A/n:OKAY SO HERE IS CHAPTER 1, THIS WON'T BE A VERY LONG FIC.
...SHATTERED...
SAM
Losing what was found, a world so hollow
Suspended in a compromise
Shattered-Trading Yesterday
"Leah" Embry breathes, pulling apart from our kiss. I can see the pain he is in and how hard he's trying to keep it together, for me, because I asked him to. He's trying almost as hard as I am. But every time he pulls apart, my inner struggle becomes louder, and it gets more difficult to ignore the pull.
And suddenly I am mad at him for disrupting our time together. Because it's easier when he cooperates fully. When he is believing in us, as I pretend to. And I pretend because I can't be certain. I can't know for sure if it will work. I am trying, I am. With all my heart, with what I have left anyways.
And maybe I am selfish, and I'm fighting a lost cause, maybe they're all right. And there's no way to fight the imprint, and sooner or later I will surrender completely to it. However I have promised myself that the moment I can't pull the strength to hate the half breed, the moment I can't find the force to keep holding onto Embry. That will be the moment I perish.
Yes. Die. Because I refuse to live in a world where I have no say…
I bite my tongue, to keep myself from snapping at him. And I take two deep breaths, before loweing myself onto him once again.I ignore what he says and I kiss his neck softly, sucking on a soft spot in his neck, I feel his nails sink into the flesh of my waist, his grip on me tightening.
There was a time when we would take it slow, when we could enjoy each fleeting second we were together, when I could pause and look at him, and fall in love all over again.
There was a time when I had not imprinted.
Now I have to repeat in my head that I love him, like a mantra to get through this. To avoid another face popping into my mind. To believe I still love Embry like I did before. My body doesn't even react the same way to his touch, he knows. And it doesn't matter how much of my mind I put into it, it's still not enough.
I vehemently refused to call quits the engagement. Quite the contrary, we're getting married in two months. That's my deadline. I promised him and myself that I would break the imprint by then. I still don't know how I'm going to do it, but there has to be a way. If not, well I guess Embry will be widower before we get married.
Too caught up on my thoughts I don't even notice Embry has stopped touching and kissing me. He's already pulling his boxer briefs on.
"What are you doing??"I asked him sitting up straight not bothering to cover myself with the sheets.
"It's not working"he sighs turning literally his back on me
"Well how the fuck is it going to work if you keep pushing me away everytime we are together"I yelled in exasperation. It always comes to this now, we end up fighting it's tiresome. It's getting to him too, it's wearing him down.
"Have you looked in the mirror lately??" Okay so maybe I was wrong and he actually finds me repulsive now.
"Excuse me!"I can't help screaming now, it's too late and I'm really pissed off now.
"Leah, don't even start. You know what I'm talking about, the bags under your eyes, your hair is all wispy, not to mention the sudden loss of weight, you're pale, you're temperatre is lowering."Embry said his voice closing with each word he whispered "Jacob told me they had to readjust the dress again."
"Jacob doesn't now shit, he's not my fucking bridesmaid!Why would you even listen to what he says"
"Seth told him"Embry replied in an even voice "He is worried and so is your mom. Sue is planning on making the council force Jacob to lift the alpha command"That screams Sue Clearwater, of course she would go behind my back running to her precious Sam and ruin part of my plan without even telling me. I had to beg for almost a week to convince my alpha scumbag to place it in the first place.
I need all the restraint to avoid him.I was not taking second chances. I needed all the support and help I could get. But apparently my pack and my family were bailing on me, Even Embry was bailing on me, refusing to have sex with me. I was not even desirable anymore. No wonder why I imprinted on a bloodsucking half parasite.
"He's venomous, he'll fucking kill me!!If I go anywhere near him"That was the winner argument that had convinced and unwilling Jacob to place the command. Unlike her precious baby spawn, the shitty halfbreed was dangerous. He drinks human blood for god's sake.. Of course the leeches had been brainwashing Jacob into giving Nahuel a little bit of credit. Apparently the imprint did go both ways.
And the bastard wanted to talk with me. Tough luck, I was not going anywhere near him. Over my dead body.
"Leah stop it"Embry said finally venting out his frustration "You know how final it is. You know the odds are against us. You don't need to waste your self trying to fight it."
"You don't want me?"I asked in a small voice, feeling the need to cover myself up with a bedhseet.
"I love you, I want to marry you..."
"Then that's enough"I whispered wrapping my arms around his waist and placing my head against his chest.
"You know it's not"Embry whispered back "Don't lie, I can hear you cry his name when you fall asleep. I know you don't meant to, but nonethe less you can't help yourself." I didn't try to deny it, Seth and my mom had heard me too. I could control myself when I was conscious.
"I'm trying, I really am, but sometimes I feel you're giving up on us, like today. Why'd you stop again?"I looked to his eyes to try to force a response out of him. And see why he keeps pushing me away. It just makes it harder for me.
"I don't know is just I'm scared" Embry finally said. He pulled me to the bed and we sat together, I curled myself on his lap as he stroked my hair gently "I love you, and a part of me is willing to let you go, because I'm sure you would be happy with him. Probably happier thatn you could've ever be with me. But I'm also selfish and that part of me has I let you fight this imprint for me, I just don't see how is it going to work. The elders haven't come up with anything"
"Then I will, I know there has to be a way"I said. Going over all the theories I had discussed with Billy and Old Quil. Both of them were proud of me, they knew I was doing the right thing trying to fight the imprint of a half leech. My mom was worried and over protective like always, I was going to give her my piece of mind as soon as I saw her. She and Seth had to stop. I didn't need another couple of Sams on my ass.
