A/N: A short one this time - set during episode 8. You can blame Nyte Quill's fic and our conversations for this. It turned out a bit more weepy and emotional than what's probably appropriate for Edward but I decided not to care.
Edmund's heart was heavy as he got dressed; legs filled with lead when he got up from the edge of her bed and his arms did not want to lift, to open the wooden door. How could he leave her like this (he daren't turn around to catch a last glimpse of her, knowing it would surely make him stay if he saw her wrapped up in the white sheet, her dark curls resting on her pale shoulders...), he wondered, feeling his movements slow down even more. I'm sorry, he wanted to say; I need you, his mind screamed; I love you, his heart whispered as the door clicked shut behind him.
Love.
The word was so big, so meaningful, and yet he could not doubt his heart. But how could he love a woman when he was married to another? Guilt crept into his mind again, adding to the torment of his lost little girl. He was betraying them both; both women deserved better than to be loved by him, who could give neither of them the things they deserved the most.
He reached home while the night was still inky and black. In the light of a single candle, he washed his face and shaved his beard, wishing at the same time the water would clean him of the sins he had committed against the women in his life. In the end, he let them all down; sweet, darling Matilda lost in the raging waters without her father's protection; Emily left alone in her grief because he could not part with the hope that his daughter was still alive; and now Deborah, who had taken it upon herself to soothe his pain, who had succeeded in lightening the heavy load on his shoulders and who was now left alone in her room, alone in her bed, after she had given him everything.
As dawn approached at last and the sky changed from black into grey until at last it was streaked with red, he was still sitting in his living room, his position unchanged since he had first sat down, when his wife appeared.