), I doubted it.
"Look at her shape! She's absolutely appalling!"
"Check out her fashion sense!"
"Look at her trying to be like one of Temari's models!"
"As if she could actually afford a Desert Kitsune clutch!"
"Look at her heels! Hooker status!"
"And her lips are too pouty! She looks like a baby about to throw a temper tantrum!"
"Her eyes are too big like a bug's!"
Sticks and stones, I thought to myself thinking, Weren't they original?
That was the same shit I used to hear back at the Ninja Academy (I wasn't surprised to find that some of Gaara's fan club members had actually been in my graduating class). Now was time for me to lash back at them. Any other occasion I would have simply ignored them and walked into my office but I knew Matsuri and Kanoka were watching me. Kanoka was trying to be less obvious about it but Matsuri just stood at the door like a little idiot, bitch face glaring at me as she encouraged the others with her eyes. I may have seemed a bit hostile in my retaliation but people either learned the easy way or the hard way. By opening up their bitch faced mouths, they had chosen the hard way and it wasn't going to be pretty. "Listen up all you silly, follower bitches," I declared to them as I reached behind my back to pull out my two Akomeogi Futago (or in lame man's terms; twin fans).
"Shut up you bitch," cried the fat porker of a fan girl, "Go starve yourself some more!" That was so rude. I never starved myself and I never even considered starving myself. I wasn't even stick-skinny like Temari's models were. I was petite but I was muscular and had toned my body to look like a marathon runner's. I was dedicated to being healthy and staying in shape. I didn't regurgitate my food on a daily basis because I was obsessed with maintaining some sickly skinny body. That was ridiculous. I shifted my weight to my right foot, beginning to lift my leg foot up slightly in a stance, and I braced myself for battle as my hands held my two fans; Kaze no Yoroi (Armor of Wind) form.
At present, one would think that my fans were just little treasures of vanity and narcissism; they were fools. If one were smart and clever enough to look at the fans close enough to see that they were my weapons, one would be wise. My darling little trick about my fans was the fact that they could appear to be something I was carrying around for snobbery purposes until their true intentions were known. My two little fans were the ultimate weapons. Like Temari, I was a wind user. My fans did not deal as powerful of blows as her giant fan did, but my fans enhanced my speed greatly. The fans had been in my family dating back to when the first Kazekage was alive and even before the Kazekage Dynasty. They were antique but they were dangerous. Within each fold of the fan lied sharp blades and poison senbon that could pierce or impale anything if used properly. The blades were detracted on default mode until I performed my deadly maneuvers with them (I rarely ever used the razors or needles on my fans unless my survival or the survival of a close one was at stake). They were stunningly crafted fans (a teal blue color that matched my boss's eyes) and they were lethal weapons. That was the beauty of it all.
The fan in my right hand expanded open and blew a gust of wind at all of the fan girls but one; the porker. All the other fan girls had been sent flying against the walls, leaving a good amount of cracks in them that I would later have to call someone to fix. The fat girl glared up at me, trembling, but still not backing down. I would change that. "Stay back bitch… You have no idea who you're dealing with." The fan in my left hand remained closed as I thrust it at all her pressure points (no razor sharp blades or poison needles for her that day; she was lucky) until she finally stiffened from getting her chakra sealed (if she had any) and then succumbed to sleep. I placed my fans in their rightful resting position and fiddled with my tiny braid on the left side of my hair. I then turned around and walked into the assistant's suite, bumping Matsuri accidentally (purposely) out of the way as I did so. I sat down at my desk and I began to do the paperwork left for me by the Kazekage. I noticed that he was staring at me as I walked in and possibly considering firing me (I really wasn't allowed to harm civilians like I just did). Then again, there was no way he'd fire me because no one could do that job like I did (and he knew damn well that those girls deserved it… I did him a favor). "I took care of the bitch problem," I said proudly before lowering my voice to a nearly inaudible whisper as I gazed to Matsuri. "Well almost."
