She didn't understand why men were such prude creatures, when in truthful reality they were bestial idiots that had estates, vacation houses or had permanent residences in the gutter.
Maybe it only counts the virgins (like Ishida, Kenryuu, Kira, Ashido, Renji, Grimmjow—and lets' not forget, Ichigo). The older men had no problems with it…well of course seeing that they probably had a "taste" of it before, it still baffles her that the guys she worked with were so sensitive it rivals a woman in her moons.
And Hitsugaya Toushiro was no different.
In retrospect, her plan was foolproof. Like everything else that landed several of her clients to traumatic disorders, but that's beside the point.
It was a surefire success and easy, considering that even though Toushiro was lacking in the height department (that she highly believed could be easily fixed with shoe pumps), the raven head was also aware that his fan girl cults weren't established for nothing.
And she wasn't going to admit it out loud, but seducing Hinamori Momo wasn't that hard seeing whitey-chan got the looks. But the poise, the attitude, his whole composition was just…inadequate. And that was if he truly wanted Momo's full attention and away from Superman, then he had to rise above being Robin and take the role of Batman.
Unknowingly she began to draw said figures on her desk out of boredom (distinguished only by batman's batty wings, and a large S on superman's bulging chest). Okay, maybe Batman had no chance against Superman (I mean really, the guy only had to see kryptonite to fall flat on his ass, how gay is that?) and batman had several emotional issues…which perfectly fit our white-haired male's position.
But nothing can be deemed impossible without trying. And godammit if she had to, Rukia will boost said batman with steroids if only to get his damsel of distress.
All in all, to get Hinamori Momo's attention, one had to play dirty. And by playing dirty doesn't leave out many options. She'd learned that after conversing and analyzing Sosuke-sensei's aptitude, that one had to do the unforeseen to get an opportunity—and that was pulling the rug right out of where he least expected.
Playing dirty doesn't really give much out in knowing your morals. And that was when you're desperate and hopelessly in love. A case that Rukia knew the white-haired male had found himself in.
Using a logical metaphor, let's say kryptonite was out of this world. Meaning all plans of even "trying" to get Momo's interest, from getting chocolate, flowers, gifts, serenades, or hiring an orchestra would be for naught. One would look too desperate, bordering the stalker mode, in which all males should never (ever) had the embarrassing note of experiencing. And in the end, superman would reign supreme over the girl.
Now after gauging her enemy, the raven head had figured a way that would produce the kryptonite that would surely drop superman to his knees (side story: with batman finally reaching victory).
With the same technique, but a much more elusive and suave on Toushiro's part—"The Seduction of Hinamori Momo" (kryptonite, if some of you were lost in the metaphor) was devised.
In which Rukia could only nod in assent at the rather sleek and definite brilliancy of her plans.
Now if only the person she was urging to use this method be as enthusiastic as her, everything would just be peach-candy-dandy. Unfortunately, after revealing her Nobel-prize-worthy-plan, said idiot began to rant on and on about righteous morals and that it was a sin against all deities and "Like hell I'd do some crap like that!!"
Immediately chucking her ultimate weapon and plan in the garbage. For a self-proclaimed genius he was just too close-minded. But the violet-eyed woman will not give up, even if it means doing the dirty deeds herself.
"Stupid fluffy…" Rukia mumbled under her breath, and angrily drawing a rigid straight line across batman on her desk.
For some reason her Japanese Lit. and History class was always warm and comforting, and always made her sleepy and just lethargic. But not because it was boring, oh no—not at all, in fact it was absolute entertainment. There was completely nothing dull about their Kyoraku-sensei and his blatant display of affections to his assistant professor, Ise Nanao, who would return it with distinct violence.
Other than that, Kyoraku-sensei was not the "abide by the rules" type of person so pretty much all students were very amiable towards him.
And what other place could provide her a relaxing venue for a brooding place…?
"Rukia-chan, while I find it cute that you're doodling on my desk again," their very…traditional professor intoned with silent humor, arms at the back of his head and the ever present old straw hat shading his face.
Students were always welcome to come early in his class, and probably to just catch a few z's in the process, besides, it's not like he was inclined to do anything "academic-like" unless his beautiful assistant fires him up for a lecture in Edo period. "I'm more interested as to what the most adorable—after my Nanao-chan of course, be worried about.
"Me? Worried?" Rukia gave a feigning hand to her chest, eyes baffled.
