The Sweetest Gift

(Chapter Five: Progress)

"I cannot believe there are this many people here," Olivia said as they entered the grand ballroom that had been booked for the occasion.

"There must be close to a thousand people here," Fin agreed as his eyes scanned the room.

Olivia pressed her lips nervously together as she clutched the note cards for the speech she had prepared in her hand.

"Breathe," Elliot whispered leaning into her.

"I can't do this," she whispered. "Where did they all come from?"

"We advertised in every newspaper and on every TV station in the tri-state area. This is all for Tessa."

"These people don't know her."

"They have all heard the story of this brave little girl and they want to do everything they can to help her. Tessa's story has touched the lives of all of these people. That is a lot for one tiny little girl."

"We should get started," Cragen interrupted placing his arm around Olivia and pulling her to the side for a moment. "There are some reporters here who would like to get a few words from you about the turnout. What do you think about that?"

Olivia looked nervously once more around the large room.

"I told them I would talk to you about it. We are doing this your way. Whatever you are comfortable with…."

"That is fine," she said nodding in agreement. "These people have all gone out of their way to help me and to help Tessa. The least I can do is take a few minutes to thank them publicly."

Cragen smiled at her.

"I figured we could start off the evening by doing a little introduction. Bring you out on stage so that you can give them all a little information about Tessa and we will put up her picture. If you feel up to it, you could answer a few questions. You can give them an update on her condition and then we will move on to dinner. The band will start at nine thirty and we will open up the dance floor."

"Sounds good. I'm just not a big fan of public speaking."

"Talk to them, Olivia. Speak from your heart. You are very much a people person and I know that you can reach everyone of these people here tonight."

"I practiced this until I could recite it in my sleep, now I can't remember a single word."

Elliot reached down and took the stack of cards from her hand.

"Then wing it."

"What?" she asked turning to look at him. "You're not being graded on this. Just go out there and talk to them. Tell Tessa's story. Tell your story. Speak to them like a mother talking about her child. This is your baby, your little girl. Tell them what you feel."

Elliot pushed the cards neatly back together and handed them to her.

Olivia cleared her throat.

"I don't need the cards," she said softly as she looked out at her audience once more.

"The cards always made me more nervous anyway. I was always afraid I would forget something. When I wing it, it takes the pressure off."

Olivia smiled.

"Wing it," she said. "So, detective Stabler, if you don't mind," she said with a smile raising her arm as he slipped his hand into hers.

"Shall we?"

And with that he escorted her out onto the stage.

Later as they all sat around the table eating dinner and drinking wine, Olivia watched as couples began to gather around the dance floor.

"Would you like to dance?" Elliot asked softly.

"Are you sure your wife wouldn't mind?" Olivia asked glancing over at the table where Kathy sat with a man she had never seen before.

"No, I honestly don't even think she would notice," Elliot replied watching as the man slipped his arm around Kathy and whispered something to her and she laughed.

"I would love to," Olivia replied as Elliot stood and lead her to the dance floor.

"This was really a great turn out."

"It was nice of you and Cragen to pull this all together."

"There isn't anything we wouldn't do for that little girl."

Olivia smiled.

"I'm so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life."

"And such a strong, beautiful daughter."

"I never properly thanked you," she said straightening his tie in her fingers.

Olivia leaned forward and hugged him tight.

"Thank you," she whispered softly in his ear.

"You are very welcome," Elliot said closing his arms around her and just holding her for a moment. "Liv…."

"Kathy, right," Olivia said pulling back and looking over at Kathy who was now watching them closely.

"That's just it. I don't care about Kathy."

"It's rocky now, but things will get better. They always do."

"Not this time. I gave Kathy the divorce papers this morning. I have already signed. She is meeting with her lawyer tomorrow, then all that's left to do is work out a custody arrangement. It's over. We're through."

"El, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I'm happy. For the first time in years, I am truly happy. Just to know without a doubt what I want."

"And what is that?"

"A fresh start. I have been with the same woman since I was eighteen years old."

