A/N: I know the whole lyrics in chapters thing is a big no no but for once could we just look the other way. I would be eternally thankful. I do not own the lyrics they belong to the band Lifehouse

Chapter 47: When You Look Me In The Eyes

Her mother once told her that the people you love the most are also the ones you get the maddest at. She said that there was a thin line between love and hate. Something, which Ashley seemed to be learning all too well lately. She sighed as she sat in the kitchen feeding Faith. She read the writing on Faith's bib it read Cute and messy just like Daddy. She couldn't help but smile at the message because it was so true.

"Come on Ash you have to go out with me and Randy tonight to celebrate my birthday" Dommy was almost whining by now. She had been trying for the last 20 minutes to convince her hardheaded cousin to come out and have fun.

"Who the hell is gonna watch the kids?" Ashley asked.

"Fabo said he would do it"

"Yeah well who the hell is gonna watch Fabo?" the older woman got up from her seat and placed Faith's dishes in the dishwasher.

"Come on please Ash it would mean a lot to me if you were there"

Ashley rolled her eyes "Fine".

Although she was no where near in the mood to go partying with her younger cousin and her boyfriend she knew that it would mean a lot to Dommy if she did go. She had been in a funk for the last few days; she contributed it with guilty feelings she felt towards John. He had been nothing but supportive and patient with her and she had to go and screw it up. Technically she had never cheated on him but that didn't stop her from feeling like she did.

"So you see Faith Bruce Springsteen is the greatest musician of all time" Ashley explained to the baby later on that afternoon. They were lying on Ashley's bed and Ashley had been reading The Gospel according to Bruce Springsteen: Rock and Redemption, from Asbury Park to Magic to the little girl."yes he is," she said in a baby voice while tickling the infant's tummy. Faith looked up at her and then did something very unexpected, the baby who had been previously lying on her back rolled over onto her stomach for the first time. Ashley's face lit up as she sat up and took the infant into her arms. She kissed her cheeks and the baby cooed.

"No baby you can't grow up like your brother you have to stay little forever" Faith placed her little hands on either side of her mother's face. She took one of the baby's tiny hands into her own and kissed it.

"I love you my little princess and no matter what happens between your daddy and me I will always love you and your brother" Faith rested her forehead against her mother's as if to say I love you too.

Phinnigan walked into the room. He wore a casual smile on his face. He walked over to the side of the bed and scampered up. He decided to crawl over to his mom and make himself comfortable next to his little sister.

"What do I owe the pleasure of having both my children with me?" she asked him.

"Missed you" was Phinnigan's reply.

"Well I missed you too sweetie" she kissed the top of his head.

"What do you say all 3 of us take a nap and then mommy will get ready to go out tonight with Uncle Randy and Auntie Dommy" Phinnigan frowned when his mother mentioned that she was going to be going out that night. He didn't like when his mommy wasn't with him and his sister.

Ashley woke up later that evening feeling horrible. Her head pounded she felt queasy and she swore she was going to throw up at any second. She got up carefully as not to wake up the children. Somehow Phinnigan and Faith ended up cuddling together in their sleep. Her head was swimming and she barely made it into the bathroom before she felt the need to throw up. She paid homage to the porcelain gods. When she finally felt well enough she turned on the shower and disrobed. She felt a little better letting the warm water wash over her. After getting out of the shower she towel dried herself off and wrapped her wet hair up in another soft towel. She slipped into her terrycloth robe. Walking into the closet she frowned trying to decide what to wear. She chose a chocolate colored dress that came down to her mid thigh There was a low plunging v -neck plunge giving one a glimpse of her ample breasts. She took the wrap from around her hair as she stood in her black lace Victoria Secret bra and boy shorts looking at her reflection in the mirror trying to decide how to wear her hair. After twenty minutes of debating she decided to leave her long mahogany colored tresses down and she would curl it. There was a knock on the bathroom door and before she could answer it Dommy walked in.

"Good think I was wearing underwear" Ashley grumbled.

