The Sweetest Gift
(Chapter Eight: Turbulence)
Two weeks later….
Olivia opened her eyes in the darkness and listened to the impatient cries of her infant daughter. It had been less than three hours since the last time she had gotten up with the baby and tomorrow was her first day back to work.
"Tessa," she said calmly as she stretched in the bed, "mommy is right here and there is no need for you to get so upset."
She climbed from the bed and rubbed her eyes once more. She scrunched her toes in the soft plush of the carpet as she began the nine step journey to the bassinette where Tessa laid.
"Hey pretty girl," Olivia cooed softly as she baby fussed and kicked around in her bed. "Mommy will give you anything you want, please just stop crying," she said as she picked Tessa up and walked around the room with her.
She laid turned on the television for light and laid the baby on the bed.
"You're not wet," Olivia observed aloud as she refastened the tape on the side of the diaper. "Are you hungry again? You usually only eat every four hours," she said calmly as she carried Tessa into the kitchen to make another bottle.
"Shhh," she said in a soothing voice, swaying with the child in one arm trying to calm the little girl as she prepared a bottle.
But when she offered it to her daughter, Tessa would only drink for a moment before turning away from the bottle and starting to cry again.
"What's wrong, sweetheart? Mommy doesn't know what else to do. You don't feel like you are feverish. You don't need changed and you don't want to eat. You burped really good after your last bottle.
Olivia climbed back into bed. She pulled her knees up and flipped the blankets back over them, then laid Tessa there to look at her.
"Talk to me, kid. Tell mommy what's wrong," she said reminding herself to remain calm and feeling as if she were about to pull her hair out.
She picked up the remote control and began to flip through channels as she did, little Tessa stared up at the wall as it lit up different colors from the screen.
"You like that, huh? I have an idea," she said picking up her daughter and climbing out of bed once more.
She picked up the vibrating infant seat from across the room and sat it on the bed against the wall. She placed Tessa inside the seat and buckled her in. Olivia turned the seat on and secured it with pillows from the bed just to make sure it wouldn't tip over.
At first Tessa whined, threatening to cry once more.
"Okay, no more of that," Olivia said looking down at her little pouty face.
She reached to the nightstand beside the bed and picked up the pacifier.
"There we go, baby girl. Do you want to watch TV in mommy's bed?"
She asked softly as she placed the blanket from Tessa's bassinette over the baby.
"Let's see what we've got," she whispered flipping through the channels once more in search of something that would keep her daughter content.
She watched as Tessa stared at the flat screen, her little eyes widened and she grunted softly as Olivia rested on one channel.
"Really? This is what you want to watch?"
Olivia shrugged her shoulders and laid the remote on the nightstand.
"Suit yourself," she said softly, kissing the baby before laying back down in hopes of sleeping a couple more hours before having to get up to get ready for work.
Tessa sat in her seat watching the pretty lights the QVC gem show as they tried to sell her jewelry.
The next morning Elliot arrived at work with two cups of Starbucks coffee and a blueberry muffin for his partner. As he exited the elevator and rounded the corner, he saw Olivia there leaned over on her desk with her head resting on her folded arms.
"Hey man," Munch announced as he entered the room.
"Shhh," Elliot said with a smile as he pointed at his sleeping partner.
"New mommy, finally catching up to her?" Munch joked. "You know the two of you are supposed to meet with Casey and the DA about a court case in forty-five minutes?"
"I know. I won't let her oversleep. But it's her first day back. I've had babies and it isn't easy to get sleep with a newborn in the house. I did it with two parents, I couldn't imagine what she is going through doing this on her own."
Elliot took his seat at the desk across from hers and turned on his computer. He sat a coffee cup and the paper bag containing the muffin on the edge of Olivia's desk and got started on the reports that had to be done before their meeting.
He sat for a while typing away before Olivia finally raised her head. She rubbed her hands over her face as she yawned and looked at her watch.
"Shit! Why didn't you wake me up?"
