Title: "You are my weakness"
Author: too_beauty
Feedback: yes, please any kind of them will help me to improve my writing or leave it forever.
Pairing: Alexander & Hephaestion.
Rating: PG
Category: Historical AU
Disclaimer: I don't know the people involved; A&H belonged to themselves and to History.
"You are my weakness! Get out of my sight now" the young Regent of Macedon shouted to his best friend and lover.
Hephaestion Amyntoros couldn't believe what he was listening to. "Alexander must be joking" he thought but when he turned round and looked into his friend's two coloured-eyes, he realized that Alexander was saying the truth.
"Don't look at me with those puppy eyes, grow up, you are in the Macedonian Army!" Alexander turned round and looked at his companions and whispered: "And he wants to be a General".
The companions laughed believing it was a joke or a lovers' rant but Hephaestion knew something was really wrong. Cassander laughed louder and added:
"He is such a girl, he will never become a soldier, he holds his sword as if it were a feather"
Alexander laughed at that comment and looked at Ptolemy and Perdicas who weren't laughing but looking at him with astonishment. Alexander had never teased Hephaestion, moreover he had never sided Cassander against his lover, but there he was, doing that not only in front of the companions but also in the presence of common soldiers.
Hephaestion turned his back to Alexander and started to walk but he went frozen when the young Regent shouted:
"Amyntoros, where are you going? I didn't allow you to go anywhere"
Hephaestion turned and without looking at Alexander's eyes, he asked in a very low voice:
"May I leave, Sire?"
"Sorry, I can't listen to you with that girly voice" Alexander shouted.
That remark made everybody look at them with more curiosity.
Hephaestion stood up, full height, surpassing the Regent for several inches and with a strong voice, he asked again:
"May I leave, Sire?"
"Go and quickly, I can't even stand your presence now" Alexander answered and he was patted on his shoulder by Cassander who congratulated him.
Perdicas, seeing Hephaestion going back to the palace, ran after him but after some minutes of talk, Hephaestion continued alone.
On his way to Alexander's chamber, Hephaestion asked a servant to help him move his trunk to the barracks.
While gathering his things, Hephaestion set aside all the presents that Alexander had given him in these eight years they had been together and only took his own belongings. He touched his chest and undid the knot of the cord which held his half pendant, the one that Alexander had gifted him for his last birthday, being that night the first time they made love and spent the night together. Along with it, there were some chitons made of the most expensive clothes, some of them were even embroided by Olympias herself, a fur cloak and two pairs of leather boots.
Hephaestion headed to the stables and asked the groom there to take care of Auburn, the beautiful mare that Alexander had given him to replace his own stallion which had died due to an infection some months ago. He also stated that she wasn't his anymore but she had to be considered part of the Royal Cavalry.
The blue eyed- youth retired to his new chamber in the barracks and threw himself on the cot; placing an arm over his eyes, he tried to sleep, or at least, to shut his mind. His heart was hurting a lot and he couldn't find the cause for Alexander's wrath and disrespect. He didn't go to take his dinner with the rest of the companions so the regent asked one of his pages to summon Hephaestion to go to the dinning room. The page came back some minutes later and informed that Hephaestion wasn't in his room but that he had found many of his belongings on a table. Alexander was astonished for a second but then he returned his attention to the rest of the companions.
Ptolemy was quite worried and made an excuse to leave the table. He headed towards the stables and relaxed a bit when he saw Auburn next to Bucephalus. The groom approached Ptolemy and asked him if he could trust him something. Ptolemy encouraged the groom to speak and it was when the boy told him about Hephaestion's words. Ptolemy was really surprised with the revelation; he knew how much Hephaestion loved the mare. He went back to the dining room and Alexander asked him why he had that awful expression on his face. The elder companion told him what had happened and the young Regent showed fear in his eyes, but he recovered quickly. By this time, only Cassander was laughing with this news.
The next morning Hephaestion showed up for breakfast but he sat at the other end of the table; he ate some bread and drank some milk and spoke to Perdicas, but very little. Even though his eyes wanted to find his former lover's ones, he managed not to do it.
Alexander organized a hunting trip and everybody was ready after one hour except Hephaestion, who was sitting under an apple tree reading from a very old scroll.
