First of all, thank you all so much for sticking with me. I'm slowly making progress on the writing and hopefully it won't take much longer before I'm finished writing and can increase the speed of my updates. Secondly, I'm going to be taking down "Bottled Kisses" soon for various reasons. So if you read it and enjoyed it and want to read it again, I'd do so quickly. Finally, I haven't mentioned this lately, but I don't own anything in this story except for the storyline. Read and enjoy! Oh, and please review. ;-)
Chapter 12
Not at all. Tossed and turned. Fitful.
If you were to ask Troy and Gabriella individually how they slept, those are the words and phrases they each would use. The most they had slept apart since they started the physical side of their relationship were the nights he had away games- twenty total... until last night.
Gabriella finally found herself drifting off to dreamland around 4:30 a.m. and was not too happy when her alarm sounded at 7:30 that morning. She woke and turned to face the window and wasn't surprised at what she saw.
A dreary day to match a dreary mood, she thought to herself as she took notice of the gray clouds in the sky. Perfect.
She stretched and gave a massive yawn as she stood from the confines of her bed. The stretch was just as massive and knocked her back down on her bed and she let out a moan, her body's way of protesting having to be awake at such an ungodly hour on a Saturday. The first Saturday of her Spring Break of her final year of college to be more exact.
"Why did they pick this day? More specifically, this time?" she muttered to herself in disgust.
She found her slippers and emerged from her bedroom, going into autopilot mode as she moved in the direction of her beloved coffee pot while her eyes were still half closed. She let out another yawn and blindly found the handle of the carafe that contained her life source. It wasn't until she held the pot in her hands that she noticed the full cup sitting on the counter, mocking her.
"When did Troy start drinking coffee?" she asked herself out loud.
"I didn't. That's yours." The sound of the voice behind her startled her and she jumped, bringing a hand to cover her heart as she turned and found Troy standing in front of the stove, some bacon sizzling away in the frying pan.
"Geez! Troy, don't do that! I didn't know you were there," she told him. The exhaustion in her voice was very evident to him and he couldn't fight the concern that he felt welling inside him. He continued with his present task at hand of preparing breakfast and managed to contain said concern, however, when the voices in his head spoke up.
"She dumped you, Man. She doesn't care anymore. Let it go."
"No, she does still care. She's confused; that's why she did what she did."
"Quit making excuses. And by the way, you doing these random acts of kindness for her will not help her if she's as confused as you claim she is."
Troy sighed as he tried to push the back and forth argument from his mind.
"Thank you for getting my coffee for me," she told him softly.
"Old habits die hard."
Gabriella noticed the one line, monotone answers he was giving her. She knew that he only got in that mode when he was frustrated or upset about something. She also knew that the best way to deal with him when he got that way was just to let it go and let him work out whatever was going on in his mind. Only this time, she knew that she was the reason for his feelings right now and there was nothing she could do about it. Not yet, anyway.
"Why are you up so early on a Saturday?" she asked him.
"Gym."
Okay, I know he's upset, but what's with the freeze out? she thought to herself. This isn't like him.
"You?" He turned the question right back at her.
"What?" Oh, my gosh. Is he actually voluntarily talking to me? she wondered sarcastically.
"Why are you up so early?"
"Oh. My um..." She paused and swallowed, sobering quickly from her sarcasm, knowing that her answer would more than likely hit a nerve with him. "My study group is getting together," she rushed through her answer as she took another sip of her coffee and lifted herself so she was sitting on the counter. Troy's quick heavy sigh didn't go unnoticed by her, and as uncomfortable as the pause that followed was, it was expected.
"Did Taylor make it back to Connecticut okay?" he flatly asked out of the blue.
She looked at him carefully, trying to read his expression. Did he read the note? Was he trying to come around to the idea of forgiving Taylor like she was? Was he still indescribably angry at their longtime friend? Gabriella gave up trying to crack open his mind. She had tried it many times in the past and knew that it was a moot point.
"I don't know," she told him.
"You didn't follow up?" he asked her, his eyebrows creasing in confusion.
She shrugged, not finding anything odd about her response. "If something had happened, we would have heard."