"That is called commitment, Elliot."

"I know. And we have five beautiful children together. I wouldn't change anything that has happened over the years. But the relationship between Kathy and I has pretty much been dead for months, we were just trying to work things out for the kids. Then one day we both realized that the kids will be happy if we are happy. Staying together and being miserable was just going to make our children miserable and we all deserve better than that."

"Very true. You guys have both always looked out for the kids first. I think they will be just fine."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Well, are there any hot dates planned in your near future?"

"You mean besides the one I have tonight?" she asked with a smile. "I don't know, El. I spent so long looking for love, I guess I have just decided maybe that isn't what I need right now. I already have what I need. I have my beautiful baby girl and the rest of my life to love her. Maybe this is what I have been searching for. The purest form of love that there is. This innocent little…." she paused for a moment as she tipped her head to look at him. "She needs me. And I need her. I have never really had that before. I am in love."

"I need you," Elliot said staring into her eyes.

Olivia smiled.

"I need you too," she said placing her hand against his chest. "But what I mean is that I have never had anyone who my life completely revolved around. Even as a child, I spent most of my time alone. I'm not alone anymore. I will never be alone again. I have a daughter, now I have a family of my own."

"You haven't been alone for a long time," he said as she gazed into the calming ocean blue of his eyes. "We're a family, Olivia. You and me, Cragen and the guys, we are a family. And the day you walked into the bullpen, you became a member of the SVU family. From that moment on, you have never been alone. All of this time you have been trying to find a place where you belong. Look around you. You have been standing right where you belong all along."

"You're really sweet," she said softly trying to refrain from crying. "What do you say we get out of here?"

"What all of these guys in penguin suits?"

"I have fulfilled my obligation for the evening. Dinner is over, I don't think anyone would notice if we slipped out. Besides, these heels are killing my feet. And there is somewhere else I would rather be."

"What about my penguin suit?"

Olivia laughed as she reached up and untied his tie and unbuttoned the top button of his white button down shirt.

"There," she said with a smile, "now you're less stuffy and more normal," she said with a wink. "You're driving," she said walking toward the door to make her escape.

Elliot smiled and pulled his car keys from his pocket as he followed her into the parking lot. Elliot stopped and watched as Olivia slipped off her heels and walked around to the driver's side of Elliot's car.

"I thought I was driving?"

"I've got this," she said opening her hands as he tossed her his keys.

They climbed into the car and headed across town.

"So, where are we going?"

"You'll see," she said with a smile.

Another couple of blocks and Olivia pulled into a back lot of the hospital. She cut across to the main parking lot and shut off the engine.

"I have been thinking about this all night," she said tossing him the car keys as she climbed out of the car.

Olivia carried her shoes in her hand as they entered through the lobby and climbed onto the elevator.

"We're gonna go in there dressed like this?" Elliot asked. "We look like we just came from prom."

"El, Tessa doesn't care how we're dressed. All that matters to her is that we are here."

"Visiting hours are over, Olivia. They're not gonna let us in," he said as she pushed the button and waved to the nurse behind the big metal doors.

Elliot heard a buzzing sound and the doors opened. He shrugged his shoulders and followed her down the hall.

"How did it go?" the nurse asked as Olivia approached her.

"Really well," Olivia replied. "We just wanted to stop in and say good night to Tessa."

"Actually, I have been trying to call you."

"My phone is off because of the fundraiser. What's going on? Is something wrong?"

"Oh, no. We got to take her completely off her oxygen."

"Really? And she is doing okay?"

"She is doing great! I talked to the doctor and he wants to wait another couple of days just to be sure, but he wants me to start going over the paperwork with you to move her from the NICU into the regular nursery."

"Oh wow," Olivia said looking at Elliot.

"That is great," he said in excitement. "She is a very strong little girl."

"We have been working with her on the pacifier and I think she has the hang of it. She is doing so good."

Elliot stayed beside Olivia as the woman lead them down the hall to the room where Tessa slept in her little bed.

