The Sweetest Gift

(Chapter Two: Baby Steps)

"What time is it?" Olivia asked softly as she felt Elliot slide out from under her legs and stand from the sofa.

They had spent the night together camped out in the hospital waiting area refusing to leave the little girl there alone.

Elliot stretched then cleared his throat and looked at his watch.

"It is about quarter after six."

Olivia groaned and sat up yawning and running her fingers through her hair.

"How did you sleep?" he asked.

"Not too bad, considering the arrangements. You?"

"I'm a little stiff, but I'll live."

"You sat there holding my feet all night? El, why didn't you lay down? We could have made room for both of us to stretch out. You probably would have slept better."

"I didn't want to wake you. Don't worry about it. A couple of aspirin and a cup of coffee and I will be good as new."

Olivia smiled as she looked at the clock across the room.

"It is still too early to go back and see her."

"Well, we could head down to the cafeteria and grab some breakfast."

She stretched again and looked around the empty room and the junk food filled vending machine.

"Yeah, okay."

A few minutes later they sat down together over a scrambled egg breakfast and black coffee.

"Have you thought anymore about how you are going to do this?" Elliot asked watching as she emptied another sweeter packet into her cup and picked up the creamer.

"You still don't think I should keep her?"

"No, that isn't what I meant. Liv, I think you are right. I think this baby needs you just as much as you need her. Maybe God had a special plan when he brought Gladys Dalton into your life. "

Olivia looked up at him and smiled as she took a sip of her coffee.

"Then what exactly did you mean?"

"I meant, with work and just life in general, parenthood is a lot to handle. You have my full support, of course, but this isn't going to be a cakewalk. What are you going to tell Cragen?"

"Cragen knows."

"He does?"

"Well, kind of. The papers were delivered to the precinct and Cragen brought them by my apartment. He knows that I have rights over the baby, but I am sure he didn't think for anything in the world that I actually planned on keeping her. I honestly didn't. When I first heard that doctor suggest children's services, I completely agreed with him. I was in no way set up to raise a child."

"What changed your mind?"

"I saw her. And it was love at first sight. This tiny little person and she is completely dependant on me. I can't just abandon her and walk away. She deserves a real chance at life and if I give up on her now….she will never get that. You have seen how the system treats disabled children. She is liable to end up abused and alone or dumped in some home for the disabled where she will never truly be loved. She deserves more than that. It isn't her fault that life isn't fair, but she shouldn't have every card in the deck stacked against her. I think I can help her. I think we can help each other. And this may be my only chance to have a child. That is something I have wanted my entire life. I needed a baby and she needed a mother. I don't think it could be spelled out any clearer. It just made sense."

"Perfect sense. Have you considered the expense of treatment and special doctors?"

"I'll sell off everything I own, get another job, whatever I have to do to get her the help she needs."

"You should see a lawyer and find out what kind of rights you do have here. You may be able to get her added to your insurance. If you can get the judge to say that you are her legal guardian and get the paperwork lined out….it probably wont cover everything, but it is a start."

"This is exactly why I asked you to come here. I mean, I wanted you to be here as my friend, but you also think about all of this from a parent's point of view. I guess I am not really in that train of thought just yet."

"It will come to you. What about daycare and preschool?"

"She is two days old, Elliot. I think I have a little time before I have to worry about that stuff."

"Not in Manhattan, you don't. Parents get their children on the waiting lists for the best preschools while they are still in the uterus. Some schools have a waiting list of about two years or more. And it is only going to be a few weeks before you will need a someone to watch over her when you come back to work."

Olivia rubbed her hands over her face and looked back up at him.

"I should be making a list. I have not even considered most of this stuff. I don't even know my options."

"You need to decide if you want to put her in daycare or get a nurse or nanny."

"I need a nanny?"

"Depending on her needs, it may be better for her to have someone who watches her in your home instead of taking her to a place where there are several children to one caretaker. She will get more one on one attention and it might be better for her."

Olivia picked up a napkin from under her spoon and pulled a pen from her purse.

"Nanny," she said as she wrote the word in black ink. "And nursery schools."

"What about the living arrangements?"

"What about them?"

"Babies require a lot of stuff. Will there be enough space in your little apartment for all of the things she needs."

Olivia bit the cap of her pen for a moment as she considered the possibilities.

"I have that small office space I could turn into a nursery. It would be tiny, but it would do for now. That would buy me a little time to look for a larger place."

"Well, she will probably spend the first few weeks she is home sleeping in a bassinette in your room, anyway. She wont go into an actual crib until she is a little bigger."

Olivia pulled another napkin from the dispenser on the table and began a second list.

"Bassinette and crib."

Elliot smiled.

