The Life and Times of the Kazekage's Assistant
Disclaimer:I don't own Naruto. This story is inspired by a novel by Lauren Weisberger. I do own Tsubasa Imamura, any other Ocs in the story, the designer labels and names of the magazines/newspapers, and the plot.
Author's Note:I had the song "Boss of Me" by They Might Be Giants on repeat while I wrote this chapter. I consider the song the inspiration not only for the title of this chapter but for the hectic occurrences in it as well.
Something to take note of is that the magazine article referenced in the chapter is mostly paraphrased from an article I read online from Glamour Magazine. It's in quotes so it should be cited efficiently enough.
Special Thanks to: NeferNeferi, for your aid in this chapter's production.
Chapter Sixteen: Boss Of Me
Yes. No. Maybe. I don't know.
Can you repeat the question?
Life is unfair, a test. Always has been, always will be. I've made of mess of my life so far. I've failed the test, and I just keep retaking and failing it over and over again. I wake up alone in the big room that comes along with being the prestigious (overworked and undervalued) assistant of the Kazekage. I usually wake up irritated, cranky, or bitchy. I've got Temari to blame for all my bad moods. I really wish I was strong enough to avoid feeling this way. I want to break this cycle but this cycle won't break. I'm doomed to repeat it for eternity. I'm tired of spending every night stressed, trying to figure out my life. I don't want to spend any more nights like it. I'm always telling myself to end it. I just want for it be over. Even when I've had my fill, reached my limits, been pushed to the edge, pulled out that trampoline and jumped as high as I can, and had enough, I can't break the circle. Every time I march myself into that office full of rebellion and stubbornness to stand my ground, I melt at the fleeting glance of the Kazekage. Just when I was doing so well, but he always wins. And I keep coming back for more. As long as he won't let me go, I'll just keep coming back for more.
That morning, when I entered the office (no one was there except one other person), I was more than shocked to see Temari sitting at my desk, rummaging through my drawers. I had an out of body experience at that moment. It's strange; one's soul leaving the body, and hovering over what's only a shell of me. I saw my pathetic form frozen in place like an icicle, cold and unfeeling. I saw Temari as well. She had just shut the top drawer of my desk. She held a piece of paper in her hand, a paper I knew to have "I love Gaara," and "Mrs. Kazekage" tattooed all over it. I know it was childish to doodle. I know I had once (often) condemned Matsuri for it, but I was guilty as charged. Temari seemed to be purring as she gazed over at me, like I had personally signed over what was left of my life (and I had). Then slowly, my soul sifted back to my body, managed to reattach myself to the worthless corpse and spring back to life again.
I'm destined to be the most miserable person on earth.
"What's this, Tsubasa?" she asked, cocking her perfectly tweezed and arched eyebrow. She had gone to the salon recently, I could tell. "I'd expect this from Matsuri, but not you." She paused, as if considering another option. It was spoken falsely, though. "Unless of course, this is Matsuri's?" That was a trap, clearly. I wasn't going to walk right into it. I knew she knew what Matsuri's handwriting looked like, and I knew she knew mine. The contents of that paper (that I should have never set pencil to) were obviously in my flourish.
"It's mine," I replied, gulping down all my hopes and aspirations. Those were never going to happen now, not now that Temari had discovered my secret.
"That's what I thought," she said, still smirking. Amusement flickered through her dark blue eyes. "Are you in love with my brother, Tsubasa?"
"Yes," I said, and then I changed it to, "no." I became frantic. I had admitted it and then taken it back. Which would she believe? "Maybe." I cleared my throat. The noise was gruff and thick in my throat. It didn't help because my voice still came out as a squeak. "I don't know." Her smile seemed to be widening, making sure to stay equal to my apprehension and frustration. "Can you repeat the question?"
"I asked you if you were in love with my brother, Tsubasa." She seemed so calm, so conniving, so evil. Her wicked slender fingers folded themselves neatly onto her lap. If I made a mad grab for that paper, destroyed it by ripping it to shreds, taking off with the shreds and drowning them in my tears, there'd be no way she could prove it. I braced myself. She did the same. "There's no one else in this office but you and I, Tsubasa. You can tell me." I sighed, relieving my body of its tense state. There was no use trying. She'd win. "Are you?"
It was time to own up. I was trapped, cornered like a mouse by a vicious cat. "I am." The words weren't so bad once I said them, but I could be wrong. I was completely stunned after all, numb to everything.
"As I thought," she said. She folded the paper neatly and tucked it in back into my drawer. She rose from the chair. Temari was more intimidating when she stood, but I was anesthetized from the shock so it didn't have much of an effect on me. "I don't know what he sees in you." Before I could begin to wonder about what her comment meant, she crossed the space between us, shortening the distance to nearly nothing. She loomed over me, though I can't remember her being that much taller. It was just the way that she carried herself, I guess. Her eyes narrowed, and she seemed to be studying me with those dark scrutinizing black holes. "Well, that's all I wanted to know, but," she began, and then paused. My deadened self seemed to gain life again, renewing my once numbed body. I was ready for her. Throw it at me, Temari. I can take whatever you have to dish out! "Have fun at the dating service today."