"Please you don't have anything that I don't have" Domonique crossed her arms over her chest "except for that new lower back tattoo … girl turn around so I can get a better look"

Ashley turned around and sure enough she was sporting a new tattoo. It was of a red heart with three antique looking swords running through it. Domonique looked over the new ink with an approving eye.

"Very nice" she said.

"Was there something you wanted or did you just want to catch me in a semi state of undress?" Ashley asked.

"Do I look like I've gained weight to you?" Dommy asked staring at her refection in the mirror.

"No …"

"Are you sure?"

"Not that I can see" the older woman gave her younger cousin a look.

"I'm kinda a little bit late"

It took Ashley a few minutes to realize what her cousin meant but as soon as she did her eyes became as wide as silver dollars. Domonique waited for her cousin to explode but she never did she just sat a seat on the toilet and sighed.

"I want to buy a test but I'm too nervous so will you buy me one?" she begged her older cousin.

"Fine" Ashley relented too tired to argue.

"Great!" Domonique exclaimed feeling instantly better "now hurry up and get dressed because we are leaving soon and all Randy would tell me is to dress nice"

"So you have no idea what we're doing either?" Ashley questioned her cousin.

"Nope, Randy is being very secretive" the younger woman lied.

"Well ok then that makes me feel a little better" Ashley admitted.

She dressed and styled her hair as quickly as she could. She was just putting the finishing touches on her makeup when Randy came into the room and told her that they were leaving. He took in the sight of his best friend standing there putting on eyeliner. His heart swelled a little knowing what was to come later.

"You look beautiful Ash" he told her honestly.

"Thanks Rans" she kissed his cheek.

"You ready my dear" she offered her his arm.

She laughed taking intertwining her arm with his much larger one. Dommy, Fabo and the two boys were waiting for them in the living room.

"Cousin are you trying to steal my man?" Dommy kidded.

"Nope, he's all yours my man is the one wearing footie pajamas" she grinned picking up the toddler.

"Are you gonna be good for grandpa?" she asked him.

"Yes"

"Ok I love you"

"Luff you too"

She kissed his cheek before handing him off to his grandfather. She gave Dean a kiss also and told him she loved him as well. Then she thanked Fabo for watching the kids.

"Anything for you love" he replied with a knowing smile.

They piled into the car and before they could arrive from their destination Ashley asked Randy to stop off at a nearby Rite Aide.

"Why are we stopping?" Randy asked while parking.

"Faith needs diapers" Ashley came up with a lie of her own.

She walked into the store and made a b-line straight for the pregnancy test isle. She stood there for a moment looking over the packages. She was so confused by all the different labels. Finally deciding to just screw it she grabbed two boxes of the EPT brand. She wasn't sure if these ones were all that reliable because she really didn't know all that much about pregnancy tests seeing as she never had to take one before. She felt like everyone was staring at her as she walked through the store with two pregnancy tests in her hand. She picked up one of those little carry around baskets and grabbed a few more things throwing them on top of the pregnancy tests. When she finally got to the cashier she seemed to take forever to ring everything up. Stopping for a moment to look at the pregnancy tests. She smiled at Ashley before ringing them up.

"That will be 47.89" the cashier told her.

Ashley handed the older woman a fifty and told her to keep the change. She grabbed her bags stopping by the door to grab a medium sized white paper bag she stuck the two pregnancy tests into the bag and then stuck that bag into her purse. She walked back to the car and got into the backseat.

"Took ya long enough" Randy complained.

"Sorry but Faith has been getting a lot of diaper rash so I wanted to make sure I got the right kind of diapers" she defended herself.

"Yeah whatever"

They arrived at a small club about fifteen minutes later. Ashley got out of the car and smoothed down the front of her dress. She had never seen or heard of this little hole in the wall before.

"Rans what are we doing here?" Ashley questioned "I thought we were going to celebrate"

"All part of the surprise" he said handing both Dommy and Ashley blindfolds.

"Why do I need one" Ashley protested.

"Just put it on" Randy sighed.

Ashley looked a Dommy who simply gave her a nod. She placed the blindfold across her eyes and allowed Randy to tie it. Randy grinned over at Dommy who had gotten rid of her blindfold.

