Laura

Laura felt anxious. She hadn't been able to relax for weeks now and she was no closer to working out what to do. Every possible option had been running through her mind, each one a definite possibility, each one bringing with it an element of closure but also the inevitable misery and heartache. The question was, which one would cause the least pain and give her the chance of some happiness?

She was trying so hard to throw herself in to work, to focus so much on what needed to be done that she didn't have time to think, but she was failing miserably. She couldn't even be sure she was doing a good job, which wasn't at all like her, she was always so meticulous.

"Hello stranger," came a cheerful voice behind her, making her jump as it shook her from her thoughts and she again realised that she had been miles away, "I have the feeling you've been avoiding me so I thought I'd better come and track you down."

She smiled weakly, her heart racing, "just been busy Robbie, that's all."

He smiled back at her but she could see the worry in his eyes as he tried to hold her gaze. She turned away. It was too painful to look at him...and she felt too guilty.

"Laura, I know it isn't that. Even when you've been busy you've always made time for me, checked up on me to see that I was ok. This is the longest time I can remember you going without contacting me. You haven't returned one of my calls and you haven't been to see if James and I are going for a drink once in the last few weeks. Don't shut me out...please."

The sadness in his eyes as she glanced back at him made her weak with anxiety. "We can't talk here. How about we meet up later, we can go for a drink."

"That would be good, I'd like that. I'll call by and pick you up when I finish then." He smiled at her again and even though she tried to smile back, the look on her face made him worry even more. He had known when he made the decision to go to her place of work in the middle of the working day, so that she had no choice but to face him, that he would be forcing her into a corner. He knew that whatever was going on wasn't something that he himself really wanted to face, yet he missed her and eventually his need to see her became far greater than the feelings of panic over why she was avoiding him. He was ashamed of the fact that he had secretly hoped that there would be a murder in Oxford. Not that he wanted to see an innocent person lose their life unnecessarily, but at least it would have meant that she had no choice but to face him. Still now she had agreed to meet him and although his stomach was turning over with the nerves of what this was all about, he felt better that he wouldn't have to wait too much longer to find out.

She glanced at him again. He had aged a lot in the time she had known him. Not surprisingly with everything he had been through. She knew him so well, every line on his face was etched in her memory and filled her mind when they weren't together, but where had that got her? Years of thinking about him, worrying whether he was eating and sleeping, years of loving him to a point where her heart ached that her feelings were not returned and she was forced to face the fact that they probably never would be.

As Robbie left, Laura flopped down in her chair and put her head in her hands. She wasn't ready to face things, didn't want to have to explain what she hadn't made up her mind about anyway. Yet, as always, one look from this man and she found herself agreeing to anything. He had always been able to do that to her. She hated to see sadness in his eyes and if he had asked her for something, and if she knew that it might make him feel better, she always found herself saying yes. That was part of the problem, the reason why she couldn't make a decision now, even though she knew that she should be able to make a sensible decision about anything. When it came to battles between the head and the heart, things were always less than straightforward.

The worst thing was, that of all the feelings Laura Hobson had ever experienced, this all consuming feeling of guilt was the worst that she could remember. How could she begin to talk to him about it? What could she possibly say that would make it all ok between them? In just a few hours he would be back to walk her to the pub and before that she needed to make some decisions.

A work in progress... reviews would be lovely!