"It's alright," he replied placing his freshly printed pages into a file folder and smiling at her. "I thought you could use the power nap. And a little breakfast," he said nodding toward the paper bag.
"I didn't mean to fall asleep. I was trying to get some work done," she said opening the bag to peek inside. "And you are a Saint," she replied with a smile.
"Come on, I'll drive. That will give you time to eat."
Olivia grabbed the cup from her desk and followed her partner to the elevator.
"So how's the baby?" Elliot asked as they pulled away from the police station.
"She's good."
"Good," he replied with a smile. "You guys getting in a lot of mommy-daughter bonding time?"
"You could call it that."
"Is she having a little trouble adjusting?"
"The days are fine….wonderful. But she cries all of the time. She eats good and I love holding her and playing with her. I have finally got the hang of bath time, but she hates it."
"Most babies do," Elliot laughed.
"She never sleeps. Not long anyway. She naps during the day, but she has trouble sleeping at night. She's an insomniac."
"It takes a newborn a while to develop a sleep pattern."
"A while? How long is that?"
"Some babies start sleeping thought the night right from the start, but that is rare. Others take a few weeks or sometimes months."
Olivia looked exhausted and horrified.
"Now I am trying to get used to the idea of leaving her with a sitter. I have already called three times to check on her and it has only been two hours."
"It is nerve-racking. She is your baby."
"And to make it worse, every time I call and Rosa assures me things are fine I can hear Tessa crying in the background."
"It is natural to worry when you leave them with a sitter. Especially the first time."
"But what if Rosa can't handle her? Horrible things happen when the nanny or sitter can't handle a fussy baby."
"You found her through a service that has great reviews."
"Yeah."
"And she had many strong recommendations from the families she has worked for in the past. You met with three of the mothers she's worked with and they rave about her."
"I know."
"And I took the liberty of doing a background check."
"You what?"
"Don't tell me it didn't cross your mind! This is New York."
"I cannot believe you did this," she said half in shock and half in adoration as she pulled the file from his hand and opened it.
"She is registered with the state," she said out loud as she skimmed over the documents.
"And she is squeaky clean. Not even so much as a parking ticket."
"Thank God," Olivia exhaled.
"Feel better now?"
She smiled.
"Much better. Thank you."
"You are very welcome."
"But Cragen is gonna kill me."
"Why is that?"
"My first day back and I have already managed to take the afternoon off because the baby has a doctors appointment."
"He will get used to it. And so will you."
Olivia smiled.
"Now if I can just get her to sleep at night."
"Look, I know you are hell bent on doing this on your own, Liv, but there is nothing wrong with accepting a little help now and then. You are wore out. Tessa is still getting the hang of things and it is liable to be like this for a while. Why don't I stay over for a couple of nights and help out on the night shift."
"El," Olivia rolled her head around to smile at him, "I really don't think that is going to help."
Elliot laughed.
"On the couch," he clarified. "I'd spend a couple of nights on your couch. I could help get up with Tessa at night and give you a break to catch up on some sleep."
"I appreciate the offer, El, I really do. But I'll get through this. I just have to sleep while she is sleeping."
"Which is going to be a lot harder now that you are back to work and she spends her days with the nanny. You said yourself she sleeps mostly during the day. Which means she is just going to be cat napping at night when you are trying to sleep. She doesn't have her days and nights straightened out yet. You are exhausted, let me help you."
"Is this some strange attempt at putting the moves on me? I told you El, I just don't think we should have…..sleepovers while Tessa is still sleeping in my room."
"It is nothing like that, I swear. I just want to help."
"Alright, a couple of nights and you sleep on the sofa."
"Yes, ma'am," Elliot agreed and Olivia laughed.
"Thanks, El."
Olivia leaned over to kiss him tenderly as he put the car in park.
"I will make it up to you, I swear," she promised batting her pretty eyes at him.
That afternoon Olivia took Tessa for a check up while Elliot was at work. A few hours later he was pleasantly surprised when she entered the bullpen with the baby carrier.