I can't imagine what had possessed Tazuna to throw the party she threw that night. She invited me (as her special guest), Gaara, Kankuro, Temari, Kanoka, Matsuri (which I couldn't find a reason why), and of course all her model/makeup artist/designer/millionaire friends as well. Her model/makeup artist/designer/millionaire friends only stayed for dinner because she hadn't told them that there was a small party afterwards. The real party was to be enjoyed by Sand Castle's finest (that's what she called us but I had some serious doubts about Matsuri and Kanoka being the finest. I could think of a couple of maids that were more decent than the Matsuri's bitch face). I did note that some handsome guys lagged behind and I couldn't imagine what for.
"Let's play some kissing games," Tazuna suggested with a wide grin.
Oh, I thought to myself, that's what for.
I knew Tazuna to be a shy girl with the young men she liked but with the young men she didn't like, she was flirty and wild (Kami, I wish I was flirty or wild some time but I was much too shy).
"Don't you think we're a bit too old for kissing games," I asked as I cocked my head to the side and raised one of my recently tweezed eyebrows. I was praying everyone else would agree with me (though I knew Matsuri was dying to kiss Gaara and Kanoka was dying to kiss Kankuro).
"Oh, pull the stick out of your ass!" cried Matsuri, "We all know you need to kiss someone… You haven't had a date in months." I felt my cheeks go ruddy red and my jaw drop down open to gasp but no sound came out. I was going to kill the little bitch face right then and there. My hands were even reaching for my fans behind my back but then Tazuna interrupted.
"And Matsuri, you haven't had one in a few years. One night stands don't count," Tazuna said curtly and I knew that Matsuri wouldn't even dare to argue that fact. Tazuna Kawasaki was my new hero. She just said two sentences and it was a fatal blow to Matsuri's self-esteem. That was something I had been failing to do throughout my entire time at work (though I rarely hit below the belt because I believed in fighting fair). There was a lesson in all this: Girls that expect to win never fight fair. Girls that stick by the rules, lose every time. "Anyway," declared Tazuna, maintaining her wide smile, "We're going to play some kissing games but they're more young-adult than spin the bottle." Tazuna looked around the room. I knew she saw some very eager faces (Kanoka and Kankuro) but was met with some nervous ones (me, me and ME! Oh and maybe Gaara…). "Any objections?" she asked as she went around from person to person in the room.
"Sounds good to me," purred Temari and I tried not to stare over at her but I had never really seen the she devil… "In action". Tazuna then looked to Gaara for his opinion.
"I don't care," said Gaara, arms crossed. I had to admit that I was very surprised that Gaara was up for it. He probably didn't even know what kind of kissing games Tazuna had in mind (but then again neither did I). I sighed. I had been hoping that he would side with me but it looked as if I would be fighting the battle alone. My eyes were downcast, wondering if Gaara wanted to kiss Kanoka or something (I refuse to believe that he would be interested in kissing bitch face Matsuri but Kanoka wasn't so bad). Kankuro wouldn't like Gaara kissing Kanoka but he still wouldn't say anything to Gaara about it. I wouldn't like it either.
"Hey I'm cool as long as I'm not kissing Temari," replied Kankuro with a chuckle, "Or Gaara… but this game does bring back good memories." As he said the last part, I noticed he was looking over at the blushing Kanoka. I wondered just exactly what kind of good memories but if I knew… I probably would have wished I didn't.
"Oh shut up Kankuro," Temari snarled at her brother, "Try not to be an idiot."
"Desert viper," Kankuro told her with a grin as he dodged her slapping hand.
"Desert vixen, actually," replied Temari in a voice that almost sounded like a cat's purr (Chinatsu-chan's purr in fact… a demon cat purr).
Matsuri, Kanoka, and the other two guys (I didn't know their names) had all agreed with no complaints. Tazuna looked over to me and believe me… I had three good reasons why I didn't want to play the stupid game and I had several other good reasons for back up. "I don't want to play this game," I said angrily as I crossed my arms, an upset pout forming on my lips.
"Don't be a chicken," Tazuna said with a wide grin, revealing her dazzling teeth. I knew she was only calling me that just so I could play the silly game but I wasn't going to fall for that kind of shit.