The long, curly-haired professor could only grin at her failed attempt of nonchalance. Kuchiki Rukia was one of his best historical researchers in class, and she had a witty mouth that could rival his assistant professor. Of course, she was too fiery for his taste, and it was illegal…but only if he was a decade or two younger he would definitely try for the girl.
Ah young days…
"Rukia-chan, is it boy problems?" while it was surprising that the raven head didn't have a boyfriend, it sure makes up to a whole lot of bodyguards.
"Kyoraku-sensei, is it Nanao-chan or Risa-chan?" the innocent (read: evil) question was fired back with a resulting cringed from the usually indolent professor. Why does she had to bring up his (love life) problems.
"Touché, Kuchiki." The dark brown haired man sank lower on his seat. It was a dangerous topic knowing that one of his best students was also a very adept "matchmaker." "How 'bout you answer my question first, eh? Besides, you weren't very helpful with giving me advice on my lovely Nanao-chan."
"I told you, Nanao-chan was the less perverted one," the violet-eyed woman sighed , exasperatedly as if talking to a child.
Ise Nanao and Yadomaru Risa were cousins, and worked in the same building, and both were fancied by this certain perverted professor. But of course, Rukia had the revelation that Nanao-chan was the better girl for this particular man. She keeps him on his toes, 'And makes this class less dull…'
"I'm kind of wondering whether you're purposely trying to mix them up so you could keep both of them."
"How rude—"
"And Nanao-chan works as you assistant professor-"
"But she wears glasses—"
"And so does Yadomaru-sensei-"
"Good point." Kyoraku rubbed at his temples. It was hard trying to prove a Kuchiki wrong, especially this one. She sure takes after her brother. "But you haven't answered my question: Is it boy problems?"
"Do you always interrogate people who come in search of peace?" there was a pout followed by the annoyed question.
"Now, now Rukia-chan, you're not answering my question again," he sing-songed as he shifted comfortably in his seat, the usual pink sakura patterned hakama draped over his shoulders.
"Fine," the raven head pouted and dug deeper on her seat, "My boyfriend hates me."
Now most of the time, nothing shocks the Japanese Lit. professor, and that includes getting his best friend and linguistics professor, Jyushiro Ukitake, drunk and running naked during their college years. And if he had sake, he surely spat them out painfully through his nose right now.
"W-who might the lucky boy be-?" he was barely able to keep his voice from cracking up.
"Fluffy-chan." She gave him a flat stare.
"Mou…Rukia-chan, are you pulling the confidential thing—"
"Course not. You didn't specifically ask for a name, so why should I be liable to give it to you?"
"Are you by chance taking law classes?"
"Psychology suits me better."
"Ah," an interested brow rose to the fringe of his bangs, "So you'd rather give a nickname of intimacy?"
"Is Yadomaru-sensei leaving playboys under your desk?" was the deadpanned question.
"Ahaha, now-Kuchiki," the curly-haired professor sweat dropped, "I assure you, I only hold holy drinks under my table—"
"Sake?"
"They're holy—"
"Senseiii…" the raven head drawled out, obviously wanting answers to her unspoken problems. While the man was as lazy as a sloth, his mind was as sharp as a swordfish (for lack of better animal personifications). And he was one of the professors she trusted besides Ukitake-sensei, that would not judge a person by their views.
"Well, you could always get into his good graces in bed—"
A hardbound copy of The Tale of Genji skyrocketed off from the first row to his desk and into his forehead, effectively slamming the man into an undignified heap into the floor.
"Rukia-chaaann…" the pained groan on the floor had trouble sitting back up.
"You're definitely cheating with Ise-sensei—"
"And you're definitely looking at a week's detention for that assault." After brushing off non-existing dust and adjusting his favorite hakama, he regarded his cutest (next to Nanao-chan) student of his class. He found himself wanting a daughter that should look just like her. Of course, it would be seeing that Nanao-chan was quite adorable herself, but that was for another topic—when he actually have the woman.
"Okay then, what is it this time? Another disaster Ichigo? Hurricane Renji? Or tiger-boy Grimmjow?" and yes he was all too aware of her schemes with other boys "finding eternal love," and she, ever the elusive Kuchiki, remains single.
She sighed, stretching her arms and legs as she yawned. "Is more of a…" her face crinkled, "A dragon with an icicle up his ass, and a rock for brains…" she mumbled under her breath, "or maybe a watermelon."
"Oho," Kyoraku-sensei, at that moment was struck with bolt-lightning epiphany. "Your type of man, eh?"