"You're not the boss of me," I snapped, not paying attention to her comment. "And you're not so big!" She just laughed. She must have seen how round my eyes grew, my expression of realization. Well, can you blame me? Temari had just said something nice, or at least, I think she said something nice. I had to ask to make sure. "What did you say?"
"I don't like repeating myself," she told me, as she passed me and made her way to the exit. "But have fun at the dating service today. I think you'll be surprised to see who attends those little tête-à-têtes." Then, she left without a moment's hesitation.
Trying to shake of Temari's strange behavior, I walked down the hall and into my room. Tazuna, smiling her perfect smile, was already sitting on my bed next to Sorachi. Both had been waiting for me, apparently. Tazuna and Sorachi seemed to be reading something, a magazine article. They were completely captivated by it because the two barely mustered a hello when I walked in. I heard Tazuna murmuring things like, "I should try that," or "I've never thought of that before."
Finally, I plopped down on the bed next to them, peering over to see what is they were reading. I shouldn't have been surprised. After all, Suna Serenity magazine was known for their wonderful 'how-to-girl', Satsuki. Sometimes she collaborated with the "Guy do's and don'ts guy", Mori. The how-to-girl wrote expounding stories that went step by step to advise someone on how to do something (e.g. one story she wrote was called, "How to love your hips" and another was, "How to get along with your in-laws" and also, "How to make a great first impression"). I must admit that I did practice the latter article before I came in for my job interview.
The article read:
"How to use 9 Flirting Jutsus that will Work (and to avoid the jutsus that don't work)
"Flirting Jutsu #1: The Gaze
"Satsuki says: Don't glare at him like there's going to be a ninja showdown and this will definitely work. You never want to stare any more than five seconds because then it just seems like you're drooling over him. Make sure to smile as well. That way, he knows exactly what you're saying through your eyes. You're giving him a silent, unspoken invite to approach you.
"Mori says: I love it when girls do this. It's an easy signal for us guys to pick up on, and it really is the only excuse we need to come on over.
"Flirting Jutsu #2: The Wink
"Satsuki says: The wink is a cute move to pull, but if you really want to grab his attention, you have to spice it up a bit. You can try winking slower by closing your eyelid and then opening your eye leisurely. I suggest rolling your shoulder forward and lifting your chin to give it that something extra it needs. It almost like you're laughing in slow motion. Know that this can be a lethal jutsu. It will be received on the other end loud and clear. I don't suggest using this on a stranger, however. This usually suggests you want to give him your room key practically. So use it moderately.
"Mori says: This could be a good move in theory, but I can't really wink, so this is a jutsu I fail at. Also, if I saw a girl winking at me, I'd assume something was wrong with her eye and that she had a twitch.
"Flirting Jutsu #3: The Hair Toss
"Satsuki says: Most believe the hair toss is a bimbo move. Not all Suna girls are ditzy "Desert Valley Girls". I get that insult faster than I can say, "Like, Omigod." But I often get compliments on my hair, so even just by gently running your fingers through it, you can show it off a little more.
"Mori says: So, like, you're totally hitting on me and want to like flirt, right? When I see a girl actually flip her hair, I think she either made a bad haircut choice, or I think it's ditzy. Sorry. However, if I see a girl run her fingers gently through her hair, I like it.
"Flirting Jutsu #4: The Oral Fixation
"Satsuki says: I always believe in doing this technique sometime during the evening. Men imagine that mitirashi dango, or a lollipop is… well, I'm sure you get the hint. Use this move sparingly because if you do this the whole time you'll like a sex addict, or it just becomes absurd.
"Mori says: What? Girls do that? Boy, have I been missing out!
"Flirting Jutsu #5: The Mirror
"Satsuki says: People are mirrors. If you do something kind, for example, they usually do something kind back. You have to watch the guy you're with. If he is sitting all the way back in his chair, he's either too relaxed or he just isn't interested. You've got to watch out for body language like this and be able to interpret it. If a guy is leaning back, then you lean back too. Why look desperate? If he picks up on it and doesn't like it, he'll lean in if he wants, and then you can too! If he's leaning in and pay attention to what you're saying, you lean in, girl. Be that mirror.
"Mori says: I agree. This is one of the best techniques you can use. It's a subtle move, but it's very effective. You can even do this at job interviews. I also suggest good eye contact and a nice smile while you're doing this.
"Flirting Jutsu #6: The Sweet Whisper
"Satsuki says: Remember the Ninja Academy? Academy Instructors often change up their volume to get your attention. If it works for them, it will work for you. When you whisper to a guy, he has vision of whispering to you with the lights off. In bed. Do it. Do it now.
"Mori says: Recently I was out on a date with this girl. We were at a party and she leaned over and whispered, 'Let's get out of here' in a really seductive husky voice. I still get shivers when I think about it.—in a good way.
