Chapter 9:

A warm hand caressed his cheek and a small blip told him that the thermometer had scanned his body temperature. He opened his mouth and let the older take it out from his mouth as he pulled the sheets further up over his shoulders again. The raven haired man sighed and caressed his four head.

"As I thought you're sick. You have to take it easy from now on."

He mumbled and kissed his temple. Ciel smiled faintly and closed his eyes, he leaned into the soft touches.

There was about two weeks until new year now, and Ciel had gotten more and more distant from his lover. Sebastian was getting a bit worried over him and had tried to talk to Alois a bit but he didn't know why either. A good thing was that his scars were healing and he hadn't added any more. But as the gentle person he was he didn't want to just go straight forward and asked him what was wrong with him.

He sighed and watched as the young boy looked outside the window with empty eyes. He was curled up in two blankets and had a cup of hot tea on the table next to him. He had been sick for two weeks but it had passed now.

Sebastian walked over to him and sat down next to him before he laid down on the sofa and pulled Ciel with him down in a soft embrace. He kissed his head before closing his eyes and caressed his arm.

Ciel closed his eyes as well and leaned into him. He sighed lowly and opened his mouth before closing it again. After a minute he finally spoke.

"There'll be a new year party at a friend of mine. Should we go?"

He asked, not wanting to go himself but he had to distract Sebastian that day. He opened his eyes and looked up at him.

Sebastian looked back at him, his dull eye caught his attention for a minute and shrugged. It had been a while ago science he stopped wearing eye patch.

"We could yes. When?"

"On new year of course silly."

He said and smiled faintly. It was a long time ago he saw him smile, it was such a beautiful one, how his eyes shone when he was happy. He missed that, this was only a hollow smile. To cover up for his real feelings, Sebastian could tell. His eyes didn't spark, neither did he giggle.

"Okay, we should go then."

Ciel nodded and continued to smile. He caressed his side and looked back towards the window. He had it all planned, it felt nice that he got everything in his mind ready. Now he hoped it all would work as he thought it out.

Something in Ciel's stare scared the older a bit and he pulled him closer and snuggled him.

"Are you alright love?"

"I'm fine. Perfectly fine."

The only thing about this was letting Sebastian go, to never see him again. Would he be mad at him? Or maybe just be sad. He hated the thought of hurting his boyfriend, the only thing he loved.

Ciel turned so he was straddling him and kissed his lips softly until he was kissed back and felt fingers tangle in his short hair. He caressed the ravens chest as he let his tongue slip inside his mouth. He felt another hand caress his lower back underneath the two blankets that soon was pushed away so his milky thighs were reviled.

He gasped softly as they were caressed by both hands and slowly moved up under his shirt. Sebastian's hands were a bit cooler than his own skin and sent shivers down his spine. He closed his eyes and slowly rolled his hips against his.

He wanted him. They hadn't done something like this in a bit now, not since he had discovered he was hurting himself.

He tugged in the collar of Sebastian's shirt and kissed his neck down and breathed a bit heavy against his soft skin. His hands traveled up the his underwear and pulled them down. He smiled and kissed his neck before he felt that he was picked up and carried towards the bedroom. He blushed lightly and clung to him until he was laid down on the bed.

He watched as the older removed his pants, underwear and shirt. Leaving him standing naked. Ciel followed him and pulled his shirt of and tossed it to the side and didn't look away from his blood coloured eyes once as the taller figure hovered over him.

Sebastian wrapped a arm around his middle and pulled him up to his chest and kissed his neck before pulling away lightly and caressed his chest and sides. His fingers soon moved up to his ping buds and rubbed them with his fingers for a while, listening to his gasps. His fingers soon pinched and rolled the nipples between his thumb and a finger, and at last tugging in them gently.

The raven leaned down and pressed his tongue against a sensitive spot on his neck before kissing it. Ciel shivered and moaned at the treatment his nipples was getting from his lover. He arched his back up and closed his eyes as the wet kiss was put underneath his ear.

Soon the soft caresses were back and now roaming over his thighs, pulling one up and lightly but still firm grouped his ass. Ciel moaned and pushed his ass into his hand. He felt soft lips against his again and he knew he was kissed. The younger tangled his hands in the black locks and kissed needy back.

