T: Well, well the time has now come… our final course of the night… and also our final story in this saga of creepy tales… I do hope you enjoyed the ride and that you are full to the fullest with creepy pasta once this final tale is told… Well then, bring out the dessert!
Survival Guide
Hi there, I'm Cat Valentine and I'm here to tell you how you can survive any kind of situation you may have read here recently and any other's you could come across here in creepy pasta land
Now we've all been there before… went to that certain place, on a certain date, at a certain time… done a special thing and the thing that you suspected would happen has just happened… not to mention that you have just seen whatever is living in your mirror, been told in detail how you're going to die and now the highly demonic thing you have just summoned is heading towards you… also your family is dead, your things are all missing, or you're going to be framed by someone who has access to your bedroom… whatever will you do now sweet protagonist?
Well you've come to the right place to find out because I am here to tell you the simple rules to not only not become the victim of Creepy Pasta and also give you the best chance to come out kicking if the worst does happen… With the help of this guide you too can become a catatonic, nervous wreck as opposed to the guy currently being worn as a coat by some dude that roams around a lot
Remember just keep these simple rules in mind…
Rule 1: Mirrors and Darkness don't mix
Rule 2: Actually mirrors are a general no altogether in Creepy Pasta world… there is nothing more sinister than a mirror
Rule 3: There is ZERO chance of survival if you look at the thing that no one can see… or answer its question incorrectly
Rule 4: If you are alone at night in a creepy mental institution… Take some time to consider what the heck you are doing there… then if it is appropriate to leave, do so… quickly
Rule 5: Avoid going to places where everyone else that went their either disappeared or died inexplicably
Rule 6: If someone stops your car in the middle of the night and asks to come with you… It would probably be in your best interest to politely decline
Rule 7: Killing is the last method of survival… use it sparingly… and without F3AR
Rule 8: 'Who… Was… Phone' is often a great thing to ponder
Side note, who answers a phone when a making out with a dead person's hot daughter? A douche bag that's who… unless the girl says its ok to answer the phone… but even then it's best not to answer it in that situation anyway
Rule 9: Get a simple 38 Revolver, load it with 2 silver bullets… If you really feel that there is no chance of coming out alive of a situation… take one shot at the thing that is threatening you… if that doesn't work then you still have the last bullet to do with as you please
Rule 10: Area 51 is simply too well guarded to let you get in… or to let any aliens out
Rule 11: When staying at a hotel try to steer clear of any unauthorized areas… if you couldn't resist and saw a red thing… takes some time to consider the price range and hotel standards for your next visit… Have you ever stayed at a haunted Hilton?
Rule 12: When booking your hotel stay, Trip Adviser can be an invaluable tool to determining if your room was the scene of a multiple murder, full of dead people, built on the mouth of hell… also local newspapers can be helpful
Rule 13: Invoking demons, speaking in weird languages and performing rituals of any kind is dangerous… please refrain from doing so… especially around abandoned warehouses, churches, psychiatric institutions, forests, and your house in front of a mirror at night
Rule 14: When going to a new area… Environmental understanding is key to your survival… Ask around for cursed places, legends, dangers and other details… listen to local peoples stories and don't be afraid to ask which disappearances were paranormal or which weren't
Rule 15: Always have a bible next to your bed… Provides average reading material, signs of beliefs and if anything else… something heavy to throw at any oncoming attackers
Rule 16: Don't count on Holy Water… get a sturdy vile of sulfuric acid and have a priest consecrate it
Rule 17: Japanese priests cleanse a room by waving kitana swords around… Their ritual is 100% effective on corporal forms
Rule 18: If you find 666 messages on your phone, mailbox, E-mail etc. consider changing the service provider… Also don't bother reading or listening to the messages… the are spam… extra dimensional possibly but spam none the less… delete them all
Rule 19: Old pharmaceutical pharmacies can't help you… Unless you're specifically needing: blood of the innocent, snake oil, and radioactive syrup… which is never
Rule 20: If you need to sign it in blood… you don't need to sign it… all mainstream governing bodies will accept contracts signed in ink… keep this in mind if offered things that seem too good to be true
Rule 21: Lighthouses are dangerous… avoid them at all costs… if you work at a lighthouse, consider a career in insurance sales or veterinary care
Rule 22: There is simply no reason to listen to music that causes suicidal tendencies… or watch films that have strange or disastrous consequences
Rule 23: If you like to plan ahead and have some money… buy your auntie and uncle a house in Bel-Air… Nothing can harm you there no matter how scared your mother is
Rule 24: Secret, secluded, untouched places are left that way for a reason… Pioneers never say die but they do have an unusually high mortality rate
Rule 25: Before you consider swimming in the ice cold waters of a murky lake in the middle of a dark forest at midnight ask yourself… do you really want to travel to an ancient and terrifying city?... If the answer is no then stay at home and instead watch whatever quality programming happens to be on Cinemax, HBO or better yet… Netflix
Rule 26: On your 33rd birthday… try celebrating in a well-lit house, in the company of others
Rule 27: Refrain from using the one true name… for anything… there's probably a reason people gave it a nick
Rule 28: Watching TV static, for long periods of time, may be hazardous to your health… try satellite TV to combat this problem
Rule 29: Get a cat… Those furry little hairballs seem to perceive unusual phenomenon better than us… and if desperate… simply throw it at whatever is about to get you
Rule 30: Cemeteries are bad places… especially in foggy conditions and on Halloween
Rule 31: Try not to close your eyes… EVER… If you must only do so briefly
Rule 32: If you hear chanting… run until you are out of earshot… then run some more
Rule 33: If you are too old to play with dolls… you do not need to be anywhere near these creepy little things
Rule 34: Legends can offer valuable insight… to where you should not go camping with your friends
Rule 35: When babysitting, be sure to get a feel of the tastes in art and literature of the family… So you do not get killed by poorly selective statues
Rule 36: Even if you are sure that running will not save you at all… it is always best to try
Follow these rules and little… or massive harm may befall you… either way the important thing is that your tale is told, copied and pasted repeatedly… also its suggested that you have it read by MrCreepyPasta on Youtube… Stay Safe
T: Well that brings us to the end of our lovely dinner… I do hope you got your fill… I see some of you are too stuffed with pasta to move… that's just fine… Have a safe and Happy Halloween… now if you'll excuse me *sharpens my fork and knife* my dinner *licks my lips as I look at all of you* is just getting started *walks forward and slashes with my knife*