"An you will need bottles and blankets, diapers and baby clothes. A swing and a bath tub. Special baby wash and shampoo. I'll tell you what…."

Olivia lowered her pen and looked up at him with worried eyes.

"When it gets a little closer for time for her to come home I will take you baby shopping. We will make sure you have everything you need for your little girl. And we can have a baby shower."

"Do people do that if you don't actually give birth?"

"Of course. You are still welcoming a new baby into your life. And she still needs a lot of things. We can check out some of the baby stores in the area and register for baby items. Then we will wait and go shopping after the shower, that way we know what things you still need."

"How do you know all of this stuff?"

"I have five kids."

"I know, but most men just leave it all up to the woman to do all of the planning."

"I'm not like most men."

"No, you're not," she said with a smile. "But you are an amazing help to me."

"You are not completely alone in this," Elliot said placing his hand over hers.

"Thanks, El."

"We still have about twenty minutes before we can go see her. What do you say we go check out the gift shop? I think maybe she could use a few little friends to keep her company when mommy can't be there with her."

"Mommy?" Olivia said with a smile. "That sounds so strange to me."

"You are a mommy now. Her mommy. You are her entire world."

"And she is mine."

"Congratulations," Elliot said as he kissed her forehead. "Come on, uncle El wants to get her some flowers to brighten up the little area around her bed."

Olivia laughed as they stepped into the elevator.

Half an hour later they returned to the NICU carrying a few stuffed animals and a vase with a few pink roses. The balloon that floated above the vase had a pink gingham print and said 'It's A Girl' in large pink letters.

They followed the nurse across the room to the little plastic incubator where Olivia's new daughter rested. Elliot sat two stuffed bears, a pink puppy dog, a giraffe and a duck on the window seal beside the vase of roses.

"That's better," he said pulling the curtains open just a bit to let a beam of sunlight peek through. "Good morning, beautiful," he said sitting in a chair beside the little bed and leaning to look inside.

"She looks good, doesn't she?" Olivia asked shifting her dark eyes to look up at his across the incubator.

Elliot turned his attention to the numbers on the screen beside the bed.

"Her breathing is better," he pointed out.

"Congratulations, it's a girl!" the doctor announced as he approached from behind them.

"Doctor," Olivia said with a smile, "how is she doing?"

"She has done very well through the night. She is responding well to the treatment we have started and breathing better on her own. We are still giving her oxygen to help her out, but she isn't dependant on the machine at this point. Her vitals are good. Temp is good. She is a very strong little girl."

"She gets that from her mother," Elliot said looking over at Olivia.

"Is she going to be okay?"

"It is still too soon to say she is in the clear. That could take months. But the swelling on her little brain is going down and things look very good. If she keeps this up we will be able to perform her second surgery right on schedule. We can probably get her started on a bottle in a few weeks and get her off the feeding tube. Baby steps. The things that come so naturally to other babies are a big challenge for her. She should still be inside her mother's womb for at least another couple of months. She isn't supposed to have to know how to breathe yet or nurse from a bottle, so she is going to need a little help learning to do these things. It will take a little time and it will be a while before she is completely out of the woods. It is still kind of hard to say, but if things keep progressing this well, you should be able to take her home in a couple of months."

"A couple of months?" Olivia asked looking worried once more.

"There are several milestones she must meet before I can discharge her. She has to be able to hold a good strong pulse and breathe well without assistance. She has to be able to feed from a bottle and tolerate infant formula. We have to get her weight up several more pounds. She has a long road to recovery. This is a journey that will take her a little time. But if we are persistent and patient with her, she can make it through this. I have seen many infants worse off than her make a complete turn around in just a few weeks."

"So her chances are good?" Elliot asked.

"We are not out of the woods just yet. But the progress she has already shown is promising. But setbacks can happen in a matter of moments. She could spike a fever or set up infection. We just can't say. What I can say is don't give up. She is a very strong baby and with enough love and support and maybe prayer, she can make it through this."

"Well, she has plenty of that," Elliot said squeezing Olivia's shoulder in support.

"I'll leave you to your visit," the doctor said as he turned to walk away. "Oh, and Ms. Benson?"

"Yes," she said raising her head.

"Your little girl still needs a name."

"She does," Olivia sighed looking down at the tiny little figure behind the thick plastic wall. "I guess in all of this madness that little detail completely slipped my mind." She folded her arms and laid her forehead against the incubator to stare inside. "She needs a good name. Something that fits her and she wont mind having for the rest of her life."

"No pressure," Elliot joked.

"I'm serious. I don't want her to have a name she is going to hate when she is older."

"She needs something pretty."

"Any suggestions?"

"Take a little time to think about it. I am sure you will come up with something great. Listen, I need to run by work for a few hours and take care of a few things. Are you gonna be alright here by yourself?"

