Chapter 19: Revelations
I just want to take a moment to point out that posting every couple of weeks is in fact a LOT sooner than once a month or longer. I do have a real life and this story is not my absolute main focus. Please do not send me reviews saying "Crazy:I thought you Said you would Update more often :(" or "What do i have to do to make u Update?" as questions like that will not prompt me to update. This update was already prepared to be posted tonight; I am not posting because of those reviews. Please fashion your reviews to be about the story itself, not about "when will you post a new chapter" or "how many chapters there are" or "will Gabriella go back to Troy", as I will not answer those questions. That's why you read a story- to get answers like that.
Okay, I'm off my soapbox now. With that being said- sit back, relax, and enjoy this new chapter of "What the Future Holds"! Love and blessings to you all!
The next day was important for Gabriella and for her future. In one day, she would be taking the LSATs for the second time. She didn't need to take them a second time- she did extremely well the first go around- but she really wanted to increase her score by about twenty-five points, just to have a nice cushion for her law school applications. Having that cushion would provide a lot more opportunities and choices for her as far as location is .
She spent the day after her date with Justin- well, in her mind, it was a date with herself and Justin just happened to be there- studying harder than she ever had in her life. But in the midst of her studying her rear end off, she also felt the sniffles, the sneezes, and the itchy eyes.
"Oh... please not now. Please wait just one more day! You can come tomorrow night after the LSATs are over!" she said to herself, as she rubbed her eyes following a particularly unwelcomed series of sneezes.
She knew the signs. They had made their presence known this time every year since she was in the seventh grade. Maria called it her "End-of-Year-Cram-for-Final-Exams" bug, although it was a little more than a mere bug. It usually lasted for about three or four days and was a full force, monster size sinus and allergy attack. This time, however, the symptoms were a lot more prevalent then usual and she couldn't figure out why.
Before standing from her spot at Troy's desk in the living room, Gabriella decided to take a quick break for a few minutes and reached over to grab a tissue- frowning when she found it to be the last in the box. She then walked into the kitchen and reached into the cabinet next to the refrigerator and groaned when she discovered her bottle of Allegra to be empty. She picked up the pen that sat on the counter and wrote 'tissues' and 'Allegra' on the pad she and Troy kept magnetized on the refrigerator for their grocery list and made a mental note to stop at the Walgreens around the corner from their apartment the next afternoon after her exam.
Having been so lost in her thoughts about being sick, Gabriella was startled when the phone shattered the silence in the apartment. She made her way back into the living room and leaned over to pick up the cordless phone from the coffee table. She let out a sneeze as her hand wrapped around the devise and hit the 'talk' button.
"Hello?" she answered, startled by the rasp she heard. She cleared her throat and tried again. "Excuse me, I'm sorry. Hello?"
"Is Troysie there?"
Gabriella cringed at the annoyingly perky voice on the other end of the line- a voice that sounded like it belonged to a bleached blonde just by hearing it.
"Who?" she asked pointedly. She was trying hard to not be rude to the girl on the other end, but she was a little bit put off by someone calling Troy. Not just a someone, but another girl. And when did he like being called 'Troysie?' Gabriella recalled a time in high school when Sharpay and Zeke were teasing them and she called him Troysie in jest; needless to say, no one has ever called him that since.
"Troysie. Troy Bolton? This is his number, right? Oh, shoot. I bet I wrote it down wrong when he gave it to me last night... Is that a six or a two? I can't tell."
Gabriella rolled her eyes as she listened to the person on the other end. What a ditz, she thought to herself.
"Sweetheart, I know Troy doesn't have the best handwriting- I mean, I've been trying to make sense of it for over five years now- but a six and a two look nothing alike, no matter who's writing it. How can the two numbers be confused?"
"So this is his number?" the caller asked, ignoring Gabriella's question.
"Who's calling?" Gabriella asked, trying hard to fend off the sniffles.
"You ask a lot of questions, don't you?"
"I live here, too. I think I have a right to take a message for Troy," Gabriella told her point blank. She was through being civil. This girl was playing with fire and she didn't even know it.
"Troy lives with a girl?" the caller asked, shocked. "He never told me that."
Gabriella sighed, clearly irritated. "Look, do you want me to give him a message or not?"
"Tell him Brendi called and everything's set for tonight. 'Kay? Thanks, bye!
