A/N: I apologize for the wait. I've been busy packing to head back to school, and it took me a little while longer to immerse myself back in this universe than I expected. A little shorter than my other chapters, but I wanted to post something before I get swept into the craziness of moving later today. Thanks again for all your feedback!
"Two near death experiences, only days apart! Are you trying to give your mother a heart attack?" Angela's words jabbed sharply through the dull chatter that surrounded Jane's room.
"Ma…" Maura heard the familiar whine escape Jane's lips, as she stood across the hall, a few feet away from the door. She could imagine Jane's face all too well - her classic eye roll, her forehead knitted in frustration. Maura let her eyes close for a moment, forcing herself to inhale a breath.
"Mom?"
Her eyes shot open, assaulted by Jenna's concerned face, as she held two cups of steaming coffee in her grasp. Maura coaxed her lips into a small smile.
"You doing okay?" Jenna nudged one of the Styrofoam cups in her grasp in Maura's direction.
Maura accepted the beverage, letting the warmth penetrate through her palms. She took a slow sip, the bitter fluid settling in her stomach. She spoke when her words were true. "I'm fine."
"You gonna go in there?" Jenna's words were neither encouraging nor discouraging – they were merely lined with curiosity, and perhaps a small hint of hope, though Maura didn't dwell too deeply on the assumption.
Maura took another sip, her stomach now in knots. "I don't know." She allowed herself a small peak past the door, the rest of the family swarmed around Jane's bed. Jane didn't need her. Not anymore.
"You should go in and visit with her, though," Maura prompted her daughter, though her voice was hollow. She filled her throat with another large sip, the sudden tightness making it difficult for her to swallow.
She felt Jenna's hand rest lightly against her arm. "I think we have a few more days before she tries to die on us again, so I'm okay staying out here with you."
Maura's throat clenched so tightly now that she couldn't speak. She took in a few breaths, nodding appreciatively. It wasn't often she saw Jenna so soft, so caring, and for all the times she worried that she had never been there quite enough, it was moments like these that reminded her that she and Jane had somehow managed to raise two phenomenal children.
"How about we go sit in the waiting room for a bit?" Jenna offered, nodding toward the end of the hall.
Maura followed, nearly collapsing against the chair as she let the tenseness seep away from her body. With a trembling hand, she brought her coffee back to her lips. Maura did not question her decision to come here today, though the impulsiveness of it had left her unprepared.
It had been nearly five years now.
It was hardly even a fraction of her life, but these years had dragged by in a way she could only remember them doing so in her childhood. They had talked a few times, mostly to arrange with whom Cody would be staying over breaks, but even those conversations had faded away until contact between the two became a foreign concept. She felt a pang in her gut when she could not even recall the last time that they had conversed.
She looked over at Jenna, who looked just as lost in thought as she sipped her own drink. Maura reached over, resting her hand lightly against Jenna's leg. She startled lightly, before finding Maura's eyes, her gaze reassuring. She nudged her hand into Maura's, giving it a small squeeze.
"Everything's going to be okay, Mom," she spoke softly.
Maura nodded, leaving her hand nestled in Jenna's for a moment, letting herself believe her words.
XXX
Maura was back at her post by the door, a third cup of coffee in her grasp, which she had only poured herself to give her hands a task to carry out. She took another sip, clinging tightly to the cup, though it was now almost empty.
Everyone had left with the exception of Angela and her two children, and only Angela now remained in the room. She heard pieces of their conversation, theirs voices low and sporadic.
"Can I help you, ma'am?"
Maura lifted her head to see a young nurse standing in front of her. Change of shift, she surmised, as the other nurses had taken to giving her polite smiles at an appropriate distance while she kept herself planted at her post.
"No, I'm fine, thank you," Maura spoke softly, fixing her gaze back on her coffee. In her peripheral line of view, she saw the nurse nod, leaving her be. With a sigh, Maura drained her cup, feeling anxious and useless.
"Hey, Mom." She watched Jenna appear from around the corner, Cody following a few feet behind. "Cody's about ready to raid the vending machine, so I'm gonna take him to get something to substantial to eat." Maura nodded her consent, waiting for an invitation she was prepared to decline. "I'm gonna go see if I can convince Nonna to come with us, too," Jenna added.
Maura's stomach flopped in surprise, not quite prepared for events to pan out this way, though she silently thanked her daughter for giving her the necessary boost of courage. Angela's voice grew louder for a moment as she protested Jenna's invitation, but she appeared in the doorway a moment later, offering Maura a small, encouraging smile before she disappeared with her grandchildren.
Maura felt nauseous, the empty doorway suddenly threatening. Her feet remained cemented to the floor for a good minute before she inhaled deeply, forcing herself into a confident gait, though she staggered slightly as she crossed over the threshold.
Her eyes fell on Jane, her face sallow in the dimmed lighting. She looked spent, a bit faded, though she saw her eyes spark in a familiar manner as the two made eye contact. Maura fiddled with the empty Styrofoam cup in her hand, picking pieces off the brim.
"Trash can's over by the other side of the bed," Jane finally spoke, her voice rough and guarded.
Maura nodded, her pace slow as she crossed the room, letting the cup slip from her grasp. She flexed her fingers, suddenly wishing she still had something to hold. She stepped toward Jane's bed, taking in a small breath. "I'd really prefer if this doesn't turn into a screaming match of some sorts." Maura figured it was best to do damage control before she she was faced with a potential mess.
"Well, you're in luck, because I'm really not feeling up for any screaming today. Maybe if you come back tomorrow I'll feel differently." Her tone was light, though still slightly bitter.
Maura licked her lips nervously. "Are you feeling all right?"
Jane shrugged. "I'm tired, but other than that, I'm okay I guess. I think the worst has passed."
Maura nodded, letting these words alleviate her some of her concern. "I'm glad you're okay." Her voice sounded small. She wished she could think of something else to say.
"Me too," Jane muttered. "Guess that's one thing we still have in common." Her tone was more melancholy than biting, startling Maura. "Is that why you're here, Maura?" She added quickly. "To see if I'd be okay?"
Maura nodded, though the words that suddenly spilled from her lips did not match her response. "I'm here because I miss you."
They both breathed in the heavy silence for a moment.
"Still can't tell a lie, I see." Jane's lips curved into a half smile.
Maura looked down at her hands, her cheeks now pink. Though she felt vulnerable, a sense of relief washed over her as years of tension began to melt away. Do you miss me, too? she wanted to ask, though she could not form the words, let alone prepare herself for an undesired response.
"If I pass out, don't take it personally," Jane muttered, shifting slightly. Her head flopped against her pillow. "It's been a hell of a day, and my Ma has the best intentions, but she doesn't give you much of a break."
Maura nodded, though still unsure what to say. She positioned herself delicately in the chair beside the bed, the silence now more comfortable now, watching Jane's eyes flutter, fighting slumber.
"I'm not going anywhere," Maura promised softly, a warm feeling suddenly pooling in her stomach.
Jane nodded, a breath escaping her lips. Her voice was so soft that Maura almost missed her words. "I'm glad you're here."