A/N: Thanks again to Filo for all her beta work. Thanks to the SCPP for all the writing sessions. And thanks to whoever wrote this episode for the dialogue I borrowed.
As Lorelai, Rory, and Dean walked through the town square, Lorelai quickly ran through her mental grocery list. They were approaching Doose's; now was the time to get the study food she needed if she wanted to avoid another catastrophe like her last session. Excusing herself and slipping into the market, she grabbed a basket and began plopping impulse purchases inside without a second thought. She remained focused on the long list of junk food items in her head as she maneuvered her way through the market. As she located a few items and started toward the front of the store, she ran into someone.
"Oh," the familiar voice said, startled by their sudden physical contact.
Lorelai was mortified. Of all the people who she could have run into, and of all the times in the world she could have possibly run into them, she had to choose Luke. She had to choose Luke, when they were fighting. "Dah!" she yelped, more at the situation than at Luke himself.
Luke backed away. "Sorry."
Lorelai straightened up. Now was her chance to try to patch things up. She flashed him a smile, hoping that he would see it the same way. "No, no, I should have signaled or honked or something, my fault."
"Okay," he replied.
She could hear the ringing in her ears, and she could almost feel the stares of random passersby. It was almost as if the entire world knew that she was fighting with Luke, and they had come to watch the showdown at Doose's. Lorelai tried to be cordial. "Well, um, I guess it was inevitable… us running into each other. It's a very tiny community." The only time it seems too small, Lorelai thought to herself.
She couldn't help but wonder if he was looking to put the fight behind them, too. All she needed was a semi normal conversation with Luke to ensure her sanity through finals. And even after finals, as a matter of fact.
It was always during the stressful times in her life when she realized how much she needed Luke. She also had a tendency to start to appreciate him more when they were fighting. It made her feel selfish. It wasn't like she didn't appreciate him every day, but the little things he did for her were magnified when she realized just how…not little they were.
Lorelai knew he wasn't just the guy who fed her, made her coffee, and fixed anything in her house for free at a moment's notice. He was so much more than that. He was her best friend. And she hated fighting with the people that meant that much to her. She hated fighting with people, period. It was always easier to avoid the confrontation, like she did for so long with her parents. But it was clear that she wasn't getting out of this situation anytime soon, so she would have to make the best of it.
And her efforts to achieve that seemed to be falling short. Everything around her seemed to disappear and she was forced to focus in on Luke. She looked up into his eyes, and she could tell he was still angry by the way he looked at her. Looking down at the floor, the guilty feeling she had the night before came rushing back.
How stupid can you be? Now is the time you reflect on what he means to you?
She felt like a five year old, doing everything she could to avoid getting sick on the day of the ballet recital. Normal would be appreciated so much more if she could just get better and be able to dance.
Her "normal" could only be classified as patching things up with Luke. If she could just be able to walk to her destination without a detour like she used to, she wouldn't complain about how cold it was, or how hungry she was, on the way to the diner. She would try to be less obnoxious. She wouldn't guarantee anything, but she would try. Lorelai knew she would never be able to completely give up being obnoxious to Luke. It's how they operated. She was obnoxious, he pretended to be annoyed, and they wouldn't have it any other way.
But whatever it would end up taking to get back to normal… she would do it.
Luke shrugged. "Guess so," he replied.
She couldn't really think of what to say in response. Of course, there wasn't really much to say. Lorelai treated Luke like dirt, and she was just starting to realize what he meant to her. Lorelai searched for a topic of conversation, almost feeling a chill from Luke's less than friendly stare. "How's the diner?"
"It's still there."
It wasn't like she expected him to say any more than that. It was a very Luke thing to say. But the way he said it hurt her. She got the feeling that she was treading on thin ice. It was time to just try to figure things out and move on. "Yes, I knew that. I'm able to empirically… with my eyes, uh… hey Luke, do you think we could—"
"I gotta get back," Luke interrupted.
Lorelai sighed. The anger from the night of the accident built up inside her again. She knew she was wrong, why didn't he want to stick around to listen to her make a fool of herself in an attempt to patch things up? But then again, she saw where he was coming from. The argument had her balling up her fists in anger even after the fact. The anger, hurt, and frustration from that night built up inside her and the tears started to sting her eyes. Slowly taking a deep breath and trying to regain her composure, she forced a smile. "Okay, right, right," she said, trying not to act like it affected her.
He gave her one last look as he walked toward the front of the store.
Lorelai looked down into her basket and walked aimlessly around the store, trying to make sense of their meeting. Obviously he was still angry. The icy stare he gave her on the way out made that perfectly clear. She was emotionally drained and she was ready to move on.
How would she get him to come around? She couldn't deal with standing in the market and dwelling on it, so she quickly paid for the items she had and left. Walking back home, she vowed to get some studying done and to forget all about Luke for the night. After all, she had to get her priorities straight. Luke was important, but he wasn't a priority at this point. The damage had already been done, and it wasn't like things were going to get worse once finals were over.