"I swear she has gotten bigger just since I left her this morning," Olivia said smiling in on her daughter. "Hi baby," she cooed, "mommy missed you so much. Can I touch her?"

"Sure," the nurse answered as Elliot and Olivia moved across the room to wash up.

The nurse opened up the door on the incubator and removed the bandage that covered Tessa's eyes.

"How is everything? Since her surgery?" Elliot asked.

"She is doing very well. The swelling has gone down. She is breathing on her own still. We do still sometimes pump oxygen into the incubator for her, just to make it easier on her. We were actually going to start working with her on taking formula so we can get rid of the feeding tube. She has good suction with the pacifier, so I think she will probably do just fine. We will probably start that within the next couple of days. She is actually starting to open her eyes more and respond to sound. And she has gained four and a half ounces over the last few days. We weigh her daily and she has stopped losing weight and it starting to put it back on. The formula the doctor wants to start her on has a composition very similar to breast milk, it is easier for her to digest, but it has a lot of calories. So that should help her gain some weight. We are also feeding her every hour and a half. Once we start her on the bottle we will offer her the bottle every two hours and then if she takes it well we will just use the tube to make sure she gets enough formula and fluids in her system. She is making amazing progress. We are all so proud of her."

"Mommy is proud of you too, Tessa," Olivia cooed as the baby stretched and grasped her finger. "Hello there, sweetheart."

Elliot watched as the baby opened her eyes and tried to focus on her mother's face for the first time since she had been born.

"She's looking right at you."

"How well can she see?" Olivia asked.

"Her vision is probably blurry and she doesn't have much motor control, just yet, so she kind of just looks where ever her eyes happen to be pointed at the time. But she reacts to light and sound. It is important at this time that we just remember that she is not even supposed to be outside the womb for another month. So she isn't going to have the same milestones as most babies her age. It is going to take her a little while to get caught up to where she should be. Right now we can't expect much more than a lot of sleeping and a little movement here and there. She is making excellent progress."

"I can't wait until I can actually hold her and take her home," Olivia said as she smoothed her fingers over the little girl's cheek. As she did Tessa turned her little head and snuggled her face in against Olivia's hand.

"She is such a sweet little girl. She hardly ever cries and she seems very affectionate. Some babies when they are this tiny don't like even being touched. But with her it is like she…."

"Has been alone for too long and she is grateful to finally have someone there who loves her," Olivia said cutting her off. "I know exactly how she feels. I love you more than anything, honey."

"She loves you, too. And she shows it the only way she knows how. When she stares at you and holds your finger in her little hand, that is her saying I love you too mommy," Elliot said.

"I really should get her fed and let her get back to sleep, now. But I'm on all night if you want to call and check on her. You can come back at eight o'clock tomorrow morning."

"I will, thank you."

"Goodnight, my sweet angel. Mommy will be back tomorrow to see you. I love you Tessa," Olivia said as the woman closed the incubator door.

Elliot drove Olivia back to her apartment and walked her to her door.

"Do you wanna come in for a drink?" she offered. "I'm still wound. I feel like celebrating."

Elliot smiled and laughed.

"What have you got?" he asked tossing his jacket over the back of the sofa as she moved to the kitchen.

"Red wine….vodka….oh, I have beer."

"Beer would be great. Thank you."

"I'm not sure beer is right for the occasion, but here you go," she said handing him the brown bottle and raising her glass.

"To Tessa," Elliot said. "And her remarkable progress, may she find herself in her mother's arms very soon."

Olivia smiled with tears in her eyes as the rim of her glass met his bottle.

"That is very sweet, El."

"She'll be home before you know it. That reminds me," he said pulling a folded up piece of paper from his pocket. "Eli asked me to give this to you."

"Eli?"

Olivia took the paper and unfolded it to reveal the artwork of his five year old. In blue and green crayon was a picture of what appeared to be a slightly distorted frog, sitting on a lily pad in the water. Olivia smiled.

"What is this?"