"Randy how are you going to guide both me and Dommy?" Ashley asked.

"Never you worry just start moving" Randy gave her a small push.

Randy carefully lead Ashley inside while Dommy made sure she kept close to her cousin to keep the allusion that Randy was pushing them both. Randy helped Ashley into her seat and looked around the room. John had really outdid himself this time. Apparently his friendship with Conan O'Brien had paid off because Max had been able to get John 3 hard to get tickets for a special performance that Bruce Springsteen was taping for VH1 Storytellers program. Randy removed the blindfold and it took Ashley a moment to get used to the dim lighting.

"What's going on?" she asked a little disoriented.

"you'll see" Randy grinned at her.

Ashley's blue-gray eyes took in the dimly lit room. At first notice she didn't seem to catch the televisions cameras. But upon a second inspection she noticed them.

"Randy why are there television cameras here?" she asked him intrigued.

"Ladies and gentlemen if everyone will find their seats the performance will begin" a voice carried over a loud speaker.

The room filled up quickly as everyone shuffled to find their seats. Ashley's curiosity was in overdrive she had no idea what was going on or who they were planning to go see. If her senses had been in more proper working order she would have noticed her father, Lilian, Connor, Keegan, and Becky at one table. Or over to the other side of the room Stephanie, Paul, Shane and Marissa sat quietly together. The lights went black and smaller ones highlighting a stage turned on. Ashley's heart began to race as she saw who came out onto the stage. Her mouth went dry and she felt like she was going to pass out.

"How's everyone doing tonight" the deep guttural voice of Bruce Springsteen floated through the room.

Ashley took a few deep breaths and gripped the table hard trying to wrap her mind around the fact that her idol was before her.

"I want to thank everyone who came out here for this taping it's nice to know that I still have some fans" Bruce quipped with a wide smile. "unfortunately you only get me tonight. But I'm going to play you a few songs and tell you what they mean to me"

Randy looked over to Ashley and she looked like a little kid staring at the Christmas tree with all the presents under the tree on Christmas morning. He smiled and patted her hand. If Ashley had been in her right mind she would have realized that Dommy didn't really care for Springsteen so there was no way Randy would have set this up for her but her mind was completely blank at the moment. Bruce began by playing an acoustic version of My Hometown. Ashley mouthed the words along with her idol. She rested her head against Dommy's shoulder and the younger woman kissed the top of her cousin's head. She was happy to see Ashley so happy and they hadn't even gotten to the best part yet. Bruce finished the song and waited for the crowd to stop applauding.

"That song is one of my favorites because to me it symbolizes what it was like growing up as a kid in New Jersey back when times were simple and you could let your kids play in your front yard without having to worry about them getting kidnapped or shot in a drive by"

He also played Devils and Dust, You're Missing, Long Walk Home, Secret Garden, and Brilliant Disguise. After he played Brilliant Disguise he paused and looked over towards Ashley's direction.

"Folks we have a surprise performer tonight … now he's never done this before but he has a message to send out to someone very special" Bruce moved from the stood he had been sitting in to one towards the side of the stage.

This was his queue there was no turning back now. John walked out onto the semi brightly lit stage. His heart began racing as he took in the crowd. An acoustic guitar in his hands. He could do this, he had to do this. He had come too far to turn back now. He smiled to the crowd whispered a few words of thanks to Bruce who wished him good luck. He had a seat on the stool Bruce had just vacated and closed his eyes for a moment.

"This song is something I wrote for the mother of my two children" he explained loosing the collar of the navy blue dress shirt he was wearing "bare with the though I'm no Bruce Springsteen" at that Bruce let out a chuckle.

A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay

His eyes met hers and they held a stare. His hand strummed on the guitar in a haunting melody. It was only him and her in the room now. It killed him that they had hurt each other so much and now she felt like they could never be together.

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

Every word he sang he meant. If after all this is over and she took him back he would spend the rest of his life letting her know how much he loved her. He would never let her go again. And if she said no … well he wasn't even going to think about that right now.