"And you're her best friend?" Troy mumbled as he rolled his eyes to himself. Troy kept his focus on the bacon in front of him while Gabriella swung her legs back and forth. She looked at her feet and sighed. There was another uncomfortable pause between the two lovers.
"Have you talked to Chad?" she asked.
His grunt and a mumbled "Tried calling me last night. I didn't feel like talking," was her answer.
"She should be thrilled," Troy continued. Gabriella turned her focus from her feet to his back- and fought hard to keep her hormones in check as she watched the muscles rippling under his black wife beater as he continued to cook their breakfast.
"What do you mean?" she asked in a small voice, almost afraid of his answer.
"Well, she finally convinced you to date other guys. She probably went back and had a party in your honor." She noticed that he didn't even try to hide his sarcasm or his anger.
"Troy, that's not fair. Did you even read the note she left?" She swallowed hard to try and hide her own anger. But who was she really angry at? Taylor for stirring the pot and starting this whole mess; Troy for his uncaring, unsupportive attitude; or herself for being stupid and letting him go?
You weren't being stupid, Gabriella. You've got to do this for yourself. That was becoming her mantra that she repeated over and over in her mind. It was the only way she was going to get through this period.
"'Not fair'?" he practically shouted. "I'm sorry, did you say that's 'not fair'? You wanna talk 'not fair'? Try this on for size, Gabriella. I make love to the woman that I'm sure I want to spend the rest of my life with and then have to leave her for a week. Then, when I get back, I don't even know if I'm allowed to touch that woman because all of a sudden she wants to see other men. And I don't know what the HELL" he slammed his fist on the counter to prove his point on this word "I've done to deserve that. I haven't even been here to defend myself for whatever I've apparently done. That's what I call 'not fair', Gabriella."
Four times he threw her phrase back at her, and he used air quotes every time. She knew he only did that when he was upset. She lowered her eyes back to her feet and chewed on the inside of her lip while he turned his back on her to face the stove again.
"Would you at least do me one favor?" The sound of his voice reaching out to her again brought her back to the kitchen and the tension that was staring her in the face.
"What's that?" she quietly asked.
"If you decide that you want to sleep with one or more of these upcoming 'dates'-"
Him and those damn air quotes again... she thought to herself.
"-would you at least text me and let me know? Or even hang one of my ties on the door knob? Because I really don't want to come back in here and witness it, because I for one know how much you prefer the couch over the bed- although, I don't know, the bed does give you more room for all the times you tend to roll over, trying to be on top. And I sure as hell don't want to be in my bedroom and then hear all your moans of pleasure when you're being touched, because I know how much you like that."
Throughout his speech, Gabriella lifted her eyes from her feet to stare at his back in shock, shooting daggers in his direction. When did he become so hateful and vindictive? The things he was saying to her... She couldn't speak. She was hurt and outraged... furious, even.
How DARE he?!
Her thoughts were disrupted when he pushed the skillet off the burner. She watched as a few drops of hot grease splashed from the pan onto the back splash and the stove top before he shook his head and turned off the burner. He turned and started to walk from the kitchen, unable to be in the same room as her any longer than he needed to be. She reached out and grabbed his arm as he passed by- hard enough that he grimaced at the pain he felt as her nails dug into the exposed flesh of his arm- and felt her jerk him back so he came to a stop in front of her. He noticed that she didn't get off the counter, which terrified him somewhat.
He had never seen her this angry, but with her sitting on the counter, she was eye to eye with him and he could nearly feel the fury as her eyes turned from their usual soft coffee color to an unusual coal-black. He also couldn't help but feel her shaking. That was his sign that he had gone too far. The only thing he could do was contort his face in disgust and shake his head more to let her know the thought of her being intimate with another man made him sick. He realized quickly that his sick feeling didn't matter right now. He had pushed her over the edge and could do nothing to pull her out of her rage. He tried once to pull his arm free from her death grip as he stepped past her to escape, but Gabriella wouldn't let go.