"Flirting Jutsu #7: The Accidental-On Purpose Touch
"Satsuki says: I, personally, always make sure the guy accidentally touches me first. This gives me a clue as to his interest. If a guy likes you, he'll touch your arm or leg, usually to emphasize something he's saying. Look for his accidental touch about an hour into the date (any sooner and he's too eager to touch you and he's probably just looking for a joyride in your pants).
"Mori says: I'm too shy to use this technique early in a relationship, but I love it when women do it to me.
"Flirting Jutsu #8: The Smile
"Satsuki says: Smiling is one of the best and easiest things you can do. Men are going to love a toothy smile. It shows you're a happy person, drama-free. Don't overdo it on the smiling and not let your mouth relax, but smiling frequently is the best move you can make.
"Mori says: If you're smiling and gazing, and he doesn't return it or come over, he's not interested.
"Flirting Move #9: The Footsies
"Satsuki says: I think it's brazen and cheesy. It's too Yoko-hime in my opinion. But If you want to seduce some young boy, go for it. However, keep in mind that some people have a foot phobia-anti-foot fetish.
"Mori says: It's aggressive. I don't really suggest it unless it's for comical purposes, when you're out at a large dinner with your family. If you play footsies with creepy Uncle Raito, it can antagonize the other relatives. Use it for a good laugh, not on a date."
I gazed up from the article, amazed, embarrassed, and enlightened. I turned to the other girls, who were giggling over it. "Are you two going to use these moves at the dating service?" I asked, horrified. Should I use them? If they said they would use them, maybe I should too? I wasn't sure.
"Maybe not all of them," said Sorachi, smiling sheepishly.
Tazuna, who was grinning, said in a husky whisper, "I like the whispering one." There was a peal of laughter between the three of us. "But really," Tazuna said in a normal voice, "I'd like to try some of them. You should too."
I shrugged. "I guess I could. It's not like I have anything to lose."
"That's the spirit!"
Temari wasn't kidding about being surprised. I had no idea so many weirdoes went to the dating services held in Suna. It was no wonder that these singles were, well, single. Hoshiro and Sorachi had decided to ditch right at the beginning without telling me. I kind of minded at first, but then I thought that maybe they had connected finally or requited their unrequited love. It had been my hope that they would become dates to Hearts Grow.
I had already gone through three boys. The first boy had OCD, in fact the worse case I'd ever seen, the second boy was a momma's boy, the third boy was obsessed with his own bodily functions, and the fourth boy had just sat down in front of me. Things weren't necessarily looking up. He resembled a young man that I had seen stalking through the aisles of the Harem's Secret Boutique. He was a Grade A pervert. He had been shooed away many times from angry customers, angry employees, and even angry boyfriends. I had even chased him away once or twice. My face puckered into a scowl as he sat across from me. It was definitely him. I could tell by his lack of relaxation as he sat. He laughed nervously at first, but then he wiggled his eyebrows. "I've seen you before." No, you've tried to see me before, you peeping tom. Then I chased you away and if it hadn't been for Tazuna restraining me, I would have decapitated you with one of my fans. At least, that's what I was thinking.
"Yes, but I don't think we've met," I stated, trying to maintain my composure. Our time together wouldn't last too long, I hoped. If he got to friendly, he'd be missing one of his essential body parts.
"Yeah." He grinned. "So what's your name?" There was alcohol on his breath. He had been doing some drinking before coming here. "Mine's Eroki." Eroki? I nearly laughed. Even in his own name he had the word pervert (Ero)!
"Matsuri," I replied. Maybe he'd look her up later. He wouldn't remember who he talked to or what I looked like. He was drunk, after all. "We should go out sometime."
"We should," he agreed. "Where can I reach you?"
"I live in that great big Sand Castle. I work for Temari-hime. I'm her assistant. In the Ninja Academy I was known as the kunoichi that does everything, if you know what I mean."
"Everything?" he slurred.
"Everything," I repeated.
After that, silence. I could tell that his pervert thoughts had taken over and he had wrapped himself in some delusional daydream. His goofy grin didn't fade until the chime rang, and our time was over. He mentioned something about picking me (Matsuri) up for Hearts Grow. I nodded, smiling. She wouldn't mind, I don't think. She's the kind of girl that takes what she can get when she can get it.
The fifth boy was even weirder. The moment he had sat down, he leaned over the table and stared at what I believed was my chin. His eye level was lower than my eyes, and I had thought him to be staring at my chest at first, but I was wrong. His eye level was above my neck, but under my lips. My chin?
"I like your jaw," he told me, confirming my (what I thought to be) paranoid thoughts. "It's a great jaw."
"Thanks?"
He leaned even closer over the table. "Seriously, you've got great jaw structure. It fits so well with the rest of your features. Your ears are nice too."
"I'm sorry. I didn't get your name." I was trying to change the subject, or just get off the topic of my jaw. This was too weird for me.
"Keichi," he said. "I bet you've got great bicuspids too."
"Let's keep my bicuspids my business." Note: Don't let weirdoes peek into your mouth. Ever.
"Your canines are just the right size. Not too long, not too short. Just right."
"Can you stop doing that?" I asked, feeling very, very uncomfortable now. I guess this was karma treating me back for playing that Hearts Grow date prank on Matsuri.
