The Life and Times of the Kazekage's Assistant
Disclaimer:I don't own Naruto. This story is inspired by a novel by Lauren Weisberger. I do own Tsubasa Imamura, any other OCs in the story, the designer labels and names of the magazines/newspapers, and the plot.
Author's Note:Italic print will signify songs that are being quoted or paraphrased. Songs cited in this chapter are as follows: No One's Gonna Love You by Band of Horses and Misery by Maroon5.
Chapter Nineteen: Tales of Spring Break: Part Two
Tale Three:
No One's Gonna Love You More Than I Do
It's looking like a limb torn off
Or altogether taken a part
We're reeling through an endless fall
We are the ever-living ghost of what once was
Anything to make him smile. That was my frame of mind as I traveled by foot alongside my boss, his fire-breathing sister, and his womanizing brother. Suna was only a two days travel on foot. It was faster by a camel-pulled cart. However, Kankuro enjoyed camping outdoors and convinced Gaara that it was like a little vacation before a vacation. I wasn't sure if I agreed. I didn't like the idea of sharing a tent with Temari. In fact, I was a little frightened and nervous at the thought of it. Who knows what bizarre rituals and sleeping regiments Temari had that I was now open to suffer along with her. If I had it my way, I wouldn't even sleep in a tent. If I could sleep outside in my sleeping bag without Temari sleeping right next to me, I'd be okay with it. I mean, who would like the idea of sleeping next to the devil? Not I, that's for sure.
It was dusk of the first day. My beautiful Suna sun was colliding into the horizon, threatening to disappear from me on a whim. What a wicked sun, to allow nightfall to take over so then I'd have to be Temari's tent buddy. I don't see why I couldn't get a separate tent. I don't know what the hell everyone was thinking with this arrangement. I couldn't just out right say I wasn't okay with it though. I'd offend Temari, and likely I'd regret that for the rest of my life, however short-lived it may be.
"Let's make camp already," Temari barked at Kankuro. The two had been bickering most of the way over. Gaara had silenced them occasionally, but they always started back up again.
"Patience is a virtue," said Kankuro, grinning. It was obvious that he was trying to pick another fight, which I wasn't necessarily looking forward to. Sometimes he and Temari would get so heated that they'd actually engage in battle until Gaara stepped forward and scolded them as he restrained them with his sand. I tried to stay out of the way, but Kankuro's the kind of guy that really knows how to bring you into an argument. He thinks it's humorous. He's just a little instigator that especially loves putting me in awkward situations. So what do you think he said? Kankuro said, "Tsubasa-san, what do you think?"
Gaara came to my rescue. "Kankuro, enough. I grow weary of your games. That's enough for tonight."
Kankuro shrugged. "I was just asking a question."
"Shut up," Gaara hissed. I hadn't seen my boss get this annoyed with Kankuro in a while. I have to admit, I didn't like seeing Gaara's angry side, but I did like seeing Kankuro get scolded for being annoying. It was a lose-win situation. "Set up camp."
"I can set up camp as soon as Temari forks over the tent equipment," Kankuro said, sitting down nonchalantly. He smirked up at Temari. Her teeth were gritted and her hand was on her hip. I tried not to cower visibly.
"You idiot," she snapped. "You were supposed to bring the tent equipment, not me. Who the hell do you think always brings the tent equipment? You do! I bring the sleeping bags, and you haul the tent equipment. Why in the world, in your pea-sized brain, would you think differently?"
"Hey," Kankuro shouted back. "Don't you yell at me! It's your fault for not reminding me. You always remind me and you didn't this time."
"I shouldn't have to remind you every time, numskull!"
"Well then don't expect me to bring the damn tents!" Kankuro crossed his arms and turned his body away, mumbling ravings about being able to enjoy a starry night at least. Temari only rolled her eyes, clearly frustrated.
"We'll have to make do with what we have," I said, trying to sound optimistic, though I really wasn't. It was rumored to rain that evening. We had been in a small dry spell, but it was pouring the evening before and sprinkling this morning. The dark clouds were menacing and threatening to shower as well. "I'll get a fire started and make dinner."
"See Temari, Tsubasa is trying to be helpful. Why can't you?" he mocked. See? He did it again. He put the focus on me, put the spotlight on me so Temari would have a target and know who to destroy.
"Shut up, you rat," she hissed back as she set up the sleeping bags. "Or I'll be sure to throw your sleeping bag into the stream."
"You throw mine, I'll throw yours," he threatened back. "Don't tempt me, Temari."
"I said I had enough," Gaara said in a low growl. Sand hands snapped the tents from Temari and whipped them open so that they fell into place on the ground. It silenced everyone for the rest of the evening and we could finally make camp in peace.
I got the fire started in no time, but as soon as I did it began to rain. Just my luck. I heaved a frustrated sigh. I wasn't too thrilled to be sleeping in the rain. We'd all catch colds thanks to Kankuro. I didn't even want to be here on this trip with the three. All I had was torment.
"Temari pack up the sleeping bags. We're going to try to find shelter," said Gaara who was already on the move. I followed as the rain came down on me in harrying sprinkles. Temari had been smart enough to pack a warm coat with a hood. I wasn't so smart. I had gotten so accustomed to the dry heat, it didn't dawn on me that I should bring a sweater just in case. Kankuro didn't have to worry about things like that because he was always hooded. It was a lovely attribute of his shinobi-wear. Gaara, I thought, really didn't care if he got rained on, but even he was wearing his Kazekage garb with a hood attached.