"Hey," he said rising to his feet to hug her. "How did it go?"
"It went okay."
"Just okay?" Elliot asked peeking in on the sleeping baby under the pink blanket.
"I would rather not talk about this here," she said softly looking around the room at the other people.
Elliot's smile quickly turned into a serious smile as he noticed the worried look in her eyes.
"Why don't we go back to the cribs? No one's back there and it will give us a little privacy and the chance to talk alone."
"Okay," she said and Elliot picked up the carrier as they made their way down the hall.
"What's wrong?" Elliot asked as he closed the door and sat Tessa's carrier on the bed. "What did he say?"
"He said it's normal for her to cry all of the time."
"Babies cry, Liv."
"Not like this. She screams like she is in pain, El. And I don't know how to help her. She just cries and cries and cries, no matter what I do."
"He said it was normal."
"For a crack baby," she said as her tears began to fall.
Elliot stepped forward and hugged her tight.
"He said this was normal behavior for an infant who was born an addict. It is a result of the drugs. She is going through withdrawal."
"Still? I would have thought they would have treated her for all of this before they released her."
"They treated her for so many things. With so many different medications. He said that the physical pain of the withdrawal is too much for her. He wants a specialist to see her tomorrow and they might readmit her into the hospital."
"Liv, I am so sorry. I am sure that Cragen will understand if you need to take a little more time off. You came back early, so I am sure it wouldn't be a problem."
"I came back because I couldn't afford to miss any more work. Not because I didn't want to be at home with her."
"I know that. And I will be there as often as I can. They can help her to get past this. Help her heal."
"What kind of mother am I Elliot? My daughter has been crying all of this time because she is in pain and I just assumed she was a fussy baby."
"You didn't know. How could you? They should have told you the signs, they should have let you know more of what to watch for in cases like this."
"He said if they decide to admit her that they will give her morphine to help with the pain. Morphine! For a baby! He also said that as a result of the drugs she might always be fussier than most babies, she could have severe learning disabilities and a number of other issues as she grows up because of this."
"Do you feel overwhelmed?"
"I do. But I feel horrible because I am her mother and I should be able to make this better for her. To hold her and comfort her and make it better. But she doesn't want me to make it better. Sometimes I don't think she wants me at all."
"Honey, she is hurting. She doesn't know what she wants. Al she knows is that everything hurts and she cannot get it to stop. But they are going to help her with that."
"I hope you are right."
"What time is her appointment?"
"Tomorrow morning," she said nervously.
After work Elliot stopped by the market to pick up a few things before heading to Olivia's apartment. Olivia was sitting on the sofa feeding Tessa a bottle when she heard the knock at the door.
"Come on in," she called as Elliot opened the door juggling brown paper grocery bags and a dozen white roses as he stepped inside.
"Liv?"
"We're in here," she said and he followed her voice through the dining room. "Hey," she said smiling up at him with her daughter in her arms.
"Hey," Elliot replied with a wink. "These are for you," he said offering her the flowers.
"They're beautiful, El. Thank you."
"I got the stuff to make that garlic and herb salmon you like. And a bottle of wine."
"I was just feeding little lady here her dinner."
"How's she doing?"
"Good," Olivia said standing as Elliot gently took Tessa from her.
"Hey there pretty girl," Elliot cooed to the baby. "Uncle El has missed you," he said kissing her and walking around the room with her. "You are getting so big. Yes you are."
Elliot held Tessa against his shoulder as he leaned over to kiss Olivia.
"She's gonna help me make dinner for mommy."
"She is, huh?"
"Yeah, I'm going to teach her to cook."
Elliot sat Tessa's bouncy in the middle of the kitchen table and buckled the baby into it. Olivia watched as he popped the cork on the bottle of wine and poured them both a glass.
"I've got her. And dinner will be ready in about an hour. Why don't you take a little mommy down time and grab a nap?"