"What?" he asked. "You don't believe me?"
There was a beautiful ding, and my nightmare was over. In its place, a fantastical dream had begun.
A young man, whose handsomeness could never be contended with, was approaching my table. He had wild, untidy hair. He had a glorious pale complexion. Darkish contusions adorned the lids of his alluring eyes, and even crested underneath them, giving him the appearance that he was wearing eyeliner. It was damn sexy. He wore only black. It was so ambiguous, and it made him more dark and brooding than at first glance. And underneath all his clothes, I was certain there was a toned body. I just knew that there were defined muscles beneath the shirt. His gaze floated over to mine. One side of his mouth lifted ever so slightly into a small crooked smile.
Who was it you ask?
"Hi, Gaara-sama," I said shyly, trying to catch my breath. He nodded, taking a seat at my table. I noticed he didn't sit tucked into the table like I was doing, but he gave himself enough space to nonchalantly hang his hands over his knees and lean forward. It was so sexy. I was having a hard time restraining myself. He gazed intensely into my eyes. Gazing back, I noticed his eyes brighten. Green and blue hues swirled together.
"Hello," he finally said, easing my heart rate, but only slightly.
"I'm really surprised to see you here," I told him, feeling color touch my cheeks, though I tried not to blush. "I'm also surprised the fan girls haven't mobbed you yet." This could be my chance to use some of Satsuki and Mori's flirting Jutsus! But, dare I use them?
"As am I," he murmured as he leaned closer. It made him look so curious yet puzzling at the same time. Kami, he was so sexy! But I remembered to lean in as well, being the mirror. "So how's it been for you?"
"How's what been?" I asked him quickly. I had been too concentrated on leaning in that I hadn't heard.
"Have you met anyone interesting?"
"All the boys I've met so far are interesting… to say the least," I responded back with a smile and a laugh. It was true. I had met some of the weirdest boys in Suna, I was sure of it!
His eyes fell for a moment before they looked back up at me. They seemed more lucid. "Any return dates?"
I could feel my eyebrows furrowing, wondering why he'd be so concerned to know. "Kami, no! I didn't mean I was interested in them all. I meant that they were all…" I let my voice drop several audible levels before speaking again. "Weirdoes." I grinned over at him because his face seemed a bit relieved for some reason. He probably didn't want his assistant to turn out being some boy crazy skank (that was Matsuri and Kanoka, not me).
He did, however, seem amused by what I had relayed to him. "What do you mean?"
I made sure that those boys weren't listening in on us. Just because they were strange didn't mean I wanted to offend them. Also, whispering was one of the flirting jutsus I had just learned! "Well, one guy was giving me strange compliments about body parts." That came out grosser than I had intended, but heck let Gaara believe and read into it as he wanted. Maybe he'd get jealous or something (that's a fat chance). "Another boy is the notorious Harem Secret Peeper."
"He's here?" Gaara asked, slightly alarmed as he scanned the premises.
"Don't worry," I said. "I believe he's turned a new leaf and is about to become a one-woman man." I grinned, devilishly. What a riot it's going to be to see him banging on Sand Castle's door, waiting for Matsuri.
"You're a miracle worker now?" he mused, smiling.
"Well, I've been known to work a miracle or two in my day," I replied. I used this opportunity to give him a wink. I hope it came out as well as I had imagined it in my mind. I loved the playful banter, hoping it would escalate to maybe even flirting (I can hope!). If it did, I wouldn't hold back as much as I usually do. No more timid Tsubasa. I was ready to bring out the Me I had lost in the shuffle of Temari's lotions, skirts, Kankuro's puppets, mission reports, and Gaara's paperwork. "You know, you're the only normal one I've spoken to so far." He nodded his head and said nothing more so I decided to return the question. It was only polite that he should answer back. "So, how's your experience here been so far?"
"I'm not sure what to make of it," he admitted, still peering over me from above his neatly folded hands. "I've never tried this before."
"I know what you mean," I agreed. "This is my first time too."
"Are you having fun?" he asked.
"It's alright," I replied. "It's not something I would go to again unless Tazuna or Sorachi drags me along. I'm really just here for moral support. How about you?"
"The same, it's alright. Kankuro forced me here."
I wish Gaara would open up to me more, but at the same time I understand that it takes time for people, especially those who have been cut deeply by hurt, to open up. People just don't let other people in right way. The relationship has to develop first. I was just being impatient. I wanted things to advance much quicker than they had been. I thought going on vacation with him had been great progress, but he and I haven't really had too many moments to get to know each other (and getting to know his package doesn't really count as getting to know him in a emotional level). Life had been too demanding of me lately.
Staring back into the eyes of the man I was in love, I began to wonder what it was he was looking for in a girl. Was he even interested in finding love? I hadn't even considered that option. It could be that he was only interested in being Kazekage, in loving and protecting his village. That, in itself, was a noble love, but not true love. Being single wasn't a plague, as so many have foolishly thought. Singleness is freedom and independence. Sometimes, I tended to forget that.
"Have you met any nice girls?" I couldn't help it, I had to ask. Could you blame me?
