Ciel was a bit surprised as he woke up in his bed with Sebastian holding him against his chest. The last thing he remembered was crying in the car, longer than that he didn't want to remember. He cringed and in the same time he felt the soft caresses on his hips, waist and stomach that Sebastian gave him. He took a deep shaky breath. He felt soft lips press against his neck and he closed his eyes. He wanted last night to never have happened.

"Why did I tell them?"

He asked in a hoarse voice and put his hand over the elder's. He fought back the tears and opened his eyes again and turned his body to face Sebastian and cuddled into his chest.

"Because you want them to accept you, and to know who you are. It's good you told them."

He mumbled into his dark grey locks and kissed his head, moving his hand up and down his back. He wanted to ask, so badly, what happened really.

"May I ask what happened?"

Ciel pressed against him and nodded weakly against his chest. He had to tell him.

"I went to talk to them… I told them straight forward…I-I was gay."

He took a deep breath and choked on his words before beginning again.

"Then..my dad s-slapped me. That's about it…"

He nuzzled his face against his chest and felt a few tears make their way down his cheeks. Ciel heard Sebastian's heart beats and it calmed him, as well as his touches. He loved Sebastian, that wouldn't change, it never would. But his self steam just got worse. Breathing in the scent of his lover he smiled faintly and looked up at him.

"Let's forget that. I'm hungry."

He could see that Sebastian was angry with himself, maybe for not being there when it happened to protect him, and of course his dad who had hit him. Sebastian let go of the younger and nodded, kissing his head before picking him p and walked to the kitchen. He sat him down on the counter and kissed him on the lips with a smile.

Sebastian started making waffles and glanced over at Ciel who was sitting on the counter. The younger was looking down on his lap and didn't speak or do anything. He didn't move until Sebastian gave him a plate with new baked waffles with ice cream and chocolate syrup. He smiled and kissed Sebastian before digging in.

He was fast done with his food and smiled at Sebastian, wrapping his arms around his neck and kissing his cheek.

"I'm gonna take a shower, thanks for the breakfast."

He said and jumped down from the counter and walked to his room and got new boxers, sweat pants and long sleeved shirt. He walked in and locked the door before taking of his old boxers and threw them in the wash basket. He sighed and took a small box from the cabinet and rooted forward a brand new razor. He glanced over at the door and he heard Sebastian outside, doing the dishes.

He took it and placed the box back and went into the shower, turning the water on and let it stay cold, he liked cold showers. He sat down in the tub and hesitantly pressed the blade against his wrist before snapping it and watch as blood slowly appeared and mixed with the water, dripping down in the tub. It felt good, the pain. It was a while ago since he did this the last time. He pressed the sharp item against is soft skin again and made a deeper cut. This time more blood came welling up and colour the water slightly pink. He started crying again. This brought back old memories and the ones from yesterday. He started to tremble and tried to keep quiet as he continued to fill his pale skin with deep red wounds.

He was sitting curled up in the tub and his face hidden in his knees that was brought up to his chest. He sobbed silently and he wished Sebastian didn't come in now, the door was locked yes but then he had to open it and he would see this.

His eyes widened for a second and he turned the water of. How was he going to sleep with him now, in both ways. He had to wear a long sleeved shirt whatever he did now. He had totally forgot about that. He swore under his breath and took a dark pillow so the blood wouldn't be noticed.

He bit his lip as the wounds he made still was bleeding. He reached for the first aid and took some bandage to wrap around his arms, they went up all the way to his biceps and it was disgusting him a bit, that they were so many and so deep.

Quickly he wrapped the white fabric around both his arms and secured it before putting on clothes. He made sure he looked fine as he stepped out and walked to the kitchen where Sebastian was sitting, wearing clothes ready to go out.

"I said we were going to go out and eat tonight because it'll be a better party than the one yesterday."

He said smiling and stood up, wrapping his arms around him. Ciel leaned into him and smiled, wrapping his arms around his waist. He loved how caring he was.