We were traveling for a few minutes and the rain was really beginning to pour. My hair was starting to get soaked, I was shivering, and my teeth were chattering as though I couldn't stop. I nearly bumped into Gaara because he had stopped in front of me without warning. He began to remove his Kage cloak and handed it to me. "Put it on," he instructed, "so you don't get wet."
"Are you sure, Kazekage-sama?" I asked. My hand was extended to receive the cloak, but I still didn't initiate contact with it. I'd prefer me to get sick instead of him. "If you get sick you'll have to stay in bed and won't enjoy the vacation."
He shrugged. "It's not as if I care to be on vacation." He urged the cloak toward me again. "Take it."
I nodded, and put it on. It was so warm and musty. It smelled of him, a beautiful aroma of sand and a spicy old musk. It lifted my spirits and filled my body with warmth, more than the cloak itself did. "Thank you," I said to him.
"Hn," he replied. "Where have Temari and Kankuro gone off to?" The siblings had gone up ahead without us noticing. I frantically searched the area for them. They were nowhere to be found. Gaara only shrugged. "It's late, and you need to sleep. We can find them in the morning. They know to look for us in the morning."
"I don't mind searching," I told him, though I was fighting a yawn.
"We can look in the morning." He pointed toward a small cavern in a nearby mountainside. The ridge was domineering, and I wondered if Kankuro and Temari were staying in another grotto within the cliff because they weren't inside the one Gaara and I was headed to.
Gaara started the fire, allowing me to wrench out my hair and try to get the water out. My hair was so long and thick that it just soaked it all up like a sponge. I then realized that Temari had our sleeping bags. We should have been smart enough to carry our own.
"No sleeping bags," I pointed out.
Gaara wasn't too worried. "Sleep in my cloak. I don't sleep well anyway." He fought a sneeze. I could tell that he was already catching a cold even though he didn't seem like the type to get sick easily.
"You're sick," I said, trying to be assertive. "You need to be warm more than I do." He seemed to disagree so I was persistent. "Kazekage-sama, you're health is more important to me than my own. It's in my job description."
He shook his head. "I'd prefer for you to be of wellbeing. Your health is a greater concern."
I didn't argue. It was one of those silencing sentences that smote the chance of rebuttal. His words were the final say. I just lay on the ground, positioned myself in the comfiest way possible, and let my head fall against his Kazekage cloak.
So I did what any idiot would do in an awkward situation. I brought up a completely unrelated and random topic about the stalactites in the cave. The dripping had driven me nuts long enough that I just had to talk about it. "This must be a limestone cave because there are stalactites. They build up as a deposit from the ground water seeping through a cave's roof. I think it's kind of cool." He was silent, and I ridiculously took it as his unspoken permission for me to continue. "The pillars that are coming out of the floor, those are called stalagmites. What do you think?"
"I need to think," he stated and turned away from me without a moment's hesitation, leaving me puzzled and hurt.
We didn't speak after. There was really nothing to say. There were no more rock formations to point out, no rays of hope or sunshine sparkles to throw out there, no conversation to strike up. There was just me, covered by a moist cloak, him standing with his back toward me, and the never-ending dripping of water in the cave.
I watched as he stood familiarly frozen in place. He wasn't the type to pace. He liked to stay in one spot and contemplate. It was never easy to read his thoughts, but his expression seemed slightly pained or more likely, annoyed. He hid his feelings well. I wished he'd share his thoughts with me from time to time, but I knew that was asking for too much.
His eyes seemed to glaze over slightly, and I knew he was submerged into deep thought. His gaze was not looking toward the jaws of the cave, but at that back of its throat, where the dark mystery of it lied. It was his life, I think, that he was comparing it to. He had once ruled by a merciless hand, destroying and slaughtering anyone on a whim with the clench of his fist. He had been wicked and immoral with such a thirst for murder it was insatiable. Some blamed the demon that had been sealed away inside him. Other said he was the demon and it was he who craved blood. I choose to believe the first because I could never see the latter as truth. I could never see him as a vile murderer. Not him. He's different now, than the way he was described. It almost seems like it was propaganda, some made up lie to defile him, but it was the truth. Murderous intent had dominated his life. But what about Gaara now? What motivated him to keep going now? There had to be more to it than living to protect his village and to take care of his siblings. Wasn't there more to him than that? I wasn't sure. It's not a place in his thoughts I was allowed into.
I wondered where Kankuro and Temari had gone to and whether they were safe. Maybe they were bickering still or maybe they'd settled their differences. I thought about Leaf, and the possibility of seeing Kiba. I hoped not. I also preferred not to run into Naruto. His last visit had left a bad taste in my mouth that made no promises of evaporating.
-Struck by Illness-
I woke up to the sounds of agonized groans. Startled, I leapt up into a fighting stance with heightened senses. My eyes locked onto the source of the thunderous noise. Gaara lay in a feeble position, hands clutching the sides of his head with eyes squeezed tightly. His lips curled, showing his gritted teeth. They gnashed together violently as he cried out painfully. I thought quickly as to what I should do, but I found myself lost. I had never come across this type of situation, was never educated on how to handle it. I surmised the best idea was to approach him cautiously. Any sudden movement and he could lash out at me like a hurt animal.
