Strawberry Pandemonium Part 2

A MAN in the school. ZOMG

Lucy checked her watch. Kouta should be here any minute now, puffing along in his old Mercedes. She sighed and shook her head, ' Why does Kouta always have a penchant for penny pinching...' She would pay him back later for the gas that he wasted driving her. She had heard the salary at the Strawberry Dorms were not too shabby.

'Not to mention the legendary lesbian count here...the girls here are certainly quite feral...'

She then remembered how she took advantage of the crowd to grope a few girls and mentally chided herself for being hypocritical.

'Oshibaru wants to talk to you.'

Lucy gave a little yelp and almost tore Kagome apart with her vectors. Call it a nasty habit she retained from her years as a reclusive killer.

Lucy put on a fake smile and tried her best to hide her annoyance at the little girl's sudden appearance.

'Well...Hi! What's your name?'

'We have no name now. We are as one and one entity.'

Lucy lowered her eyes down to the creepy looking teddy bear the little girl clutched in her arms.

'Strange...I could almost swear there's blood stains on the fur...'

'We are Oshibaru. Call us Master Oshibaru if you please.'

It suddenly struck Lucy that the girl was quite off her rocker. She would have to refer her to a psychologist sometime...

'Erm. Okay! Master Oshibaru, what would you like to say to me?'

'We would like to inquire what those cat ears are doing on your head.'

Lucy suddenly stiffened, 'Excuse me?'

'We know you have magical powers, and that you plan on destroying the CULT OV OSHIBARU. We shall not allow you to commit such travesties.' The little girl's eyes took on a psychotic gleam as she said this. The bear seemed to be boring into Lucy's eyes as well.

Indignant at her horns being mistaken for cat ears again, Lucy said firmly, 'First of all, if you read my records, these are horns. And I'm a Diclonius. A mutant human. I have no magical powers, and I think you're too old to be talking to teddy bears.'

Lucy immediately regretted this as Kagome slipped out a Desert Eagle from her dress.

'W-w-what the- Little girls shouldn't be carrying dangerous things like th-

Kagome fired a shot directly at Lucy's head ,fortunately blocked by her quick vectors.

Kagome pouted petulantly, 'See? We told you you had magical powers. Next time you say such filth about us, we shall sacrifice you at the ALTAR OF OSHIBARU BEYOND THE GATES OV STARS.'

Before Lucy had time to say anything, Kagome sprinted off like a ninja again, tripping over herself when she smashed right into a strolling Kaname's stomach.

Glowering at the strange girl, Kaname walked hand in hand with Momomi over to Lucy, who was still quite dumbfounded over the incident that just occured.

'Does...that little girl...have mental problems...?' Lucy asked the smirking couple.

'Yes, but you needn't worry yourself about her. It's us you have to worry about.' Kaname leaned closer to Lucy, enough that Lucy could smell Kaname's mint tinged breath.

Momomi put her arms across her chest as Kaname wrapped her arms around Lucy.

'Don't use the vectors. Don't use the vectors. Don't use the vectors...' Lucy repeated the mantra to herself as she feebly tried to ward off Kaname, 'I'm a teacher! This is inappropriate! I'll call the school council...'

'Calling the school council won't do you any good, Lucy dear. They have the same...tastes as us.'

Lucy gave out a little squeak of disgust and surprise when she felt Kaname grab her breasts.

'My, my. You're quite the melon. Are these real?'

'St-st-stop that...I'm warning you...'

'Don't worry. We'll just check you out in the bushes over there...no biggie.'

'Oh shit.' Lucy felt her vectors twitching and hovering over Kaname's neck. Lucy spotted a large pot of flowers near the gates. An idea crossed her mind.

To her horror, the dark haired bully was guiding her fingers down into Lucy's skirt. The time was now. Summoning all control of her vectors, Lucy lightly grabbed Kaname by the waist with her vectors, ( Any harder and her intestines would have spilled on the floor.) And threw heaved her headfirst towards the flowerpot.

Kaname gave a very uncharacteristic girl squeal as she flew through the air, the symphony of noise accompanied beautifully by Momomi's even higher pitched shrieking.