Alois hugged his dark haired friend tightly and nuzzled his cheek lightly. It had been a long time ago since they saw each other. Ciel smiled and hugged him back, lightly running his hand up his back.

"I was worried sick Ciel… Don't do that again."

The blonde mumbled against his shoulder and hugged him tighter. It would be a hard thing to separate from Alois too, they had been friends for so long and today that would end.

"I'm sorry I didn't call or anything."

They let go and sat down in the small sofa in the end of the café. Ciel had called him up, if not his plan wouldn't work and he wanted to take a proper good bye from his friend. He smiled at the blonde and sipped from his chai latte.

"You're going to the party right?"

"Yeah, I'm going after this back to the apartment and I'll go there with Sebastian."

"Okay, good."

Alois got the pie he had bought and sliced a piece and put it in his mouth before giving a bite to Ciel. He took it into his mouth and chewed on it. They were chatting a bit and the time was passing by fast. He was going to go soon.

"…I'll be going soon."

He was getting some regrets now, did he really want to do this? Yes he did. He smiled at his friend and hugged him tight. He got his bag and jacket.

"Hey, wanna take a smoke outside?"

He asked and flipped the package out. His friend nodded and took his jacket and followed him out to the front of the shop. He lit one for each and handed Alois one, taking a deep inhale of his own. He let out a small sighed and soon let it out again.

After a while Ciel smiled at the blonde boy.

"Hey, you know that cheering smoke thing… Can we?"

He asked and stepped closer. Alois gave him a shrug and nodded. He took in the smoke and pulled him closer, breathing out inside his mouth. What he didn't expect was that Ciel would kiss him, but he kissed back. Ciel smiled and cupped his cheeks, caressing the left one lightly as he closed his eyes and ran his tongue over his lips and entered his mouth.

He explored the unfamiliar carven and soon pulled away, letting a small string of saliva connect their mouths as he kissed him one more time but fast. He felt that he was close to tears as he looked at his flushed and surprised face.

"Good bye Alois, I love you. Never forget that, and this has nothing to do with you."

He said and walked away, leaving his friend alone on the street. The blonde looked at him as he walked away, a bit stunned over what he did.

When Ciel arrived his house Sebastian had already left, he had begged him to go alone and meet him at the party because he would go there with Alois. So far everything had worked good.

He walked into his room and took some paper and a pen, he sat down and started to write. Slowly he started to think through everything he put on the paper and with a shaky hand wrote the letters that formed his goodbyes.

It didn't take long before Ciel started to cry, it was painful yes, but it was more painful to live like this. He took the paper and folded it in and gave it a small kiss, why, he didn't know. But maybe it'd give it more love when his Sebastian read it.

He opened a box that he had hidden under the bed and opened it, looking at the sharp object in there. He took up the knife and smiled sadly, turning it in his hand as he watched it shine as it hit the light from the lamp. He let out a shaky breath and stood up, walking to his jacket and got the package of cigarettes. He lit one and opened the window, this might get him to relax a bit.

Sebastian's P.O.V

I looked at the big amount of people that was crowding inside the house. It had just passed eleven and he was waiting for a text or something from Ciel to tell him he was there. So right now he was leaning against the wall with a glass of champagne in his hand as he waited.

After some minutes he spotted a familiar blonde and he shot up from the wall and made his way through the crowd to catch him.

"Hey, Alois. Where is Ciel?"

He asked and looked around, not seeing him with his boyfriend he got a bit worried.

"What are you talking about? He came here with you. He left after out little day out."

He blushed lightly at the thought and soon Claude came up to him with a glass and kissed his cheek.

"No..He told me he was going to the party with you and then we would meet here."

They both had their brows furrowed at the situation. I looked at my phone and frowned, he hadn't replied to my text.

"Maybe you should call him… Who knows what he is u- fuck…! Sebastian call him now!"

Something in the blondes tone made my heart race, and not in a good way. As fast as I could I called him but he didn't pick up. Again. Again. Again…. Nothing.

"Shit… I have to find him."

I muttered and put my phone down in my pocket. Alois was shaking lightly and Claude was holding him in a attempt to calm his lover down. He watched as the blonde's eyes filled with tears and he dropped the glass only to hide his face in the elders chest. I only watched.

