He knew that this was a bad idea from the start…
"How to know if you like a girl, page four…"
Where was his knife anyways?
"How to ask a girl out, page fifteen—"
He wondered if he could get away by just pushing her off the stairs.
"Must-Do moves during the date, page twenty-two,"
Does she have to read out loud?!
"What places to take her during and after the date, page thirty—"
"Will you just read to yourself!?" Toushiro hissed, throwing his thirteenth crumpled up paper on her face- trying to do his—no-his and her, as "partners," chemistry lab work, and this certain annoying girl was not letting up on her incessant ranting.
"Sorry, no can do, Fluffy-"
"Don't call me fluffy!"
"I am preparing you for your initial date. Though as far as I know you only got to the "You like her part-" and that's pretty much it." The raven head explained, propping her legs up his desk, obviously dismissing his protests to the new nickname. They were currently at the more secluded part of a city library, a twenty minute ride from the university, in which he was (forcefully) dragged to after their last period.
"I'm already telling you that this is hopeless. So just drop it." Toushiro grinded out, his pen snapping in half for the third time that day.
"And I'm telling you that you need to get your ass out of your head. Why do you always have to be so pessimistic?" Rukia rolled her eyes, flipping through the Dates for Dummies book some more
"Because the last time I trusted you, things blow up!" Toushiro glared hard at her.
He remembered an event almost a year ago (which he had unfortunately met and became partners with the younger Kuchiki) which blew up almost half of the chemistry lab. What the hell was he thinking leaving the room (call of nature) and asking her to watch over the chemicals? Of course, being the stupid, stubborn idiot that she was—wanted to prove her "Chem-Lab-Skills."
Next thing he knew a dark mushroom cloud appeared from the lab. And he was the one responsible for it (since she's the Kuchiki) and he was a nobody that needed to be blamed and the supposed boy genius. He didn't know if that was an insult to him or her.
"Oh, come on that was a year ago," she whined, pouting- "Besides, I promise you that this—I'm serious about this." Her violet eyes glinted darkly in earnestness. "I promise, in the Kuchiki name, that I would not "blow up"" she made little quote gestures in the air, further annoying the white haired male, "your happily-ever-after chance with the girl of your dreams."
"And what the hell makes you think that I would believe that?" his brow twitched and if looks could kill, their lab work was already nothing but ash in the deepest pits of hell.
"Okay, you know what—this is obviously useless," she unfolded her legs, setting them back down on the floor and throwing the Dates for Dummies book over her head. Toushiro faintly heard a scream and a thud from the hallways and winced. Glad (that it wasn't him) and at the same time wary at the girl's accurate shots.
"You're the one who took it from the—"
"I know, but it was obviously a mistake. My matchmaking skills are for more superior and advanced than that fantasy-clichéd crap that writers with no love-life conjure in a little corner somewhere." She finished logically, and pulling her seat closer to the white haired male.
"Oh, and you have some sense of credibility? Someone who's boyfriend-less—"
"The topic is your love life, not mine-" she flicked him in the head, earning her a deadly glare from the obviously ticked off young man.
"Anyways, do you know Ichigo Kurosaki?" she smirked at him evilly, reminiscing back to a close friend back in high school and even now, attending in Seiretei U.
"Yeah, the one with orange hair—"
"Yes, strawberry boy. To be frank, in high school, he got the hots for me—'
"I thought we're not talking about your disgusting love life,"
"I'm making a non-fictional anecdote here, you ass. And it is not disgusting!" she huffed, crossing her arms. "Unlike you, many men are after me—"
"Funny, I had the picture that they run away from you—"
Rukia firmly shut him up by smacking a notebook over his head. "Could you not, for at least five minutes, not interrupt me-"
"Maybe if you're not doing any physical affliction on me from time to time I wouldn't-!" Toushiro sneered, rubbing his bruised head.