Gabriella heard the dial tone in her ear and pulled the phone away, looking at the receiver in her hand, even more confused and upset than before.
"Brendi?"she asked out loud into the empty apartment. "Really, Troy? Brendi? I bet she's one of those types who thinks that she... Oh, my gosh!" she interrupted herself with a groan. "I'm seriously about to reduce myself to her level by trying to describe her!" She paused when her body was wracked by sneezes again and moaned.
"Damn sinuses," she cursed as she made her way back to the couch and pulled her LSAT study materials back into her lap.
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Some time later- she didn't know how long it had been; she had been so absorbed in her studying that she lost track of time- Gabriella heard keys turning in the lock and looked up in time to see Troy walking through the door.
"Hey," he greeted her, receiving a finger in the air telling him to hold on a second in response as she looked up a fact in the book sitting next to her on the couch. He watched as her mouth moved as she silently read the words on the page and then made a note in the margin and he couldn't help but smile. Troy always loved to watch her study. The technique she used, the way she looked so intense when she was researching facts... Finally, she lifted her head to face him.
"Hey," she said, her voice scratchy from all the coughing she had been doing throughout the day. The scratchiness caught his attention and it was at that moment that he noticed the roll of toilet paper sitting next to her on the couch.
"Your sinuses?" he guessed knowingly with a nod in her direction.
"Yeah," she pouted. "And I'm all out of Allegra and Kleenex," she told him with a sniffle. "I won't have time to stop until tomorrow after the LSATs."
As he walked into the kitchen, he heard her voice call out to him again.
"You've been going out a lot."
"Just hanging out with the guys. No big deal," he told her as he uncapped a bottle of Aquafina and took a sip as he moved back into the living room.
"Oh," she said, not letting his excuse sit. "Then who's Brendi?" she asked him cautiously, expecting a blowup in response. "I've never heard you mention her name before. Is she someone from one of your classes this semester?"
Out of the corner of her eye, she watched as Troy's muscles tightened and he stood up straighter. Busted, she thought to herself.
"She's just Mandy's cousin," he told her. "You know, Andy's girlfriend? She's been coming with them the last few times we've been out."
"So...are you..." She paused, trying to summon up the courage to ask the question that had been haunting her ever since the phone call. "...dating her?" she carefully asked, almost afraid of the answer she would receive.
Troy looked at her, shocked at her bluntness. "What? No. Well, I dunno. Not really. She's there, I'm there. We end up talking when the others go dance or whatever."
Gabriella felt her heart drop to her feet, but refused to let her disappointment show. "Oh."
"Wait, how'd you know about her?"
"She called earlier. Said everything was set for tonight. So...I guess tonight's a date?"
Troy watched as her eyes lost their shine and turned dull. He knew this news was killing her. He knew because he had been there just three weeks previously.
You can't go the rest of your life worrying about her, he told himself. You have to go move on, too, just like she's been doing. You're not doing anything wrong.
Troy shook his head, clearing those thoughts away. "Crap, I forgot I told her I'd go with her to this thing. Some sorority dinner or something."
"You forgot a date?" she asked as he walked back into the kitchen, trying to hide her jealousy but failing miserably.
"Green's not a good color on you, Gabriella," Troy told her as he pulled his phone from his pocket. He stood with his elbows propped on the bar top and watched Gabriella for her reaction.
"What?" she asked as she turned her gaze in his direction.
"You're jealous."
"No, I'm not," she scoffed. "I'm just curious, that's all."
"Fine, call it what you want." He held the phone in his hand was searched through his contact list until he found Brendi's number.
"It's fine, Troy. You can go out with whoever you want to, even if she is some bobble head..." she told him as she turned her focus back to the books in front of her, mumbling the end of her statement under her breath.
"Please don't lecture me, Gabriella. I think I'm old enough to know that I can go out with whomever I want. That's what you're doing, isn't it?"
He finally found the number he was looking for and turned his back to make the call as she brought her icy glare in his direction. He knew his last statement hit a nerve with Gabriella and he couldn't stand to look at her and see the hurt in her eyes.
"Take the best thing in my life and turn it upside down so you can go out with idiots who don't know a thing about you," he mumbled under his breath as he waited for the call to connect on the other end. "Remind me to thank Taylor again," he said in his normal tone.