"Yes, right…. Shall we go then?"

He asked and pulled away, leaning up and kissed him gently. He was going to pull away but was pulled up and kissed deeper, the elders tongue slipped into his mouth and he allowed it happily to move around in his carven. He wrapped his arms around his neck and stood on his toes, Sebastian's hand moving up under his shirt and caressed his waist, pulling him closer.

Soon they pulled away and breathed against each other's lips, the older smirking. Ciel rested his head against his chest. He didn't deserve Sebastian, he was so nice and caring. I'm not worth him. That was the only words that was on his mind as they were walking down the stairs to the car, Sebastian having his arm over the others shoulder.

"You seem down Ciel… I know how you must feel but I'm here for you."

You don't.

"I'm fine, just thinking."

"Don't think too much about it. If you do you'll end up doing something stupid, okay?"

Already done.

"Okay. Let's forget that and have fun now."

He mumbled to get of the topic and flashed him a smile as he leaned forward a bit to kiss him.

At the restaurant as they ate his wrists started to hurt and he flinched slightly in pain at some moments. Though he was making the best of the time he had with his boyfriend. He was still feeling bad, not knowing what for. He just couldn't stop blaming everything on himself.

He could feel Sebastian scooting closer and wrapping a arm around his waist and leaned to his ear and smirked. Ciel shivered lightly and put down his fork, afraid he would drop it if the other did something. He felt a light nib on his ear lobe and he gasped.

"Should we go home? I'm rather turned on…"

He whispered into his ear and breathed softly against his neck. Ciel shivered again and bit his lip, he wanted to, but then it had to be with a shirt on, a long sleeved shirt. Sebastian wouldn't want that, he knew he loved touching his skin. Another gasp, more a moan, escaped his lips as his hand caressed his inner thigh.

"S-Sebastian..what are you doing?"

"Turning you on."

Ciel blushed and leaned his head to the side and moaned lowly into his palm.

"S-Sebastian stop.."

"Can we take this in the car? I'll stop if you say yes."

"F-fine.."

He mumbled, hoping that he could keep his shirt on, he could blame that it was cold and he wanted it on. He stood up and let his lover out before heading to the car. They couldn't do it on the parking lot outside a restaurant so Sebastian derived into a nearby forest where they could be alone.

As the car stopped Sebastian fixed so his seat moved back a little and they had more space. He held his arms open for Ciel to crawl over to him. He did and straddled his lap and smiled faintly.

"Where were we?"

The raven haired male asked and ran a hand over his bum and then riding it up the back of his shirt. Ciel moaned lowly and leaned down to kiss him. Even how obnoxious he was right now he wanted this badly. He ground his hips down against his and coaxed his tongue into his mouth.

Sebastian was unbuttoning his own pants as Ciel grind against him, moaning. He lifted his body up so the elder could remove his pants and then started to take his own off, his underwear following. He once again rocked their hips together and moaned, leaning his head back. Sebastian was kissing his neck and running his hands up and down his chest under the shirt, trying to take it off.

Ciel shook his head and pulled away to look at him.

"I wanna…keep it on."

He breathed, and Sebastian to turned on to argue nodded and respected what he wanted and continued to suck and nib on the soft skin of his neck. He was moaning lowly and rubbing his exposed member against Sebastian's. It was a rather long time ago they had sex, but he loved it. It felt so perfect somehow. To be so close to the person you love and be held like you were loved.

He felt his warm hands on his waist, he smiled and pulled away so he could kiss him on the lips as he rubbed his entrance against his dick, wanting him inside after all this teasing. Sebastian snapped his hips up to get inside of the younger and growled lowly.

"Sebastian…!"

He cried out and threw his head back and moaned as he felt that he was getting deeper and deeper. He gasped and adjusted to him slowly, getting kisses on his jaw line and soon on his lightly bruised lips. He caressed his cheek and tangled his fingers in his raven black locks and breathed heavy against his lips as they kissed.