"I've mentioned before that I am not easily tempted. However, there is one nice girl." Not easily tempted? One nice girl? Well, that's not the same song he was singing the other day. This made me fretful. Who was this temptress he was having trouble resisting? Whoever it was, she must have known and perfected the 9 flirting jutsus! Kuso!
"I remember," I said to him with false cheeriness as he gave me a short nod. I was smiling at him but inside my heart was aching. He already loved someone and it wasn't me. I wasn't going to pester him with questions about who she was. It wasn't any of my business (no matter how badly I wanted to know). "It sounds like you like someone," I said to him with a sincere smile this time. Someone who wasn't me, but if he was happy, I was happy (even if he wasn't happy with me). "I'm happy for you." I thought perhaps he would say something more but then the chime rang and our session was over. "Arigato for your company Kazekage-sama. Until next time."
"It was nice talking to you, Tsubasa-san," he murmured, huskily. He stared deeply, intensely, into my eyes. His eyes smoldered, and it sent my heart into a flurry. I wish he wouldn't have that kind of effect on me. I'd have a hard time getting used to the idea that he was interested in someone else.
He stood up but didn't move for a long time until the next boy came to claim the chair across from me as his. Gaara gave me one last glance and moved on to the next table. I can't lie; it was hard for me to watch him go. I tried hard to pay attention to the boy that was speaking to me but I was having difficulty because I saw Kankuro grab Gaara by the shoulder and ask him something. Gaara had shaken his head no to whatever it was Kankuro asked him and then Kankuro said he was disappointed in him. I couldn't understand why Kankuro would be disappointed in his brother. Gaara was ten times the man that Kankuro was (in my opinion… probably Matsuri's as well). Then there was the chances part and having a turn. What in the world? It all sounded like some dirty joke, but before I could figure out what anything really meant, my thoughts were disrupted by the talking chatterbox in front of me.
"Did you hear me?" asked the boy across from me, another weird one. He had some short spiky black hair and a dopey look about him. If I were to guess where he would be in ten years I would say he'd be selling overpriced bootleg food pills or smoke bombs to unsuspecting ninja. "I asked you your name."
"Gomen nasai," I said quickly. "Imamura Tsubasa."
"That's a nice—" I had been staring at my fingers but looked up again when I noticed he had been cut off. Kankuro had tapped him on the shoulder and was speaking to the boy. "What's up?" asked the boy (I hadn't caught his name because I had been too distracted by Gaara).
"Hey buddy," said Kankuro. "Some girl over there said that she wanted to talk to you really quick." Kankuro had pointed in the direction of Tazuna. I was clearly shocked. Perhaps I could be wrong about Tazuna's taste in men and she really did like dopey men opposed to a nice gentleman. The boy nodded, excused himself from my table and took off. I couldn't really blame the dopey guy for his rudeness. After all, Tazuna was a blonde bombshell, and I was barely worth a second glance. Maybe I'm just a little bitter because Gaara wasn't interested in really talking to me. "Konnichiwa," greeted Kankuro as he took a seat.
"Konnichiwa," I replied back and then curtly said, "Is there a reason you scared off my date Kankuro-kun?"
"Of course," responded the black hooded shinobi, "I always have a reason for what I do. The wait to get to your table was too long so I decided I should cut in."
"How perceptive of you," I said to him with a smile. I hadn't realized Kankuro was actually participating in the dating service. Perhaps Temari had known about his participation and that's why she had said her strange comments. "So why the sudden desire to be at my table, Kankuro-kun?" I asked him, raising an eyebrow to this.
"I'm not going to lie to you, Tsubasa-san," he said to me with a wide grin as he removed his hood. I never noticed that Kankuro had nice brown hair underneath that black hood (but it still wasn't nearly as attractive as Gaara's head of red hair, for that matter). "You've caught my eye and I've had it on you for a while now."
"Oh, really?" I asked him, nearly laughing. I may have caught his eye, but that didn't mean he liked me. Knowing Kankuro, he was looking for a one night stand or a friend with benefits type thing like he had going on with Kanoka. Did I honestly look that stupid or desperate? I could still play along for a bit, just to have fun with Kankuro.
"Kankuro," said a voice, and when I looked to where it came from, it was Gaara's. "Enough." I was very well aware that I wasn't hiding my look of shock well at all.
I couldn't understand a thing that was going on so I stayed quiet and listened. "Gaara what's the matter? You missed your chance so it's my turn," Kankuro whined a bit, but he was still grinning. Miss his chance? What chance? Now I was really confused.
"Go to another table," my boss said in a low hiss. "You won't make Tsubasa another one of your playthings." He gave his brother an angry look but refused to back down. I still wasn't grasping exactly what was taking place.
"Alright, alright," Kankuro said casually as he stood up. "See you both later." I noticed Kankuro walk straight toward Tazuna. The dopey boy I had seen approached her was nowhere to be seen. It was just Kankuro and Tazuna. I couldn't help but feel that they were up to no good. The pair had their eyes on me for some reason and I could see Tazuna whispering excitedly to Kankuro as he nodded with a smirk on his face. Definitely up to no good.
