Author's note:
Again thank you for reading my story and for your patience!
This chapter is very short but I wanted to be in here, and I wanted it to be a seperate chapter.
I am almost finished with the next chapter so I'll be publishing it very soon!
And please feel free to follow and review! :)
I hope you like it!
At night when it turned dark outside his windows and he couldn't think of any more activities to keep him busy Kurt remembered. He remembered Blaine. Not that he had forgotten who he was, but he had forgotten how he had made him feel, the way he touched his cheek tenderly right before a kiss, how they could talk for hours and hours, how there was nothing he couldn't tell him, because Blaine never judged, how he held him through the night, how just a look from Blaine across the hall, in a class or during glee rehearsal told him that he loved him and no matter what everything would be okay. That is Blaine, the Blaine he had forgotten, but now as they had let go, he was crawling his way back into his mind. And it was like he didn't really care about all the things that went wrong, because he knew in his heart that Blaine loved him, and he loved Blaine, and that is all that matters, that was all that was in his in his head, all he could see. He had found himself several nights waking up crying; screaming his name, reaching for him on the other side of the bed, but it was empty. It made him scared to fall asleep at night, but what kept him up was the twirling thoughts of Blaine, the hurt and pain in his chest, and every time he realized that what he really needed for it to go away was Blaine's eyes telling him it would all be okay, his arms wrapped around him. But he had no right to want that, he had given up that right himself. He had wanted to let it all go. And that realization was even worse because he hated himself for it.
Kurt. In every move he made Kurt was there in the back of Blaine's mind. In the beginning he kept forgetting he couldn't turn to him anymore. Ask him for advice. Even the little things, what color bowtie that would go with his outfit, instead he had to think, what would Kurt have said if he was here? But after a while he stopped, because having to face the fact that he wasn't hurt too much, so he thought it would be easier not to. School kept him occupied and he dived into his homework when he came home, or volunteered to help Mr. Schuester with choreography after school, just to forget, keep his mind off of things, because he was sure with time it would get easier, so in the mean time, he kept busy, wondering when that time would come, when it wouldn't hurt as much. When he would stop wondering if there was more he could have done for him to want to hold on, but he always came up blank. He was lonely, and when he was tucked in at night wrapped in Kurt's t-shirt, he felt it. He would toss and turn until he fell into a sleep haunted by dreams of Kurt or of him and Kurt together. He was exhausted all the time, his mind never shutting up. He thought that telling himself that he was letting go, for Kurt, would make it happen, but even if his mind could, his heart refused.