"Troy Alexander Bolton," she started through gritted teeth. "You asshole! I don't believe you!Don't you ever talk to me like that." He lowered his eyes to the ground, trying to hide the pain in his right bicep where her short nails were digging into his skin, but she managed to bring his attention back to her face as she gripped his arm tighter. "I get it, okay? I get that you don't like this idea. Believe me, I get it. You have no clue how confused I am right now. I know you're mad. But you have no right- no right-" she used the index finger of her free hand to poke him in his chest to make her point- "to criticize me for wanting to make sure I'm certain about my future. I'm not going to sleep with..." Gabriella paused and took several deep breaths to calm herself before continuing, with her voice softer as she touched on a very sensitive subject for the two of them. "That's the farthest thing from my mind, Troy. That has nothing to do with... with this. You know how I feel about... that area of a relationship." Her voice softened as the topic of conversation turned intimate. "You are the only person that knows about that."
She released his arm with a slight push and watched as he struggled with not knowing whether he should cross his arms in frustration or rub his forearm in pain. Troy finally settled on the macho approach and crossed his arms across his chest. As much as it hurt, he cherished the hold she just had on him and his arm felt cold as soon as she released it.
"I'm sorry," he said softly. "I crossed a line. I shouldn't have said what I did. I'm just really confused right now, too, and I don't think there's anyone - except you - who can help me understand. And right now, I can't even ask for your help on this subject. I'm kind of alone here on this one."
Gabriella took a deep breath and licked her lips as she thought of what to say next. "Troy, I want you to understand. I want to help you understand. I just... I'm not even sure if I understand." She slid off the counter top and leaned against the refrigerator, with her own arms crossed in front of her, matching his stance. "Do you remember when I first came to East High? I had only been there a couple of days and you showed me your secret place, up on the roof? We talked about being in kindergarten and being anyone we wanted to be... finding best friends because there was nothing standing in our way. Do you remember that?"
"Like it was yesterday." Troy nodded his head and smiled as he remembered that exact day. "You were wearing jeans, a white lacy cami type something top, and a blue sweater."
"That you remember, but our Arnold and Minnie costumes you forget?" she asked him incredulously.
"Well, I tried to forget those!" he retorted, thinking back to their joint stage debut in Twinkle Towne during their junior year of high school.
"But we have posters and videos and pictures all over the apartment of that night!"
"Your point is...?" he urged her to continue- a sign that he wanted to drop the new topic.
"My point is..." she raised her voice slightly, before lowering it again and moving back to the original topic, "that you gave me kindergarten all over again, Troy. Up on that roof, with you... You gave me the chance to be anyone I wanted to be, to do anything I wanted to do. And look how far it's brought us!" Gabriella found herself giving a soft laugh through the tears that she was trying to hold back.
"So what are you saying?" he asked her. "Why are we talking about high school, and kindergarten?"
"Because I need you to let me go back to kindergarten again, Troy. I was almost there when I got accepted to Stanford. That time I didn't want to go back and it scared me to death. Then you were right there with me when I needed you. What I need from you now is for you to let me be that kindergartner again, and let me figure things out, on my own." She paused to sniffle as the tears started to fall against her better judgment. "I know-" she paused to swallow. "I know you've encouraged me and you've supported me and you've let me make my own decisions. And I'm so grateful to you for that. But I've also always had you and Mom, and even Lucille and Coach. They were my decisions ultimately, yes, but I always made them with your input. Now, for a little while, I just really need to make some of my own decisions. And if I fall on my face I need to figure out how to pick myself back up."
Troy was listening to the words she was saying in disbelief and shook his head. "Why? We're all right here! We all want to support you and we love you. We're here to help keep you on your feet so you don't have to fall on your face."
He watched as she stood before him- tears streaming and hands wringing nervously- and his heart went out to her. "I know. But I just... I need you to let me do this. I've at least got to try. I need to prove it to myself, I guess."
"I don't have a choice, do I?"
"Not this time," she whispered, while shaking her head.
"And you still want to share this apartment while you're trying this... find yourself whatever? Because honestly, Gabriella, I'm not sure I can do that. You know what? You stay here and I'll go bunk with Andy and Matt for a while. I'll still help pay the bills here, but I just, seriously, I don't think I can-"
"Troy, please?" she rushed to interrupt him. "Please don't do that. We can make this work. I swear to you."
Troy took a moment to ponder her request before speaking again. "I love you, Gabriella. You know I would do anything for you. But with this-" he pointed back and forth between the two of them "You know you're breaking my heart, right? You know that?"