"What?!" She stood from her spot on the couch and came to stand in front of him so she could better hear what he was saying. It was at that moment that Brendi answered. Or at least, she guessed as much when Troy waved his hand in front of her face to get her to be quiet.
"Hey, Brendi... Yeah, it's me, Troy. My roommate just gave me the message that you called." He looked at Gabriella when he emphasized 'roommate' and watched as she rolled her eyes and walked back to the couch. "I'm sorry, what time is this thing again tonight? I have it written down, but must have misplaced it."
He glanced up just in time to see Gabriella pick up her books and walk to her room, closing the door behind her.
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Saturday morning came and went, with Gabriella feeling the most confident that she had ever felt following a test. She felt like she increased her scores by twenty-five points- as was her goal- and then some. When she was walking to car her following the exams, she reached for her cell phone and turned it back on, having turned it off during the testing hours. She paused next to the driver's door of her car as the phone booted back up and wasn't surprised to immediately receive a text from her mom checking to see how it went. Gabriella quickly typed in a reply and just as she was hitting send, the phone rang in her hand. Taking a quick glance at the screen, she saw Davis' name and answered.
"Hello?"
"How did you do?"
"Davis, I so rocked it this time!" she told him, not hiding her excitement.
"That's great! So you think you got those extra twenty-five points you were hoping for?"
"I wouldn't be surprised if I got an extra thirty or thirty-five more points!"
"That's- Wow! That's incredible! We've got to go out and celebrate! I just got off the phone with Jacob and he's trying to get he rest of the study group together to go out tonight. What do you say? Are you in?"
"Absolutely! I've stayed cooped up too much lately, studying so much. I have got to get out!"
"Cooped up?" Davis asked with a snort of laughter. "Is that what they're calling it these days?"
"What do you mean by that?" Gabriella asked with a confused smile.
"So you're calling all those dates you've been on lately 'cooped up'? Girl, if you consider that cooped up..." he let his voice trail off, hearing her sigh of defeat in his ear.
"Fine!" she said, rolling her eyes at her friend. "As soon as all of the details are worked out, text me, okay?"
The two friends said their goodbyes and Gabriella finally climbed in her car and dialed the all too familiar number, listening to the ringing on the other end until the person answered.
"Hey, Mom, it's me. I got your message; I just got out... Oh, my gosh! They went so great this morning! I rocked them!..."
She continued to fill Maria in on her morning as she drove back to the apartment in hopes of a much needed nap, completely forgetting about her plan to stop at the Walgreens. With the sinuses preventing her from breathing through her nose, Gabriella hadn't been sleeping well at night, so she hoped that a nap would be possible for that afternoon.
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When Troy got home that afternoon after a morning at the gym, he was anxious to talk to Gabriella to find out how the LSATs went for her. Despite all they had been through in the past few weeks, he knew that this was a big day for her and he really wanted her to do well.
"Gabriella?" he called out, as he walked through the door. When he was greeted by silence, he came in further and walked down the hall a bit, stopping when he noticed her door was ajar. He stood just outside her door for a moment, listening to her soft snores. He wasn't oblivious to the fact that she hadn't been sleeping well- the walls in the apartment were thin and he heard her tossing and turning at night- and was thankful for her sake that she was finally sleeping, even if just for a couple of hours or so. He pushed the door open a bit more and peaked in, wondering if she stopped on her way home like she mentioned she would. The roll of toilet paper and bottle of Tylenol on her bedside table was his answer.
Shaking his head, he made a decision that the old Troy would have made- the Troy that was in a committed, long term relationship. He quickly and quietly left her room and went into the kitchen. He tore the list off the refrigerator, grabbed his keys, and walked out the door without so much as a second thought.
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The sound of the phone ringing in the living room was what caused Gabriella to stir from her sleep. She rubbed her eyes and rolled over in her bed. She let out a soft sigh as the ringing stopped. Troy must be home, she thought to herself. Hearing his muffled voice in the living room as he talked on the phone confirmed her suspicions.
As she moved to get out from under the covers, the items on her bedside table caught her eye. A brand new box of Kleenex; a new, unopened bottle of Allegra; a bottle of EsterC... Where did those come from? she wondered, scrunching her eyebrows in confusion. She didn't have time to think about it, though, as she heard soft knocking at her bedroom door.
"Gabriella?" Troy called out softly, in case she was still asleep.
