Chapter 9 ready to go! I never thought I would write this many chapters, but here it is. Passed the fifty pages (close to sixty by now) and more than 2000 views. Wow, thank you to everyone who read, faved, followed or reviewed, you have no idea about how much it means to me.

Enjoy!

It was a lot harder than he thought it would be. Knowing that Naruto was safe and well provided for should have helped, but it did little to lessen the guilt. He had earned the boy's trust and then thrown it away like it meant nothing.

The few things he had given Naruto over time could all fit in two plastic bags. He couldn't do much about the furniture, but had persuaded Iruka to let Naruto have his beanbag. Cleaning out the guestroom had been a painful ordeal and when Naruto things had been removed, it looked just as uninhabited as before.

He delivered all the things to the foster home the day after. Returning to the place secretively made him feel like the worst kind of scum. As he spoke with Iruka in the man's office, it took all his willpower not to run out and find the boy, so he could apologize. The only thought that kept him in check was that Naruto now had a future full of possibilities ahead of him. How would his future turn out if he had let him stay?

Living like a fugitive for two years, just so he could become a reject of society, with no education or a penny to his name. Sasuke could have provided for him in secret, but what kind of life was that? Even he associated with other people than just Naruto, and he could not imagine that Naruto would be truly happy being stuck in that apartment with only Sasuke as company. It was a sweet dream, but it was nothing more than that. A dream.

He knew what it was like being alone without parents or any friends and wanted Naruto to have at least one of those. It came at the price of their friendship and everything it could have turned into.

Sasuke spent the first weekend after their separation cleaning the entire apartment. Every trace of Naruto ever living with him was erased. He washed the sheets in both bedrooms and aired out for hours despite the cold weather. Not even the distinct smell every person has was left.

He worked overtime every single day and brought the work with him home the following weekend to keep his mind occupied. He did the same the weekend after, but found it was not enough. The silence in the apartment made him go mad and he couldn't for the life of him remember what he had used to spend his time with.

Lunchtime was spent in the cafeteria. Breakfast and dinner was spent alone, but rarely at home anymore. He ate out as often as possible and even tried being social with his colleagues at work.

Neji asked him about the sudden change in his work schedule one dark November afternoon, and Sasuke told the long haired man that he had gotten rid of his puppy and therefore had time on his hands again. This time he was sure the other man was not convinced by his lie at all. The skeptical and pitying stare he had gotten for his lousy excuse said more than any words could have.

December was just around the corner and a load of social gatherings and Christmas parties came with it. Sasuke was not a fan of such things and would only have attended them to secure business deals and his social network with clients, in the past. Now he attended every single one of them to avoid going home.

At the farewell party, before Christmas holidays began, he got particularly drunk and a very disgruntled Neji had to carry him home, before he embarrassed the entire company. In his drunken state the pitiful Uchiha babbled something about how life was not fair and why all good things had to come to an end. Then he threw up and as if literally vomiting was not enough, word vomit started spewing from him as well.

"I screwed up Neji."

"I could not agree with you more at the moment." The taller man muttered annoyed.

"I've never cared about anyone like that before, and I totally blew it."

The brunet's pale eyes widened considerably. Was the stoic emotionless Uchiha Sasuke spilling out his love troubles while being intoxicated? The man who always wore a professional front and never seemed to care about anyone else? It would seem so.

"Uchiha."

Barely any reaction except from some pathetic mumbling about love, life and whatnot.

"Sasuke. Pull yourself together."

They had never been on first name basis, but the situation called for it.

"Sorry."

Neji was not like Sasuke. He knew how to comfort another person, and could potentially do it, but simply refused to. The brunet sighed heavily and stood to leave.

"I don't know who managed to get under your skin, but I suggest that you either do something about it or forget her."

"I already did the right thing." In his drunken state Sasuke didn't bother correcting the gender swap of his special someone. Not like he needed his colleagues to know he batted for the same team anyway.

"Then forget."

"I can't."

Neji cursed under his breath, but stayed another half hour in the end. As soon as he knew Sasuke was safely asleep he left.

Itachi visited for Christmas and stayed at his place for from Christmas Eve until the day before New Year. His big brother commented on the new furniture in the guestroom and how particularly colorful it was compared to the rest.