Ciel started to move up and down on his shaft, moaning rather loudly. He felt his arms sting a bit and he hissed lightly. Self harming came with so much side effects, if they were deep they could start to bleed when attending a sport, or in this case fucking, you couldn't wear other clothes than long sleeves and maybe wrist warmers if they weren't too far up. Also you couldn't sleep –both kind of sleep- with anyone. He hated all the side effects, fuck them. Was it such a big deal to slice your own skin ? After all it's yours. And let's not forget the worst one, if anyone saw them they would talk to you and they'd cry probably, maybe even send you to one of those places where you get special treatment.

"Does it hurt?"

The older asked and looked worried up at him, slowing down his thrusting and looked at the slightly pained face of his lover.

"N-no..move."

He mumbled and leaned his head against his shoulder so he wouldn't see his face. Soon the thrusts were back to rough and fast and he literally felt how a scar ripped up and he cried out in pain what made Sebastian stop and pull Ciel back to look at him, now with tears falling down his cheeks and shakily breathing as he held his wrist where it had happened.

"Ciel, something is hurting you."

"N-no I'm perfectly fine..:"

He mumbled and felt the older lift his hips so he slipped out and he whimpered. Sebastian looked into his eyes and frowned. Ciel looked away from the intense stare and bit his lip. Was his little secret coming out already?

"Ciel, tell me. I won't do anything until you tell me."

They sat quiet in the car in some minutes, no one saying a word to the other. The younger didn't even look his way, he just wanted to erase this morning and what he had done.

Sebastian narrowed his eyes lightly and grabbed his wrist and the boy hissed in pain. He pulled his sleeve up and looked at the bloodied bandage. He stared at it for some seconds.

Ciel's heart was racing, he couldn't do anything. He couldn't pull his arm back and run, he couldn't speak, not even move. He just stared at his lovers scared and concerned face.

"I'm..I-It's…"

He stuttered and felt tears gather up in his eyes. He's breath hitched as his boyfriend started to remove the dirtied bandage. He looked at his face and started to cry, silently sobbing.

"D-don't…"

Sebastian had removed it from both his arms and he just stared at the scars covering his whole arms. He couldn't breathe, he was to angry at himself for letting the one he was going to protect hurt himself.

"Ciel…why?"

He asked in a sad tone and caressed his arms, hearing the small gasps, probably from pain, so he stopped. He sighed and pulled his pants up before resting his head on his chest.

There was something inside Ciel who was freaking out right now, he had been exposed, his darkest secret shown to the world. How could he act normal around him now? He could barley look at him without sobbing louder.

"Answer please."

He mumbled and gripped his chin and turned his head to look at him. Ciel only shocked on his own sobs and gripped the elders shirt and shook his head. Something would happen, Sebastian would leave him, move back to his own apartment and never look his way again.

"M-my..par..parents…"

He stuttered out and his lower lip quivered as he stopped speak. Well, technically it was Ciel who did this, but his parents triggered him to do it. Sobbing softly he leaned his head against his shoulder and stained his shirt with his hot tears. He felt strong arms wrap around his small figure and hug him tight.

"Love.."

The black haired male murmured into his hair and caressed his back gently. He felt sorry for the younger boy, he had been through a lot and this was actually not so strange for him to have a break down like this. After all, he understand. His childhood hadn't been the best so he was going to try to make his best to help him through this and help him see light in some way. He wanted his Ciel to be happy.

Ciel held a tight grip of his shirt still and he was still sobbing rather much. He pulled away lightly and looked down on Sebastian's now blood and tear stained shirt and wiped his tears away.

"I ruined your shirt…."

"No it's not….It's okay though, I'll be able to fix it."

He smiled and stroked some dark grey hair from his eyes and gave him a faint smile, a sympathetically smile. Ciel tried to smile back but it was only a fast smile before he leaned into the older again.