"What's going on?" I asked in almost a growl, upset because I was feeling like the only one that was left out of the joke. "I don't appreciate being screwed around with!" I was tired of being the clown, the one always getting laughed at. I didn't care if Gaara was the one getting his fill of shits and giggles that day; I wasn't in the mood for it. I had bend over backwards too many times for those people and this was the straw to break the camel's back (even though I hate camels)!
"Imamura-san, calm down," Gaara replied stoically. He was keeping his cool for some reason but I didn't want to keep cool and I told him so. Gaara sighed heavily and then began speaking again. "Tsubasa-san, calm down," he repeated but this time he had used my first name instead of my last. It was a nice change, but I wasn't going to let it melt down my solid defense. He looked into my eyes with his marvelous teal orbs and I just melted in place like an ice cream cone in the sun. "Kankuro's just trying to get me to talk to you."
"Talk to me?" I repeated, and I couldn't help but think it was because he wanted to let me go. He had found someone he had liked, he would make her his assistant instead of me, marry her with the approval of the Council, have many Kazekage heirs, and I was in the way of it all. I hate my life. "Why would he want you to talk to me?" And I walked right into the trap by asking all those stupid questions. "Is it about letting me go? Did I do something wrong? I'm not a spy!" The last sentence was more of a howl of desperation. He eyed me warily at first, and then must have guessed that all the stress I had was making me paranoid. And it was.
"No, no," he assured me, and I took it as he meant I had done nothing wrong. I also took it as that he was just going to let me go without offering a very good reason other than he wanted to hire someone else.
"So then what are you doing here?" I asked, cocking my eyebrow. Was he spying on me? Who was he working for because I doubt he'd spy on me for him (if that makes any sense)? He had to be spying for Temari. Would he honestly do that? No, I don't think so. What the heck was going on then?
"It was Kankuro's idea," he replied to me casually as he looked me over for a moment. "He thinks you are attracted to me. He seems to believe that you're interested in dating me and he wanted me to talk to you." His eyes soon fell on mine, and I felt the entrancing had begun. So, he was actually looking for someone. "Funny, isn't it?" he asked me, still casually but he almost seemed a bit eager to know. I wasn't sure. Meanwhile, on my end, I was freaking out. My mind swirled viciously with terrible thoughts of killing Kankuro, thoughts of dying from my embarrassment, thoughts of suicide, thoughts of Gaara in his black briefs again, thoughts of future errands I'd have to run for Temari, thoughts of Temari snitching and ratting me out to Kankuro.
I hid my fret with a strained laugh. "Yeah, funny." I could feel my hands twiddling underneath the table and scolded them mentally to stop being so childish. I never got nervous public speaking so why was it that I would get so nervous talking to just one person? Most likely because that one person was my boss, the Kazekage, Gaara of the Desert, sexiest shinobi to ever walk Sunagakure in all his redheaded glory, and his brother had told him that I was attracted to him. Yes, I am attracted (if attracted can even begin to cover how I really feel) to him, but I didn't want him to know that. What if he didn't like me? What if I got my heart broken? What if this? What if that? "Kankuro knows I'm too dedicated to my work to date anyone." Was that a mistake? Maybe I shouldn't have said that. Maybe I should have let him know I was interested.
"I see," he murmured. He didn't say anymore, and my heart sank.
"Now why would Kankuro think that?" I asked nervously, trying to restart the conversation and hopefully correct my mistake. I was fidgeting with my fingers underneath the table again. I had never had this nervous habit before, but somewhere along Gaara's soft spoken voice, his entrancing eyes, and his unruly red hair, I had developed it. At that moment, I had felt just like a girl I had met at the Leaf Village. Her name was Hinata, I think. She always fiddled her pointer fingers together when she was speaking to Naruto. At first, I thought she was insane to like him, but she turned out to be a very sweet girl and I couldn't hold something so trivial against her. She couldn't help who she liked, and she couldn't help it if she played with her fingers, turned bright red, and barely whispered anything to him. She was just shy and nervous, like me. I was shy and nervous around my boss. What made me most upset about this was that I had sworn myself to chase him a little more adamantly than I had been upon our return from vacation. All for naught, I'm afraid. All talk and no action.
He shrugged his shoulders. "I think because you are my date to Hearts Grow."
"Oh, I see." I felt I couldn't let it go at that. I had to somehow bring the conversation back up. I had to get Gaara to understand that I was interested in dating, just him. "I think that if a guy were to understand my dedication to being a councilwoman, I'd be open to date him. I need someone who's going to be supportive of me." I nervously ran a hand through my hair, twirling the small braid in it. I realized I was using one of the techniques from the magazine, and nearly squealed with excitement. I think I was doing pretty well for myself! However, the wrenching sensation in my stomach begged to differ.
He nodded. "That's reasonable," he murmured.
"And you?" I blurted. "What would you want?—in a partner, I mean."
