The Life and Times of the Kazekage's Assistant

Disclaimer:I don't own Naruto. This story is inspired by a novel by Lauren Weisberger. I do own Tsubasa Imamura, any other OCs in the story, the designer labels and names of the magazines/newspapers, and the plot.

Author's Note: Before it gets better, things get worse sometimes. Tsubasa is going to be on an insane rollercoaster for a while, but stick with her. She's a tough kunoichi, and she will eventually come out on top. Just hang on, keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle and fasten your seatbelts. This ride is going to get bumpy before it's over.

Chapter Twenty-Six: Cough Syrup

Dear Kiba, I began my e-mail.

Nothing's going very well here. The Kazekage and I broke up publicly. The blackmailer hasn't been caught. We have no leads, no clues, nothing. And work has become so awkward for me that I can hardly bare it. I don't know who else to talk about this to. I'm even embarrassed to tell my best friends about it. Sanosuke-Sensei doesn't really know what's going on either.

I sighed, put my finger to the delete button, and watched the message disappear in a flash. I slumped forward in my desk, blowing at a strand of pink hair that inconveniently shrouded my face. The piece was being stubborn and came back to cling to my eye and nose, tickling me.

Irately, I stripped one of my hands from underneath my chin and pushed the unruly pink strand back behind my ear. Fixing my eyes on those forlorn French Doors, I sighed again. I looked back to my blank word document and began again.

Dear Kiba,

Things aren't going well here. My reputation isn't looking too hot and neither is my job security. I'm not sure what I should do other than to keep rolling with the punches. What was it your mom used to always say? That "every dog has its day." Well, I feel like this dog is having its year…

We'll talk again soon.

-Tsubasa

I clicked the send button this time and decided to let the chips fall where they may. The reason I deleted the e-mail the first time was because I didn't want Kiba feeling like he had too much power over me after saying that I even felt uncomfortable speaking to Hoshiro and Sorachi about the situation. Tazuna and Sanosuke were hitting things off so well that I hadn't wanted to burden them either.

The fact of the matter was that I felt like Kiba was the only person I could talk to right now—and believe me, I know how terribly depressing that sounds. How ridiculous and pathetic I must be.

My eyes fluttered back up to my computer screen. I noticed my inbox had some unread mail within it and began to sift through them. I was surprised to see that I had an e-mail from Kenshin. I hadn't heard from him in a while.

I opened the message to see what was waiting for me.

Kaoru, let's get coffee soon?

-Kenshin

A steaming latte seemed to hold all the answers, and I did enjoy Kenshin's company very much, but was it really a good idea with all the drama I was already dealing with?

I wasn't so sure and had to mull it over in my head for several moments. My thoughts were put on hold when Gaara suddenly emerged from his office. Quietly, he stepped out and treaded across the room. Usually, he would bow his head slightly, half smile, or make eye contact with me as a greeting. He did none of those things.

Instead, he ignored me and disappeared through the door.

I noticed Matsuri seemed to enjoy this thoroughly. I met her eyes briefly and she smirked, looking so smug and pleased. I stuck my tongue out at her. She took it offensively (as hoped) and gasped as if she couldn't believe I'd do such a thing. Duh, bitchface. Duh.

I turned my attention back to the collecting scraps of random papers on my desk. Some had memos scribbled on them, important reminders for Gaara and for Temari and some were minor documents I had to distribute to those addressed in them. Then there was that slip of paper, the one where I would continuously jot down new and innovative ways to kill myself.

My favorite so far was casting myself into quicksand. Instead of speeding up the process by moving around, I'd lie still, slowly sinking to my death as I contemplated all my eff-ups in life and all the reasons why I deserved to be drowning in that sand. Plus, I think it would be the Sand Siblings' favorite method of suicide too. They'd think it ironic.

It's sad. I almost wished Hatori Minori had kept her empty threat and offed me a long time ago. She would have saved me and everyone else a lot of future trouble (trouble I created).

Again, I sighed, clocking in as my third one that morning. The rest of my day was looking pretty bleak. I glanced over to Kenshin's email and hit the reply button.

Sounds great! I'm free later this week. We'll keep in touch.

-Tsubasa

I stared at the e-mail, knowing something was askew. I gasped when I saw that I'd signed my real name. I immediately deleted the entire e-mail and began again.

Sounds great! We'll work something out soon. ;)

-Kaoru

Yeesh. That was a close one. The last thing I needed to do was reveal my identity to Kenshin, especially after all the mad publicity I'd been getting with the staged break-up with Gaara. I don't think any man in Suna would want to date the ex-girlfriend of the Kazekage. I'd end up alone and shriveled in some hut with thirty cats as I reminisced on my golden years.