As I closed the distance between us, he began to thrash fiercely. This hindered my approach slightly, but something inside me urged me closer anyway. There was a deafening silence. I could no longer hear his anguished cries, or the sound of his body slamming itself against the floor. I could only hear his heart beating, whipping against his chest. The beats came in screams of agony. It was absolutely terrifying. Wisdom and common sense left my mind, inhibitions left my body. I scrambled toward him, restraining him from thrashing. He fought viciously against my hold, his sand grating against my soft skin as it cut and scraped me. I slipped my hands past many of his blows, but did get scratched along my arms by his nails. His sand was leaving abrasions as well. I pressed my thumbs solidly against the pressure points along his chest, arms, neck, and jaw, careful not to do anything damaging. My goal was purely restraint and to block his chi flow. The sand stopped, and then he stopped. Both our hearts knocked loudly as if beating against one another.
His eyes opened and he gasped, completely taken aback by the situation. His eyes scanned over me, wincing at each wound they found on my body. Without thinking, my hands fell into his red mane, rubbing gently to calm him. I soothed him as best as I could, promising him everything was fine. After massaging his scalp, I placed a hand to his forehead. He was burning up.
He tried to stand although I urged him to lie back down. "We must find Temari and Kankuro."
"I'll find them. You need to rest," I said assertively.
He shook his head. "I don't need it." He went into a coughing fit and clutched his chest. "I'm fine," he assured in a soft wheeze.
"Alright," I played along. "Let's go look for them." He nodded, struggling to walk to the cave entrance. Then I did what anyone would do in a situation like this would do. I struck Gaara in the back of the head and knocked him unconscious, praying I wouldn't receive a death sentence for what I had just done.
-Time to See the Doctor-
So perhaps you're thinking that was the stupidest thing I could have ever done. You're probably right. But I couldn't just allow him, as sick and feverish as he was, to go wandering through the forest until he keeled over and died. I left two sand clones behind in my stead to guard his sleep. He had been in a cold sweat, shivering under his Kazekage garb I had tucked him in with. It was the most vulnerable I had ever seen him, and I couldn't afford to let him amble around. I cared about him much too much for that.
Finding Kankuro and Temari in that forest was like looking for a needle in a haystack. They gave no hint of where they might have sought refuge. There were no signs of a campfire and no signs of tracks either. Just when I was about to give up, I heard arguing. It was too soon for relief though. There was still a matter of tending to Gaara's sickly state. I followed the booming voices and came across the fighting siblings.
"This was a ridiculously stupid idea," Temari snarled at Kankuro as she rolled up her sleeping bag. "We should have never separated from them. Tsubasa likely had a heart attack from her sleeping arrangements with our dear little brother who doesn't know how to express a single emotion without pushing someone away. For all we know, she's unconscious somewhere and Gaara is very, very angry."
"It was a smart move," argued Kankuro. He was strapping his sleeping bag to his back. "Gaara should be thanking me for all my attempts at getting him used to speaking to women."
"Unconscious women don't speak!"
"Who says she's knocked out?" Kankuro shouted. A perverted smile ran across his face. "Unless our dear little brother has more spunk than I thought!"
Temari's lip curled. "You disgust me, Kankuro."
"Likewise, Temari."
"Excuse me?" I had to interject. I certainly didn't want to hear any more mindless nonsense out of Kankuro's mouth and had no idea what Temari had been getting at either. I bowed my head slightly out of respect as the siblings' eyes bulged in surprise. They hadn't expected me to be listening to their conversation I suppose. They didn't have to worry because I really had no clue as to what it was either of them meant by any of it. As far as I knew, they were just bickering as usual. "Kazekage-sama is extremely sick with a high fever. He had a seizure this morning, and I had to sedate him. He is in the cave we slept in, guarded by two of my sand clones. We need to hurry to get him to Leaf." I didn't have to go through that whole spiel actually. After I said, "Kazekage-sama is extremely sick," the siblings moved with unparalleled speed, following me back to where Gaara lied.
They wasted no time in arguing about what to do either. The siblings worked alongside each other in perfect synchronic motions, gathering up their brother in their arms and rushing past me. I followed the two back to the Leaf Village, flashing identification cards to the guards at the gates. It was fortunate for us that Lady Tsunade happened to be at the gates, Sakura at her side. It wasn't long before we were on our way to the hospital. Sakura tended to Gaara as Kankuro, Temari, and I waited outside. Another nurse dressed my wounds with stinging rubbing alcohol and bandages while we waited.
Sakura stepped out of the room. Her expression wasn't as hopeless as I had first thought, which confirmed that I was worrying way too much. "He's got Kafunsho, more commonly known as hay fever. Symptoms are very similar to the common cold. It seems he's having trouble sleeping again, probably the nightmares have started back up." I suspected Sakura likely had to treat Gaara around the time of Shukaku's extraction. She was very familiar with his insomnia. "While you guys were traveling through the forest here, he probably got a good whiff of some pollen and started having symptoms. Japanese cedar is usually the culprit. The rain probably didn't help and probably gave him a cold too." Sakura removed her latex gloves from her fingers and tossed them in a waste bin. "I've put him on antibiotics for now. He doesn't need to stay in the hospital, in fact Lady Tsunade has arranged for you four to stay in Leaf's finest hotel. However, he does need to stay bed bound tonight and tomorrow to be on the safe side. Let's stick him on an anti-inflammatory diet, only olive oil and salmon for a few days and see how he does. Gaara tends to heal quickly and has a fairly good immune system so it shouldn't last as many weeks as it does for others. Good rest and a nice glass of OJ and he'll be back to normal."