"I see that you are finally embracing the colors of the rainbow, dear little brother." He said with a teasing smirk.

"Hn."

"Are you by any chance making it more livable for your better half?"

"You know I don't have one." Sasuke growled. The memory of Naruto was still painful, but there was no way he would ever share it with his brother.

"Too bad."

"Hn."

That was how a lot of their conversations went. Itachi pried and teased a bit and Sasuke answered with his non informative 'Hn' or some sour comeback. Being coped up inside was beginning to bore them on the fourth day. Light snow was falling outside, but it was not cold enough for it to stick to the ground.

Sasuke was looking out the window and thought about the present he had sent Naruto for Christmas. It was book with all kinds of crazy and funny scientific facts and a proper winter coat. The coat was light blue like his eyes and lined with soft sheepskin. Naruto had seemed fascinated by the book the one time they had gone to a bookstore together, and Sasuke hoped it could satisfy the boy's ever growing curiosity. He knew neither gift had much sentimental value, but hoped for nothing more than for Naruto to accept them at all.

He had spoken to Iruka several times, but each time had been emotionally exhausting. In the beginning he was told that Naruto was distrustful and uncooperative, the second time the boy had even tried to run away. It made him doubt his decision and left him sleepless many nights.

Getting told that things were starting to look better, pained him almost as much. It only confirmed that he had done the right thing. That Naruto was better off without him. That he was getting on with his life, while Sasuke didn't.

Itachi had taken notice of his lousy mood. Suddenly he said;

"We should go clubbing."

"What?"

"You heard me. Let's go right now."

"You can't be serious…"

"I am. Seeing you brood like some pms'ing teenage girl is annoying as hell. You need to lighten up a little."

"Itachi even if we did find an open club-"

"There's plenty of open clubs Sasuke. What do you think everyone else, who aren't having family dinners, are doing?"

"I'm not in the mood."

"I can see that."

"Then stop bothering me about it." Sasuke muttered.

Silence fell upon them again, but it wasn't for long. When Itachi spoke this time, his voice was serious.

"Little brother, what's wrong? I haven't seen you like this for years. Has something happened?"

Sasuke sighed. "It's nothing, I'm just tired. Been busy with work for too long I guess."

Itachi made a disbelieving noise.

"Really, it's nothing."

In the following year he told Itachi this lie many times more, though both of them knew, it was a lie.

It was a long winter that year. When spring finally came around Sasuke breathed a sigh of relief. The cold and darkness had done nothing to improve his mood. Going to social gatherings had just been to distract him; he hadn't really enjoyed any of it. Without realizing it he had isolated himself from other people, after he had left Naruto. The occasional update on the boy's life still brought him back in the dumps, but things were generally starting to look better.

When he tentatively began reaching out to others again, Neji took pity on him and introduced him to the group of colleagues he usually hung out with. It was not a close knit group of people who spent all their time at each other's places like teenagers. It was a group of busy business men, who knew the hardships of a stressful everyday life, but dropped the professional façade when they met.

Shikamaru, Kankuro, and Shino were the members of the group he saw most often. Sometimes Ino and Neji's cousin Hinata from the administration department would join them. Though he observed more than interacted, being a part of the group held the loneliness at bay.

By summertime the group had become quite aware of his single status. Ino tried to pry about his love life and set him up on a blind date, much to his chagrin. Of course she couldn't know that the poor woman she had set him up with never stood a chance. But it did make him think about the possibilities.

Maybe he could move on if he started seeing someone? Just casually like before, but it could work. It might also stop some of the dreams he had been having. Dreams that he didn't think would bother him after his teenage years, but had come back full force after Naruto.

They were embarrassing, made him feel like a pervert at times, and were also a cruel reminder, of what he couldn't have. His mind twisted innocent memories of Naruto into something entirely different. Warm tanned skin, a body close to his own and soft pecks to his lips were reoccurring elements in these dreams.

It was weird how his mind could easily let him devour the youth, but never let them kiss in any other way than the only real kiss shared between them. A soft peck, so quickly over with, and though sweet, not very satisfying in the long run.