That was my sorry, sorry future.

I rolled out from my desk and rose to my feet. I hated the thought of what I was about to do, was afraid of what I was planning, but knew that it was would be worse not to ask.

I marched to Temari's office to ask her for permission to go out on a coffee date.

"You certainly get around don't you?" Temari arched an eyebrow.

Ouch. That stung, but I should have seen it coming.

"I'm trying to carry on as normal," I said defensively. "I don't want to continue hiding out in my room like I've been doing."

It was true. I wasn't sleeping very much. No amount of make-up was able to cover the designer bags that had developed underneath my eyes. I often just lied awake in the darkness, depressed over how my life was going. I contemplated ending myself several times already (hence my ways to commit suicide sheet on my desk), but I knew I'd never be brave enough to actually go through with it.

I had plenty of reason to end things though. My life was garbage, down the tubes. My dreams would never be fulfilled, not now. Council members were supposed to have spotless reputations and mine was soiled after everything I'd been through recently.

I felt disconnected with my best friends because I started feeling more like a third wheel than a companion. It hadn't been their intentions to make me feel that way. I knew that. But I still did feel that way, which explained why I had become so withdrawn.

I had no friends really. Besides my Sensei, my teammates, and Tazuna, who were all cloud nine-ing with one another, I had no one else. My parents were gone. My family was non-existent. My boss wanted nothing to do with me, Temari still hated me, Kankuro was probably embarrassed of me too, and the only person I felt like I could talk to was Kiba, the man that betrayed me and hurt me the worst.

"Do whatever you'd like," Temari replied. "It's of no consequence to me. Now if you could carry on elsewhere because I'm a very busy woman."

In other words, Temari didn't know why the hell I was wasting her time by asking. Deep down, I knew it would have been worse for me if I hadn't bothered to though.

"Thank you," I said, bowing my head before I disappeared through the door. I'd find some way to get through the day.

-A Few Days Later-

I smiled into my cup of steamy pumpkin spice latte to help hide the blush I was fighting. From across the table, Kenshin grinned at me. There was something so familiar about the shadow of his smile, or maybe I was just very fond of it. I'd seen it many times already.

It was like he couldn't stop smiling, and he couldn't stop making me smile too.

That was a feeling I hadn't experienced in a while. What was even better was that I wasn't Tsubasa with Kenshin. I was Kaoru. I could be the person I hid, which is ironic really. I had to disguise myself so that I could be myself because when I was Tsubasa, I was under a microscope and had to live above reproach (which wasn't working out to well for me if you looked at my recent eff-ups).

Where Tsubasa was weak, Kaoru felt strong in anonymity. Tsubasa was embarrassed and awkward. Kaoru was poised and more confident. I think I like Kaoru better today.

"Let's get out of here," Kenshin whispered, lowering his heart-stopping gaze to meet my eyes in the flirtiest of ways.

I nodded and followed him from the café. Once outside, he reached for my hand and held it underneath the starlight.

As we walked, we joked, laughed, and discussed politics, favorites, art and anything else you can imagine. I felt like I knew him and that he knew me. And as great as Kenshin was, I was almost afraid to fall fast for him. I was toting my guarded heart and had to remember that I'd been through a lot that year.

I was still sorting out my drama with Kiba, compiling my feelings for Gaara and deciding whether to let the flame die down or keep a small spark of hope. Looking back into Kenshin's eyes, I realized how treacherous this all could be for me.

He was handsome, yes. He was agreeable and funny, yes. But I couldn't help but feel like I was walking myself into the same quicksand I wanted to commit suicide in. This was treacherous, dangerous territory. I had to be careful with him.

Things could quickly become a mess if I wasn't careful.

So when he finished telling me about how he enjoyed being outdoors and looking at the moon (what a hopeless romantic; gush!), I told him it would be best if I went home because I had work early the next morning.

He didn't seem the least bit discouraged and agreed to parting from me.

"Can I see you again?" he asked me, pulling me into a hug.

He buried his chin atop my head as we embraced. It reminded me so much of the way I used to be when I was in a relationship. So amorous, so warm, so safe. It was nice to be in someone's arms. I had forgotten what it felt like.

"Yes, you can," I told him. "On one condition."

He pulled away slightly and looked into my eyes. "What is it?"

"You hold me like this again." I felt myself blush. Was I being too big of a flirt? Was I creating an even larger web for myself? Was I sinking lower and lower in the quicksand?

