The Life and Times of the Kazekage's Assistant
Disclaimer:I don't own Naruto. This story is inspired by a novel by Lauren Weisberger. I do own Tsubasa Imamura, any other OCs in the story, the designer labels and names of the magazines/newspapers, and the plot.
Author's Note: I had an exceedingly good time writing the last chapter. I was sad when I wrote this one, but I knew I had to do it. Anyway, it's short but enjoy.
Chapter Twenty-Four: Better That We Break
Waking up had been hard to do that morning. It was as if every muscle in my body had known it was a mistake to leave my bed and get ready for my debriefing on my staged breakup with Gaara. Sleeping had been impossible too, yet I'd spent the evening in a nightmare, tormented by the lament of my actions and the consequences I was to face because of them.
I sat through the briefing of how our break up was to go in obedient silence, only nodding when appropriate to confirm my understanding of the proceedings. I'd been given a script to abide by and could ad lib only slightly so long as it didn't deviate from the initial plan. We were to meet in the evening at Suna's Cactus Garden Park. The village was typically very busy in the evening time because of Suna's enormous night life crowd. There would be several listening ears and onlookers to observe our break-up.
"Kazekage-sama," I called to him when he was finished going over the particulars of the break, "I know we weren't in a real relationship, but I shouldn't have done what I did with Kiba."
He looked back to me with martyred eyes. "Imamura-san, you didn't cheat on me. You really didn't do anything wrongful either. Our relationship is not real and therefore shouldn't hold merit over your actual dating life. It's no business of mine if you choose to seek intimacy with someone."
"Is it not?" I asked, feeling relatively brave. If he felt nothing, then he felt nothing. There was nothing I could do about that. I wanted to believe he did care for me in some kind of way, more than an employee or even a friend. I wanted to believe the feelings weren't one-sided.
"No," he said emotionlessly before adding, "I asked of you what wasn't right to request of you. I had no right to make you continue this charade."
"I willingly obliged," I replied to counter his statement. I had always known what I'd be getting myself into.
He just shook his head. "How could you say otherwise? You're a kind person and wouldn't refuse anyone in need. You also wouldn't risk jeopardizing your job by turning down the request, not that I would subtly take it out on you for denying it, but Temari and Kankuro perhaps would have. The three of us made it nearly impossible for you to refuse."
"Still," I insisted, "I did agree to it. Risk or not, I said that I would play along. As a shinobi, it is my duty, my responsibility."
"Your responsibility as a shinobi is to the safety of this village. In no way does acting as a pretend girlfriend to me promote the security of Suna. That was a duty I should have never bestowed upon you, and for that, I am sorry. I took away your freedoms to date. It was selfish of me," he said.
"The only selfish actions were my own. I accepted the task enthusiastically and was to treat it like a mission at which I failed." I approached him, looked into his eyes, but found nothing bad sadness. I had certainly caused enough damage on both our ends. Perhaps too much to salvage now.
Nothing about this was right or okay. It was painful, and I was a fool to let him slip away from my fingertips when I'd worked so hard to reach out to him.
"You of all people deserve happiness," Gaara said, "and if Inuzuka Kiba is the one that gives that to you, then I urge you to continue your communication with him. You don't need to cut your ties to him for my sake. I just ask that you continue the relationship discreetly and wait until this ordeal has evaporated entirely before doing so. I don't forbid it or look down upon it. I encourage it."
His words were labored, difficult for him to pronounce. I could tell in his cautious way of speaking that perhaps he didn't mean them, but could also see that he did desperately want to be sincere. Something was just holding him back.
I wish I knew what it was.
I had barred my true feelings for Gaara for so long that I wasn't sure if it mattered to hold them in much longer. Perhaps it was time to set free what I'd been sequestering. If there was a time as any, now would be the time to tell him that I loved him.
"G-Gaara-sama," I called to him again. Could I tell him or would I choke?
"That's enough now, Imamura-san," he quieted. "I'll see you tonight."
My heart moaned within me in a mournful beat as I took my seat next to him on a quiet bench dimly lit by a lamppost. Lazily, I slouched back in my seat in an effort to gain some kind of comfort, but knew it would be short-lived.
A small evening crowd had gathered and feigned disinterest in us, but their attention was clear when their eyes would flicker to us every so often as they strolled through Suna's Cactus Garden Park. The garden itself was expansive and vast, featuring various types of cacti. My favorite was the succulents.
But I didn't come so I could admire the spiny leafless plants. I'd have to come another time for that, and it would probably be alone since I was unintentionally but successfully removing all my loved ones from my life. It was only a matter of time for me to completely lose everyone at the rate I was going.
My number was up the moment I'd taken the position as Kazekage's assistant all that time ago. I do wonder how things would have turned out for me had I not taken the job or even applied for it. Perhaps I'd be happy somewhere, and with lives untouched by my clumsy hands, everyone else could be happy somewhere as well.
I heaved a deep breath. This wasn't fair, but what could I do? I had to face the consequences of my mistakes and one of them was staging this fake break-up.