With a muffled thunk, She landed headfirst into the soft petunias and grade A soil, looking quite ridiculous as her legs flailed in the air while she swallowed copious amounts of Home Depot mixed soil.

Before Momomi had a chance to exact her revenge, a battered old Mercedes chugged to the front of the school. 'Finally! Kouta's here!' Lucy skipped forward and greeted a very disgruntled Kouta struggling to climb out of his car.

'Hey Lucy! I got your stuff.' With a very manly and possibly intentional grunt, he heaved out a brown travel back stuffed full with Lucy's worldly items.

'Thanks Kouta! I'll pay you back when I get off on summer break!'

'No need. You are a resident of Kaede Inn anyways, and besides...aren't we kind of...' Good old Kouta's face turned a slight shade of red as he struggled to finish the sentence.

'A couple?' Lucy chimed in.

'Yeah...well...not counting the times...you know...'

'I got involved with Nana? Don't worry. It's not anything serious. I need somebody to keep me occupied while I'm here, you know?'

Kouta looked a little uncomfortable with this as he said, 'Well, whatever keeps you happy. Just don't tease the poor girl too much, eh?'

'YOU'RE A MAN!!!!' Lucy almost jumped out of her skin when Momomi spouted out the phrase.

'Yeah...so what?' Lucy looked at Momomi like she was retarded.

'There hasn't been a man here...since...since Sister Hanazono was a third grader. You.'

She pointed a finger at Kouta, ' Are you straight with our dear Lucy here? You know we don't take kindly to converters.'

Kouta babbled something in the turmoil but couldn't find his tongue.

'We don't like straights trying to seduce us here. It doesn't work that way. You will be seeing the student council with me.'

'Wait a second! He was just delivering my stuff to me! He didn't-

A dirt caked Kaname with earthworms up her nose and a slightly crooked neck joined in.

' Thif callth for dethperath meathurths.' She sputtered as her spat out a root that was caught in her gums.

'That's right. The student council will see to this.'

The Evil Lesbian Duo ( Trademark) dragged a kicking and protesting Kouta to his doom as Lucy stood on the spot , quite dumbfounded at the strangeness of the residents of the dorms. 'Geez. Talk about paranoid...I'll have to sort this out myself...' Lucy sighed as she picked up her incredibly heavy bag of her macabre belongings and media. 'In the meantime, I'll have to get to class soon. I'll save Kouta later. It's not like they'll kill him or anything...' Turning back

wistfully and casting one last worried glance at the two specks dragging a third kicking and screaming speck, Lucy hopped into the Mercedes and drove it to a appropriate parking spot.

Poor Kouta was stuck in the student council room, shifting uncomfortably and darting his eyes from side to side. The evil pair had apparently made up a story about him being an 'anti-homosexual' intent on converting girls in the school over to heterosexuality.

Shizuma sauntered in, flanked by the student council presidents.

'Well, well...it's been some time since a...male has been in this school.' Shizuma said the word male with a certain distaste.

She sat down at the table and clasped her hands together.

'Kaname and Momomi have been telling me some very disturbing things about you. They say that you are here to...' Shizuma looked at the report and grimaced.

'Score with chicks.' she said.

Kouta could only manage a gurgle in his throat. Dealing with pretty woman was never his strong suit. Especially if there were over five in the room looking like they wanted to strangle him.

Unclogging his throat of some phlegm, Kouta mumbled, 'It's a lie...I...I was here to bring LUCY HER STUFF!!!!'

Kouta didn't mean for the last bit to come out so loudly. No wonder Yuka called him a spastic loser.

Shizuma sighed and looked over at Kaname and Momomi, who were waiting in great anticipation for Kouta's torture.

'Don't tell me you two are making up your lies again. You know how sensitive this school is to the opposite sex. I won't have you trying to make sport of everybody that comes into our front gates. Including men.'

Kaname, who had a neck brace strapped to her crooked head, smirked and produced a pink panty from her pocket.

Chikaru could almost hear a very audible croak from Kouta as he turned grey.