Maybe the answers to all those questions are yes. But they didn't matter in that moment. I didn't want to bother with them. I didn't want to make the effort or waste the time in debating with myself over those things. I wanted to live in the moment that I was in, not in a vicious sea of worst case scenarios and what-ifs.

"I have a condition as well," he stated. I could feel his warm breath on me and it spread all over me like a blanket.

"What would that—"

Before I could finish, his lips were on mine. It was one of those surprise kisses that makes your heart stop, makes you see flashing lights or maybe they were shooting stars. It wasn't certain because I felt dizzy, giddy with the contact and the intimacy.

When he finally pulled away he said, "I'll see you soon, Miss Kaoru. Be safe and have a good evening."

I nodded, smiling. "Very soon," I corrected.

We parted in opposite directions, but I didn't go home right away. Instead I wandered to a small park in Suna. I went to the swing set, took a seat, and swayed. I lingered there for a long time, thinking, really thinking at last, about all the trouble I was causing for myself.

But I wasn't sure if I cared.

-The Next Day-

I wasn't sure if I approved of Temari's plan. She had transformed into me, left the office with a false document so that she could leave it in a public place. She was convinced the blackmailer was keeping a close eye on me as of late and would certainly pick it up.

The reason I didn't agree with Temari's methods was because I wasn't too fond of the idea of Temari parading as me. I felt like she may have taken a couple unnecessary liberties and get me into more trouble. I know I was being paranoid and that I should trust her in this serious matter, but I was having a hard time.

When Temari emerged through the door, as me, I frowned at how she over exaggerated my way of walking and talking. She twirled a finger into her hair and said, "Job's done."

"Did it work?" Kankuro asked incredulously.

Temari grinned, but it was my grin. Not hers. "What do you think?"

"Perfect," Kankuro replied. "What exactly did the note say?"

"I told the blackmailer that I was aware he or she is a puppet user and that I'm steps closer to discovering his or her real identity. That he or she is bound to make a fatal mistake and when that happens, my wrath will be faced. I signed my name, not Tsubasa's. We all know Tsubasa is as intimidating as a field mouse."

My lips puckered. Temari was always throwing stones at me, but I suppose I earned that from her. And for the time being, I don't know if I cared that much.

When my shift at work was over, I went back to my room and went to the medicine cabinet in my bathroom. I pulled out a bottle of cough syrup and downed more than half of it. I'd make sure I'd get some damn sleep.

As I waited for the medicine to take effect, I lied in my bed with only my thoughts for company. The medicine made everything kind of hazy and strange, but that was okay.

Life is too short to care very much at all. I was living in a dark world, awaiting a splash of sun. I should have found that by now, but I hadn't. I had always thought life was supposed to be about me finding myself, finally understanding life and my purpose in it.

Either my journey hasn't ended just yet or it didn't exist at all. Maybe there was no moment when I'd have some existential revelation and understand all the once locked mysteries of the universe. Maybe I was to just carry out my days of random ups and downs until I finally died.

I snuggled deeper into my covers. One more spoon of cough syrup should do it. I leaned my head back and drank. The medicinal and thick cherry flavor poured calmly down my throat, soothing my insides as it went down.

At last, I felt the sleepiness begin to seep through me, and I welcomed it. After a couple weeks of not being able to sleep, this would be bliss. It didn't matter that I was already having weird dreams. Dreams of fish staring at me as I floated aimlessly in the ocean. My wet world aching for a beat of a drum, not even a whole melody and my dark world for just a small splash of sunlight. Dreams of me in Suna Park, back on the swing set I occupied earlier that day, with zombies chasing me, hungry for my heart.

Yes, I know. I sound like I'm losing my mind. That's the cough syrup talking. In the morning, I'd feel better, and I'd continue this journey or not journey of my life. Though things were looking down, I'd make them look up one more spoon of cough syrup at a time.

A/N: I know. Tsubasa seems like she's going off the deep end for a while, and maybe she is. In life, there are times when we don't really know what we're doing. Tsubasa is there. She's at that moment of total and utter confusion. She's acting on impulse rather than thinking things through too well. Don't be too upset with her though. She will figure it out. She's just in a growth period where she has to learn from her mistakes before she can finally discover what she needs to do.

What do you think about Kenshin so far? Is he too good to be true? Did she imagine him, is he real? Has Tsubasa really lost her mind?

Do you think Temari threatening the blackmailer was a good move on her part or do you think it will make things worse?

Do you think Tsubasa's communication with Kiba is healthy or unhealthy? Does she really have much choice?