"Leave her to pull out that stick that's up her ass," jeered Matsuri as Kanoka snickered (that kind of shit usually got me). Oh, she still had jokes even after Tazuna's previous rebuke. If Matsuri wanted to see something up someone's ass I'd have been more than happy to whip out my fans and shove each one up her ass (blades and senbon dripping with poison). Instead of leaving Tazuna to fight my battles with Matsuri, I decided to just play the damn kissing games (praying that I wouldn't kiss Tazuna's two metro sexual man friends).
"Fine… I'll play." I wasn't happy about this stupid game and I had bad memories of it. With my bad luck, at the end of the night I'd be stuck in a closet with one of the metro sexual guys that were smiling over at me. Gross. I'd rather make out with Kankuro's puppet Karasu (and that's saying a lot).
"Great," exclaimed Tazuna as got up for a moment. She disappeared into the kitchen but had come back with a bowl of fruit. "We'll play a couple of different games. We'll start off with the Game Show kissing game!"
"We're not even," I pointed out. There was an odd girl in the bunch and I was willing to volunteer myself the hell out of there. I could see it now. "I vote myself off the island," I would say but I didn't get to.
"Don't be silly," Tazuna said to me, "I'm not playing… I'm just going to be a good hostess and set things up for you guys." I could feel myself groaning inwardly. This night wouldn't end well, I just knew it.
"Pairs go as follows… Temari-hime and Hibachi-kun, Kanoka-san and Kankuro-kun, Matsuri and Higuchi-kun, and Tsubie-chan and Gaara-sama." I loved the part where she left off 'san' or 'chan' from Matsuri's name but then I heard the last bit about me being paired with Gaara. Tazuna called me a turtle because she said I was the first to duck in my shell when it came to Gaara. She was right, I noted as I felt a blush creeping its way to my cheeks and I could feel my shoulders tensing, ready to become my turtle shell. "Everyone pick a fruit first."
She was leaving out details and so I knew something was up. Everyone rushed to pick a fruit. Matsuri picked a grape (probably because she could twirl it around her mouth like a little bitch faced slut), Kanoka dove for the orange (she probably had a reason for that), Temari picked the strawberry (probably because she found them erotic), Kankuro had lunged at the fruit salad (he must have known what the game was about… sicko), Hibachi picked the mango, and Higuchi picked the apple. It seemed that everyone knew what the fruit stood for or had a very sick imagination but me and Gaara. He chose a pear once everyone had taken things and I got stuck with a pineapple (how embarrassing). I hoped to Kami that the pineapple wasn't something bad.
"Okay. Now that everyone has picked a fruit we can really begin," giggled Tazuna as she grabbed a piece of paper (most likely her cheat sheet). "Whoever has the grape gives their partner an ear nibble," she read off the list. Matsuri walked over to Higuchi, whispered some things in his ear and began to nibble it… in front of us all.
"Why did we have to suffer?" was all I wanted to know. I frowned at the gross slut as she sat back down (unfortunately next to me).
"Now I see that Temari-hime has the next fruit on the list. Strawberry means French kiss." Temari nodded as she turned to face Hibachi (and I nearly felt sorry for him but he looked stupid enough to want it). Temari grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and tugged him close to her. She placed her lips against his fiercely and tongued the poor boy. Once she pulled away, he had a goofy smile on his face (I almost barfed).
"Next is the apple… Who has the apple?" Higuchi raised his hand and looked over at Matsuri eagerly. I take it that the little slut knew how to please. "Apple is a peck on the lips." Higuchi approached Matsuri and gave her an innocent peck on the lips. It was innocent up until Matsuri swung her arms around him and full on made out with him in front of us… another disgusting display from bitch face. "Um… that wasn't what the apple… you guys… just go get a closet or something…"
"With pleasure," said Higuchi as he picked Matsuri up into his arms and stood up.
"Right hall then the left door is the guest room," said Tazuna as her finger pointed to lead the way.
"Arigato," grunted Higuchi as he followed the path Tazuna had showed him. I couldn't help but cringe as I heard Matsuri giggle. She was a bit drunk from dinner. No one told her to drink Sake but she insisted that she have at least two (which lead to five… funny how you lose count).