"Should we drive home?"

He asked and caressed his silky hair with a smile and kissed his head. The younger nodded and crawled of his lap and put his pants back on, and pulling his sleeves down. He curled up in his seat and looked into the small mirror. He wiped the tears away again and rubbed his dull eye and sighed before leaning back in the seat again.

He glanced out the window, it had started to snow again. It was a beautiful view to be honest. The small white flakes tingling down the sky and seating on the ground and formed a thick white cover. He loved the winter for this, the beauty.

Sebastian looked over at him before he started to drive the car. He looked at the watch and it was already around eleven. From now on he couldn't let Ciel be alone really, if this was going to happen again…no, he can't accept the thought if his boyfriend doing that again. Just the thought of that he has already done it and he wasn't there made him feel guilty.

"Never do that again, Ciel. Please."

Ciel stayed silent, he couldn't make that promise, it was too much to live up to in his opinion. He just looked out the window and watched as the light posts passed by, lighting the dark night and making the beautiful falling snow more visible, giving it a golden glow.

Ciel was removing his clothes to go to bed. Now that Sebastian knew about this he didn't have to sleep in a long sleeved shirt. Though, he still felt a bit uncomfortable being exposed like this. He laid down in the bed and after some minutes Sebastian entered the room and looked at him, caressing his shoulder before pulling away to remove his clothes as well.

He felt the bed sunk down as the older laid down and he slowly turned around to cuddle into his chest and wrap a arm around his middle.

"Good night.."

He mumbled into the firm chest. Sebastian smiled and leaned his head on his right arm and caressed his hair with his left, watching him fall asleep.

"Sleep well my Ciel."

He purred, looking at how he nuzzled him lightly and he closed his eyes. He should probably tell Alois about this. Maybe tomorrow. Their holiday had started so he would probably be asleep for some hours after twelve maybe, and then eating, after that it was getting dry humped by Claude until he couldn't take it. The rest of his day would be cuddling and eating.

And how did Sebastian know this? He used to spend holidays and weekends with Alois a lot when they were a pair. Though they ended up fighting, a bit too much. Yes often the fights would turn into Sebastian pinning him against the wall and kiss him roughly and that turned into angry sex. But once it turned to much, they decided their relationship wasn't very healthy. So they broke up and some years later, two to be exact, he meet Ciel on that party those months ago.

The raven haired man smiled at the thought and gave the boy a last kiss before wrapping both arms around him and trying to get some sleep as well.

Ciel cried out and panted against his chest, tears dripping down his cheeks as he stared at the tired face of his lover as he caressed his chest.

Damn nightmares.

Ciel trembled lightly and pressed against him. It was about two in the night as Ciel had awoken from his horrid nightmare. Sebastian looked worried at him and sat up in the bed, pulling Ciel with him and caressed his back, rocking him back and forth.

"It's just a nightmare Ciel..It's not real."

He whispered into his ear hoping he listened to his words. He hugged him tight.

"Want to tell me about it?"

Ciel shook his head, the dream was to real. He didn't want to tell him. He just clung to him and took deep shaky breaths. He was lightly digging his nails into the others pale skin and bit his lip. The younger didn't cry, he just looked with big eyes on the wall behind him.

The older sighed and caressed his lower back lightly and kissed his cheek.

"Do you want me to make you some tea, or hot chocolate?"

"Y-yes.."

He mumbled and pulled away lightly to look at him. Sebastian smiled at him and kissed his lips gently.

He let Ciel climb up from the bed fist before he stood up as well and walked into the kitchen and took two mugs out. He opened a counter, they only had tea so that had to be good enough. He put water heater on and walked to get a blanket for Ciel who sat on a chair in the kitchen. He wrapped it around his shoulders and kissed his four head.

"It's alright. It was only a dream Ciel."

He said and caressed his arm and leaned his head against his.