From all the members of the pack, Sam was the one who had censored me the worst. And had practically declared it impossible, of course he was offended like the rest of the wolves that I had imprinted on a bloodsucker, but still he thought it impossible for me to fight it. I knew it was because of all the imprinted wolves the one who constantly justified himself for hurtying people in the name of imprinting was him. First me, then Emily, then me again. Imprinting was his excuse for being and licking ball ass face, and I was going to prove him what a coward he was.
Sam who couldn't part from his precious scarred Emily.
Or could he?? A freaking light bulb went off in my head. And I remembered.
Sam was able to tear himself from Emily for one night. And that was something.
Suddenly I had some place to start.I was going to prove them all wrong.
"What are you doing here?"The bastard asks. I let myself in. And I could tell him of the week's planning I had to do, to schedule some alone time with my former alpha. But that would only make me waste precious time of the task hand. I choose to laugh loudly instead after the door is closed and locked behind me.
"Emily is not here"The stament only make me laugh harder if posssible."When have I ever paid your wife a visit?" Sam tenses up a bit more, and I see the veins on his muscled arms become more prominent. His jaw is clenched, and I can heart his usual steady heart beating faster than usual. So far so good. It delights me to know the effect I still hold over my former lover.
The flicker of light goes dark in the kitchen as I turn the switch off. It practically make no difference to my eyesight or Sam's, I can still see very little detail, from the hairs of his eyebrows to the contours of his mouth. But the absence of light should point him in the righ direction. I loose the pony tail, my skin literally glowing under the silver moonlight filtering through the window of the living room. Sam takes a step back, and I only smirk.I begin to unbutton the the dress I'm wearing. I can feel his eyes roam from my hair to my lace covered breasts, lingering there for a long moment before traveling down the black lace corset to the dainty, emerald silk bow resting just above my navel.
He swallows hard. And I let my eyes soften. I try to conjure painful memories of our time together, and how much I loved him back then. I try to reconnect with the feeling like I've been practicing. Finally Sam forces his eyes up to my face with an uncertain look. From his eyes I wouldn't be able to tell if he wanted me, but the tightening on his sweatpants let me know. He reaches his hand out, taking mine and leading me into the stairs, past their bedroom and into the guestroom. Until we are in bed. I come to rest atop his knees, searching his eyes as my hands traced patterns up his arms, across his shoulders and torturously down his bare chest to his boxers. Slower than he likes, I slide a few fingers under the waistband and glance down as I frees his pulsating member from confinement.
He leans forward, capturing my lips with his own, his hands taking hold of my waist. I lean into him, my soft breasts melding into his body. One of his hands reaches around to my back and he pulls her forward until I am straddling his thighs, his erection standing proudly against my stomach.
"Sam" His name comes soft and full of desire on my lips. He slides his left hand up to just under my breast, enjoying the feel of the delicate lacy fabric under his fingertips. His right hand moves to my waist before flipping us over in one smooth move. I look up at him, surprised, dark strands falling on my face, clouding my vision slightly. And I'm gone, I'm not thinking anymore.
Sitting up long enough to dispose of the boxers, he keeps his attention on the vision in black below him. Boxers discarded, he slides low and kisses along the bottom edge of the corset, pausing long enough at the silken bow to pull one tail open with his teeth before continuing to the other side and back, repeating the process. The bow undone, sam brings a hand up and begins to unravel the ribbon from the bodice.
Once the ribbon is removed, both hands move once again to the bottom of the fabric. After a quick glance upwards, he reveals the smooth skin beneath inch by torturous inch, kissing the skin as it's revealed. When he reaches my l breasts, he buries his face between them. I let out a moan and stroke the back of his head, fingers tangling in the shoulder length hair.
Licking his way across, Sam moves to the exquisiteness of the lleft one. After reaching my nipple, he switches to gentle kisses and traces the areola. Moans emerge from me, my fingers tightening up in Sam's hair, urging him to continue. The moans grow louder as he takes the bud into his mouth, rolling it gently between his teeth.
His left hand cupsmy right breast, squeezing it gently as his tongue continues its dance with the nipple. Slowly, he changed his gentle massage into something rougher, pinching occasionally, his hand moving towards the excited nipple.
"Sam," I pant breaking completely, the image on any other man completely gone from my head "want you, now."
He glanced to my face and a soft stroke to my folds tells him I am ready. He moves to kneel in position above me, his erection standing proudly.
With a gentle shove, he enters me. A moan escapes mylips as he slowly pulls out completely before thrusting himself back into her my warmth. "Leah" he whispers.
I lean upwards the few inches between our faces and capture his lips with mine. He grants me access when my tongue rolls across his lips. As or tongues battled for dominance over each other's mouth, my legs wrap around his waist, pulling him in deeper with each thrust.
It seems all too soon when he can't hold back any longer, and he empties his seed and collapses, breathless but content, onto me. My, breasts make the perfect pillow for him. I unwind my legs from him and he rolls off of me and pulls me close as he drifts into a contented sleep. I'm not exhausted at all, I am disgusted with myself.
I keep replaying it, trying to justify myself with what I thought for a week was a validate reason. But now that I have proven my point none of it makes sense. The feeling of accomplishment I as hoping to accomplish is absent. There's no fake sense of accomplishment, all I feel is nauseauted.
I end up crying my face over the toilet after spilling the contents of my stomach on it.
When I open the door of the bathroom, after washing my face Sam is sitting on the edge of the bed.
"We have to talk"
a/n: okay so im done with chapter one this is going to be short. AND VERY SIMILAR TO HARD TO don't worry she's not going to sleep with every single guy, and her actions behind this cheating buissness will be exlplained next chapter.