Disclaimer: everything belongs to Charlaine Harris

My thoughts were interrupted a couple of hours later when Tara arrived unexpectedly in her minivan, but without the babies. When she had called one of her favorite clothing stores this morning about a special order, the young Were working part time for the summer had dropped some weird hints that Tara should check on me, so here she was. I hated to worry Tara, and appreciated her coming, so I said yes when she suggested we go to Shreveport for some shopping. She needed more post-baby clothes, and I still needed a maid of honor dress for Jason and Michele's wedding. As we drove, I thought about what it meant that a Were I didn't know had intervened on my behalf, so quickly, and how much she had to know to do that.

When I hit the end of those possibilities, I told Tara about the last few days. She demanded to know why my house wasn't full of flowers and gifts from Sam after I'd saved his life, and she pried into my other recent adventures. I only half listened to her exhortations to stick with humans while I thought about two gifts I'd need to buy while we were in Shreveport.

Before I could get them, I met the young Were, Rosanne, at the consignment shop where I picked out the perfect yellow dress for Jason's wedding. Her asking me to protect her true identity from the shop's human owner made me want to give her some advice, and so led me to another piece of my plan. After a few more quick stops I had everything I needed, plus a cute little present for the twins. I fought off a tinge of longing about whether I'd ever have my own babies, but I was learning to take what life brings instead of waiting around on what other people thought was "normal." Normal, I was not, but I was a survivor.

Tara and I wrapped up our errands and she dropped me off at home, finally saying out loud what I'd heard building in her head for the last half of the ride. Tara wanted to start to bridge gap between us that had been growing over the past couple of years, and I was grateful. Tara'd had some really bad experiences with supes, I hadn't exactly been available, and she was naturally somewhat occupied by building her new life with JB and the babies.

"I've grown up now," Tara declared, as much for herself as for me. I knew what she meant, though, and I was happy for her. Tara's childhood had been anything but happy, and her alcoholic parents had never really been grown ups for her. I reassured her that whatever mistakes we made, we'd always be friends.

"We're coming out the other side of a lot of trouble," I told her, "both of us."

Now I just needed to make sure that was true.

When night fell, I did some exercises to work off my nerves and kill time until I could call Fangtasia. I wasn't sure how informed Eric should be about my own plans for the future, but I needed to know one very important thing before I made my next move.

I hadn't counted on Pam refusing to let me speak to him. I finally gave up after she told me that guests would arrive any moment to continue negotiations on Eric's contract.

"Pam, I know you can't talk about it, but if there were any other option, do you think Eric would take it?"

"Sookie, there's really nothing you can do, " Pam said very carefully. "Eric cannot speak to you. You know how he feels about such things. Anyway, I've read that Tornado Alley can be quite problematic for vampires as well as humans. I suggest you forget about it."

I wasn't sure if Pam was encouraging me to cause trouble, warning me away from it, or blaming me for most of it so far. Between this and the message she gave me through Mustapha, I was truly confused about what Pam expected from me. She ended the call before I could decide to ask.

It was hard to relax after that cryptic conversation, so I marched across the graveyard to Bill's house. If I were to protect myself, I needed more access to information. If I'd ever thought to look up Charles Twining in Bill's database myself, I might have been spared a lot of trouble. I decided to chat with Bill for a while before mentioning it, knowing he'd be more likely to agree if I softened him up first. Hanging around supes so much had taught me a few tricks for getting what I needed.

Bill apologized that he had an appointment in a couple of hours at the blood donor clinic - to drink from a blood donor, that is. He explained about the Bureau of Vampire Affairs and the new, regulated system for providing vampires with human blood fresh from the source. Hearing about the new governmental organization's attempts to provide for but constrain vampires gave me a few more ideas, and proved my theory that vampires were moving toward more integration with human government. They would be expected to follow more regulations that would require monitoring, but I was sure the vampires would want some say in that.

Bill clued me in about Eric's other progeny Karin (how had I never even heard her name?), and made some rather uncomfortable comments about my use of the cluviel dor. He seemed to believe that my use of it on Sam meant that I was in love with Sam, a theory I'd disproven that very morning. Maybe I'd regret it later, but I was certain that what I was able to share with Sam was comfort and the love of friendship, but nothing more. Telling all this to Bill earned me one very skeptical look.

I'd realized toward the end of our relationship how patronizing Bill could be, and I saw more of it now when he responded that I didn't know myself very well. I didn't feel like listening to this, but his comments made me realize I had even more misunderstanding with Eric than I'd thought. Although he was probably leaving for Oklahoma, I didn't want Eric taking false memories about my intentions along with him.

Sighing, I told Bill I needed to go, and that if he didn't give me a copy of the database I'd simply steal it. After all, I'd done just that once before in order to save his life. Bill looked taken aback but relented, and I strode triumphantly back to my house, disk and password in hand.

I was tired, but the pieces of my plan were frustratingly close to coming together. I stayed up most of the night working out the details of what I would say to a couple of very important vampires, making and revising notes with a pencil on a new pad. If they rebuffed me, I wouldn't be worse off than I already was, but if things worked out I might at least secure some sense of safety for myself, wiggle room for Eric, and a break from the constant vampire hierarchy drama.

Thinking of my impending break-up with Eric as already done actually made things easier. I could make a plan for what might be best for me, and possibly help him, without the limitation of our doing so together. I was reminded of my grandmother's belief that a woman could do anything she had to. I didn't strictly have to in this case, but I was pretty sure Gran would approve. When I finally fell asleep, I knew it would not be for long enough, but if everything worked out it would all be worth it.