"I'm not by myself anymore, El. My daughter is with me now," she announced with a smile.

Elliot laughed and looked down at the precious little baby.

"She sure is. Alright, call me if you need anything or if there are any changes. I thought I could run by your apartment and bring you back some clothes. That way you don't have to leave her. The nurse said there are showers in the waiting area on the second floor, that will give you a place to get cleaned up."

"A shower sounds so good right now."

"I'll bring you some lunch and a couple changes of clothes. You stay strong kid," he whispered kneeling beside the incubator once more. "Uncle Elliot will be back to see you in a few hours and I'll bring you something nice."

Olivia smiled and hugged her best friend.

"Thank you," she said softly. "You don't know what it means to me to have your support in this."

"I am your best friend, Olivia. You have my support in everything you do."

"Yeah, but it is still nice to have someone there when I turn around."

"I'll see you in a couple of hours."

"We'll be here," she whispered laying her head back down to look in on her baby.

When Elliot returned that afternoon he found Olivia sitting next to the baby reading to her from the New York Times.

"What are you doing?" he laughed.

"The doctor said it is good for her to hear my voice. She likes when I read to her. And this is all I could find."

"I think I can help you out," he said pulling a small book from the bag he brought with him and handing it to her. "There are over a thousand baby names and meanings in there, surely one of them will fit her."

Olivia smiled.

"This is good. Now she can help me pick out a name."

"I also got a few things for her. A little baby doll and a dress. It says preemie, but it still looks so huge compared to her."

"El, you don't have to bring her something every time you come to visit."

"She is going to need an outfit to come home in. Besides, I promised I would bring her something."

"You will spoil her."

"I intend to. All babies deserve to be spoiled. And this is for you."

"Thank you," she said taking a gift bag from him. "What is it?"

"Well, baby stuff. So I guess it is kind of for her, but there is something in there for you as well."

Olivia set the colorful tissue paper aside and pulled out a large photo album.

"It's a baby book. So you can start keeping track of all of her moments."

"And this?" she asked pulling out another book full of blank pages.

"That is a journal. So you can record your thoughts about being a mother and write little messages to her. Then when she is older you can give it to her to help her to understand how all of this happened."

Elliot watched as a smile crossed her face.

"Thank you."

"You are very welcome. I also brought some Chinese take out, but the nurses wouldn't let me bring it back here. It is sitting up at the desk, they said we have to take it out into the waiting room. Are you hungry?"

"Starving," she laughed. "Okay sweetheart, mommy will come back and visit you in a little while. Get some rest and be a good girl. I love you angel."

Elliot couldn't help but smile at her words. Motherhood seemed to have come so naturally to Olivia in the moments since she had inherited this child. They walked down the hall and Elliot set out their lunch on the card table in the corner of the room.

After they had finished eating Elliot held open his hand for Olivia to choose her fortune cookie.

"Pick one," he said raising his palm to her.

"It doesn't matter. You pick for me."

"Oh no, your future may be in the palm of my hand, but it is something that only you can choose."

Olivia laughed and picked up one of the cookies.

"You read yours first," he said as she broke the cookie in half.

"Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves," she read aloud.

"That fits you."

"What do you mean? I can barely understand it."

"Well, you are always doing things to help other people. The victims and everyone around you, you are a very giving person. Those who fill their thoughts and actions with love and compassion for other people will touch the lives of those around them. The people they have touched will, in turn, fill their thoughts and actions with love for that person. You know, a what goes around comes around kind of thing. And the goodness and love you have shared with others all of this time is finally coming back around to you."

Olivia smiled and tucked the little slip of paper into her pocket.

"What does yours say?" she asked as Elliot broke his cookie open and smiled.

"Old friends make best friends."

"Very funny."

"I'm serious," he said handing her the fortune.

Olivia read it over and smiled.

"It's true," she said. "You and I have known each other for almost twelve years now. We have been through the best and the worst of just about everything together. Including the death of my mother and the arrival of my daughter. You are my very best friend and I thank God every day for bringing you into my life."

"Aww."

"I'm serious, El. I have never had a family or any real friends. Not until I met you. It is nice to know there is someone who will always be there for you. To know that I would do anything for you…."

"And I would do anything for you," he said staring into her eyes. "And for her. You guys are my family. This precious little girl will be so loved by everyone around her and it is all because of you."

"I should get back in there. I don't want her to feel like she is alone. I want to be there beside her every moment that I can."

"You have had that baby for two days now and you are already such an amazing mother. You're a natural."

"You think so? There is still so much I am unsure of and I worry about/"

"I really do."

"I hope so."

"I know so. You will figure it all out. You will learn, just like every other parent."

"I hope you're right."