Kuchiki Rukia was hungry.
She (currently) had no money, her food rations (as many liked to call it) were gone, and she couldn't cook if her life depended on it. And she didn't feel like going out to hound some poor unsuspecting freshman in the streets for money, and it's highly unlikely that one of her friends were out today.
It was a gloomy, raining Saturday after all. Most students were staying in to sleep, fooling around or doing their homework… 'Like someone I know…'
And what more fun could she get when she went to visit some of her guy friends, which was at least a five block walk to the girls dorm (ten minute train ride to campus) and to the guys dorm.
Besides, it always serve her amusement when she stopped by the boys' dorm…it was always fun to rile them up—especially strawberry boy.
The raven head grinned as she stood in front of Ichigo Kurosaki's door and his two other roommates, Abarai Renji and Grimmjow Jaggerjaques. And of course, she was never one for doing the knocking thing, she was more polite than that…
Clearing her throat, the violet eyed woman prepared herself for a wake up call, enough for the entire building, "Oh Kurosaki-kun! Please put your pants and your shirt on and stop French kissing Inoue-san! Don't forget to put a cold drink down your—"
And on cue…
The door was ripped open, and out came the greeting, scowling form of Ichigo, and swiftly clamping her mouth.
"For once, midget," the haggard boy, obviously from sleeping, growled while the latter tried to pry his hand off her mouth—who knows where that came from… "Could you shut up--!"
"Disheveled hair and boxers," Rukia commented idly, "Someone visited you late—"
She was roughly pulled in as the more than irritated boy slammed the door shut, not wanting any snoopy neighbors to intervene. Because the last time it happened, everyone else always seem to eavesdrop and press their ears with glasses on their door. Keigo even brought a video camera (which he was severely maimed for by Ichigo and hounded by Grimmjow for three days). It was a hard week.
"Dammit! Rukia you—"
"Do I smell bacon?"
Ichigo Kurosaki could only roll his eyes as the girl pushed pass him towards the kitchen. She could never ask to come in and eat normally couldn't she?
She strode in their dorm easily, already familiar with everything inside the boys' place seeing that she spend her weekends mooching food off of them or pass the time annoying her three previous clients.
"Playing housewife, Renji?" she cocked her brows as she met the sight of her best friend and the red-haired boy wearing an apron and cooking bacon, pancakes and eggs.
"Rukia! What the—wait-housewife?! You bitch—!"
"Well if it isn't shorty," a gruff voice from the corner greeted her rudely.
"Well if it isn't smurfy—" the raven head mocked back, and sitting herself down at the table.
"Smurfy? What the fuck?!" the blue eyed, blue-haired young man screeched as Renji kept his chuckles in from the corner.
It was obvious enough that Rukia's expertise in name callings had been heavily influence by Zaraki-shishou's kid. The matter in which she was able to take free credits in his class without attending the class, but baby-sitting the pint-sized, pink-haired brat in the afternoons, clearly rubbed on her. If the two weren't protected by the massive, frightening hulk-like form of their sports/kendo instructor they would've been killed long ago for issuing embarrassing nicknames for the team.
"Oi! Will you all keep it down?!" Ichigo came back (fully dressed and combed) as a frown was etched back onto his face.
"Strawberry, didn't I tell you to stop scowling, it brings wrinkles, and you'll be old and you'll look like Yama-jii, and by the time you know it—you might be using Viagra—"
The orange-haired man "softly" whacked the girl on the head, and glared at the two who started laughing, "Don't bring it up on the table you idiot!"
"Aw, be a sport Ichigo," Rukia patted the seat next to her, "We all know that Renji uses the same technique to man up with his Tatsuki-chan."
The tables were suddenly turned as Ichigo and Grimmjow laughed and pointed at the red-haired male who started to stutter as he threw a menacing glare at the girl, "You're the one who left that in my room! And now she thinks I'm weird!"
It was horrifying to be at the middle of a-ahem—heated rendezvous with your girlfriend and was suddenly broken when she saw something all healthy young males should not have at least by the time they were seventy. Needless to say, Tatsuki avoided him for at least a week, until Renji forced (read: begged) the evil raven head girl to do something and explain the misunderstanding…She was still wary though, and even asked him if he needed a consultant.
"Tatsuki-chan asked me if you need a doctor by any chance. I recommended Ichigo's dad."
The other two laughed harder, clutching their stomachs and tears coming out of their eyes.
"Seriously," the violet-eyed woman didn't get why "manhood" was such a sore topic for these guys.