"Tsubasa-san," he greeted softly. His hand stretched out towards mine, capturing it. His thumb gently caressed my palm in short circular motions before pressing it to his cheek. It would have been a pleasant feeling if I didn't know what was to come.
I looked into those gorgeous teal eyes, the ones that sucked me in like black holes. I almost swooned into them.
I never knew that perfection existed in this world until the Kazekage. Disbelief had been my initial reaction, disbelief of its existence. Perfection did exist and existed in him.
Remembering my purpose, I snapped out of it.
As scripted, I asked, "Can we talk?"
Now it was killing me to think of that time and to look into those devastating eyes. My heart took a plunge.
"Of course," he replied. He gave a small smile and set our hands back down to rest at his lap.
From my peripheral vision, I caught a few Paparazzi Nin readying their cameras. Some had notepads and pens, jotting down notes that would surface in the paper by the next morning. This was a good thing, but I could feel my stomach disagreeing with me as it churned nervously.
"I can't make my own decisions or make choices with precision because of the pressure the council has put on me. I feel like a prisoner since we've begun dating," I said, looking out to the distance. I was unable to meet his gaze. The dramatically ironic part of this conversation was that it wasn't too far off from the truth. "I want a life of my own again, not one that's dictated to me."
"We shouldn't let them build a wall between us. I can talk to them," he replied, but I shook my head.
"We've exhausted that effort already. We've been trying for too long, and I've been on the fence about what I should do when I realized that I can't anymore." I turned my body towards him this time, looked him in the eyes. "I can't do this."
"Perhaps we can take time apart," Gaara offered, "When you've had enough time to yourself, we can continue."
I shook my head. "I can't be the girlfriend you want and the girlfriend the council wants me to be for you anymore. I wish that I could be, but I can't. I just want to be Tsubasa."
"I know it's hard to remember who we used to be before the pressure of my duty as Kazekage intervened in our relationship, but it is harder for me to imagine life without you." His hand tightened around mine to emphasize that he couldn't let go so easily. I was surprised at his acting skills. When did Gaara become worthy of an Academy Award?
"All of our bridges have burned down. We are beyond repair," I said in a quiet voice as I drew my hand away from his. "I think it's better that we break."
His gaze fell downward, staring to the ground. His body leaned forward as he hung over his legs in a slouch. He appeared to be deep in thought, considering the options we had and possible directions we could take, but there were none. "I cannot force you to stay, but I cannot watch your heart break in front of me. I suppose I have no choice but to say goodbye."
My trembling lips said, "Forgive me."
"Of course," he breathed. His hand lifted my chin to force my eyes to his. "I can't keep you and expect you to adhere to all the rules that I must abide by. It's unfair to you so I agree with your request."
Slowly, I nodded despite the sticking hot tears that trickled down. "Thank you for understanding," I whispered.
The eyes of the villagers were all upon us. Flash photography nearly blinded us, but they were ignored as I rose to stand and bid him farewell. Everything had gone as planned. I remembered every scripted word I was to make and action I was to take. Judging by the astonished faces of the collected crowd, it had been a very believable performance.
The authenticity of my tears had ensured that.
All the lights went down as I rose to stand and bid him farewell. I tried to rush home, but my body moved at an agonizingly slow speed. It felt like I was crawling.
My life was tearing at the seams. I never wanted to be here in a place that is far worse than it seemed, but I was alive in it, wishing it was a ghost. I was living a literal nightmare, and I had assisted in breathing life into it. No amount of bright lights would stir me awake. No amount of punching in this dream was going to get me out of it.
I had to ride it out until the end. There were no more shortcuts or detours. My big dreams have crashed and become ruined, landing me in a nightmare. But in due course, this nightmare too shall pass. The nightmare will not last forever, and I'll be free in the end, free of all of this.
When that time comes, I will wake up and dream once more.
A/N: Yes, this chapter was very short. I hope its length didn't disappoint you and made up in its content. I really just wanted to have Gaara and Tsubasa first discuss the break-up. I wanted her to try to salvage their relationship, but she failed to tell Gaara how she felt. The council's pressure has placed them in a very difficult position. The pretend girlfriend/boyfriend situation has been a huge mind screw for both Gaara and Tsubasa. The next chapter will feature some more drama with the blackmailer and some more "Tsaara" drama. Stay tuned to see where it heads next. ;)
In reply to a reviewer's question asking if Temari is really as mean as I've portrayed her: The answer is no, I don't think Temari is the true devil incarnate. For this story, I've depicted her as a cold and callous person. I wanted to give her an even stronger personality so that Tsubasa had a main antagonist. Temari may show a softer side, she may not. It's hard to say whether Tsubie and Temari will ever see eye to eye. You'll just have to wait and see!
What did you think of Gaara's and Tsubasa's break-up? Do you think they scripted it well? How do you think the blackmailer will receive it once it comes out in the Suna newspaper? Will this cause the blackmailer to back off or proceed more aggressively?
Leave me a review and let me know!