"Thanks Sakura-san," said Kankuro, holding her hands in his in a sort of flirty gratitude-like manner.
She grimaced a bit and withdrew. "It's my job. Wouldn't want to see Suna's finest too sick from a little hay fever either." She then turned to Temari and me. "If you two have any later questions or concerns, feel free to ask. Let Gaara sleep another hour and then you guys can relocate to the Tropics Resort."
-Attentive-
Once we relocated to the resort, Kankuro and Temari immediately stuck me with caring for Gaara while he was sick. I had no problem with this, even expected it. Temari took off for shopping and Kankuro for woman-hunting. Story of my life, forever taking care of Gaara. It never bothered me much because I knew if it were someone else taking care of him, I'd feel extremely jealous in knowing I was being replaced. No, no, no. Taking care of my severely handsome boss was no problem at all.
Tired, I sat at the edge of Gaara's bed. His reddened eyes were cracked open the slightest bit, staring at me inquisitively. "Imamura-san, isn't there something you'd rather be doing thank taking care of me?"
I laughed a little. "Honestly, no. Unless you feel I'm pestering you?"
He winced. I think he knew where that was coming from. "I apologize for the rude comment I made earlier. I was very irritable and not feeling myself." I take it he was referring to "I need to think," which wasn't too rude. It had just caught me off guard. I understood that everyone needed privacy. Hell, I would have really liked some more privacy in my life, but that was a luxury for me at this point. Still, just because privacy had become absent for me didn't mean I needed to stand in the way of anyone else's privacy.
I nodded, but didn't continue on that subject. "Would you like me to close the blinds? The sunlight's probably not helping you go to sleep." I didn't wait for an answer, only moved and acted upon my words. Once the deed was finished, I turned to him. His red hair wasn't as glorious without the sun's glistening rays and his eyes were bloodshot from the hay fever. "If you'd like," I offered, "I could leave. I understand if it may be uncomfortable for me to stay here while you're trying to sleep." Far be it for me to intrude on his privacy again. I decided it had been best for me to be more mindful and aware of giving him privacy. I didn't want to invade his space or become a nuisance.
"Would you like to stay?" he asked, his voice hoarse from prior abuse.
I worked my way around the question by saying, "You've stayed at my bedside when I've been in the infirmary or sick. I will return the favor. It was asked of me as well."
"I see," he said, slumping his head back into the pillow. He closed his eyes and began to murmur. "I hate for anyone to see me in this weakened state."
"It's a better side of you to admire," I comforted. "Let's us all know you're human."
"I also have a guilty conscience for my burdens always becoming yours. You go beyond your call of duty." He was referring to my wounds, I assumed. I had a bandage on my left cheek, both arms, and my right leg.
"Well, when I applied for the job, you did contact my references and ran background checks, yes?" I asked, staying practical. He nodded. "Someone, they should have warned you. I am not the average employee."
"That you are not. There is nothing average about you." He smiled, despite his sickly disposition. And he said something with his eyes I couldn't interpret or maybe I was just tired of trying to decipher the hidden meanings. I let it go, whatever it was that was there. I figured that if he wanted to tell me more, he would.
I sat back in the chair, crossing my arms on my lap in a comfortable position. "Let me know if you need anything," I whispered, allowing myself to succumb to sleep.
Someone should have warned me I'd fall in love with him. And someone should have warned him that no one is ever going to love him more than I do.
Tale Four:
Misery
I am in misery
There ain't nobody who can comfort me
Why won't you answer me?
The silence is slowly killing me
Boy, you really got me bad
You really got me bad
Now I'm gonna get you back
I'm gonna get you back
As Sakura had promised, Gaara was back to his normal healthy self within a few days (and lucky for us, the council after being made aware of the situation extended the vacation and gave us two more weeks). I watched him in those three days, miserably. Not because I was bored or because I didn't want to be there with him. No, I was in misery for one particular reason and that reason was because I was madly in love with Sabaku no Gaara.
And if you're wondering if anything interesting happened, it didn't. I definitely would have documented anything worthwhile, but unfortunately it was a whole lot of me watching him sleep. Not that it's unpleasant (I enjoyed the heart wrenching view), but I'd have preferred not to feel so heartbroken during that time. We didn't speak very much either. I wonder if something didn't happen back in the cave when he had needed to think. I wonder if something wasn't up, or maybe I'm paranoid? Maybe he's just tired. Or maybe I'm just tired?
That makes the most sense… But no more dwelling on my two-steps-backward-instead-of-forward time I had taking care of my boss.