Sure she was a girl-a very opinionated one at that, but she couldn't see why this topic was taboo. Unknowingly enough, Rukia was genuinely innocent at this subject, and not really getting why one gets angry and the other two laughed their asses off. "I asked Nel-chan, and she said that you--sorely needed one."
She pointed a finger towards Grimmjow.
This time around, red piny and strawberry laughed at his expense. The blue-haired man briefly gaped in surprise until realization, embarrassment and anger settled in. He was just about to skewer the girl on their coat hook by the door until a wicked thought came to mind. While Ichigo and Renji could never score against Ruka's schemes (their scoreboard by the fridge prove Rukia's winning points by 177, Ichigo: 8, Renji: 10 and Grimmjow a successful 15…which wasn't really much, but it was enough to say that he was more level-headed than the two) and he just had the thing to annoy her.
"Che, heard you got a new pet," he sneered at her, but truthfully he wanted to know.
Besides the fact that the whole freaking campus had been raving about the "new hot couple" was enough for him to know. Curiosity was in his nature…and yes it certainly landed him in quite a many deaths while conversing with Rukia. But somehow Grimmjow was feeling bold, and he wanted to know what poor idiot he was going to beat up by snatching Rukia to himself.
He wasn't jealous or anything...
At this the other two boys perked up.
Even though the midget was dense enough not to notice their feelings towards her before, they also knew that she was only doing things for their own benefit. And now, they had their own girlfriends. There was nothing wrong asking the girl you had feelings for before who her new boy was. And it was surely their brotherly-like instinct kicking in for the short girl…
Seriously, why are you all thinking that they were jealous?
"It's not that, it's just…"Rukia sighed, pushing her plate as she pouted and rested her head on her folded arms, treading on without caution. "I think my boyfriend hates me."
Three things happened at once.
Grimmjow choked on his bacon.
Ichigo spluttered his orange juice out of his nose.
Renji's egg missed the pan.
"What the fuck!!" all boys chorused beautifully like a quartet.
It was strictly brotherly-instinct. They were so not burning with jealousy.
"Who the hell is he!?" (Renji)
"What idiot would want you!?" (Ichigo)
"Where's my damn bat!?" (Grimmjow)
Rukia smirked, "Jealous much aren't we?"
"Hell no!!" she just loved their in sync, choir-like outbursts.
She should totally record this someday and write her first book of The Psychology of Men's Minds. Ah, she could see a whole lot of woman putting up their own scoreboards on their fridge, and their husbands screaming bloody murder on the streets.
"Look, Rukia," Ichigo could not resist glaring at her. Who was the (unlucky/lucky) bastard who took the evil-bitch queen of the campus as their girl? "Who's the bastard?"
They all leaned in rapt attention.
"Hitsugaya Toushiro!" she beamed cutely, as if announcing the winner of a game show. A block away from the dorm complex, a certain white-haired male sneezed.
Three thuds resonated around the room. They thought she had more class than that but…
"The midget?" Grimmjow's brows twitched, that boy was annoying and always thinks he was all high and mighty.
"Isn't he that prodigy that took Ishida's stick right off his ass and shoves it in his?" Ichigo's mouth gaped open, remembering his glasses-friend being depressed (and tried hiding it by sewing—for the whole straight week even in class) about the kid beating him off for the first rank.
"Holy crap, imagine what kids you'll have—" Renji balked in horror. One arrogant asshole marrying an annoying, bratty bitch…the world was doomed as we know it.
"You idiots!!" Rukia bellowed on top of her lungs, brows ticking as she smacked the nearest person in her range, (poor unsuspecting Ichigo) on the head with her clenched fists. "He's not my boyfriend-boyfriend!"
"So? What is he," the orange-haired man couldn't keep the envious tone in his voice, as he rubbed his bruised head, "Your boy-toy?"
"I never imagined the day that the great-manly-Kurosaki-Ichigo uses the word boy-toy…" the raven head ogled at him almost in reverence.
"Godammit!! That's not the point!"
"Shorty, stop getting off track here," Grimmjow massaged his temples, he thought he was already immune with her unending annoyance, but apparently not, and with strawberry boy around makes it worse.
"Smurfy, when did you become the mature one? Nel-chan got you up her leash, eh?" a long buried vein appeared on his forehead. Okay, maybe patience and restraint was never his strong points, this was one of the reasons why he dreaded her coming here. She inevitably ruins his weekend one way or the other.