His eyes widened in surprise, and I myself wondered if I had actually asked him that. It really wasn't any of my business, but I so desperately, fervently, needed to know. His marble lips parted to speak, and I felt my heart take the plunge to its death. "I'm really not certain," he replied and I could see the honesty of his unknowingness in his teal eyes. "I never gave much thought about that until recently."
"Recently?" I asked, more of urged. Why…? Why recently? Was there someone in his life that I didn't know about? That council meeting, the one I wasn't allowed to attend, was perhaps just a cover for a date he may have had. He could be dating someone and I would never know. Matsuri wouldn't even know. We were both boggled down with Temari's demands that there was no time to know these things and no time to find out about them.
"I met with the council the other day," he continued, "and they wanted to discuss with me plans for marriage. I told them I had none, but they avidly argued. That's why you weren't allowed to attend the meeting." His eyes fell downcast, which led me to believe the worst. The council, pushy sons of bitches that they were, forced a wife upon him so that they could have their precious little Kazekage heirs. Of course, they would want someone pure for Gaara, someone who was very fertile (that sounds very creepy, I know), someone, who in the event that something horrible happened to Gaara, could take over for the time being until he was well again or until one of his children could rein in his place, and someone who was probably beautiful (like one of Temari's models). These were things I envisioned in my mind. Horrible, awful things. "They want me to make a selection, or at least obtain a girlfriend within these next two weeks or they will choose for me." Two weeks? But that was so soon! What the hell was going through those Council members' minds when they came up with that one. Bakas (idiots)! Absolute absurdity!
"They can't do that," I shouted, enraged at the withdrawal of his free will. I couldn't help but slam my hands down onto the table, knocking the timer in such a way that it beeped early. I grabbed that timer and tossed it behind me, uncaring of the chance that it may have hit and hurt someone. "You should be able to do what you want! You're the Kazekage! They can't force you into something you don't want to do." I crossed my arms angrily across my chest, my nails digging into my arms.
"If I don't comply with their wishes, my title will be revoked."
Revoked. What a disgusting word! I was so tired of hearing demeaning words like that. All these stupid and meaningless words with their bad connotations and their underlying threats. They were always pushing, just pushing and pushing, others around. Not just the council. Everyone (by everyone I mean all the assertive boss type people, the people in charge). These people that deem themselves bosses, that situate themselves at the highest most level of this made up hierarchy created to oppress others; to oppress others like me of free will and choice, to steal lives and be led into a different direction that was never intended. To be the boss of me. To be the boss of those considered lower.
"They won't revoke your title," I stated flatly, trying to will myself into a calm place. "It's a bluff. They won't and can't replace you. I stake my life on it."
His eyes popped more, like a bug's, unbelieving of my words. "You feel that strongly about me taking a wife?"
Exasperated, I sighed. Was he not listening to me? What wasn't there to understand? I'm not calling him incompetent (never would I do that), but he just didn't even seem to understand what I meant by free will. Was he truly that robbed? "It's not about the wife thing anymore, Gaara-sama. If you want to take a wife, then you should. But if you don't, then you shouldn't. It's all about free will here. You should do whatever you need to do. To be a great Kazekage, if you feel that you don't need a wife, then you don't. That's the bottom line. No one should be the boss of you."
"Perhaps I need a wife to govern by my side," he murmured. "Raising and having a family is an ideal goal."
"Ideal," I said, "but is it your goal?"
He seemed to laugh at this. "My goal used to be to kill everyone just to make myself feel alive and to prove my worth of existence. Looking back, I know how wrong I was to think that way, to be so murderous and without an ounce of guilt or repentance. I'm a changed man now. Then, I never expected myself to change, to become the way I am now. I never expected to take a wife and raise children, but life throws many unexpected things in one's path. I can't always leap over every hurdle, every opportunity I may have at a somewhat more regular life because I don't believe in myself at being capable. I think that if a right girl were to come along and want me as her spouse, I wouldn't refuse her. I can't guarantee if I could please and make her happy, but I don't think I should rob myself from trying."
Hearts Grow was awkward. As awkward as things have gotten between my boss and I. It was different than the times I had embarrassed myself in front of him, because at least then, there was something to laugh about, something to bring up and talk about. However, the awkwardness and tension now wasn't so easily penetrated by peals of laughter or conversation. Uncomfortable topics had been brought forth, topics that there wasn't a way to avoid or get around. Neither of us really spoke too much to one another, and Hearts Grow was supposed to be magical. Or so I had envisioned it to be. I should have learned my lesson though. You don't hope for too much, and you don't have high expectations because when you do and your let down, the disappointment is an ebbing pain that doesn't cease.
I wish I could clarify things better, but it's hard to come up with a proper description when you're so overwhelmed by the emotion of it. I was beginning to question my sanity, and because I question it, I wonder if it's something I've already lost.