"Okay! Fine, on to the topic, now shut up," she glowered at him, meaning the next would not be just a notebook if he injected his own unnecessary opinion.
She began to flip through his notebook, taking the pen from the table…and he couldn't help but cringed.
"Actually, I already know from the start that he liked me, but of course being the chaste maiden as I am…" she drew a fairly well drawn, but fluffy bunny with a halo, paws clasped together, and in the background—was, he assumed, a glum and love struck Kurosaki with hearts in his eyes.
Toushiro really wanted to comment on that, but figured he had enough smacks to the head to argue.
"I thought that he'd be better off with the girl who likes him far more than I do, besides I see him more of a brother to me anyways. It would be too eww if I accepted him." A bunny girl with longer hair and slightly larger chest was presented in the picture also with hearts in her eyes, while the other female bunny (still with a halo) was in the middle—as if introducing the male bunny (Ichigo) and the female with bigger chest.
"Your point…" his emerald eyes bore through hers in a bored manner.
"I'm getting there! Why do you always have to spoil the mood?" she frowned at him menacingly.
"As time passed, I eventually stirred strawberry boy towards the girl. And I encouraged the girl to confess," the picture was now of the bunny (still with the halo) being as a mediator and in the middle presenting the more spiky-haired, angry bunny, and the bunny with the endowed bosom-her hands clasped hopefully in front on her.
"And…" he drawled, obviously not getting where this was going.
"And then, I helped them get together for the senior ball before graduation. You should know, I was the one feeding him the lines, and I told Inoue-san to dress to impress." She grinned brightly, obviously proud as she thought of feeding Ichigo the lines reading from Romeo's script.
The white haired male actually pitied him…In fact, he wondered if Kurosaki actually said those lines. But coming from Rukia, she most likely threatened something against him that would be enough to traumatize the young man for life.
Toushiro couldn't help but gape openly at her drawing in which the spiky-haired bunny with a scarier frown from before dance awkwardly with the bunny that had her chest almost spilling out off her gown. In the corner was the bunny (halo still in place) smiling brightly, a wand in her hand as if she had done magic, and she was fairy godmother herself.
"And then, they live happily ever after!" she finished, with a Fin and butterfly flying off into the corner and bunny with spiky hair and bunny with big chest riding away into some sort of pumpkin carriage, the other bunny, (halo shining brighter) waved at them gleefully.
It was actually funny seeing Toushiro's face contorted into utter confusion, "And this was supposed to…?"
"You idiot! Isn't it obvious? I'm showing you my credibility." She blew the bangs out of her face, frustrated that she wasted her art skills over someone who couldn't appreciate her logic and talent.
He looked at her drawing, and back at her face, as if scrutinizing if she was serious. "So?"
"So!? Ugh! Fluffy-chan—"
"Stop calling me that!"
"Fine, then—whitey-chan," she drawled, rolling her eyes.
"Will you—"
"That girl was Inoue Orihime. Hot chick, fan club at room 506 every Saturdays, ambition is to be a chef, blood type B, hobbies-writing in her diary, voluptuous curves with 43, 29, 32—"
"I don't need to know that!" Toushiro blushed, earning several 'ssshhh's' from the other students and adults in the library.
"Well, you do. Because without my help they wouldn't be together at all," Rukia tapped her chin.
"And what exactly is the point of you telling me that?" the white-haired male glared at her, snatching his notebook-turned-bunny-disaster-drawings.
"The fact that I am good at my job, helping others find love," she smiled up at him, crossing her legs. "And I'm the only one who does them for free."
"Oh, how generous of you," the sarcastic tone was not lost in Toushiro's voice. "But that doesn't make you any less faulty on your job."
"Che, Au contraire, little one—"
"Will you just shut up-!"