"Eli wanted to make a get well picture for Tessa, but he didn't know what to draw. When he asked me, I told him he should draw something that makes him happy. That is Desi, his pet frog."

Olivia laughed.

"It's adorable."

"It is disgusting. The frog was a class pet and at the end of school last year the teacher drew the name of a student who got to keep him. Eli won. Desi was named after Desi Arnaz, I am assuming by the teacher and provides constant entertainment at the house because he refuses to stay in his aquarium."

"What happened to Lucy?" Olivia joked.

"There was a Lucy. But she met a tragic fate a few months ago when she escaped the aquarium and became lunch for Elizabeth's cat."

"Oh," she said softly, "poor Lucy. That must have been hard on Eli."

"Kathy and I had planned to tell him the frog ran away or something. But Dickie got to him first. I expected Eli to freak out or cry when Dickie taunted him with Lucy's remains, but he thought it was cool."

"Well tell him I said thank you very much. I'll take it to the hospital with me tomorrow and hang it by her bed. It might be good to add a little color to that gloomy little room. That reminds me, I have something I want to show you," she said taking Elliot by the hands and leading him down the hallway.

Olivia pushed open the door and turned on the light to reveal an empty room with a hardwood floor and four white walls.

"It's an empty room," Elliot said wondering exactly what it was he was supposed to see here.

"It's a nursery. At least it will be. I cleaned out the office and I want this to be Tessa's room."

"You could start by putting a crib in it. Maybe some curtains on the window."

"I was waiting until after the fundraiser when I got some of the hospital stuff paid down and a few of the credit cards under control. And…."

"And?"

"And some people think it is bad luck to set up a baby room until you know for sure the baby will actually be coming home."

"You don't believe that, do you?"

"I don't think so. But I didn't want to take any chances. She is so much better now. I think that makes this the perfect time to start working on the nursery. You said you would help me. Does that offer still stand?"

"Of course it does." Elliot looked around the room for a moment. "What exactly did you have in mind?"

"I'm not really sure yet. Some paint, I was thinking maybe yellow or a light green. Other than that, I am open for suggestions."

"I'll tell you what, why don't we go shopping tomorrow afternoon? We can get the paint and pick out furniture. I can knock off work a couple of hours early to paint the room if you supply the beer and pizza."

"Really?" she asked with a grin.

"Really. We will have this empty room turned into the best nursery in Manhattan in no time."

The next afternoon they compared paint samples at the hardware store until they had found the perfect shade.

"You are sure you want brown?"

"Yup. This is perfect," jotting down the number for the color she had chosen.

"I thought you wanted green or yellow."

"It's called sand pebble. The bedding and curtains will have greens in it."

"Did you decide on a theme?"

"I think so," she said with a smile pulling a folded up piece of paper from her purse. "Frogs," she said smoothing her fingers over Eli's picture.

"Frogs for a girl?"

"Yes. Happy little frogs and dragon flies. Just make the walls this color and find some kind of frog bedding. I'm sure someone in this city makes frog themed crib bedding. Frogs don't have to be for a boy, El."

"I guess not," he said shrugging his shoulders.

"It will be bright and colorful, but still soft and subtle. All of the baby books say bright colors in room décor spark a child's imagination."

"Alright, sand pebble and frogs it is!"

They ordered the paint, but weren't going to be able to pick it up for a couple of days. Next, Elliot took her to half a dozen children's boutiques in search of the perfect frog crib bedding. Just when all hope seemed lost, they found it in a catalogue. Olivia also ordered a crib with a matching changing dresser, changing table and rocking chair in a dark cherry finish and picked out a chocolate colored rug to place in front of the crib.

"Everything seems in order," Elliot said as they walked out of the store. "In a week or so you will have a nursery."

"That's good," Olivia said with a smile. "I got some news this morning, good news."

"What's that?"

"Tessa is doing well on the bottle and really putting on weight. The doctor told me that if her progress continues without any setbacks, she should get to come home in a few weeks."

"That's great."