"I'll call you when I find him Alois."

I smiled faintly before shoving people to the side to come out to my car again and jumped in, turning it on and backed out.

Ciel's P.O.V

My hands were shaking and I pressed the sharp blade further into my abdomen. I gasped in pain as I pulled it out and dropped it to the floor. Soon I followed and trembled from the pain and I started to cry. I held a hand over the wound I had created and in my other hand I held the little note I wrote. My last will.

I felt my body getting weaker at every second and I watched as blood poured out from my abdomen. Suddenly I coughed, a lot. Blood dripped down my chin and small drops flew from my mouth and down on the floor.

I sobbed quietly and cringed into a ball, hissing at the pain.

"S-Se..stian…bast—i..an.."

My voice was cracking as I spoke and I could hear heavy footsteps outside the door in the house. It was him and I knew it, my lover was going to see me like this. I shut my eyes and tried to take proper breaths.

He heard the door unlock it flew up with a bang against the wall. He heard his name be called but it sounded like a blur.

"Seba…Sebast..ian..bast—ian."

He choked out and reached a bloodied hand out for him, opening his tear filled eyes. He heard the footsteps come closer and he smiled sadly up at his lover.

Normal P.O.V

Sebastian pulled the bleeding male into his arms and he felt his hands tremble from the fear of losing him. He couldn't live with that. He bit his lip and pressed Ciel's face lightly against his chest as he felt tears starting to form in his eyes. The warm blood was pouring out on his shirt and staining it red, the same red as his damned eyes. He closed them and hugged the cold body tighter.

"Please Ciel….Please don't leave.."

"nnh..S-sebastiannhh.."

He hissed mid sentence and cringed weakly in his embrace.

"I...m…sorry..l-love you..so..m-much."

He choked out and made the older male break into sobs as he looked at his calm and pale face. Sebastian caressed his cheek and wiped away the dried blood from the corner of his mouth and shook his head.

"….I love you too..So much. Ciel, I-I don't want you to…d-die."

Those words, he had never been afraid of death. But now he was. He could feel the younger's muscles relax and his breaths were slow and short, almost hollow. He knew it was too late to save him, and that was the worst feeling he ever have had in his life so far. Sebastian couldn't protect the dearest thing in his life.

"Lov…love you.. Seba..astian..Se…"

His words faded and his head fell back lightly as his half lidded eyes looked at the ceiling. Everything went black for the older male as he held his former lover.

Sebastian's P.O.V

I cried out as the life was sucked out from my dear Ciel. I let my tears fall down on his face and he soon pulled him closer and ran a hand through his hair and tangled his fingers in the cobalt hair. I gritted his teeth and my shoulders trembled.

"Why!?"

I yelled at the air and heard the faint sound of fireworks outside. People were cheering and singing happily and not knowing what just had happened inside the dead Phantomhive's boy's apartment. With my trembling fingers I pulled out my phone, never letting go Ciel's body. He needed to call the ambulance.

"H-hey… I need to talk to a hospital, doctor anything…"

My sobs were quiet and my eyes closed. What if it all was just a dream and he would wake up next to Ciel again, holding him tight to his chest and caressed his hair, feeling his small warm hands over his chest. I was coupled to the hospital and he sighed as they asked what had happened.

"M-my boyfriend has committed suicide."

I said as firmly without stuttering as I could. It hurt so much. I told them the address and what I thought the suicide weapon was. My vision averted over to the bloodied knife and I turned my phone of as I noticed the small note on in his hand. I took it gently from him and opened it.

'I'm sorry for this Sebastian. I have been planning this for a while actually, even before the accident. But you have made my life a bit happier and I've grown to love you more and more each day. I just couldn't take it much longer after my birthday. Everything went black for me as my father hit me that day. But whatever will happened, never blame yourself, this is my foolish act and you should not feel guilt from it. My last will is that you go on after this, fall in love again and live a happy life, one you deserve. You are the kindest person I've met and I'm sorry I'm too weak to say my goodbye to you face to face as I did with Alois. I have a wish to make. Can you tell Alois to be happy, to live a life without hurt or pain, only love. He is my only friend and I want him to feel good. Tell him too live every moment. Please. Thank you, Sebastian. I love you.'