"I don't know about a nap. But I might advantage of the time and soak in a nice hot bath while I catch up on reading my book. If you really don't mind."
"She is fine, baby," Elliot said wrapping his arms around her and hugging her. "Go and relax for a while. Tessa and I are going to make dinner for mommy."
"Thank you," she whispered as she smiled up at him.
"You are very welcome," Elliot replied kissing her tenderly.
"You be a good girl, okay. Mommy loves you," Olivia said kissing her little girl before heading down the hall to run a hot bath.
After getting Tessa settled in her bassinette, Olivia joined Elliot in the living room for one more glass of wine before bed.
"I am so scared," she confessed as he rubbed her shoulders.
"I know, baby."
"I just feel so helpless."
"You are getting her help. You are the best thing that ever happened to that child. You know that, right?"
"Yeah, maybe."
"Not maybe. Liv, if Gladys had kept Tessa she probably would have died. She had too many problems herself to take care of a baby. Even she knew that. And that is why she left the baby with you. She made the best choice she could make as a parent and that was giving her daughter….your daughter, the parent she needed and deserved. And I think that you needed Tessa just about as much as she needed you."
Olivia smiled.
"It was no secret I have always wanted a baby."
"But she is good for you. And you are good for her. You need each other and you help each other. You are a family."
"I love her so much. It breaks my heart for her to have to struggle like this. She is just a tiny baby. I think she has been through enough."
"She has been through a lot. And so have you."
"I should go check on her," Olivia replied sitting her glass on the coffee table and heading down the hall.
When she returned Elliot was making up the sofa with a pillow and blanket from the hall closet. She cleared her throat and he turned to look at her.
"What is this?" he asked looking her over as she untied her satin robe to reveal the sexy gown underneath.
"I told you I would make it up to you."
Elliot smiled as she playfully pushed him back onto the sofa and climbed over him. She laughed a little and leaned in to kiss him. She smelled so amazing.
"I thought you didn't want any sex stuff right now."
"I said not in my room while Tessa is in there. I brought the monitor," she replied shifting her attention to the handset sitting on the coffee table.
"I just….are you sure this is a good time? I mean with her appointment tomorrow and everything else going on. You are under a lot of stress."
"You are right. But I cannot think of a better stress reliever then hot sex with my man. Unless you don't want to?"
"Of course I want to."
Olivia laughed.
"Then kiss me you fool."
Three hours later Olivia woke up in his arms to the sound of Tessa crying over the baby monitor.
"Mommy's coming sweetheart," she said as she picked up her gown from the floor and slipped it back over her head.
"Let me get her," Elliot replied standing to put his boxers back on.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah," he replied with a kiss. "You try to get some rest. I know where to find you if I need back up."
Olivia laughed a little and fell back onto the sofa with a yawn as he fixed the baby a bottle and headed down the hall.
Elliot picked Tessa up from the bassinette and laid her on the bed to change her diaper. He spoke softly to the baby girl as Olivia listened over the monitor. Elliot sat on the edge of the bed to give Tessa her bottle.
"I know things are rough right now sweetheart. But mommy is doing everything she can to make it better. She loves you so much. Yes, she does."
Tessa stared at him and grunted as she began to fuss once more.
"Maybe I should sleep in here with her tonight," Olivia said from the doorway.
"Or we could bring her in there with us."
"I'm afraid that if we do that she will think it is time to wake up and not want to go back to sleep. But I have an idea," she said picking up the remote control and turning on QVC.
"What is this?"
"She loves it. I guess it's the bright colors."
Elliot laughed and smiled.
"She already likes jewelry."
"If I put her in her bouncy seat and climb into bed with her, she just might fall back to sleep for a couple more hours."
"I guess I'd better head back to the sofa," he replied kissing Olivia as he handed her the baby. "Tomorrow is gonna be a long day and I think we all need to get some sleep. Good night baby doll," he cooed to Tessa. "Good night baby," he said kissing Olivia tenderly.
"Goodnight," she whispered as he headed back down the hall to the living room.