She put the bags from Doose's on the counter, bringing the one with the Mallomars over to the table with her. If Luke didn't seem ready to put the argument behind him, then she wasn't ready, either. It was pathetic that he had gotten under her skin so badly the last time she tried to get some work done. Did she still want to make up? Sure. But Luke's obvious lack of interest in making up didn't exactly make it urgent, either.
Lorelai had almost everything she needed to start a Luke-free night of studying. She grabbed her Hello Kitty zip up hoodie from the back of the couch and slipped on her fuzzy pink and white striped socks. Returning to the table, she took a deep breath and opened the nearest book, forcing herself to concentrate on the information in front of her.
Half a box of Mallomars disappeared before Lorelai realized she wasn't getting anything done. She had to do something about the Luke situation. But what could she do? It wasn't like she could do something to completely alleviate the stress the fight caused. That would involve an apology. One of those rambly and embarrassing apologies she had become known for.
Lorelai knew something had to be done, as much as she hated apologies. If there was a way to skip the awkward tangents, the random pauses, and the tension in the room, she would probably have apologized a long time ago. Suddenly, she got an idea.
She ran to the end table, opened the drawer, and pulled out several pieces of Garfield stationery. Then she sat down at the table again, scribbling her thoughts onto the paper, and folded up the pieces of paper without reading what she had written. Lorelai put the papers in an envelope and shoved it under her book.
Maybe now she could get back to studying. She turned her attention to the notes, trying to get some work done. She could see the corner of the envelope sticking out from underneath her book. Lorelai let out a sigh, yanked the envelope out from underneath the book, and shoved it into her purse. Now it was out of sight, out of mind.
And it seemed to do the trick. A few hours, two packages of index cards, and her entire stash of Mallomars later, Lorelai decided that it was finally time to take a break. Her eyes were bleary from all the reading and her head was starting to hurt again. She got up from her seat and walked toward Rory's bedroom. Lightly knocking on the door, she walked in and seated herself on Rory's bed.
"I'm taking a break. Do you want to go catch a movie or something?"
"I would, but Paris has been especially crazy over the Franklin lately. I have to rewrite some articles and get some more sources for another. Sorry," Rory replied, turning away from her laptop and facing Lorelai. "I would if I could."
"Ugh, that sucks, sweets," Lorelai said, lying down on the bed. "Any clue when you'll be done? I'll wait for you."
Rory sighed. "Depends. I may be doing these in my sleep. Paris just called and said she may e-mail me some more stuff to do tonight."
"Aw, man, I was really looking forward to taking a break," Lorelai said with a pout. "Is there someone that I can complain to on your behalf? And technically on mine? We were supposed to take a break together. I believe I even have some new nail polish. It's called 'I'm Fondue of You' and I'd hate to let it go to waste."
"Just because I'm not taking a break, doesn't mean you can't," Rory pointed out, opening a folder on her desk. "You probably need a change of scenery. Go to Sookie's. I'm sure she'll enjoy the culinary nail polish. It's the merging of two phenomena that rarely meet."
"She and Jackson have plans tonight," Lorelai replied. "I guess the once in a lifetime event will have to wait."
Rory nodded. "Well then take a walk. Get some fresh air. You'll find something to do."
Lorelai sat up and picked up one of Rory's throw pillows. "What if I don't? It's almost nine in Stars Hollow. The swingin' parties all end around eight forty five."
"Like I said before, a change of scenery is probably all you need. Take a walk to the square, go to the gazebo. Get out of the Crap Shack and just find somewhere to enjoy yourself for an hour."
"I didn't really want to take this break alone," Lorelai pointed out, returning the pillow to its place. "If I take this break alone, I'll just be thinking about how much I still have to do, and how much time I'm wasting. If I take the break with you, I wouldn't be thinking about work. I would be thinking about whatever we were doing. I'll actually be able to enjoy myself and say that I took a real break."
Lorelai hoped that Rory would have a suggestion for her. The Luke situation was once again ruining her concentration, and she needed to get out of the house. Going alone would only distract her more. If things didn't work out with Luke soon, she wouldn't get anything done before her finals.
She had to get him off her mind. This was getting absolutely ridiculous. The meeting at Doose's only made things worse. There had to be something she could do.
"Mom, you don't need me to have a good time. You don't need me to take a break, for that matter. You're a big girl now."
"Oh, but I do! You're my right arm. Without you I would be… armless," she said, throwing her hands in the air.
Rory shrugged. "Well at least you wouldn't be legless."
"I'd rather be legless. Think about it. Heather Mills has a prosthetic leg, look at what she's done with her life. Do you know any celebrities with prosthetic arms?"
"Do you want to take a break or not?"
"I do. I just don't like the idea of taking it alone."
Rory got up from the desk and sat next to Lorelai on the bed. "Just get out of the house. Be back in an hour, though, don't make me come find you," she teased, pointing at Lorelai and attempting to give a stern look.
Lorelai held up her hands. "Ooh, scary face. I have to listen to you now."
"You're down to fifty nine minutes and forty seconds."