I crushed the note in my hand and held him closer. Why did this happen? I never should have left him alone…

Normal P.O.V

The doctors soon was inside the room and at first they stopped as they looked at the scene. Yes, they were suspicious about him killing Ciel at the first moment, but after talking to him and trying to calm him down they forgot about that and just wanted to take Ciel away from his tight embrace.

After some minutes the black haired male let go. Though he walked to Ciel's room and took one of his shirts and changed the one covered in blood. He was going with them, no argument about it.

Sebastian was sitting in the waiting room, holding the small note in his hand and tears was still falling down his eyes. He had called Alois and he was on his way here with Claude. Something told the raven haired male his former lovers friend had a small idea of that this would happen.

He had been giving a blanket and he had it wrapped around his shoulders as he looked at the floor. He wasn't sure about how he would handle this. He knew Ciel couldn't be saved now, his heart had stopped beating and sending out blood in his body long before the doctors arrived their apartment.

A faded sound of feet running though the corridor made him look up, it had to be the blonde boy. He was right.

Alois stood with shaking legs in the big opening to the waiting room and tears were streaming down his cheeks and they looked at each other. Claude was next to him, holding his hand in a tight grip. He saw Alois tear his hand from Claude's grip and ran up to Sebastian, wrapping his arms around his neck and cried into his shoulder.

"W-where is he?"

"In room 666-c."

The blonde went quiet and his stoic boyfriend walked to sit in the sofa next to Sebastian. The raven closed his eyes and tried to relax a bit but oh it was hard.

Alois soon had let go of him and instead sat in Claude's lap, crying into his shoulder instead, he was caressing his back softly and placed small kisses on his head and comforted him. Honestly, it hurt to see them like that. A small piece of Sebastian's heart felt crumbled as he saw the two. He wanted Ciel, to cuddle with him, feeling his soft lips against his, seeing his beautiful smile…..see him.

He clinched his fists and felt the small note in his left palm. Should he give it to Alois so he could read it now or would it be too much for the boy. The raven poked at his shoulder a bit and held the note out. He couldn't read it out loud himself for the blonde.

"Here. Ciel wrote it before he…yeah. He wanted me to tell you what was written but I'm to weak to do it."

Alois looked up from Claude's chest and with a shaky hand took the note and opened it slowly, reading the words that was scribbled on it. Sebastian pulled the blanket tighter around him and watched him read. The younger was slightly trembling and a hand was covering his mouth and new hot tears had found their way down his face.

Sebastian looked away and down at the floor, the scene was a too painful to watch.

"C-can I keep this..?"

He asked and held the note in a tight grip, pressing it to his heart, having his eyes fixed on his boyfriends chest once again.

"Yes…."

Sebastian knew how much Ciel meant to Alois, and the other way around. They wished each other's best and if the small note would bring him some happiness, the feeling of having something that Ciel wrote to him, he wouldn't be in the way. After all, Alois was a rather fragile boy, he knew what had happened to him in the past. He was so easy breakable… He hoped that Claude was really treating him good and made him happy, he really deserved a happy life, a good ending.

His eyes averted up to the clock, he had been sitting there for soon a hour and no one had come out to tell him Ciel's condition. He glanced over at Alois again and the sight made him smile faintly. The blonde had his four head resting against Claude's and his small hands were gripping his shirt as Claude's was still caressing his back and neck. His soft but still firm voice was whispering sweet nothings to the blonde to calm him.

1:37 January the first 2005 Ciel Phantomhive was pronounced dead to the waiting trio in the waiting room. The doctor had let them into the room to see him.

Sebastian had shot up from his seat and dropped the blanket, storming into the room to see him. Now he was sitting on a chair next to the bed and held his cold hand in both his warm ones. Alois hadn't got in the room yet, he wanted to give the older male some time alone.

"Why did it turn out like this Ciel?"

He asked as tears streamed down his face and he gently let go of his hand and started to caress his hair, watching the calm face he had. They had cleaned him and stitched the wound together. Not like it would matter now. He smiled sadly and whipped some tears away.

"I'll miss you a lot you know…. Your way of smiling, blushing when I kiss you…."