"Just to name a few, I made several successful deals with different people and helped them find everlasting love—"
"Why are you sounding like a freaky advertisement announcer—"
"Because I am advertising. It's a guaranteed success for your love life." The raven head simply stated, counting off with her fingers, further infuriating her emerald-eyed audience all the more. "If you want more examples, I am the matchmaker between Kitty Grimmy and Tutu Nel."
"You mean Grimmjow and Oderschvank-sensei?!" his eyes were wide—how did that happen? That was so…so wrong! In all different levels because it was just really…mismatched, I mean green and blue, the catty-boy and their 'more-than-endowed' physics teacher with the mind and speech of a child?! Isn't that illegal!?
He's not one to talk since Hinamori and Sosuke-sensei (prick) were doing the same thing, but that's not the point.
"Red piny and Arisawa-san—"
Abarai Renji and Tatsuki Arisawa?! For real!? When did all of this happen? He was on the same University as they were for god's sake. How the heck could he miss that? The last time he heard about the two of them, Abarai was sent into the infirmary with a broken arm, courtesy of said girl.
"Then, there's Fishida and Nemo-chan,"
What?! Ishida Uryu and Nemu Kurotsuchi?! Holy crap, wh-wha—how the? The two who had weird, scary fathers? One being their biology professor (with the most frightening affinities with the human brain), and the other being the head doctor of their infirmary, who wouldn't think twice relocating your broken shoulder from where you stood.
"Oh! And there's—'
"Stop, that's enough." the white-haired male turned away, pale face and wanting to gag.
While she said that they were "successes" it was more like some wild experimentation in Frankenstein proportions of matchmaking two completely different people together. He would just die if she tried to say that she brought Zaraki-shishou and Unohana-sensei together.
He would simply drop dead if those two-most opposite poles of the other somehow got together—and by her. Toushiro would eat his scarf.
"Oho! So you're fully convinced now, eh?" her violet eyes twinkled in mischief.
"Yes, it fully convinced me that you are NOT going to pry into my personal life—"
"Deal! But I got dibs on your love life," she cheered, slapping her legs as if everything was solved by just officially declaring herself president over the white-haired male's love life—which in retrospect, she really did.
"W-wai—what?! Personal and love life are linked together! You can't just—"
"Hitsugaya-san, I see that you are not making an effort in your studies—"she mimicked her brother's voice, violet eyes staring down at him.
Damned evil-bitch-card, Toushiro's brows twitched, hands itching to do some fatal damage on the raven head. While it wouldn't hurt him because he was already heartbroken, there really wasn't no harm in letting her "help" him. Besides, he had nothing to lose at this point, except probably his well-fattened ego and self-esteem. It's better to get her over it now, before Rukia tried to do something drastic to persuade him…like posting her self-made bunny pictures portraying him and Momo in the whole campus.
He shuddered inwardly.
"Fine! But if you do not—"
"I promise you, that I'll be your maid of honor in your wedding with Momo-chan!" she squealed clasping his hand and hugging him suddenly. "Now, as a first payment, take me to dinner!"
"What the?! I thought you do this free?!" The white-haired male balked, veins accumulating over his forehead.
"Che, hell no. I do get some benefits from my clients too, asshole. At least I'm not charging you more than you can handle." She waved her hand in nonchalance, tugging at his sleeve, and pumping up her hand. "Now! I'm craving for some Thai!"
Toushiro just shook his head. Someday…someday he was going to get her back for this.
Even if it kills him.
OOO
OOOO
OOOOO
OOOO
OOO
Oh my, never knew there were many Hitsu/Ruki fans, I'm glad everyone liked it! And I was like holy-effing (!?) several-of the most noted Hitsu/Ruki writers reviewed me (sobs and bows down to their greatness) and to everyone else who reviewed. I'm probably going to work harder on this since I think it's really cute :) :) I'm enjoying it far more than Ichi/ruki, and it seems easier...
Answer to Blackbelt: Long hair-for now, because i got good a growing plot for it. so i hope everyone bears with Rukia's waist-length hair just for now.