So he tried finding a replacement for Naruto. No, not even a replacement, simply another distraction. It didn't go well. He went to one of the bars where he used to meet up with men, but only felt disgust at himself. There was no way he could try to do anything with anyone when feeling as he did, so he gave up shortly afterwards and went home.

He had never thought it possible, but even though the two of them never had been together as lovers, it didn't mean he couldn't be heartbroken. He had never felt heartbreak before and had always thought it only happened to people who had actually been together. He had certainly never thought it would happen to him.

As summer came to an end he was reminded of the autumn days they had spent together. It wasn't everyday or all the time, but subconsciously it was there all the time none the less. He had had something, gained something that had become a part of him, and while he might not actively be thinking of the loss he was never unaware of it either.

He had always thought people, who said losing someone dear was like losing a limb, were exaggerating. Now he knew better.

It was during the monthly call to the foster home, that he finally asked Iruka a question that had bothered him for a long time. He was hesitant and there was a brief pause in their conversation, before he asked quietly;

"Does he ever talk about me?"

"Hmm, I'm not the one he speaks to the most…" Iruka seemed to ponder about the question for a moment. "Yes, there was one time…"

Sasuke felt a sick flutter of hope in his chest. "What did he say?"

"Well it wasn't really about you. He hasn't got much of an education, but he does seem to know a lot about some subjects."

It was true. Since Sasuke had no legal rights to know anything about Naruto's life he only knew very little about how Naruto before they met. He had only been told that the boy had been living on the streets for more than a year and prior to that had been shifting between foster families and different foster homes since he was four. No details. Iruka had then proceeded to tell him, that they took great care of keeping the children's and youths' often troubled pasts confidential.

"So one time I asked him about where he had learned… well I think it was some physics, I don't really remember, and he said you had taught him."

"Did he seem… troubled?"

Iruka sighed. "He did in fact…"

"I see." Sasuke said and felt a little heavy at heart. So the boy could barely stand speaking about him.

"I think he is still upset about how the two of you parted ways."

"Yes, that is understandable."

"I want you to know that you did the right thing. He might have been down when he first got here, but he is much happier now. Though school doesn't always sit right with him, he has gotten friends there, and I think he'll do well. Living on the streets on the other hand…" Iruka paused and sighed again.

"Trust me when I say that I've seen too many promising kids end there. It isn't a way to live, it is day to day survival. Not a life I would want for anyone."

Sasuke didn't speak of his dreams to keep the boy with him. He knew they were ludicrous.

"Thank you Iruka. I have sent a package, which might arrive tomorrow. Could you please give it to him on the tenth?"

"Are you sure you don't want to deliver it yourself?"

"Yes."

Just the thought of meeting Naruto… He wouldn't be able to walk away from there without the boy a second time. His brain promptly ignored the fact that Naruto probably hated him know and wouldn't want to leave with him anyway. In all the time they's been apart, the boy had made no attempt to get in touch with him.

"Then I will give it to him."

"Thank you."

Time flew by. Every day was much the same and he had gotten his life back on track. More than half a year passed. It was only when people specifically pried about his love life that he felt the twinge of something carefully hidden away in the back of his mind. Like it was happening right now.

"Sasuke, don't you think it's time for you to find someone to share your life with?" Itachi said. "Being single doesn't suit you, you are way too grumpy."

"So you're saying I need to get laid?"

Itachi gave him an annoyed glare. "You know that's not what I'm saying. But you're almost thirty-"

"Oi, don't put two years to my age."

"Your twenty-ninth birthday is in a month."

Sasuke grumbled something about why Itachi was visiting him at all. It wasn't like there was some special occasion.

"Don't you ever think about love? It doesn't temp you at all?"

"Love is messy."

"And what would you know about that, dear little brother? As far as I know you've never been in love."

Uh-oh how to dodge that one? Silence. Yes speech is silver silence is gold, especially when you really can't answer the question.

"Sasuke?"

"Hn."

"Are you- no way, you are! You are blushing!" Itachi howled with laughter."I haven't seen you do that since you were an awkward teenager!"

Fuck!

"I am not!" then he sourly added; "And I wasn't awkward as a teenager…"

"Don't try to deny it! Who is it?"