His voice cracked and he bit his lip, his voice couldn't hold.

"I-I hope you are happy now Ciel, that you can rest in peace…."

Sebastian leaned down and kissed his four head and looked down at his pale, almost grey face. He didn't care if it in some way was disgusting he just kissed a corpse, it was his Ciel.

No one had called his parents yet so they were unknowing of what had happened to their oh so precious son. They made him do this, his own parents made him erase his own existence.

Alois and Claude was in the room now, Sebastian didn't want to leave Ciel alone so he just sat there and held his hand as he heard the sorrow full sobs from the blonde. He closed his eyes and once again hoped he would wake up in their shared bed and nuzzle his soft hair. He gritted his teeth and started to cry again.

It had taken the hospital ten minutes to find the number to the Phantomhive household and they were on their way to the hospital. Sebastian didn't want to see them, he wanted to leave the room as they entered. But at the same time he didn't want to leave his side for a second.

2:14 Rachel and Vincent arrived to the room Ciel was in and Sebastian was still sitting next to him, holding his cold little hand. He wished it was like in movies when the dead would flutter his eyes open and stutter his name before turning his head to him and smile. But this wasn't a movie, that was impossible.

Alois had fallen asleep at two and Claude had picked him up and carried him to the car, taking him home. Sebastian was tired yes, but he wanted as much time he could get with his former lovers dead body before he was buried under the ground.

The door flung open and the raven jumped a bit as a very sad Rachel Phantomhive entered the room and ran up to the bed, taking the other hand and with her free hand caressing his cheek. Vincent was soon after her and looked at Sebastian who was sitting there, it seemed as she hadn't bothered to care about the black haired male next to her dead son.

"Excuse me for being rude but who are you?"

Vincent asked and walked closer to his son. It felt as he didn't care for that Ciel would never come back to them. That the black haired man sitting next to him was more important to know who he was then hold his son. It disgusted him.

"I'm Sebastian Michaelis. I was your sons boyfriend before he passed away…"

Vincent gave him a glare before stroking the grayish hair from Ciel's four head and sighed. Sebastian didn't like that they touched him in that way when they barley cared for him when he lost his right eye sight after the accident. And of course that they didn't support him being gay.

They don't like me.

Sebastian looked at the faces of his dead boyfriend's parents. Rachel was crying into Ciel's shoulder and Vincent just stood there and looked at him, not showing any emotions at all. He was concerned if he had ever loved his son or not. What if Ciel never got loved as a child… Maybe he didn't want a child.

A thousand questions went through his head, knowing he wouldn't get a answer. He closed his eyes and massaged his palm softly with hit thumbs.

After half a hour a doctor came to talk to them and they left the room, leaving the two alone again. He looked at the still wet spot on his neck and shoulder from his mom's crying. He stood up from his chair and whipped it away with his sleeve and caressed his cheek gently. He leaned his four head against his and sighed.

"I don't want to burry you…"

He mumbled, the thought actually scaring him. He didn't pull away until he felt his pocket vibrate, telling him he had gotten a text. He took his phone out and sat back down.

'Are you still at the hospital? /Claude'

It seemed as Claude was borrowing the blondes phone to text him. He sighed and started to reply.

'Yes I am. Why do you ask?'

'You should go home and get some rest. This is already taking a big tool on you. I could come and pick you up then drive you home.'

'I don't want to go home or sleep. I want to stay by Ciel's side….'

'Sebastian, please. You can go see him tomorrow..?'

'Fine. Come now than before I change my mind.'

'Good. I'll be of then.'

Why did he care for me? Not like we have had any real conversation before. Only some small talking from here to there at parties and stuff. He sighed and put his phone down in his pocket again.

"I'm gonna leave you alone here soon love. I hope you don't mind it. But Claude insisted in that I need to sleep…I-I wish you could come with me…."

He mumbled and a few tears made their way down his cheeks.

"Maybe…Maybe you are home when I get there… Sitting in the bed and waiting for me."

He said before kissing his four head and caressed his cheek. He looked back at him as he closed the door slowly and walked down the corridor and out the house to see Claude. He felt his heart rip more and more at every step he took away from the grey haired boys body.