Today, I found myself in Leaf Village once again, and lucky me, I got ditched the moment we arrived. Kankuro stole Gaara away, immediately getting into their "bromance" (Kankuro refers to his relationship with Gaara as "bromantic." Gaara cringes every time Kankuro says it. It's actually kind of funny to see). Kankuro would be dragging Gaara into doing things only he liked to do, but Gaara was typically a good sport and went along. Plus, Kankuro could be pretty persuasive when he wanted to be. Temari, I'm sure, was off kanoodling with Shikamaru. Surprise, surprise. She'd had her sights on him for a while although she does enjoy the occasional boy toy back home; Shikamaru has always been her favorite. I think it's his whole nonchalant, "I'd rather be cloud watching right now" attitude that grabs her so much. He doesn't faun all over her and give her the undivided attention she usually demands from men. That's what makes her want his attention all the more. Temari loves challenges.
Sad that I see the psychology of it all, but it does amuse me slightly. However, at this moment in time I found myself completely un-amused. Faster than a desert viper strikes, I got ditched. They were gone so quickly that I almost missed Gaara's apologetic glance as Kankuro urged him into the direction of Leaf's hustle and bustle.
I suppose it was my time to roam the streets too, like some wandering stranger. Leaf did feel very foreign to me, very distant. Something I used to know and once felt somewhat at home at. It had never felt this foreign before when I'd returned to it. It's crazy to think back, knowing I had once considered it as a possible home when I had been dating Kiba. Now, I'm certain that Sunagakure will always be my one and only home. There was no other place for me. And suddenly, I desperately missed the streets of Suna. I pictured Suna just as night settled in, pictured the flashing lights, me sitting atop Sand Castle. That's where I belong, in Suna watching the sunset on the top of Sand Castle with Gaara…
I smiled to myself wistfully. My daydream was just that, a dream.
"Tsubasa-hime?"
There's only one person I know to ever attach "hime" to my name. Hinata. She was the shy kunoichi that had the biggest and cutest crush on Naruto (don't get it).
"Hina-chan," I greeted her, enveloping the fragile girl into a bear hug. "It's been forever!"
Hinata giggled gently. "It certainly has. What brings you to Leaf? You're not back with Kiba-kun are you?"
I could feel my face pulling into a taut scowl. "Definitely not," I replied. I stuck my tongue out to further emphasize my point. "I'm here with Kazekage-sama and his siblings. We're on vacation I guess, granted by our lovely Suna council. I guess I can't complain about the vacation, but I would have preferred a nice beach resort or something. It's always nice to see friendly faces back in Leaf though."
"How fortunate for us to run into each other. We must catch up sometime." Hinata gave her warm smile. She was such a genuinely kind and sweet person. You don't meet too many people like that. I can't believe Naruto is so dense at times. He could never see how much Hinata really cares for him. He doesn't deserve her goodness in my opinion.
"I'm free right now if you are?" I offered, grinning widely. I could use a Hinata-pick-me-up. Hopefully her positive thoughts would rub off onto me because I could really use some motivation to be optimistic.
"We shall make it a date!"
Hinata and I definitely did some catching up, and all in the old ramen spot. I told her about all my times with the Kazekage, even the embarrassing stories that dealt with Gaara. I admitted to my hopeless romanticism with him, Temari's control freak attitude and now sudden change of heart, and Kankuro's playboy behavior. Hinata was someone I could talk to with such ease. The stress and burdens flowed right out of me as I spoke. She just had this way of understanding things and shining her positive perspective on them, making them suddenly not appear as bad as they felt. She's a truly beautiful individual (Again, Naruto does not deserve her).
"Have you tried to tell Kazekage-sama how you feel?" she asked, and I almost choked on my udon.
"I don't think that's the best approach for me at this point." I managed to swallow down the udon that got caught in my throat finally, but I could still feel the ghost of it being lodged in my throat causing an ache there. "I'm in completely misery, Hina-chan. There's no comfort for me in this situation I'm stuck in. There's no answer for me and it's killing me. I've really got it bad for Gaara. And he's really got me bad with this. I wish there was some way I could get out of this."
"Perhaps you should opt out of pretending to be his girlfriend, or perhaps you should opt in?" She was blushing from her answer. I wasn't sure about what exactly she was getting at.
"Opt in?" I repeated for clarification.
She struggled to speak, and I could tell her response was an embarrassed one. "Well maybe you could just go with it. If he wanted you as a pretend girlfriend, he got you as one. He really got you bad? You should get him back, Tsubasa-hime."
Was I hearing correctly? Hinata was actually telling me to take advantage of my strange predicament. I knew deep down in there, Hinata had a sneaky cleverness about her!
"Play along," I repeated, like the words were complete strangers to me as was their meaning. "I could play along. But how would he react? How would he take it? I can pretend not to notice! I can just go with it!" I was practically squealing at the notion. Why hadn't I thought of it first? Hinata is a genius. "Hina-chan, you are a genius." I shoved my udon bowl out of the way and pulled her into her second bear hug from me for the day. "You always have the best ideas!"
"Thank you, Tsubasa-hime," she said through a breathless voice due to my constricting hug.
-I'm Gonna Get You Back-
I was either about to make a complete fool of myself, a complete flirt, or a complete freak. Maybe all three. I didn't care. I wanted to get him back. I'm going to get him back. I was going to play along with this whole girlfriend thing for the time being. There wasn't any reason for me not to get my jollies out of this pretend girlfriend gig. No reason I shouldn't at all. I mean, I didn't get a pay raise here, and this definitely goes beyond any kind sort of call of duty ever expected of me. I should be able to do as I pleased.