"That was disturbing," I muttered as I waited for Tazuna's next instructions. It shocked me to see Temari nodding at my comment. She… agreed? Maybe she wasn't such a bitch… Nah!
"Next is orange… You two may want to go somewhere else to do this… It's a hickey on the neck," Tazuna said.
"She can do it right here," said Kankuro with a grin but Temari objected.
"Kankuro, we don't want to see you get laid," Temari growled at him, "Get lost."
"No problem," he said with a grin as he swung an arm around Kanoka's waist and began to head toward the backyard, "And don't worry… I know what the fruit salad means." I wasn't so surprised to see or hear that occur. I knew they picked the orange and the fruit salad for some nasty purpose.
Once the two were gone, Tazuna continued with the game. "Pear is up." I could feel my heart scratching, no, pawing against my ribs. It was a tiger, desperately wanting to tear its way out of my chest and devour whatever was in its way. Gaara had picked the pear. The pear… I would never eat that damn fruit again if it brought on another embarrassing moment… never. "The pear is just a kiss on the hand," Tazuna said with a sigh and a roll of the eyes, "How boring."
I nervously glanced at Gaara and then at Temari. Temari didn't look upset at all about the fact that Gaara was going to kiss my hand, in fact, she looked eager. This scared the living shit right out of me. When my eyes were finally able to glance back to Gaara, I realized he was standing in front of me. He took my right hand with his left; a light touch (I wasn't going to read into it too much… it was just a game). "This is the one I held, correct?" he asked me in a whisper only I could hear, hot breath teasing at my face. As I blushed scarlet red, I nodded to him. He returned the nod and then placed his lips to my hand, looking up at me with his playful eyes as he did so. I must have just spaced out because when I regained my sense of being I was sitting back in my chair and Gaara was back in his.
I wondered if I had just imagined the whole scenario but then Tazuna took over again. "Everyone's gone except you two…"
"What happened to Temari?" I asked her. Suddenly she and that one guy weren't there. Had I really been that dazed as to not notice them leave?
"They're going to a movie remember?" she asked me as she gave me a funny look. Her eyebrows furrowed a bit and she began to giggle but Tazuna still looked radiant. Tazuna could have mud on her face and she'd still be gorgeous.
"Hai," I replied back, even though I didn't really remember.
"Well you have the pineapple… that's a kiss on the head," Tazuna said with a smile as she stood up. I asked her where she was going but she just said, "I have to check on a couple of things… namely Kanoka and Kankuro… they've been in that backyard for quite a while." I nodded to her. I'd rather check on Kanoka and Kankuro than Matsuri and Higuchi too. "You two… make with the kissing," she said with a giggle and then disappeared.
I looked over at Gaara anxiously, not wanting to make the first move. Did he want me to give him a small kiss on the head, I wondered. If he did, he wasn't showing it so far. He did, however, let his lips twitch into a smirk a vampire would be envious of. "Kazekage-sama… I… It's inappropriate," I murmured as I stared down at my shoes, "I shouldn't have even allowed the kiss on my hand… It's just that… I didn't want to be a—"
"Imamura," he said hurriedly, skipping the 'san' part to my dismay. "Don't worry about it. I rather we keep our relationship strictly Kazekage to assistant. There's no need to complicate things at work." I didn't think those words would sting me so much… but they did. "I apologize for kissing your hand… I shouldn't have allowed it either." He stood up and looked down at me for a moment. "Excuse me now… I have some work to take care of… Will you thank Tazuna-san for her hospitality for me?" I nodded to him, shocked that he had called her by her first name like that. I felt a twinge of jealousy attack my heart, the same feeling I got when I had first met Tazuna. Perhaps Gaara liked her? Why else would he be on a first name basis with her and adding 'san' to the end of her name? He liked her. "Arigato," he murmured as he left.
For some reason that stung more than when Kiba told me, "Stay beautiful," and broke up with me.