"I'm awake," she answered him. "You can come in."
Troy opened the door and she noticed him holding the cordless phone, covering the mouthpiece with his hand.
"Did you have a good nap?" he asked.
"Yeah, I did," she nodded.
"I figured you forgot to stop and get your stuff, so I went and got it for you," he told her, signaling to her bedside table where the supplies sat.
"I was wondering where it all came from. Thank you."
"Phone's for you," he said, holding the phone out to her.
"Who is it?" she asked, as she took it from him. That was when she noticed his steely blue eyes.
"Taylor," was his simple response as he tossed the phone on her bed and turned on his heel, walking out of her room.
"Oh," was all she could manage to get out before she reached for the phone with a trembling hand and put it to her ear. "Hello?" she said tentatively.
"I didn't know if either of you would speak to me or not, which is why I called when I thought you two wouldn't be home," Taylor started. When Gabriella didn't respond, Taylor continued. "Gabriella? I know you're there. It's your sinus season and I hear you breathing through your mouth."
"Sorry. I guess I just... You know, I've had this conversation over and over in my head and I thought I was ready. Apparently I'm not quite sure what to say after all."
"Then let me, please?" Taylor said. When Gabriella didn't respond, Taylor continued. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I've been talking to Chad and he helped me to realize that what you and Troy had was special and I should have just stayed out of it."
"There's no need to apologize. Well, I mean, there is, but... Taylor? I'm glad you called. I really need you right now," Gabriella admitted, her voice small and the vulnerability was evident to Taylor.
"Really?" Taylor said, with hope shining through her words.
"Yeah," Gabriella confirmed. "I'm more confused now than I was before," she said softly.
"What? Why?"
"I've been on some first dates since you left with guys who seem to be really nice, interesting guys."
"So what's the problem?"
"Things seem fine at first, but as the evening goes on, I realize that they're... they're not..." Gabriella let her voice trail off, not able to finish her thought for fear that it would be showing her failures for the first time in her life.
"They're not Troy?" Taylor supplied for her friend, her voice going up with inflection to emphasize her question.
"No, I didn't say that," Gabriella said, shaking her head, hoping to get her point across despite the fact that Taylor couldn't see her. "Let's just say that they're not really that nice- or interesting, for that matter- once I'm out with them. Am I screwing up the first dates? Am I choosing rotten guys? Am I really this bad at the whole dating thing?"
Taylor couldn't help but let her heart break for her friend. Gabriella was going through this heartbreak and this stress all because of her. She could kick herself for getting involved the way that she did!
"Let's back up a minute and I'm going to say it a little differently... They're not Troy." This time it was said as a statement in hopes to get her point across.
"What?"
"I screwed up. Okay? That's no secret. You could have taken what I said with a grain of salt and just been upset with me for meddling. But you didn't. You took what I said seriously and you're going through with this craziness anyway. Sweetie, you're not going to have a perfect first date- or second date, for that matter- because right now you aren't dating Troy. I was trying to convince myself and refused to believe that you had actually found your soul mate in high school...and he's a lunkhead basketball player, for that matter!" Taylor paused and smiled to herself when she heard Gabriella's chuckle at the last part of her last statement. "But now I'm rethinking all of that."
Gabriella felt the tears, but fought hard to keep them back. She knew that this conversation was an important one for her and Taylor's friendship. Now wasn't the time for the tears. But at the same time, she knew that all her emotions were out of whack anyway- given her sinus issues, all the stress with the LSATs, and her personal issues with Troy. She swallowed hard to try and get rid of the lump and continued the conversation.
"So what are you trying to tell me Taylor?"
"That maybe I was wr..." She couldn't say it! No matter how many times she had rehearsed this exact conversation with Chad, those words were a lot harder in reality for Taylor to get out.
"Excuse me?" Gabriella knew what Taylor was trying to say. She wanted to actually hear the words, though, and wasn't going to accept it until she did.
"I said that perhaps I was wroooo..."
Gabriella couldn't help but grin. She was having a little bit of fun at Taylor's expense! "I keep missing that last word. What are you trying to say?"
Taylor rolled her eyes at Gabriella's game. She knew what the brunette was up to on the other end of the phone. "I think I might have been wrong, okay?!"
Gabriella chuckled again with the knowledge that she finally broke Taylor.