My confidence meter depleted as I walked down the stairs of the hotel to meet up with the Sand Siblings. I wasn't sure if I was ready for this.
Temari was fashionable as usual, wearing a one-shoulder blue dress with intricate flowers made as the same fabric as the dress. It was short and showed off her muscular tan legs. She wore dark metallic heels that accented her choice of jewelry. Temari, gorgeous as usual and fierce too.
Kankuro was going for GQ Status. He was wearing black slacks and dress shoes. His white button up was intentionally crinkled, made to look as if he had just finished having sex. His tie was disheveled as well to emphasize his bedroom look. He had some stubble growing in, but it was complimentary to the look he was portraying for the evening.
And then there was Gaara. He was wearing a dark metallic silver dress shirt, black slacks, and dress shoes. His hair wasn't us unruly as usual, but was being held upward by gel. I'd never seen him wear it that way and I must say that I approved (how could I not?). The fauxhawk look undeniably suited him. Now I finally understood where it was Kankuro had been dragging Gaara off to. He had Gaara re-vamp his look a bit. I had no complaints, only compliments and a racing heartbeat.
I had to keep it cool though. I was going to get him back. And he wasn't the only one dressed nicely. I was also looking foxy myself! I had a long-sleeve leopard print with a cowl neckline. The dress itself was classy and chic, but also sexy. The fabric hugged my body in all the right places, but wasn't skimpy looking. It made me look elegant. Although I was small on top, it cast attention to my slim waist and small hips and well endowed buttocks. Besides, I was wearing my Harem's Secret push-up bra to give myself some extra emphasis up top. My legs looked shapely and long beneath me, shooting out of my dress. My peach-toned Vince Kamuto pumps with gold studs on the back at the heel were the perfect match to off-set my dress. My hair sprawled out in big curls that gave my hair total volume. I was a stick of dynamite. I could feel the sparks.
Kankuro's eyes weren't the only ones popping. Temari gave an approving nod. I did notice her sweep a glance at the youngest Sand Sibling. Gaara, typically unperturbed by anything wasn't his usual calm and collected self. His eyes expanded then slowly returned to normal as he tried not to stare too obviously.
Sabaku no Gaara, you are mine.
"Dressed to kill I see," Kankuro remarked.
Temari glanced over at Gaara again, then back to me. "I concur."
I gave a nonchalant shrug. "I felt a little more on the wild side this evening," I said with a slightly flirtatious tone, referring to my choice of animal print.
"Wild is good," Kankuro murmured under his breath. I could see that Gaara heard though, for he frowned in his brother's direction.
"Well, shall we?" I asked, eager to leave and get out of the awkward situation.
We walked out onto the streets of Konoha, headed toward the nicest restaurant Konohagakure had to offer, Gakaku. It was more upscale than most the dining in Konoha, nothing like in Suna (of course), but still nice and classy for Konoha standards. Night life in Konoha wasn't anything compared to Suna, but that was okay because Konoha wasn't the fast-paced place Suna was. Konoha was the welcoming Home is Where the Heart is type of place. It had different things to offer than my beloved Suna.
Shikamaru was there to accompany Temari. It was funny to see Shikamaru in a dress shirt and tie, both matching Temari's outfit. He did try for her, but I could already sense a hand going on her hip. Kankuro was flying solo that evening. Naturally, he headed straight for the bar without so much as a "Catch up with you later." I laughed to myself. That was Kankuro for you, flighty and irresponsible. I suppose he wouldn't be Kankuro if he weren't that way. I had to admit the strange qualities in Temari and Kankuro could be found humorous (when Temari wasn't screaming at me, ready to bludgeon me with a high heel, and when Kankuro wasn't trying to take you to bed constantly). Other than their scarier times, they weren't bad people. In a creepy way that I couldn't explain, I had grown fond of them.
I was nervous to initiate contact with Gaara and felt awkward about doing it directly in front of Temari. Had she been hinting at something lately or was I just being paranoid? And if she was hinting, what about? I couldn't exactly read those hints.
Temari's focus finally switched to Shikamaru. "What do you call that look?" she asked sarcastically. The hand went to her hip, perfectly on cue. "Konoha Chic?"
"I call it I have a high maintenance date," Shikamaru replied, shoving his hands in his pockets and slumping forward a little.
"Slob." Temari said, rolling her eyes as she wrapped her arm around his.
"Viper."
Temari's eyes flashed happily. "I love it when you call me that," she cooed as she gave his arm a squeeze.
"And I'll never understand why." Shikamaru sighed. They were such an odd pairing and yet they fit so perfectly well with another. It was absolutely peculiar, but I smirked nonetheless.
I couldn't help but let a giggle escape.
"Something funny?" Gaara asked, his eyes seized mine and I was lost in him instantly.
"I just thought it was cute, how they act," I murmured. "They're a cute couple."
Gaara gave a small grunt. I assume in agreement.
I decided to press the matter further. "Do you think we're a cute couple?" I could feel the udon lump from earlier that day forming in my throat again, like a hard udon knot. A nasty knot of udon.
His eyes enlarged at my words. He wasn't expecting it. I knew that much. He wasn't sure what to say. His lips parted to say something, but I could see the puzzlement in his sultry eyes.
