Chapter 34: Brilliant Disguise
One Month Later …
Everything was a blur to her. The lights flashed as she ran as fast as she could down a long corridor, the smell of disinfectant burned her nose. She didn't stop running until she saw a familiar face.
"Dan" she practically gasped. She took a moment to compose herself before hugging her children's uncle.
"He's going to be ok"
Tears stung her eyes, everything seemed so scary at the moment she had no idea what to do. The man had been like a second father to her for some time now and if anything happened to him, she like the rest of the Cena family would be totally lost. She let go of Dan and stood there awkwardly not knowing what to say.
"How has everyone been holding up?" she finally managed to ask.
"Ok I guess I mean it's only been a few hours" Dan scratched the back of his head "we are still waitin for Steve to get here"
"What about John has he been here yet?" she asked casually.
"Yea he got here like an hour ago he's in the room now I just came out into the hall to take a breather"
"Well then I'll let you get back to your dad then" she said turning to leave "tell him I was here"
"You're kidding me right … you flew all the way here from Tampa just to have me tell him you were here" he gave her a skeptical look.
"Me and John haven't exactly been on the best speaking terms and I don't want to start problems in front of your dad who just suffered from a major heart attack"
"I think you will do more damage not coming in seeing as he considers you a daughter besides John has enough common sense not to start a fight in front of him anyways"
"Ok but I'm only staying for a few minutes"
Dan wrapped his arm around her shoulders and walked with her into the room. John Sr. was sitting up alert and awake when they entered the room.
"Look what the cat dragged in" the older man smiled at her.
"You givin the nice nurses any trouble?" she asked.
"I'm being my naturally charming self" he replied. Which earned him a grin from the young woman.
"Let me guess you didn't bring any pictures of my grandkids either" he said.
"I think the distress I felt over your current state gives me an excuse to let this one slide" she said.
"What the hell good are you two kids how am I supposed to brag about my grandkids with no pictures?" he huffed.
"Dad please give it a rest" Matt said "you need to save your strength"
"Oh please boy if that heart attack was going to kill me it would have" Sr. scoffed.
John remained silent, he sat in his seat taking in everything around him … everything except her.
"So Ashley has living with John drove you crazy yet?" Johnny Fabulous asked with mild amusement.
"Umm … I don't"
"What she means to say dad is of course it doesn't" John spoke up for her.
"You know what I'm suddenly craving a candy bar" he said standing up "come on Ash I'll buy you one too"
"No thanks I'm fine" she stated.
"Now what kind of guy would I be if I didn't buy the mother of my children a candy bar" he insisted linking his arm with hers so he could lightly force her to go with him.
She crossed her arms immediately once he let her arm go when they left the room.
"I can't believe you" she hissed furiously "why wouldn't you tell them we don't live together anymore"
"Do you know how embarrassing it is" he replied in the same hushed tone.
"You can't lie to them"
"Listen my dad is only going to be staying at my house for a little while so do you think you can pretend that we are happy to be living in the same house " he begged her.
"No … I'm not lying to your dad" she protested.
"It isn't the first time" he retorted "remember the time we had sex in his bed and you lied and said we didn't"
"You swore that would never be mentioned ever again!" she quietly exclaimed.
"Desperate times call for desperate measures" he smirked at her.
"You'd use any excuse to get me to move back in with you" she gave him annoyed look before crossing her arms over her chest. She cocked her head to one side and John could tell she was getting ready for an argument.
He looked around before grabbing her arm once again. He walked with her down the hall a little ways before coming across an empty room. He opened the door and let her walk inside. He closed the door behind him and locked it. Turning to face her again he saw she wore a mask of confusion. He could also see a little fear in her gray-blue eyes.
"I'm not going to hurt you if that is what you are thinking" there was a little hurt in his voice "I just didn't want anyone we knew to overhear us"
"Am I really that disgusting to make you so repulsed by the thought of living with me?" he asked throwing his hands up in the air with frustration.
"No, John" she sighed but she figured he should have a reason "It's me … I have spent most of my life living in a bubble and for a while when I was living in Australia I felt free for the first time but then all the crap with Shane and rehab happened and I felt like if I was alone that I would relapse but now I know that I won't and I feel the need to live on my own again"
He understood what she was saying, he really did. He knew it couldn't have been easy for to live wit her over protective father, not that he blamed Chris for being that way given everything that had happened to the poor man and his family, he'd do the same thing.
"I just think it's pointless for you to pretend that you don't feel the same way about me that I feel about you" he countered.
"John in a perfect world I would run into your arms right now and tell you that I have always loved you and that I never want to let you go and we would grow old together while watching our kids grow up" she took a moment to think about what she would say next "but the world we live in is far from perfect and it scares me to know that our children have to go out into it. We have to be grown up for once and think about how things will affect Phinnigan and Faith, what happens if we do get together and things go down hill and we go through a bitter divorce, who gets stuck in the middle the two innocent children who feel they need to choose between mommy and daddy and I can't do that to them John … I won't"
"You done?" there was a hint of amusement in his baby blues.
"I don't see what you could find remotely funny about this" she was getting worked up.
John loved to see her like that, completely defensive and ready to jump at any moment. It was then that she was the most passionate.
"I swear you are always so grim" he retorted lightly almost in a teasing way "did it ever occur to you that maybe we might just last"
"You told me yourself a long time ago you were afraid of ending up like your parents"
"Yeah well you know what I'd rather not die alone" he said.
"So is this what this is some sort of mortality thing?" she asked.
"What is so hard so for to understand that I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you … god you know some woman would kill their first born children to have that honor"
"So go find one of them"
"You are impossible" he wanted to yell so badly but he didn't'.
"I'm glad you are finally learning"
"You know it's a good thing that you can't have biological children because they would end up being as pig-headed as you are"
She glared at him and even though she didn't want him to see it her eyes began to glass over. He knew his comment had really affected her. Not being able to have a biological child was her one weakness, her kryptonite if you will.
"Ash, I'm sorry I was out of line"
"It's fine" she replied coldly wiping her eyes.
"No it's not fine … if there was something I could do to help you I would do that I know how much it hurts you to not be able to have one of your own"
"Like I pointed out earlier life isn't fair so why not kick me while I'm down" she shrugged "I hope someone up there is laughing their ass off right now"
He wrapped his arms around her and she let him against her better judgment. Things between them became so confusing so fast and somewhere during this whole crazy thing they called life the stopped listening to each other.
"Why do we have to hurt each other so badly?" she asked.
"Because sometimes it's easier to hurt those you love rather than admitting it" he replied.
"I'm not ready to be with you right now" she replied honestly "maybe in time but not right now"
"Then I'll wait" he told her.
"That's just it" she pulled away from him "you shouldn't have to wait, you are a great guy and there are probably a million women out there that would be lucky to have you"
"But you are the only one I want and if I have to wait forever I will because that is how much you mean to me"
"You are a foolish man"
"A foolish man in love with a stubborn woman" he grinned "so will you come home?"
"Just until Fabo gets better and then after that we'll see" she was willing to compromise.
"Well if that is what it's gonna be then fine"
"We should be heading back now and don't forget buddy you owe me a candy bar" she smirked at him before going over to unlock the door.
"I love that woman" he shook his head before following her.