"Wow. How did those words feel coming out of your mouth?" she asked smugly.
"Like vinegar," Taylor told her without pause.
The two girls paused for a moment, both gathering their thoughts. Finally, Gabriella broke the silence.
"Taylor? I have another date with Davis tonight."
"Another? How many have you been on?"
"With him? This will be number two. But I've been on three others not counting the ones with him. After tonight, it'll be five total."
"Why do you sound unexcited about it?"
"Because I think I'm starting to second guess everything."
"Gabriella? Honey? I know I gave bad advice before, but I'm about to give more and I think this is actually much better than any advice I've ever given you in our past. Please take this piece of advice to heart, okay?"
"In all honesty- after recent events- I can't promise that until I hear what it is," Gabriella told her solemnly.
"Fair enough... I deserve that. Okay, here goes. Are you ready?"
"Ready."
"Follow your heart. I know I thought you were crazy, but your heart never does. Whatever it's telling you, must be truth. So follow your heart. If what your heart tells you makes you happy, then I'll be ecstatic for you."
Gabriella thought about what Taylor had just told her. Follow her heart. Right now, that was just a little bit easier said than done. In order for that to happen, she had to figure out what her heart was telling her.
"I can try to do that," she told her softly.
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As Gabriella hit "end" on the cordless phone, she looked at the bedside table and spotted her cell phone. She picked it up to check for any missed text messages and noticed that it had been turned off. She pushed the covers back and got out of bed, making her way into the living room to hang up the cordless.
"Hey, Troy?" she asked him, when she found him sitting on the couch watching ESPN.
"Yeah?"
"First of all, thank you for getting my medicine and stuff. I really appreciate it."
"You're welcome. I knew you hadn't been sleeping well lately- what with being sick and stressed over the LSATs- that I just ran out to get it for you when I saw that you were napping."
"Well, thank you." The two were silent for a minute while the commentators in the screen were talking about the Berkeley baseball team and their recent clean sweep of their last ten games. The topic of discussion was exactly how long could they keep it up and whether or not they would still hold that record when they faced the number one team of the conference and local Bay area rivals- Stanford. "Your guys are going down, Bolton."
Troy smirked as he turned his attention to the Cardinal fan standing before him. He shook his head at her statement. "You've never really been very good at the trash talk, have you?"
Gabriella shrugged as she made her way into the kitchen to get a bottle of water. "I try."
"Not very hard," he said.
"Whatever!" She paused as she took a sip of her water. "Hey, question. Did you turn off my cell?"
"Oh! Yeah, sorry. I tried to get rid of all distractions while you were sleeping. Sorry about that."
"It's okay. I was just wondering," she said softly.
Gabriella stayed standing in the kitchen for a minute, just watching him. Taylor's words echoed in her mind: Follow your heart.
But what are you trying to tell me, dear heart? You and I have always been so in tuned with each other. Why are we out of synch now? And just when I need you the most...
"Gabriella? Did you hear me?" She had been brought out of her reverie by Troy waving his hand in her face. How long have I been standing here like a freak show?
"I'm sorry, no. I didn't. I must have dazed out. What did you say?"
"I asked how the LSATs went this morning?" he repeated his earlier question.
"Oh! They went great! I think I got those twenty-five points and then some!"
"I bet you're excited to finally not have to worry about them, huh?"
"More than you know!" she said, letting out a soothing breath.
"Well, that's great! You should go out and celebrate." With you? She couldn't help but think to herself.
Wait, what? Where did that come from?
"Call up Kate or someone," he continued, and Gabriella realized that he wasn't talking about her going out with him to celebrate.
Geez, girl! Get a grip, why don't you?!
"Actually, I am."
"You are?" he asked, sounding alarmed.
"Yeah. Davis said something about it this morning. Which reminds me, let me turn my phone back on. He may have texted me while I was napping," she told him, as she turned on her phone and waited for it to boot up. About a minute later, she heard the tell tale text message tone. She opened it up and read the message from Davis.
"Old Pro at 8?"
He was referring to the sports bar in Palto Alto in the University Avenue area, just a few blocks from the Stanford campus. The restaurant as a whole was at best mediocre, but when it came to inexpensive drinks, it seemed to be the place to be.
She quickly typed out her response.
"Feel like driving out here and giving a ride? It's okay otherwise, but I don't want to worry about being responsible tonight if I don't have to be haha! Way too much to celebrate after this morning!"