"Oi! Oi Rukia! Before you give those two a hernia—" poor Renji received the slapping hands of both livid males, since they can't very well take their anger out at the raven head (for it will be returned ten fold, without a fail).
"He's mad at me," the violet eyed woman looked away, palms cradling her chin.
"No shit." Ichigo rolled his eyes
"Who the fuck wouldn't?!" Grimmjow glared.
"Did you just figure that out?" Renji gave her a bored glance.
"Tch, please," Rukia waved her hand, "Who would get mad over my lesson #23?"
For the second time that day, three boys struggled handling their food over their mouths. Hearing the infamous "lesson" brought them nightmares and more than embarrassing situations that neither three did not wish to relieved at the moment. Imagine being stuck with a bonafied actress with a quick, witty mouth, annoying you every second of the day, and at the same time made you feel powerless with a flash of her smile?
Even if it was true that lesson #23 wasn't that bad, seeing that Rukia was "fun" to be with (in all funny levels of embarrassing situations) and the boys were able to look at her in a new light other than a rich, condescending brat. Who would've thought that the girl was quite the deep thinker/philosopher of her own?
"At any rate, I explained it to him, and he doesn't seem mad," Rukia stood up and going over their fridge looking for some beverage. Her eyes brightened up as she saw a pack of grape juice that they always reserved for her.
"That's impossible," Ichigo huffed, crossing his arms. He would surely worship whatever type of person who could put up with Rukia without getting pissed off—a blind, deaf, and mute person maybe…but he doubt that any "adequate" man would be able to put up with her.
"Maybe you pissed him off one way or the other?" Renji pointed out. And he exactly knew how the girl could get under your skin without even knowing that you were the cause of the irritating conversation in the first place.
"If there's any, your presence is annoying enough—" the raven head pinned her straw wrapper at the blue-eyed man's hair.
"Nah, I don't think so—" she paused, poking her juice box with ease and took a long sip at it, relishing the cold liquid going down her throat.
She scrunched her face for memory, remembering how the five boys stumbled on them after she told the white-haired male that his legs weren't long enough. And then, she didn't understand for the whole period why other males informed them that theirs was certainly long, and why Toushiro was acting gloomy and mad again.
"All I said was that his weren't long enough."
Only Rukia could break the record of choking the three boys without any physical contact.
"How could you say that!?" Renji sputtered, face red in anger in behalf of the male population (especially Toushiro) and from over exerting himself trying to swallow his pancakes.
"Rukia, don't you ever…" Ichigo took a long gulp of his juice to smooth down his throat, "…do that again."
"You're fucking insensitive!" Grimmjow was just glad that he wasn't there, or even experiencing half of his manly pride go to waste.
"Che, at least your girlfriends have approved of it, and seen it every single day—"
All three blushed to the tips of their hair. Completely misinterpreting the whole of events and enlarging them to different proportions.
"What the fuck?!"
"Are you insane!?"
"Shorty! Are you even a girl!?"
"What? It's true. I bet half the male population would want long—"
"GAH!!" the three tried jump and clamp her mouth to shut the nightmarish noun of the day.
"—Legs." She finished with a raised brow. Her boys were acting quite odd today. Was it because of Renji's cooking? She knew that her best friend wasn't the best cook, but she didn't think that he'd go far as to food-poison himself.
"Legs?" the three echoed in confusion, seating back down in relief.
The raven head gave them a 'what-were-you-thinking' look, "Yeah. I told whitey-chan that he can't win Momo-chan without long legs. He's too short."
The sound of slurping could only be heard as none dared to fire the "rhetorical/sarcastic" question, "So you aren't?"
Ichigo, Renji and Grimmjow could only offer a silent prayer towards the petite, boy-genius, hoping for him to somehow, someway-- survive the whole ordeal in dealing with Kuchiki Rukia. They didn't even thought of beating him up, since Rukia was enough punishment as it was.
But the journey was a long and hard one…
One full of mishaps, pain, and agonizing hours of headache.
The only hope was for Hitsugaya Toushiro to outwit the most wicked philanthropist of Seiretei U was to keep up with the girl without dying in the process. But the white-haired male had a very extensive and arduous expedition to reach the top, and Rukia won't make it easier on him either.
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I just love those three. I actually want to read a Grimm/Ruki fic. Does anyone know a good one? Please do tell. And muchos gracias for the revs I love reading them, and I'm glad you all are amused! My job here is done. ;) :) until the coming update! :) Rukia will now unleash her supplementary torture--er "lessons" on poor unsuspecting fluffy...:)