I found myself staggering toward Sand Castle after an hour or so of aimless wandering. Once in my room I immediately headed for the balcony. I looked over to see that the light was on next door; Gaara's room. I inhaled deeply and told myself to get a grip. I was about to do something that could jeopardize everything that I had worked so hard for but it was simply something I had to do because if I didn't do it, I knew I would regret it forever.
I often wonder exactly what it was that prompted Gaara to open the door to myself. I was cursing at myself for being such a coward under heavy, labored breathing because I wanted to run away back to my room about fifteen or so times after futile attempts at knocking on his door. I had been pacing in front of his door and right at the moment I was about to actually knock on the door he opened it. So I stood there with my hand in a small fist, about to knock, looking like what I would classify as Retarded Child Status. He gave me a strange glance; humorous even. Things weren't going according to plan at all. I was to knock, give him what I came to give him, and then take off faster than then you could say, "Bitch faced Matsuri". That was the plan. However, like many missions, things don't go according to plan so a kunoichi would have to improvise.
"What do you need Imamura?" he asked me and I almost cringed at the fact that he had dropped the 'san' yet again. Was he honestly that upset over things?
I heaved a big breath in my lungs to help me gain courage because I know I looked very nervous and like an idiot. Wordlessly, I reached my hands up to his face and pulled him toward me gently. He kept his eyes wide open, I noted, as I completed my actions. I tilted his head forward slightly, fingers tangling themselves in his (sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy) head of hair, got on my tip toes (because Gaara is a full head taller than I am), and pressed my lips against his forehead tenderly.
There, I thought to myself as I released him from my hold, now I can go to sleep tonight without the tossing and turning.
My cheeks were redder than a turnip as I took a few steps backward (I believe the color is called crimson). I glanced up at my boss hesitantly. He was very much in shock which was perfect. It was time for my get away! After mumbling a few words (which I have no clue what they were), I turned on my heel and took off to my room, only looking over my shoulder once to see my boss. If I'm not mistaken, he looked a bit crimson himself as he murmured, "Konbanwa Tsubasa-san…"
I could feel my heart skip when he said my first name (Sweet music!) and 'san'. I became so giddy I almost ran straight into the door as I opened it to rush into my room. I shut the door closed and skidded my way from a standing position to the floor. Realization of what I just did kicked in for a moment and then I began to laugh eccentrically (out of humiliation) as I climbed into bed. I had been wearing my Avocado mask that Tazuna had convinced me to wear at night for clear skin (which must have been the reason for his confusion when he had first opened the door). I had completely forgotten that I was wearing it when I had gone over to Gaara's! I was the biggest idiot on the planet; most indefinitely Retarded Child Status!
"KUSO!" I screeched out as I slammed my head against the pillow. "MY AVOCADO MASK IS STILL ON!" I wish I hadn't done that because I think he heard me (in fact I think I could hear him chuckling… I had pressed my ear against the wall to listen in). I growled at myself for being so stupid. It was bad enough that I went to his room to do that but now that it had come to my attention that my face was green with Tazuna's crazy avocado mixture (and I had probably left residual avocado on Gaara's forehead; an avocado kiss!), I was a thousand, no, a billion times as embarrassed. I groaned one last time to mourn over my idiocy (Tazuna was going to laugh her ass off at me after I told her what happened). What was worse was that tomorrow was the Sakura Festival… so I'd have to go with Gaara and his siblings (and their dates). I'd have to face my boss at the festival even though I just wanted to disappear off the face of the earth, whether I liked it or not. I only prayed that no one else saw me. I knew Gaara wouldn't tell anyone but if Matsuri or Kanoka had seen anything the news would be all over Suna like, and excuse the simile but I can't put it in better words, flies on poop. Way to go, I thought to myself before going to sleep. I would toss and turn that night after all.
Author's Note: Hm, I wish I could be as radiant as Miss Tazuna sometimes. Haha.
Some kissing games are clichéd, but I thought it would be fun to put one into this chapter. I've actually never played any of those overrated kissing games. I'm sure that saved me some embarrassment. Anyway, I hope that you've enjoyed this chapter. If you've ever played such kissing games let me know in a review. Feel free to share. ;)