Which electrified and incinerated the girl enough for her jaw to travel down to the floor, which was a rare sight as seeing Nanao-chan in a black lacy bra (and no he was NOT peeping).
"What the hell!?"
"Am I right?"
"Hell no!"
"Language, princess—"
"How could you think that!? I mean, eww!!" she made gagging faces, but the blush did not dispel her disgust from the insinuation.
"May I hint on a few facts that in which I came into this revelation?" his eyes twinkled, it was very rare to see a Kuchiki get riled up, it's actually quite fun.
"For once then, please do your job as a respectful history professor," he dismissed the sarcasm in her tone and rather diverted it as a challenge issued. He always was the one who liked details and evidences.
"This boy you are spending time with—"
"My client," she raspberried, and glared at the suggestive look he gave her, "In matchmaking, "and quickly denying whatever hell-born statement he could come up with.
"He occupies your mind," he smirked knowingly.
"For fear of getting involved with a crime, and a load of embarrassing moments, yes." She narrowed her eyes further.
"You like being with him." Kyoraku tried reaching a pitchy voice that was surely annoying the young girl.
"Being the superior person, maybe," Rukia gritted out.
"You think he's cute."
"Oh yeah, and I think Omaeda-sensei is the hottest, ravishing man in the world—"
"You're going to fall in love with him—"
"When hell freezes over with an ice rink, and Barbie says the "f me" word on one of her records."
"You're denying it, Rukia-chan-"
"You're assumptions are the most-most—argh!" the raven head fixed him an angry glare, not really wanting a detention from something so childish and justified as calling her professor nothing short of debasing words. It was no use trying to win an argument with her history professor, it would only land her to heaps of trouble and "class participation" (much to her chagrin) and the inevitable admittance of defeat.
"I'm right!"
"Not!" her eyes bordered murderous, "We're just friends, and it will stay that way! And you're not even—ugh! Forget it! I'll figure it out on my own." Rukia picked up her books and prepared to storm out of the room. All her brooding fruitless and questions unanswered.
It was easier bugging off younger (virgin) men than the experienced professors that clearly had too much time on their hands.
If no one will give her answers then she'd just proceed with the kryptonite theory. Whitey-chan will just have to go through it, or so help her god—
"I still think a night with him will surely take all the anger—!"
"Shut up!!"
Her voice echoed through the empty halls and back to his class as Kyoraku-sensei smiled to himself and mulled over the possibilities of Kuchiki Rukia's blooming love life. Maybe a bet with Ukitake will save him expenses for a date. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully, grinning at the prospect—
"Drinking on the job, sensei?"
The cold undertones promising punishment was met by a drop in degrees of temperature, and the glinting of the glasses from her frames.
"I-oh! My lovely Nanao-ch—"
"Coupled by your perverted grin, I'd say you're harassing students-"
"Wh-what? Now why would you think that?" he batted his eyelashes innocently at her, hiding furtively behind his straw hat.
"A frightful and rather disturbed Kuchiki-san left your room in a dash." Her glasses had took on a maddeningly, bright gleam.
"I-uh…" he blinked owlishly, pissing off one of the best actresses of Seiretei was not a very good idea. She somehow always gets back right on biting their ass.
Having a child with the same face as the raven-haired girl and an attitude like the woman in front of him…suddenly wasn't to very appealing, as Nanao advanced on him like prey, a large book in hand.
"Now, now, Nanao-chan, let's settle this like adults—"
"Of course."
Satisfied at the painful shrieks from the class, Rukia felt more relieved and refreshed. And just like an adult, she was going to convince fluffy of her plan, whether he liked it or not.
And one more resolve came with it.
Kuchiki Rukia and Hitsugaya Toushiro were just friends, and it will stay that way. Just like with all her clients.
She was cupid, and he was the desperate boy. Her arrows were always accurate, and precise. Hinamori Momo was the target—that was it, nothing more and nothing less.
But sometimes, arrows slipped in the most unexpected times and hitting the most unforeseen individuals, even if they were just playing cupid, and even if the boy was supposedly in love with another.
Besides, Kuchiki Rukia can direct someone, but she can never rule out her very own fate.
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Sorry for the lack of hitsu/ruki fluff, but this was just a filler chapter haha, next would be another hitsu/ruki moments. I put this up so that you guys would have more of feel on the dramatic irony of the story that is unraveling, and the inevitable downfall of the mighty. XD love all the revs! Merci beaucoup for all of'em! :) :)