"Who is what?"

"The lucky one, of course."

There was a silent battle between them. Sasuke glared with all his might, but thinking about whom exactly they were talking about made his face turn a darker and darker shade of red. Itachi's eyes were shining with glee, and the grin on his face was threatening to split his face in two.

"Have I met him?"

"There is no lucky one." Sasuke growled. "So, no, you haven't."

"You are my baby brother; don't you think I can see when you're lying?" Itachi said smugly.

"There is no lucky one." Sasuke hissed. This time Itachi caught the hint of pain in his little brother's voice. His face suddenly turned menacing.

"Did he dump you?"

"What?! No." Sasuke sighed and rubbed his forehead. Then he muttered; "If anything, it was the other way around…"

Itachi looked at him incredulously. "You finally fell for someone, but you dumped him?"

"I had to." Shit, I'm digging my own grave now.

Itachi raised his eyebrows and made a motion with his hands urging him to elaborate.

"Why?"

Silence seemed to be the best option again. If Itachi knew he had wanted to lay his hands on a minor… His face went tomato red again.

"Did he cheat on you?"

"No."

"Wanted you for your money?"

"He would never-" realizing the slip of tongue Sasuke's teeth clicked as he shut his mouth.

"What then, was he some overly jealous freak?"

Sasuke shook his head. Naruto had never complained about not getting attention enough, he was just happy with what he could get.

"Didn't he love you?"

Ouch. Ow, ow, ow, that one stung the most. His felt a lump in his throat. Naruto had loved him, no doubt about that. He may not have said the three special words, but Sasuke knew. The adoration had shined brightly in those blue eyes.

"He did."

"I will return to my first question then; why in the world did you dump him?"

"It just wasn't meant to be."

"Cut the crap Sasuke, you should know you can be honest with me. About everything."

A big knot of pain in his chest tightened at those words. He had kept this to himself for so long already. He had never mentioned Naruto to anyone, and it had become increasingly heavy burden to bear alone. Never being able to voice, what sat as a torn in his heart.

"I- " He took a deep breath. "He was young."

"Okay?"

"Too young." His cheeks burned in shame.

Itachi stared at him expressionlessly. Then it seemed to click. "How young are we talking about here?"

"Well he was fifteen when we met-"

Itachi's eyes widened so much that Sasuke would have found it funny any other day. "He was WHAT?!"

"That's why I did-"

"You slept with a fifteen year old?! You fell for a kid?!" Itachi screeched and rose from his chair violently. "What the HELL, Sasuke?"

"I didn't sleep with him!" he tried to defend himself and kept his hands out in front of him. "And he's not fifteen anymore, and I don't see him anymore, and he needed my help, and-"

Itachi held a hand up to stop his blabbering. He deflated a little after hearing what Sasuke said. "Okay. Okay, just- give me a minute. I'm sorry I know I just said you could trust me… But really? Fifteen? That's- it's quite…" Itachi pinched the bridge of his nose between two fingers. "Sorry."

They faced each other awkwardly for a moment and then sat back down.

"It's okay. Not like I'm feeling too good about that part either."

Itachi seemed to have calmed down, considerably, but his expression was now grave. "What did his parents say to all this? Did they know?"

"He's an orphan."

"You took advantage of an orphan?" Itachi asked with a calm and dangerous voice.

"No I didn't. I just let him live here for a while-"

"He lived here?"

"Well he was homeless when I met him-"

"What?" Itachi's voice was flat and he looked at Sasuke with disbelief. "Oh, Sasuke what have you gotten yourself into? Better start from an end and tell me the whole story. If you don't I'm going to fucking report you to the social services."

Sasuke sighed and still blushing horribly he began to talk.

"It all started on my way home from work when I ran him over-"

"SASUKE I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!"

/-/

Oh how I love Itachi. The scary and overprotective big brother finally got his spot in the story, yay!

Ugh, the first part of this chapter was depressing to write. Sorry for the lack of Naruto, but don't worry we get to see him in the next chapter.

Luckily I got some time on my hands so I have already written chapter 10. (But I won't give it to you guys, just yet :P )

Please let me know what you think of my story :) All constructive criticism is much appreciated, as I use it to improve.