Gaara had said Kankuro had forced him to go to the dating service, but it in actuality it could have very well been the workings of the Council. Kankuro could be an easy excuse, or I could be completely wrong. I wasn't sure. I was lost, just shrouded in the entire mystery of it. It was a difficult concept to accept, that Gaara wanted to marry. That's certainly what I had gotten from the conversation. It's terrible to finally hope, after having lost it for such a long time, and for it to be taken away again. I had hoped at last that perhaps my life wasn't so average, so typical. I had wanted Gaara to love me, but the dating service had sunk me back into reality and had placed things back into their proper perspective. I was Tsubasa Imamura. A sorry sixteen-year-old that would end up with my dream job as a council member, but once I was placed on the Council, I'd be miserable. I'd have to sit with prestigious hands folded atop the exclusive desk only peoples of importance were allowed to sit at, mind full of brilliant ideas, heart full of ache, as I gazed at the man I'm in love with and his wife. Then I'd realize that my dream to be the glorious councilwoman was nothing more than foolish.
"Imamura," Gaara called to me after Temari's runway show was over (Hearts on Fire was its title. How original. Note my sarcasm). We had been forced to sit through another one of her fashionista events. I couldn't help but feel slightly more homicidal after each one. "You've been very quiet this evening."
I smiled meekly. "Gomen, Gaara-sama. There are many troubles on my mind." I tried to answer as vague as possible. I hadn't wanted to lie to him and say it was nothing at all, but I didn't want him to know or be able to guess my thoughts too easily either.
"I see," he replied. "I suppose now wouldn't be the best time to discuss with you the plan Temari and Kankuro have concocted to aid me in the predicament I've landed myself in with the Council." If Temari and Kankuro actually worked in tandem to hatch some heinous scheme, I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear it. And yet…
"It's fine," I said. "I'm on the job. I shouldn't bring my personal life into work."
His eyes glazed with amusement. "Tsubasa-san, you're my date, remember? You're not on the job."
"I know," I said, trying not to get too defensive with him. "But you're my number one priority no matter what. That was my understanding when I took the position as your personal assistant. Even If I'm not really on the clock, I will be if you need me."
"Very dedicated," he murmured. More like devoted, but that's okay if he was off a little. He stood up from his seat, awaiting me to do the same. I did. "Let's go somewhere more private to talk about these matters." I nodded, following as he led me elsewhere. We were walking for what I considered to be somewhat of a long time before he settled on a place to converse. We were at the edge of the festival, away from the crowds, the concession stands, away from everyone and everything.
"What's Temari's and Kankuro's plan?" I asked, stifling a shudder. Those two working together could never be a good thing. I preferred them arguing with one another because when the two had worked through their differences and combined their forces, it was truly dangerous (and in this case, probably wicked).
He shifted weight from one leg to another and crossed his arms. He was nervous. I could read through his body language instantly. Him being nervous made me nervous. What plan had those two demons come up with? "It was their idea that I present you to the Council as my girlfriend, to buy me some time and give me the chance to make a selection later. I don't want to complicate things between us anymore than things perhaps are from all of our… incidents. However, you were the best choice to be the decoy. I couldn't have Matsuri do it or Kanoka. You were the ideal choice."
A decoy. Council bait. That's all I was to him? I was furious, but I wasn't furious. I can't explain. It's just hard to be upset with someone when you love him so much. I guess what I mean is that normally I would have been angry, and I should have taken it as an insult, but I cared for him so deeply. Another thing I should have been furious over was the fact that Temari had used my love for him against me. Temari had reacted too calmly at my confession of being in love with her brother. I should have known better than to think she'd let something so significant such as that go. I should have realized that she would find some way to get me back, and she did. She was the epitome of evil and I shouldn't have expected any mercy from her. I won't make the mistake again. I should have been completely homicidal, but I was surprisingly neutral. "It's my job to fulfill your requests," I told him, devoid of emotion as he usually is. "If that is what you request from me, I'll do it."
He frowned. "Tsubasa-san, if you don't want to or feel you can't, please tell me so."
"What I want falls far below your wants Kazekage-sama," I replied. "Besides, I want what you want. If you feel this is a good plan, then I do as well." He nodded.
"Very well," he said. "The story will go as follows." And I'll interject with my own commentary, but of course dear Gaara-sama you won't hear it. "We've been fond of each other for a while now." No, I've been more than fond of you. I've been in love with you and now I'm absolutely crushed. But that's okay, go on. "We've also been secretly dating." I wish. "Tonight, at Hearts Grow, I decided to make our situation together more public and more official. Tonight I've asked you to become my girlfriend and you've agreed." No, I agreed to be a decoy because that's what you've really asked of me. Not to be your real girlfriend, just your pretend one. You're the boss of me after all, I'm pretty much obligated to comply whether you'll admit that or not. "It should be believable for the Council. They already have suspicions of you and me secretly dating since we took that vacation together." I hate vacation. "It'll be the perfect ruse, or so Temari and Kankuro believe. And no one would be the wiser."
"They're right," I said. "The Council will most likely fall for it. It's a good plan."
Some Hearts Grow festival this turned out to be. The joy of admiring my hard work that I had put into the festival had been stolen from me (and the joy of Matsuri freaking out when Eroki came to pick her up, but I'll leave that tale for another day). There was no way I'd enjoy anything now. However, I had given my acceptance, sealing my very sorry fate.
Life is unfair.
Author's Note: I'll be short and sweet. Please review! ;)