Gabriella opened her mouth to speak, but Troy held a hand up to stop her.
"Don't. Don't apologize again. Please? But just tell me one thing."
"What?" she questioned.
"Is there still- I mean, when all of this is said and done, is there still a chance... for us?"
Gabriella pressed her lips together and looked at him. Without saying a word, she reached under the collar of her nightshirt and pulled out the 'T' necklace that she had yet to remove from around her neck and brought it up against her lips and held it there for a moment.
Troy watched her and pushed the hope he felt from her movements to the back of his mind. He dropped his arms to his sides and took a deep breath, trying to hide his new glimmer of excitement.
"I've gotta go. Andy's meeting me at the gym. There's bacon on the stove. I fixed enough for both of us, but I'm suddenly not hungry anymore. Help yourself."
She watched as he went through his daily pre-workout routine- which included a tablespoon of L-carnitine and sixteen ounces of his blue raspberry flavored NOS Blast powder mixed with water in his blender bottle- grabbed his wallet, phone, and keys and walked out the door, leaving her to stand in the empty apartment. Alone, yet again... just Gabriella and her thoughts. She released a breath that she didn't realize she had been holding and pushed herself off the front of the refrigerator and walked into her bedroom to get ready for her study group meeting.
TGFTGFTGFTGFTGFTGFTGFTGF
As Andy stood in the foyer of the gym waiting on the receptionist to get two towels from the cabinet, he replayed the voice mail message that he had received a few days prior. He wasn't sure what to make of it, but he planned on getting the appropriate information from his former roommate during this particular workout session.
"Hey Cuz! First of all, I hope your tournament in Georgia went well. Glad you're back. Got some information you might find interesting. I'll save it for wings and beer one night, but until then, you'd better tell your basketball buddy Troy that he's got his work cut out for him. This 'geek' just had a date with Gabriella Montez and I for one think it may be the first of many! I'll give you the full details later. Give me a call when you can!"
While listening to that message the first time, Andy could almost hear the smile that he just knew was plastered on his cousin's face. Davis had had a thing for Gabriella since their freshman year, and Andy had told him on many occasions to back off and let it go. It was for that reason that Andy was thoroughly confused by his cousin's message and hoped to get the answers he needed from Troy.
When Troy pulled up in the parking lot of the gym, he spotted Andy's car already parked. As he passed by his former roommate's car, he felt the hood and noticed that it was still warm, telling him that Andy had only just gotten there. He tapped into his acting experience and forced his excitement and when he walked inside, he spotted Andy checking in and taking the two towels from the receptionist that she was holding out to him.
"Andy! Hey, Man!"
"Hey, Troy. How's it going?"
The two friends greeted each other with a handshake and a manly pat on the back. Andy tossed Troy one of the two towels and the two scanned their membership cards to check in. The door to the gym itself buzzed and they left the foyer, walking to the mats for their warm up.
After stretching appropriately and doing some push-ups and spotting each other in some crunches and sit ups, the two moved to the rack where the dumbbells of various weight increments rested. Troy and Andy each picked up the 50 pound weight- both deciding to start off light and work their way up- and started lifting. The conversation centered around school and the exams they each had coming up at the end of the following month. Andy even asked Troy about his upcoming performance in the school's production of The Importance of Being Earnest.
"You excited?" Andy asked him.
"You've known me for four years. When have I not been excited about a production?"
"Well, that's true, but you actually have the lead role in this one."
The two men put their dumbbells back on the rack and moved on to the barbells. Andy took position on the bench first, leaving Troy to get the weights set for him.
"How much?" he asked as he moved to the rack to get the appropriate round disks.
"Um, let me start with sixty on each side."
Troy picked up the fifty and ten pound weights and set them on either side of the barbell. After he took his position for spotting, Andy began to lift. After fifteen repetitions, Andy stopped and sat up to rest before starting again.
"Not just the leading role, but aren't you excited to finally get rid of the Paul Bunyan look?"
"Ha ha," Troy said as he tossed his towel at Andy, hitting him in the face. "You jackass. It's not that bad!"
"I bet Gabriella likes it," Andy commented with a wiggle of his eyebrows as he moved to lay back down on the bench for some more repetitions.