'Th-th-thats-

'That's right. We found this in the backseat of your car. And several...shall we say...HENTAI magazines along with it?'

Kouta's stomach gave a lurch as he remembered that a friend at school lent him the skin magazines, and the fact the some of Lucy's change of clothes spilt out of the bursting bag.

'Those aren't mine.' Kouta said in a rather squeaky voice.

Shion cut in before Kouta could give another one of his quite audible croaking sounds.

'I think the best course of action now would be to place him in a temporary room and lock him there until we figure out just what kind of pervert he is.'

'You-you can't DO THAT!' Kouta spouted out, 'I have rights, you know!'

Shizuma sighed and twirled the master key in her fingers for a bit, 'We can't have a pervert running around the school like this. If we let you go, who knows what you do on the road to young and vulnerable hitchhikers? We'll investigate a little bit more and then we'll see if your sorry butt can be released.'

The lights suddenly flickered off, plunging the whole room into darkness. A spotlight flashed on, pointed directly above Kouta.

'Now, should we use the nipple clamps or the spanker...' Shion picked up a pair of mean looking pair of modified wired tongs. 'This should do for a start. Girls, hook up the lie detector.'

A very loud NOOOoooooo...was heard all the way from the greenhouses as the girls started their interrogation of poor Kouta

After the biology class Lucy taught with a bit of tentativeness, Tamao invited Lucy over to her room at midnight for one of their 'tea parties'. Lucy raised an eyebrow.

'Aren't you girls a little bit old for tea parties?'

Tsubomi looked a little offended, ' For your information, our tea parties are very mature and very...ladylike. Don't judge us before you- OW!!'

Yaya had her ears plugged with ear buds. She had her fingers in a 'horns up' sign and was pumping them around wildly with fervor when she accidently poked Tsubomi in the eye. The faint sounds of a death metal band was resonating through her sound proof ear buds, making Lucy wonder just how much noise the girl's ears could tolerate.

'Sorry.' Yaya said sheepishly as Tsubomi stared at her balefully through a blood shot eye.

As luck would have it, Nana popped into the conversation, piping up, 'Whose tea party? Am I invited?'

Tamao brightened up, 'Of course! The more the merrier! Just don't make too much noise. Sister Hamasaka is always hounding our floor since we have quite a bad record with her.'

The five students were situated at the bottom of the stairway, constantly getting bumped and shoved around by the clamoring girls that were streaming down the stairs.

'Maybe this isn't such a good place to talk. Oh!' Tamao suddenly turned around and said in a hushed and excited voice, 'Did you hear there's a man in the school? I heard he's quite a pervert.'

'Really? I wouldn't really want to get groped by this creepy male...' Tsubomi shuddered as she envisioned a drooling old man groping her butt.

Lucy suddenly remembered Kouta.

How could she forget him? In the midst of her nervousness in teaching the class and chatting with her friends, she had completely forgotten about her hapless boyfriend, who was currently being subjected to clothes clamps being systematically snapped onto his nuts by a maniacal Momomi.

'Um...guys? I think I have to go sort something out. I can't go to your tea party tonight.'

Nana had a broad smile on her face as she said, ' I can go! I can go!'

Tamao smiled gently at Nana, ' Of course you can go. Lucy, what's the problem?'

Lucy struggled to think of a lie.

'Erm. Well...I have... a friend who's in trouble. In any case, I'll go to your tea party tomorrow, okay? Thanks for understanding!'

Lucy zoomed off to save Kouta from an immanent stress caused castration as Tamao narrowed her eyes at Lucy. She turned to Nana, 'Is...Lucy...you know...loyal to you?'

Nana's plastered smile didn't even fall down a notch as she said brightly, 'Kouta and I share her!'

Chikane held the dog eared demon by the scruff of his neck, wondering where the mongrel came from. She had found him lying unconscious in a pentagram etched in the club room, and had tried to revive him , but to no avail.

Himiko backed away from the unconscious demon as Chikane slapped him lightly.

'Chikane chan...what is that thing? He smells like...'