"What's that about?" Troy questioned her.
"It's Davis, asking if I want to go to the Old Pro tonight. I just asked him if he feels like picking me up. I don't want to worry about driving."
"Why don't you just go ahead and drive? If you feel you need a ride home, give me a call and I'll come get you," Troy offered. Gabriella looked at him, puzzled.
"Why?" she asked as her phone rang. "Hello?" she answered, walking into her bedroom to continue her conversation with Davis on the other end.
"Because I don't want you alone with him..." Troy said softly out load to the empty room.
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The plans had been made. Davis drove out to Hayward to pick up Gabriella- he told her he wasn't planning on getting too crazy that evening; just enough to feel relaxed.
As the night went on, Gabriella's "I'm just allowing myself to have two" turned into three which soon turned into four. Before she knew it, Davis was settling the tab with the bartender and was saying their goodbyes to the rest of the group and helping her to the car. Gabriella had always been a responsible drinker. She knew her limits and when enough was enough. She had never been throwing-up-hangover-the-next-morning drunk, but had been close a few times. This was one of those times. Davis drove her home and listened through the whole thirty-five minute journey as she giggled over a joke that had been told earlier in the evening.
"I mean, it was just so funny! I've got to remember it! How did it go again?"
Davis just smiled and rolled his eyes as he retold the joke for the fifth time since they had been in the car. When they finally pulled up in the parking lot of her apartment building, he killed the engine and came around to the passenger side of the car to help her out. He walked her up the steps as Gabriella kept rummaging through her purse for her keys, and they stopped outside her door just as she pulled her hand out triumphantly.
"Found them!" she announced loudly.
"Good," Davis said, chuckling.
The two of them stood there watching each other. Gabriella suddenly felt herself sober up as she watched Davis's eyes on her. She had seen that look in his eyes before, but they weren't his eyes she had seen in it. It had been Troy's eyes where she saw that look. And she saw it when they were only sixteen and he was about to kiss her for the first time.
Why am I seeing that look now, of all times? her mind was saying.
"I really like you, Gabriella," Davis said.
Danger, Will Robinson! The alarm bells were going off.
"I've been fighting it for so long. Since our freshman year, in fact, but you were with Troy. I know I should still be fighting it, since you're fresh out of a relationship, but I can't fight it anymore, Gabriella." She couldn't help but notice that he kept getting closer to her. She subconsciously took a step back, but grunted when she felt the door knob in her lower back.
"Davis-" she began.
"Look, Gabriella, I can't fight it. I think you and I could be really great together and I really want to kiss you right now."
It was like she was having an out of body experience. She was standing there, watching as he brought his hand up to run it through her hair and brought his face closer to hers, but- no matter how loud Out-of-Body Gabriella was screaming at her to get inside- she just couldn't bring herself to move.
Before she knew it, Reality Gabriella took control. The key was in the lock and the door came unlocked.
Davis leaned in further and just as he was about to make contact, Gabriella turned her face so his lips landed on her cheek.
"What's the matter?" Davis asked her sensing a change in her attitude. "Are you okay?"
Gabriella didn't know what to say, so she said the only two words she could think of.
"I'm sorry."
She turned the knob of the door and let herself inside. Once it was closed and she and Davis had the physical separation, she let her body slide down the door until she landed with a thud! on the floor. She brought her hands up and buried her face behind them, letting the tears fall.
She sat there for a few minutes before she finally got the courage to pick herself up off the floor and- forgetting about her purse that was sitting beside her on the floor- made her way further into the apartment. She needed to talk to someone; it didn't matter who at that point.
"Troy?" she called softly. Gabriella took her sweater off and tossed it on the back of the chair as she walked down the hall and spotted his bedroom door open, but couldn't find him anywhere. After searching all over, she finally found a note stuck to the refrigerator and recognized his handwriting.
"Gone out" was all it said.
She felt the tears streaming down her face and grabbed a tissue from the nearby box, wiping her nose and leaving the tissue and Troy's note on the counter.
"He's moving on, Gabriella," she told herself through her tears. "It's time for you to do so as well."
She moved into her bedroom- kicking her shoes off as she walked further down the hall-, got ready for bed and climbed under her covers, and cried herself to sleep, as she tried to make sense of all the new feelings she was experiencing.