Alexander approached and kicked the sole of Hephaestion's sandal to get his attention; Hephaestion lifted his gaze and Alexander could see his eyes bloodshot.
Hephaestion stood up immediately and saluted him as a common soldier did with an officer, and asked:
"What can I do for you, sire?"
"Why aren't you prepared for the hunting trip? You are delaying us"
"I am sorry, that was not my intention but I don't own a horse to go hunting, sire"
"Is Auburn ill?" Alexander asked with concern.
"No, sire, but she is with the Royal Cavalry now"
"Why did you hand her away? It was my gift"
"Because I don't want your gifts; I ´ll ask my father for the money to buy one"
"That is ridiculous, Phai"
"I don't think so sire, and my name is Hephaestion or Amyntoros "
"That's fine, do as you please" an angry Alexander answered.
"Thanks sire, have a good hunt"
And it really was a good hunt, for everybody, except for Alexander, who couldn't put his mind on the hunting trip. Cassander claimed the first prey and gifted it to Alexander. He would do up to the impossible to gain Alexander's heart now that Hephaestion had fallen in disgrace.
Days followed their nights and the two former lovers didn't get along again. Ptolemy and Perdicas were very worried, they saw how Hephaestion was losing weight, his eyes were always reddish and bright less; he spent most of his time alone, avoiding the rest of the companions but mostly Alexander's company.
Alexander, on the other hand, was acting in a very strange way; he was cheerful, doing jokes and flirting with everybody, including young girls they met at the market. He was also paying more attention to Cassander and so a blue eyed youth was replaced by another one but there stopped their resemblance; while Hephaestion was gentle, Cassander was rude; the former was intelligent and the latter was careless; the Athenian was a caring philosopher, the Macedonian was a bloody warrior.
One night, Hephaestion was coming back from one of his long walks around the city when he heard Ptolemy talking very excitedly, he approached the stable, being careful to be hidden and realized that the other person was Alexander.
"Why are you behaving like this, Alex?"
"How?" asked Alexander giggling stupidly
"Like this, you are always cheerful, doing strange things and …."
"But my dear friend, you have always told me that I was very serious, that I had to relax and enjoy myself, and that is what I am doing"
"With Cassander? How about Hephaestion? Have you seen him lately?" Ptolemy asked angrily.
"Yes, I see him everyday, so what's the problem?"
"He is your lover, Alex, and you are treating him as a piece of trash"
- "I am not, and we are over, finally"
"Finally? What does it mean? Was he a burden for you?" Ptolemy asked, not believing what he had heard.
"Well, yes, kind of, because he was always by my side, like a shadow and I didn't have time to do other things young boys do because he thought we were exclusive, and I got bored."
"If you got bored of his company, why didn't you tell him alone, instead of making fun of him in front of all of us? He deserved that and more, in fact, you never deserved him."
"Well, he is free now, you can claim him" Alexander said snorting.
"I´d do that willingly if I knew I was not going to be turned down, because he loves you, more than his own life and he is now fading away."
Hephaestion ran away after listening to Alexander's confession and with his heart smashed to a thousand pieces, took the most difficult decision he had ever taken.
The next morning, when the breakfast was nearly over, a page approached Alexander giving him a letter; the young Regent recognized his former lover's neat handwriting and sat down again on his couch. He opened the letter and started to read; after some minutes, he left the room and while he was walking towards the wooden door, the letter fell of his hand but he didn't stop to pick it up.
Ptolemy ran in his direction and picked the letter, attached to it was Hephaestion's half pendant. While reading, some tears ran along his cheeks and turned to see the rest of the companions.
To the Regent of Macedon,
With great sorrow in my heart, I must inform you that since this very day I won't be more part of the Macedonian Army, I have just realized that a soldier life is not what I want, moreover I am not good at it either. I ask you to inform King Phillip of my decision on his return and if the King needs a further explanation, I'd come back to explain my reasons.
It was a pleasure to serve under your command and I wish you the best for the conquest of Asia.
To my friend Alexander,
Once I told you that if you got tired of me, you'd have the obligation to tell me so I wouldn't bother with my presence. I listened to your conversation with Ptolemy at the stables and because of it is that I am heading back home, where I belong from now on. I wish you the best.
Health to you,
Hephaestion, son of Amyntor.