Chikane wrinkled her nose and said, 'I know he smells like dog shit. I think he crapped his pants when he got transported here.'

Chikane slapped the demon's head again, only to have him flop droopily to the side and drool.

In disgust, Chikane shook her hands and went back to Himiko, 'I don't know why these school benches are so uncomfortable to sit on.' She said nonchalantly as she stroked Himiko's hair. I'll call the infirmary, but we haven't...you know, in several weeks already. I think tonight's the night. First, I'll tickle you with that duster in our room...'

Himiko giggled, 'Stop it, Chikane chan. The dog thing might hear us...'

'Then I'll SIT on your face...'

A loud thump and a tinkling sound resounded throughout the empty club room, causing Himiko and Chikane to perform a perfectly synchronized shriek.

The dog thing sat up and rubbed his head, 'Kagome...how many times do I have to tell you-

He opened his yellowed eyes wide and stared at the two girls in the midst of groping each other.

Chikane started the screaming first, then Himiko followed suit, then the dog thing followed their example and started to scream in a rather falsetto voice.

'Bar none, that was by far the worst interrogation we've ever had. He peed his pants and fainted halfway through the clamps-

Chikaru and Shion stopped dead in their tracks when they saw the spectacle in the club room.

'Chikane and Himiko? What are you-

Shion groaned and slapped her forehead when she saw the dog eared young man with shaggy white hair shrieking his lungs out as a puddle of piss surrounded him.

'Does this school need two perverts now? Sheesh...'

Chikaru saw that the thing had crapped his pants and giggled, to which the dog thing stopped screaming and said in a hoarse voice, ' What are you laughing at?

Chikaru's giggling turned into a full blown hysterical laughter that was soon joined in by Shion as she discovered the brown stains on his pants.

'What the-

The dog eared thing sniffed and smeared his fingers on his red, spacious pantaloons, holding his fingers in close for inspection. His eyes widened in horror as he saw what the girls were laughing at.

'SHUT UP!!!!' He screamed 'DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!?'

Chikane, who was still a little bit shaken from the experience, muttered, ' A guy with a costume fetish?'

'NOOOOOO!!!!! I AM INU YASHA!! THE HOLDER OF THE TETSAIGA!!! FOR YOUR INSOLENCE, I WILL NOW PUNISH YOU!!!! WIND SCAR!!!!'

Inu Yasha thrust an empty hand forward, still convinced that the mighty sword was still in his grasp. 'What? Nooooo...' Inu Yasha darted around the room and cartoonishly searched up and down the desks for his precious sword, ' WHERE DID YOU PUT IT, YOU WENCHES!?'

Shion raised an eyebrow incredulously, 'You had a sword? What are you, an otaku loser?'

'I'M NOT JOKING!!!!I'M A FUCKING DEMON!!!! I CAN RIP YOU TO SHREDS IN A MATTER OF-

Chikane delivered a swift kick to Inu Yasha's private regions, causing his face to balloon and turn blue. The crazed demon's eyes spun around like marbles, his mouth uttered a little, 'I'll kill you...' in a Minnie Mouse voice, and collapsed on the floor foaming from the mouth.

'Good job, Chikane. Sheesh. I don't know what's with the rash of males lately.'

Himiko was still shaking from the ordeal, 'Chikane chan...I'm scared...'

Chikane sighed affectionately as she put her arms around Himiko, 'Don't worry. I won't let this bastard hurt you. Nobody touches you while I'm around.'

Shion grinned, 'That's the kind of spirit I like to hear! Chikane, help me drag this...Inu- something to a vacant dorm. We have a lot of questions to ask him.'

Chikane rolled her eyes, 'Shouldn't we call the police or something?'

Shion waved her hands in a dismissive gesture, 'Astrea Hill is so isolated that even cops get lost in the forest. Last time when Momomi almost died from alcohol over dosagethe cops took over five hours to navigate the hill. This is why we should always be independent women.'

Chikane put her hands up in a 'you win' gesture and proceeded to drag Inu Yasha's smelly body from the premises.

'Chikane chan?'

'Hmmm?'

'I think this school is kind of weird.'