I felt a braveness overtake me. I slipped my hand into his and gave his a squeeze. "They seem to think we are." I then gestured toward a photographer. He was likely with the Konoha News. News this big would travel back to Suna by the next morning if not this evening. Headlines of Tsaara (the couple nickname given to us by Suna People Magazine) the IT couple would be everywhere. Gaara was looking down at our linked hands, but I smiled brilliantly for the picture. The flash went off and the moment was saved forever.
We were then ushered to a table and given peace from the paparazzi, which weren't permitted to follow us. The restaurant knew something about customer privacy, which was nice. Some restaurants didn't value this policy as much and allowed the annoying photographers to hassle their customers in hopes of publicity.
It's awkward to grab onto someone while they're eating so I made sure to refrain from such behavior. I didn't want to try and get shut down. Besides, I was pretty hungry that evening and didn't care to have too many distractions either. I was already trying hard to listen attentively to everything Temari was saying. If I ignored her, there was a chance she'd ask me a question and I'd have to admit that I wasn't listening. Hell would break loose at that moment and the evening would be decidedly over. For me anyway.
Shikamaru decided to break the awkward silence. "So since when did Tsubasa become your girlfriend? I mean, it was obvious that something was going on, but when did you two go public?" If we could fool a genius like Shikamaru, we could fool everyone else.
I took charge in answering. I guess it was technically my duty anyway. "Gaara asked me to be his girlfriend on Hearts Grow."
"Congrats," Shikamaru said. "Never thought you'd admit it, Gaara."
"Hn." That was it from Gaara's end. He'd grown painfully quiet and some strange emotion flashed in his eyes. However, it was so brief and instant, I had been unable to read it.
After that, dinner was awkward. The conversation was carried purely by Shikamaru and Temari, who clearly had run out of things to talk about after the first ten minutes. A trail of iced tea kept me occupied for 30 minutes, but after that I was bored out of my mind, sitting next to a date that hadn't made a single peep, and had a strong urge to pee like a racehorse. Temari suggested seeing a late night showing for a movie, but I was ready to call it a night.
"I think I'll just head back to the hotel. I'm not feeling too hot," I lied. Well it wasn't that much of a lie, more of a stretch. Feeling well has to do with me being in a good mood, and I certainly was not. "I think I'll sit this one out. I'll walk myself back so that you guys don't miss the showing. Hope no one minds." Better not mind.
"I'll go with you," Gaara offered. He does have a voice again after all apparently.
I didn't stare into his sea foam orbs because I knew I'd cave if I did. I started at his "Love" tattoo carved onto his forehead instead, imagined it as something else. "No need. I'll be fine on my own." I gave a weak smile that I knew wasn't assuring anyone.
"You shouldn't walk alone at night," he persisted.
"I can take care of myself," I insisted right back, turning a bit of my stubbornness on. I wasn't going to let him win. Not this time. I was tired of losing all the time and never doing anything right. Walking myself back to the hotel I could do right.
"I don't care to see the movie either. I was planning on excusing myself and walking back anyway."
What a crock.
He just made that up. I know he just made that up. And things couldn't be getting more awkward in front of his siblings and Shikamaru. I saw her murmur something into Kankuro's ear. He just grinned. Who knows what the hell that meant? They were obviously mocking me or conspiring against me. Likely both.
I gave a shrug. I never win. Why bother?
The rest of the gang said their goodbyes to us. I couldn't help but notice the mischievous tinkle in Temari's eye, and I didn't like it. She was up to no good. Kankuro was up to no good. They were all against me. I could feel it, sense it.
Time to get a grip. I needed to calm down because I was getting paranoid again, which was not good. I should calm down. There was no reason for me to be too upset I suppose. I'd been going through this long laundry list of issues. I might as well keep persevering. It wasn't time to give up quite yet.
"Let's take a walk before heading back," Gaara suggested. "Would you mind? I rarely get to enjoy Konoha like this."
"I don't mind," I admitted. I could probably use a walk myself to clear my head. My mind is reeling at this point, from what I'm unsure of. The likely and most probable answer would be stress, but I'm in denial and want to try to believe that there could be another explanation.
And so we walked through the quiet streets of Konoha. At this moment, they reminded me of Suna's. The dead silence that falls on the street just beyond the Manor. The only other entity out on the streets with us was a daring full moon, which unquestionably put the street lanterns to shame. I could hear Gaara's light footsteps alongside me, whispering against the ground. He had the true steps of a ninja. My footsteps were louder due to the clank of my heels. I wonder what I'd do if I were ambushed suddenly; how I'd fend in the nude pumps I was wearing.
"Your eyes don't lie, Tsubasa-san," Gaara said, ending the silence around us. His voice stirred up the intensity that was brewing within me. "They give you away."
I felt the blush spreading. It was instantaneous to him speaking. "I guess everything is different now."
"Now that we're dating?" he asked me with such gentleness it even touched his eyes.
"You mean pretend dating?" I chuckled, but there was bitterness behind it.
He cleared his throat nervously. "Yes, that. How has it made you feel?"
"I feel like a butterfly caught in the cage. I really have no way out of this now, and I said that I was in it 'til the end." I tried to smile to prove my point, but I know very well that it didn't reach my eyes. Gaara noticed as well. I decided to continue. I felt guilty about allowing Gaara to feel guilty. "On the other hand, it does have its perks."
"Perks?" he asked, clearly amused.
