What should have been around a fifteen hour drive rapidly devolved into a five week fight for our survival. My first mistake was in not ditching my cell phone and car right away. Both were equipped with GPS locators. I should have known better but in my own defense I wasn't thinking that far ahead. Somehow, I managed to stay one step ahead long enough to do both.
In Cedar Rapids, I withdrew as much cash as I could from my checking account, purchased a disposable phone and then, after letting my new Mustang - which coincidentally I was still paying for - roll down a boat ramp into the Cedar River, I hotwired a late eighties' Camaro later that night officially turning my back on the law I'd taken an oath to uphold.
My second mistake was in underestimating my nephew. Remember when I said the kid would have made one helluva a conman? Ben took to the grift like a duck to fucking water. He was one helluva pinch hitter when it came to laying on the charm and weaseling his way into the hearts and pocket books of old and young women alike.
He also seemed to know a whole lot more about the things that allegedly went bump in the night than he'd originally let on. Being a little more than fashionably late to this little supernatural soiree, I got the quick and ugly version. Oh, sure. I was skeptical at first and felt more than a little silly at pouring salt at the threshold of our motel room doors but all of that was negated when we crossed paths with our first demon.
We wouldn't have survived the night if my previously imagined friend hadn't shown up when he did and dispatched the son of a bitch back to hell. To this day I still have a harder time wrapping my mind around him than I do any of the rest of it. A girl can't be raised Roman Catholic and not believe in angels. But this guy, Castiel? He just didn't fit the bill. He was way too human for me to fully buy the whole wings and halo bit. Still, that didn't change the fact that he saved our asses that night.
After that, it became kind of a regular occurrence. He'd pop up, usually in the middle of the night while Ben was sleeping, almost as if he was just checking up on us. As the days stretched out into weeks and we seemed to be getting further and further away from South Dakota and Ben's father, my patience began to wear a little thin. There are only so many times a person can hear the words "the Lord works in mysterious ways" before they snap altogether and I was at the end of my tether.
"Would you please just cut the crap already!" I hissed in a harsh whisper, hoping my frustration wouldn't get the better of me and wake Ben in the process. The poor kid was completely worn out. "We've been out here for more than a month. I've broken so many laws I've lost count. I've given up my home, my car, my career, my whole life and all I've gotten in return is a ton of questions you refuse to answer. Castiel, please. Just level with me. Tell me what's really going on."
Have you ever wanted to know something so badly you could almost taste it and then when you learned the truth wished like hell you could take it all back? Well, for me that was it. The moment of truth, the very second I learned that the darkest, scariest parts of the Bible we real after all and that we were just a few broken seals away from the Apocalypse. So what does someone like me do when they learn the world's about to end? I wish I could tell you I partied like it was 1999. Sadly, I didn't. Instead, I threw up all over Castiel's shiny loafers. There's a picture for you. Me, bad ass Chicago PD detective puking on an angel of the Lord. Lovely, right? So very, very not.
I went out on a limb and assumed that comforting wasn't in Castiel's job description when he disappeared moments later, leaving me to my mess and impending panic attack. Somehow, I managed to drum up the strength to toss a towel over what was left of my dinner and fell into bed headfirst. I had every intention of giving him an earful the next time he decided to pop in. Yeah, well, best laid plans and all that.
Truth of the matter was he looked so weary and downtrodden the next night that I just couldn't do it, couldn't light into him for dropping the mother of all A-bombs on me then pulling his trademark vanishing act. That night, I found myself tugging off his now miraculously clean shoes and tucking him into my bed. He might not have required rest but it was obvious to anyone with eyes that he needed it just the same. I didn't ask what had happened. I didn't need to because for me grief - that kind of gut wrenching, consuming grief - was an all too constant companion. The loss he felt was telegraphed by the sorrow etched so deeply into his face. No, I couldn't yell at him. Of course, I did feel a little differently after passing the night in a ridiculously uncomfortable excuse for an armchair, something I filed away for later.
When I woke the next morning he was gone. Scribbled on the small notepad on the bedside table, he'd left behind an address.
A few hundred miles later, I had passed Bobby Singer's anti-demon and whatever the hell else I could possibly be test and was settling Ben into an upstairs bedroom when the purring of a finely tuned engine rumbled up the gravel lane. I bit my lip as I switched off the light. I wasn't ready for this. A million years from now I wouldn't be ready for this. I glanced back at Ben's sleeping form and took a deep breath. It would all be worth it, he was worth it.
When I turned towards the door, Castiel was there, watching me just like always.
After the third or fourth of his surprise visits, I managed to stop squealing like a little girl though it took a few more to rid of me of the compulsive need to curse like a sailor. He stood by the window peering through the glass out into the night. I don't know what he was looking at, even if he was looking at anything at all. He just stood there at parade rest, unmoving.
"He's here," Castiel whispered quietly.
"I know," I replied softly, crossing the room to stand beside him. A companionable silence settled between us for a few brief moments, a silence I was reluctant to break but I just had to know. "How do you know if what you're doing is right? How do I?"
He looked down at me and a shadow passed over his eyes as his lips tightened into a thin line. "We have to take it on faith, Lily. It's all we can do."
"And what about Dean? Will he do the same?"
With small, almost imperceptible laugh, Castiel answered, "I sincerely hope not." He cocked his head to one side, listening. "Go now. He's waiting."
I don't know why I looked back over my shoulder at him. God knows he'd never stuck around long enough for me to do so before, but there he was and he was looking right back at me. Were he anyone else, I might have mistaken that look for something else. But like I said, the guy was just way too human sometimes.