"Um, yeah. She uh, she hasn't said much about it." Troy spoke quietly as he looked at the ground and stood above Andy once more. "Let me know when you're ready," he said, trying to change the subject.
"Okay, go," Andy said and Troy lifted the bar waiting on Andy to grip it and start lifting for twenty-five repetitions this time. When he was done and sat up to wipe the sweat from his face once more, he stood from the bench to allow Troy to take a seat for his turn. It was at that moment that he noticed the faraway look on his friend's face.
"Dude, what's going on?" he asked. Troy's eyes remained glazed over and he kept his focus on a spot on the nearby wall. "Troy?" Still no answer. "Helloooo?" Andy tried, waving a hand in front of Troy's face. "Troy, you still with me, Man?"
"Huh?" Troy asked, finally focusing on Andy once more.
"Where'd you go just then?"
"Nowhere. I'm just not focused," Troy told him as he took his place on the bench. "You ready?"
Andy nodded and took his place at Troy's head, but knew he was hiding something. He knew Troy was stubborn, but Andy was more stubborn. He wasn't giving up that easily. He decided to try another approach to finding out what was going on.
"Did Gabriella's friend get back okay?" he asked. Troy's response of "I guess" came out as a grunt while exhaling in between reps as he continued to lift the bar above his head and lower it to his chest again. Andy's eyebrows raised in surprise and he continued. "I really didn't think we'd be meeting this morning, seeing as how the two of you would have the apartment to yourselves again!" Troy noticed Andy's mischievous wink and suddenly stopped the repetitions and slammed the bar back on the holder with the help of a shocked Andy. He sat up and yanked his towel off the hook where he had hung it a few moments prior.
"Can we not talk about that, please?" Troy asked.
"Um, yeah. Sorry. Geez. I didn't know that the topic of your girlfriend would hit a nerve with you. You usually can't shut up about her. Not that I mind or anything. I mean, she is hot and all- Hey!" He stopped talking as Troy's towel came flying at his face. He watched as Troy walked over to the punching bag and put the gloves on that were resting nearby. "Need me to spot?" he asked, only to get his answer when Troy started punching at the bag without a spotter to hold it still. "Or maybe not."
When Troy took a momentary break to catch his breath, he spotted Andy leaning against the wall with his arms crossed in front of his chest, looking at him with his eyebrows raised.
"What?" Troy snaps.
"Can I ask you something?" Andy requested.
"Depends on what it is," Troy said as he moved to stand in front of the punching bag again and threw a few jabs before he turned his attention to Andy.
"Well, I'm going to anyway." Andy noticed Troy's eye roll and chose to ignore it and continue. "Gabriella..." he started.
"I would really rather not," Troy said, cutting Andy off as he turned back to the punching bag and jabbed a few more times.
"I'm going to ask anyway."
"Then why ask my permission?" Troy asked as he kept punching, slightly annoyed.
"Look, Man, the story is this: I got a message from my cousin, Davis, a couple of days ago. You met him at the party last week, right?" Troy's death glare alone confirmed Andy's suspicions. "Well, that look answers that. But it also worries me."
"Dude, if you're so interested in me and my relationship then why don't you ask my girlfriend out?" Troy snapped.
"So it's true?"
When all he got in response was an eyeroll, Andy sighed as he thought about how to tell Troy what he knew. "Davis said he went out with Gabriella and that I should tell you something like he's going out with her again and you're work is cut out for you." He watched as the anguish grew on Troy's face. Troy clenched his jaw and turned back to the punching bag and started throwing punches again, ignoring what Andy had just told him.
That ass. Bragging about MY girlfriend...
"Wanna talk about it?" Andy asked him.
"No," was Troy's simple response, but Andy wasn't ready to give up.
"You know, I'm really glad to learn this about you now and not when you're a professional, licensed therapist."
"What are you talking about?" Troy asked through his grunts as he continued punching the four feet tall bag.
"Well, I mean, most therapists encourage their patients to talk things out, and here you are keeping it all in. Remind me to come to you when I need help in the future."
Troy stopped punching and turned to look at Andy. "Look, I would love to tell you what's going on but I can't even make sense of it in my own head." Troy took the boxing gloves off and threw them on the floor and walked over to the dumb bell rack and picked up two more of the weights and started lifting again.