I flashed him a wide grin, showing my mischievous side. "Oh yeah," I went on. "VIP everywhere I go, nice fancy dinners with you and Temari and Kankuro, paid time off like this, Temari is actually nice to me and seems to enjoy my company somewhat, I'm on the front page of the Suna Times with you every issue! I'm a regular celebrity."
He chuckled. "I suppose you are. Is that why you agreed to it? For the perks?" I could feel his eyes searching mine, wondering what my intentions were. He was testing me. He should know I wouldn't fail.
"I took this on because I know you needed my help," I told him, staring directly into his eyes. Somehow I felt that I needed it more than he did. I stopped to lean against a wall to remove my heel. A rock had managed to slip its way in and I had to resort to shaking it out in order to expel it. "What about you? Why did you agree to this? Why with me? Is there a reason why you picked me other than convenience?" I was surprised at myself, all these questions spilling out from my lips like a babbling brook.
"I suppose there are some perks I receive from this as well," Gaara admitted.
At this, I raised my perfectly tweezed eyebrow as I steadied my heel in my hand and attempted to slip my foot back in. "What kind of perks?"
He smiled slightly, the distance suddenly closing between us. I must have blinked and missed something because a moment ago he wasn't in my close proximity as he was now. Neither of us moved for a while. My foot was halfway in my heel, but I dare not move. The air around us seemed to be charged with electricity, and it pulsated around us, energizing us both with a feeling that I couldn't begin to explain. Was it desire?
His eyes had seized mine and kept them locked securely in his teal waves. I expected them to be intense and focused, but they were more curious than anything. He looked at me with such a wonder, it was like looking into the eyes of a child. He seemed truly vulnerable at that moment.
My hand extended gently and slowly to his face so that I wouldn't startle him. I brushed a finger against his cheek. Only a small touch and my entire body felt electrified. I pulled my hand back down to my side, terrified of my heightened sense of passion. He never looked so fragile. His eyes shut briefly and he breathed out deeply, out of relief it seemed, like he had been waiting for this a long time. When his eyes reopened, they blazed with their blue-green fire, causing my heart to jack hammer more than it was so already. His arms were around me, pulling me into a tight embrace. I felt my arms wrap around him, caressing his back. He buried his face into my hair, near my ear.
"I've never been this close to someone," he murmured. His breath was warm and enticing in my ear. In my head, I was begging Kami to never let this moment stop. "I didn't think I was capable. This type of thing, I wasn't made for it. It's not for me. I was meant to be alone always."
"Of course you're capable," I assured him, pulling away just barely so that I could look deeply into his eyes and show him I was sincere in what I said. "You're human, same as everyone else, aren't you?"
"Am I?" he asked, but it was clear that it was more a question he asked himself than me. His arms slowly released me from their grip and so I released my grip on him. He seemed to snap out of his daze. "Thank you for caring for me."
I shook my head. "Why does this feel like a goodbye?" To that, he said nothing.
"Let's head back now. It's late and the others are probably worried."
I nodded. I followed him back to the hotel, feeling feverish, giddy yet reserved, excited and anxious. I almost couldn't believe what had happened between us just ten minutes ago. I began to wonder if it was some concoction of my imagination but it couldn't have been. It was real. As hard as it was to believe, it was real and it did indeed happen.
When we got back to the hotel, it was evident that Kankuro and Temari were still out. My guess was that they found Konoha's only night club. Temari was being sassy with Shikamaru and Kankuro was snaking it with some underworld spy (another term for a skank). Gaara walked me to the door of my hotel room. It was quiet, mostly just us staring at the floor for a while until I was brave enough to move again. I pulled out my room key and opened my door slightly. I held it propped open with my foot and glanced back at Gaara to say goodbye.
"Tomorrow, we should be seen around town more. Perhaps I could accompany you shopping or something?" he asked me, as if worried I'd turn him down.
"I'd love that," I said a little to eagerly. I tried to curb my enthusiasm a bit by correcting what I stated. "I mean, it would be good for this whole pretend dating thing. Paparazzi will definitely catch us and it'll be good publicity."
He nodded. "Yes, it would." He shifted a little uncomfortably. "Good night, Imamura-san."
I reached forward suddenly, unsure of my own movements even though I was fully aware that I was indeed moving. It was as if I wasn't in control of my own body. It was acting without my consent. My arms closed around Gaara into a gentle embrace. "Good night." I pushed the door open with my foot and slid in my room, flustered and astonished with myself. His musky scent lingered on me even as I stripped down and changed into nightwear.
I nestled comfortably into my bed, shoving my feet to the edge and tugging at the sheets with them. I maneuvered them around expertly, twisting them around my cold limbs. I cocooned myself so I could feel maximum warmth and sighed into my pillow. There was a sort of misery to be accompanied with being in love. At least there was for me. In love and miserable. I had tried to be more assertive than usual and take advantage of my pretend girlfriend role. I wasn't sure that I had to the fullest extent that evening, but I wouldn't be so harsh on myself. I'd been braver than usual and there was still more time. There was always tomorrow, which looked very promising. I'd be spending some good quality time with Gaara. That was definitely more than I could ask for. I fell asleep with only my hopes and aspirations of the day ahead of me to carry me.
Author's Note: Baby, I'm back so let the updates begin. ;) Review if you've missed me (and I sincerely hope you have)!