She said "If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"
She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"

His mind flashed back to a time when he and Ashley had first started dating. He had only broken up with his ex-fiancée Liz 3 months prior to beginning to date Ashley. He didn't meant to be but he would come off cold and distant to Ashley sometimes.

"If we're gonna make this work" she said looking him deep in the eyes " you have to let me inside even though it hurts. Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see because I can't help you mend them. You make not like it but that's how it has to be because you gotta love yourself if you can ever think of loving me"

He knew she was right he wasn't being fair to her by still hanging onto the hope that their could be a reconciliation between him and Liz. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it letting her know that he had gotten her message. He loved that even though she knew he was still in love with another woman at that time she was so gentle and patient with him. If he knew nothing else he knew right then that he needed her in his life. Although he wasn't sure what part she would serve just yet he knew he needed her.

But remember the time I told you the way that I felt
That I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over

It was almost over, he had one more verse go to and he was all done. He could see he had tears in her eyes and he wasn't afraid to admit that there were a few tears in his eyes as well.

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
and believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

He finished playing his song and without a seconds hesitation he hopped off the stage and walked over to the woman he loved. His eyes were bright and hopeful and all eyes were on them now.

"I guess what I'm trying to say" he got down on one knee and pulled the black velvet box out of his pants pocket. He opened the box up to reveal an 18k emerald ring with a white gold band in between the shimmering emerald sat two small diamonds one on either side. It wasn't what someone would call a flashy ring by any stretch of the imagination but for a poor man, whom had been the first purchaser of that very ring barely making anything to live off of it was a big deal. Ashley had tears in her eyes, the ring John was now proposing with that been the same ring he father had proposed to her mother with. "will you marry me"

Overcome by emotions she could no longer talk all she could do was shake her head yes. John stood up and pulled her up with him into a tight embrace before he kissed her with all the passion he had built up for so long. This was definitely the best day of his life. Everyone was cheering and applauding for them now even Bruce.

"The groom to be asked me to play this song if his new fiancée said yes" Bruce picked up his guitar again and began playing These are the Days which was originally sung by Van Morrison. It was one of Ashley's most favorite songs. John asked her to dance and as she rested her head on his shoulder she felt contentment and peace for the first time in a long while.

"Nothing is ever going to tear us apart again I promise" he whispered in her ear.

"I know baby I know"

After everything was said and done and things had started to calm down Dommy pulled her into the restroom.

"Here" Ashley murmured handing her cousin the medium sized white bag. "I bought two of them because I don't really know about these things"

"Sweetie they come two in a package" Domonique laughed with shaking hands she removed one of the EPTs from the bag.

"I'm nervous ... will you take one with me?" she asked hopefully.

"Me ... why? We both know what the results of mine will say a big fat negative"

"Please it'll make me feel better" she begged.

"Fine" Ashley sighed snatching a test from her cousin before entering a nearby bathroom stall.

Both women walked out of the stalls simultaneously. Domonique was unusually pale. Ashley felt sympathy for her but then again she didn't exactly know how her cousin felt because she herself had never and would never be in that situation.

"You sure you took it right?" Domonique asked just to make conversation.

"All you do is pee on a stick it's not rocket science" the newly engaged woman replied.

"Now we wait"

Ashley hopped up on the marble counter top in between the two white porcelain sinks.

"So you and John are engaged now" Dommy grinned.

"I know isn't it amazing" Ashley took a moment to show off her ring. She couldn't help but think that she loved John more in that moment than she had ever had in the past. To propose to her with her own mother's engagement ring had to be the most romantic gesture she had ever heard of. She knew then that she had made the right decision. Ashley had been so lost in thought that she hadn't even realized that three minutes had passed.

"What does yours say?"

"Negative"

"What does yours say?"

"Positive"

A/N: Wow I have had this chapter all planned out for months now and it feels good to get it out there. I know most of you are throwing parties right now over the fact that they are together. But you never know with those two lol. Again please no flames for the lyrics I wasn't going to put them but then I was like it would kinda add to the story … once again I do not own the lyrics they belong to the band Lifehouse.