"So I'll ask again," Andy started. "What's going on?"
Troy shook he head as he put the weights back on the rack and got on the floor in the front leaning rest position, ready to do more push-ups. Andy walked up to him, frustrated with Troy for holding it all in. He'd seen this side of Troy before and knew from experience that it would not end well. He put his foot on Troy's back and pressed down with as much of his weight as he could. Troy attempted to fight the extra weight and kept trying for the push-ups, but he was finally forced to stop when he realized he wasn't even going to get one with Andy's force pushing down on him. He situated himself so he was sitting on the mat and turned his red, sweaty face so he could look up at Andy. His eyes showed his torment and Andy's heart went out to his friend as he sat on the floor next to him, handing him a bottle of water from inside his bag.
"Just talk through it, Troy. What happened between the time we left California for the tournament and when we got back?"
Troy twisted the lid back on the bottle of liquid and ran his hand over his face. "That's just it, I don't know! Taylor was here. Gabriella had made plans to play tour guide and show her around and they were just gonna spend time together. But every time I talked to her while we were gone, the conversations just got weird and she was distant and then- before I knew it- she started talking about seeing other guys."
"What happened when you got back?"
"I was getting my bag out of the truck and Davis pulled into the parking lot a few spots down from me and Gabriella was getting out of his car."
"A study date, right?" Andy asked. He feared he already knew the answer. "Davis can be a jerk and the situation was totally meaningless, I'm sure."
"No," Troy said softly, shaking his head. "Gabriella said they just went as friends. But... I can't help but feel like there's just more to this. I don't think it's just Davis."
"What do you mean by that?"
"She said she wants to try and 'figure out who she is.' I have no clue what that means or what I'm supposed to do."
"Wait, so she broke up with you?" Andy asked in disbelief. When Troy nodded, he continued. "But Troy, Man, you and Gabriella are practically married. You two are engaged, right?"
"No. We've been dating for over five years, but not engaged yet...and you know, I'm not sure. I guess we are broken up now. I just... I don't know."
"It sounds confusing. I'm sorry. As long as you two have been together..."
"I know. I wish I knew what I had done. Or better yet, what Taylor said. I just don't even know what would push her to do this. I thought I knew her- better than anyone."
"And you do. But in all honesty, I think that what you've just said to me, you need to say to her."
"That's just it! I have! And all I got was the 'It's not you, it's me' spiel."
"What if you try again? Maybe not right now. Things are confused as hell for you and I bet they are for her, too. Let her have some time, some space. But don't just give up. You have to ask her again." Andy watched Troy's face as he took another sip of his water and processed what he was being told. "Do you need a place to stay for a little while? You know my couch is yours. May not be the most comfortable, but it's there for you."
"I don't know. Thanks, but I don't know. I... we talked last night and then again this morning. I told her I'd go bunk somewhere else for a while but she insists that she wants me to stay at the apartment."
"Where's she gonna stay?" Andy asked, confused.
"At the apartment, too."
"You make that sound like a bad thing."
"Good, bad... I really don't know what to make of it right now."
"Well, for the moment, take it as a good thing. I mean, for starters, she's not likely to bring Davis over for a make out session if she knows you're still living there and are likely to beat the crap out of him. Hell, I may even beat the crap out of him myself, just because I can."
Troy gave a short breath through his nose. "Thanks for that, I guess."
"Was that almost a laugh?" Andy teased him. Troy looked at him and gave a small smile and nodded.
"Almost."
"Got more anger to get out?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I do."
Andy stood from his spot on the mat and held his hand out for Troy to grasp so he, too, could stand. "Then even though he's my cousin, I'll let you picture Davis' face on the bag. What do you say?"
"I say 'game on'," Troy told him. Andy tossed the gloves at Troy and he caught them, put them on, and waited for Andy to take his position behind the bag and hold it for him before he started punching again. Five years of love, adoration, arguments, making up, supporting each other, teasing each other... it all came rushing back to Troy in those few minutes. All his frustrations came pouring out for the next half hour and Andy was the epitome of the supportive friend, allowing Troy to curse his family member for the precariousness of his relationship.