"Bye," Lorelai said, darting out of Rory's room and grabbing her coat. Lorelai took the first stack of flash cards she saw on the way out and held them in her mouth to free her hands. She walked outside, pulling on her jacket as she shut the door behind her. Removing the flash cards from her mouth and stuffing her hands in her pockets, she started to walk down the street, contemplating where she could go for an hour. Le Chat Club wasn't having any sales, she had already been to Doose's that day, and any plans of sneaking in to catch half of a movie would be thwarted by Kirk, who was most likely working as an usher in the movie theater that night.
She could drop the letter off. Yes, it was the perfect plan. Dropping the letter off would give her some peace of mind, and she could avoid the apology situation entirely. She had to go now, before she talked herself out of it. If she wanted to have any sort of success in her efforts to study, now was the time to start fixing things.
The meeting with Luke in Doose's replayed in her head as she walked around the town square, playing with the elastic band on her stack of cards. She shuddered. The hardest part of the making up process was over; they had already gotten through their first post blowup meeting. Sure, it wasn't the most pleasant conversation they ever had, but there had been worse. Lorelai decided that it was time to start making up, or she would go insane. She stopped suddenly. He had probably started shutting down for the night. Lorelai wanted to make up with Luke, not make him more angry. She sighed. If it came down to having no cooked food, she could survive with just coffee, as long as it meant patching things up with Luke.
She walked into the diner, taking a look around to find it empty. The smell of French fries and cheeseburgers wafted her way as she reached into her purse. Ordering wouldn't be so bad, right? It was a diner, after all, and she was a customer. She was certainly capable of keeping things civil and having a cheeseburger at the same time. She took off her jacket and hung it on the back of the chair. The debate of what to order was in full swing when Luke approached her.
"You ready to order?" he asked.
She glanced at him. "Look, I know that pulling another Jenga block out of this mess could potentially make the whole damn thing collapse. I just… uh…"
He stared at her with his arms folded across his chest. His demeanor was less gruff and guarded than it was in Doose's. Luke didn't seem ready for the standard Luke and Lorelai banter, but it looked like he was ready to try and fix things. Lorelai looked at the floor, and then at Luke. She took a deep breath. "Did you uh, start shutting everything down yet?"
"Nope."
"Then, uh, yeah, I'll have a coffee, please. And a cheeseburger, with extra cheese. And onion rings. And maybe some tater tots."
"Coming right up," he replied unenthusiastically, disappearing into the kitchen.
Lorelai reached into the pocket of her coat, pulling out some index cards. She began to quiz herself when out of the corner of her eye, she saw Luke starting up the stove again. The stack of index cards in her hand suddenly became unimportant when she watched him pace back and forth in the kitchen, waiting for everything to start back up so he could cook for her.
She smiled to herself and put the elastic band back on the cards. Lorelai didn't know what to say. It was one of the things she liked most about Luke. Even when they were angry with each other, he would do something subtle like this that ended up meaning more than anything he could ever say. As she walked up to the counter, she saw Luke emerge from the kitchen with a fresh pot of coffee in hand. "Aw, jeez, Lorelai would it kill you to pick a seat and stay in it?" he muttered, reaching for a mug and pouring her a cup of coffee.
"You didn't have to do that, Luke," she replied, accepting the mug.
"What do you mean? You're the one who switched seats on me. That's twice the work I'll have to do tonight to close up this place. And if you meant that I didn't have to give you coffee, you're wrong there, too. Of course I had to give you coffee," he said, starting to rant. "Coffee is what you run on. You can't survive without the coffee and I'm the guy who has the coffee."
Lorelai shook her head. "I'm not sitting here. And you're right. Not giving me the coffee would be very dangerous. That's not what I meant, though. I'll move back to the seat if you want."
"I don't care where you sit, I have to clean up the whole damn place anyway. I didn't have to do what?" he asked. His tone changed from agitated to curious as he uncrossed his arms, leaning against the back counter.
She smiled. "You didn't have to start everything up again. I hate that you had to turn everything on after you were ready to close for the night. You could have just told me you were closed."
He shrugged. "Why the hell would I do that? Gotta pay the bills, you know?"
"I don't buy it," she said, straightening up in her stool. Lorelai thought about pressing the issue some more, but she saw that Luke was getting uncomfortable.
"You're one of my best customers," he replied after a long pause.
"So is Kirk," Lorelai replied, taking a sip of the coffee Luke poured for her. "You kick him out after you decide that you're ready to close. You don't turn everything on again just because he eats here every day. You practically throw him out the door."
"I do not—"
"I've seen you do it on multiple occasions. If you need me to, I can gather some sworn witness statements. Don't make me break out the hidden surveillance tapes. There might be some evidence to prove that you have, in fact, forcibly removed Kirk from your establishment."
Luke simply looked at her. At first, she looked into his eyes, waiting for him to start an argument, a rant, or to go back to the big fight. But he said nothing. Lorelai shuddered as she felt a tingle in her spine. Their eyes remained connected for a moment before he quickly looked away and attempted to find something to do. He grabbed a towel and began to wipe down the counter, busying himself in an obvious attempt to avoid answering her.
Lorelai was touched. Clearly things weren't as bad as she thought. Smiling, she took another sip of coffee and brought it back to her table without saying another word.